Shutdown Fullcast

At least half of FBS coaches made $1 million or more last season, and there doesn't seem to be any workable, smart way to keep those salaries from continuing to balloon. Fortunately, we have several dumb and bad ways to offer instead, as well as timely opinions on:ShrekFootball in the northeastImproving a mediocre football teamRap beefs and how white dads should not be your source for information on themThe first down chainOne pot mealsStar Wars, yet again

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Fun note: I (Ryan) somehow super screwed up recording my part of this so the first 10 minutes or so are just Jason and Spencer. I'm sorry/you're welcome, depending on how you feel about me as a part of this show. Also, we had to cut the whole part where we conclude Cloud City is a free love colony and Lobot is its greatest lover. Again, sorry/you're welcome.

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Holly Anderson joins us to discuss our greatest academic achievements, such as treating an entire semester like Notre Dame's NCAA-approved 2012 record -- as in, only showing up for the final, then failing. Also, Spencer took a judo class at Flori- stop laughing. Spencer took judo at Flo- please. It's time to make fun of each conference's academic rankings. Spencer took judo a- fine. It's funny.

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Gambling on sports is now (potentially, depending on the state in which you live and the timing and a lot of other stuff) legal! Finally, you can profit from your extremely bold feelings on college football, like "all kickers suck" or "we always throw it short of the sticks on third down" or "why did you schedule north dakota state you fools." SB Nation's Gambling Potentate Bud Elliott joins us to discuss the world of CFB wagering; The Sandman does not make an appearance due to a lengthy and unresolved extradition issue.

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What parts of college football history actually matter? What is the triple option? Why are Michigan Men the way that they are? Are refs actually different depending on conference, and what is the purpose of the one point safety's continued existence? These questions and more are answered, often by just talking about Star Trek in ways that don't connect to the questions themselves.

Also, Spencer unveils the worst accent in show history. I hate it so much.

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Two of us have seen Avengers: Infinity War but the other hasn't, so we only get to talk about superheroes in a really vague and meandering and nudity-focused way. Dave Wannstedt is a superhero for our purposes. Fred Durst is not. Again, this is the only college football podcast. Please treasure it accordingly.

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By my count, we drafted 8 quarterbacks, which seems absurd but watch the actual NFL pick nine in the first round this year and make us look lame. But will they draft a kicker? Will they draft an offensive lineman and make him play kicker? Will they forget one of the best defensive players in the whole draft is available until the first round is basically over?

No. And that's why you come to the Shutdown Fullcast, with special guest Harry Lyles. (Please follow Harry on Twitter - @harrylylesjr - and don't hold his appearance on this show against him. He just wanted to be a good coworker.)

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How can you secede from your HOA? What coach is best suited to represent himself? How do you safely and responsibly turn in the pygmy hippo you bought online not realizing that it would still grow to 500 pounds? Where will Spencer get his newest Michigan tattoo? Why is the NCAA? These pressing legal matters are well, no, not answered, but generally talked about and around on this LEGAL EAGLES episode of the Shutdown Fullcast, which is NOT brought to you by Cheez-It. Cheez-It: They Think You Look Fat In That Shirt.

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We've probably done this episode three times before, and we probably said totally different things, and we're all probably trapped in an endless loop from which we can never emerge. Roll Tide.

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Spring football is here, and so are the same spring football stories you have heard for the last ten years and will hear for the next eleven. Therefore, we decided to focus on important non-football things, like egg preparations and Pearl Jam and Sean Connery movies and Pitt's football schedule and video game bear assassins. Good job, us!

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