You’ve put down strong. You’ve tried the self-care Sundays, the soft life rituals, the silence and the scented candles. But somehow, you still feel like you’re holding it all by yourself.

In this episode of Shades of Strong, Shirl unpacks why self-care and softness — while nourishing — were never meant to replace real support. She breaks down the difference between comfort and being held, and shares why so many Black women are left feeling unsupported even while doing all the “right” things to care for themselves.

You’ll hear:

Why soft life vibes can feel good, but still leave you depleted

The pacifier metaphor that will shift how you see comfort vs. support

How Support Languages offer a deeper way to receive the care you actually need

What happens when we grieve the strong Black woman identity but don’t replace it with anything real

And how we can honor our mothers and grandmothers by choosing differently

This is a loving call-in — not to abandon softness, but to go deeper than what looks good on the surface. If you’ve ever felt like self-care just wasn’t cutting it anymore, this conversation is for you.

Let’s Stay Connected:

Related Episodes

This week on Shades of Strong, we’re going all the way in. I’m sitting down with Dr. Cecily Moore for a raw, layered conversation about what it really costs to carry the “strong Black woman” narrative — and what it actually takes to start living well, for real.

Dr. Cecily brings her lived experience, research, and wisdom to the table as we talk about the exhaustion, the generational weight, and how so many of us are ready to put it all down. Together, we unpack:

What the “strong Black woman” narrative steals from us, and why so many are finally saying, “I don’t want to do it like this anymore.”

How wellness for Black women is not just individual, but communal — when a Black woman is well, everybody connected to her benefits.

The emotional and cultural impact of being expected to serve, sacrifice, and hold it together — even when you’re falling apart on the inside.

Why self-advocacy, boundaries, and true support are non-negotiable for our healing (and what it actually looks like in everyday life).

The church, the workplace, the family — where the strong Black woman myth keeps showing up, and how we’re learning to question it.

How unlearning strength-as-sacrifice is an act of resistance and the beginning of generational healing.

You’ll also hear personal stories — from both Dr. Cecily and myself— about what it feels like to try to be “everything to everybody,” the grief that comes with letting that go, and the joy that’s possible on the other side.

If you’re a Black woman who’s ever felt like your well-being is always last on the list, this one is for you. And if you care about Black women, it’s for you too.

Timestamps – What You’ll Hear and When:

00:00 – Intro & Why This Conversation Matters

06:20 – Dr. Cecily’s Story: Postpartum Depression and the Cost of Strength

10:25 – Generational Strength: Grandma, Mama, and Us

15:50 – Research, Lived Experience, and the Grief of Unlearning “Strong”

17:20 – The Support Language Behind the Therapist Chair

21:31 – The Pacifier Metaphor: Replacing “Strong” with Support

24:54 – Watching Her Learn to Rest: Dr. Cecily’s Mom and the Reclamation of Joy

28:06 – Church, Faith, and the Conditioning of “Strong”

36:18 – When Strength Is Rooted in Fear: Mothering Black Boys

41:15 – Receiving as a Skill: Support Languages and Accessibility

49:00 – Final Words: Unlearning “Strong” as a Mental Health Intervention

Let’s Stay Connected:

Related Episodes

So earlier this week I talked about what it feels like when you don’t have anybody to reach for. But what about when folks are around — and you still feel alone? That’s a whole different kind of grief.

This episode is about that space. The space where people love you, but they don’t really see you. Where the help is supposed to be there… but somehow, you’re still carrying it all.

If you’ve ever looked around and thought, “Why does no one notice how much I’m holding?” — this one’s for you.

What You’ll Hear in This Episode:

Let’s Stay Connected:

Related Episodes

What does receiving support as a Black woman look like when there’s no one to call, no one to reach for, and no one checking in on you?

In this episode, we’re getting real about what it means to be your own support system when you’re literally all you’ve got. Not because you’re too proud to ask. Not because people keep letting you down. But because the support just isn’t there.

I share my personal story of navigating lonely seasons, the grief that comes from having no one to lean on, and how I  learned to show up for myself in the meantime. But I also speak to the ache — the soul-deep longing to be supported for real.

This episode is not about pretending it’s okay. It’s about naming what’s hard, holding space for it, and finding tenderness even in the absence.

What You’ll Hear in This Episode:

The grief of not having anyone to reach for

The difference between being strong and being supported

What receiving support as a Black woman looks like without a support system

The small but powerful ways grace held her through it

How to start with what’s real, even when it’s not enough 

Let’s Stay Connected:

Related Episodes

The world is a lot right now. Some weeks feel heavier than others, and this has been one of those weeks. I wasn’t about to just move like nothing was happening, so I came to the mic to sit with it for a minute.

So let’s pause, take a deep breath, and remind ourselves what it feels like to held. 

Have you ever rewritten the same text five times just to make sure it didn’t sound too harsh?

Yeah… me too.

In this episode, I’m naming the emotional labor Black women carry just to be seen as “easy.” I’m talking about the constant back-bending, the tiptoeing, the fear of being left — and how all of that is tied to the way we’ve been conditioned to over-care.

I talk about the fear of being misunderstood, the pressure to be liked, the desire not to make things weird. I share what it looked like for me to stop bending, stop rewriting, and stop managing everyone else’s comfort just so I wouldn’t be left. We explore the weight of emotional labor — how it shows up in our texts, our boundaries, and the ways we shrink ourselves to stay connected. And I offer a truth that might be hard to sit with: support that costs you your peace isn’t really support.

This one is for the Black woman who’s tired of carrying everyone else’s reactions.

What do you do when you need to fall apart… but there’s no one there to hold you?

This Support Snippet is me sitting with that exact question — and remembering what emotional care looked like back when I didn’t have to ask for it

I’m reflecting on what emotional care looked like before life got complicated — and what it means to create that kind of care for yourself now.

I’m taking you back to peanut butter and jelly sandwiches made with intention, quiet afternoons that felt like exhaling, and the kind of support that didn’t require me to be okay first. No fixing. No pressure. Just presence.

These days, I’m the one everyone leans on — and maybe you are too. So I’m also naming what it feels like to carry that weight quietly, especially as a Black woman, and what it means to admit you still need to be held.

If you’ve been moving through your days on autopilot, missing the kind of care you didn’t have to ask for, this episode is for you.

Because emotional care for Black women isn’t optional. It’s necessary.
And we shouldn’t have to hold it all in just because nobody’s offering to hold us.

For so many Black women, emotional safety started in the kitchen.

The smell of Blue Magic, the sizzle of a straightening comb, the sound of “Hold your ear” — those weren’t just routines. They were rituals. In that chair by the stove, we found connection, care, and permission to let our guards down.

Those moments — ordinary as they seemed — were often the first time emotional safety showed up for us.
We didn’t always have the words for it back then, but we felt it.

And these aren’t just memories. They’re reminders.
Reminders that emotional safety is still possible, even if it looks different now.

For Black women navigating life without those small sacred spaces, this episode is an invitation:
To name the need.
To remember you still deserve to be held.
And to reclaim the truth that emotional safety isn’t new — it’s something we’ve known in our bones all along.

When we talk about loyalty, most of us think about relationships, family, or friendships. But there’s another kind of loyalty we don’t talk about enough — our loyalty to struggle.

As Black women, we’ve been taught that struggle is part of who we are. That staying in relationships, jobs, or communities that drain us somehow proves our strength. That choosing ease means we’re abandoning our people, our roots, or our role as the “strong one.”

Choosinng suppot is not about abandoning your people or being selfish. It’s about telling the truth: you don’t owe struggle your loyalty and staying in struggle is costing you more than leaving ever will. 

We love to romanticize Ruth and Boaz like it’s the ultimate love story — but what if it’s really a story about being supported… for once? In this first episode back after my summer break, I’m digging into the part church never talked about: the quiet power of being chosen without earning it, being cared for without proving you deserve it, and receiving without struggle.

This episode isn’t about marriage or fairy tale endings — it’s about softness, legacy, and what happens when you position yourself to be supported… and then pass that support down.

In this episode I share:
• Why support is often missing in the way the church teaches Ruth’s story
•  What Ruth teaches us about positioning ourselves to be supported
• Why Boaz’s role wasn’t savior — it was support
• What it looks like to pass support down through generations