Sex Within Marriage Podcast : Exploring Married Sexuality from a Christian Perspective

This podcast episode, I'm catching up on some listener's questions that I got back in 2018.

You can find the complete questions and answers at https://www.uncoveringintimacy.com/anonymous-questions-from-december-2018/

Topics include:

If you have a question you'd like to have answered, check out our Have A Question page at UncoveringIntimacy.com

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This episode is the audio of a sermon I preached in my home church while the pastors were away. The title was “Sex: an uncomfortable topic we need to discuss”, and a few people were upset when they arrived and saw it in the bulletin, particularly since there was no children’s ministry that week. Check out the show notes here for more details and links.

I opened by admitting I was uncomfortable too. I have spoken about married sexuality on podcasts, radio shows and teleconferences to thousands of people, and written over half a million words on the subject read by millions, and it is still an uncomfortable thing to stand up and say in a sanctuary. The day before, my daughter asked what I was preaching on. I told her, and she gave me a funny look and said that is not something you talk about in church. She turned twelve that day and had already learned it somewhere, and it was not from me.

So why preach it? Because when I asked people I know through this ministry what topic the church is missing from its sermons, nearly all of them said this one. Afterwards almost everyone seemed content with what I had said and how I had said it. The full sermon notes are on the site alongside the audio.

A husband wrote in: he would love to go down on his wife, but she believes she is dirty down there. She admits it feels good and still does not want it. He has respected that, and asked whether there is anything that might shed some light on it. Check out the show notes here for more details and links.

The belief is moral before it is medical. Christian culture absorbed the idea that the body and sexuality are dirty, and the language carries it: pudendum, the Latin name for a woman’s genitals, means the parts to be ashamed of. The church taught for centuries that sex was sinful and only partly offset by procreation, and some still teach it as part of the curse. Once something is morally dirty, it starts to feel physically dirty too.

On the actual hygiene: there is nothing unsanitary about genitals by themselves, and the mouth is the least sanitary part of oral sex. Kissing is less hygienic. Sexually transmitted infections can be passed on by oral sex but not created by it, so if neither of you has one, you are not going to give each other one. If you are still worried, shower first. Water and your hand are enough; soap can do more harm than good, and the internal parts self-clean. Lysol once marketed itself to women for exactly this purpose. Do not do that.

Credentials, sex and sickness, falling out of love, self control and how to start leading. Check out the show notes here for more details and links.

Today I'm answering some more questions from our Have A Question page that have come in over the last month or so. This episode I talk about my credentials, dealing with sex drive and long-term illness, falling out of love, self-control and how to start leading when you haven't been.

213 - What are your credentials? That is the first question my wife will ask when I offer some information from your blog.

212 - Hello my wife is sick and can barely have sex. As a man, I have strong urges but I feel bad always asking her when she's been sick for months. Sometimes I feel like I'm being abusive never have I thought of cheating with another woman. I love her with all of my heart and I love God I want to obey him with everything. When I'm alone I think of her and masturbate .. is this wrong? It helps me not bother her and I pray for her recovery.

210 - Hi Jay Dee, I've communicated to my husband about trying new things and not holding back after 13 years of marriage. He is recently making changes for spiritual growth which I'm all for. It seems to me that he doesn't really give our sex life a thought. I've tried lingerie and listening when he tells me about the stress he feels. I'm to the point now where sex isn't even a thought for me and I feel differently when we do have sex like that part of me has no more spirit for sex. What can I do? Is this a stage of falling out of love with my husband? What is this?

199 - My question is I've been married for 5 years now and the past 2 years my wife lost all sexual desires we have sex like 3 times a month now and now I'm catching myself masturbating a lot and I don't want to go out and cheat per say.. please need advice

193 - My wife doesn't seem to want to have sex with me. She will about once every 10 days to 21 days. But as she says she doesn't want to. How does a man just turn it off and still bond to her? I find myself pulling away and feel like I could be tempted to look somewhere else.

Fantasy affairs, anal sex, golden showers and work during sex. Check out the show notes here for more details and links.

Episode 29 of the podcast. Here are the questions I'm answering today:

194 - My question is about lust. Here's my problem. I absolutely adore my wife and I think she has a ton of sex appeal. Problem is a lot of men do also. I know this because I hear it regularly from men about how lucky I am. So hearing this from other men does make me thankful for having a wife of that sort it also makes me want to share her sex appeal with others to appease me. But here's the bigger problem, that lusting has turned into even more over the years. Now I lust over her being with another guy. ... Now I want to see her please another man orally. And I truthfully don't think it's for me to watch him in pleasure but more so to watch her perform the act and lust over her. So my question is. Is this a sin since I'm lusting over my own wife? And also if it is how can stop it?

191 - When it's between a husband and wife is anal sex a sin?

189 - I have been searching your blog for something on "golden showers" but I cannot find anything. Like rimming, this is something few Christians talk about and those who do paint it in a negative light. I have the desire to be the recipient of it. My wife has refused to pee on me, at least for now, but I am still dealing with the desire. Many Christians would have me believe it is a wrong desire, but I am not convinced. I am curious as to your thoughts on this.

184 - How much of the work of sex should the wife be doing? My husband has much more energy and stamina for thrusting but I know he would appreciate me doing more

182 - Hi, I have been married 18 years and my wife's drive is way low . Once a month or every other month is good for her. I have tried to talk about it and it is always a fight. I love her very much but this is getting harder and harder as the years go on.

Answering questions about oral sex before marriage, joint bank accounts, toys, dirty talking and grooming. Check out the show notes here for more details and links.

I'm changing up the format of the podcast a bit this week and answering some reader questions.

If you like the podcast, please don't forget to leave us a review on iTunes, or at least a rating. That's how we spread the word about God wanting Christians to have great married sex lives!