Shutdown Fullcast

John Currie got fired by Tennessee when the year was still 2017, yet we, the idiot sports internet, are still talking about it in March 2018. Why? Because the Vols decided to give the world a BUNCH of Currie's text messages, allowing us to discuss important matters like:Why Gogo Inflight is a Georgia weaponGroup texts, and the misery they present to those dragged into them unwillinglyItalian Brady HokeThe worst email you can get from your boss that isn't directly hostile or unprofessionalThat Disney and Pixar bracket, which was not sent to Currie but would have been had it come up at the time

My theory? Tennessee's doing this to distract us from talking or thinking about football. Watch them lose to Vanderbilt by 18 next year and "oh we found a bunch of John Currie's search history entries, here you go!"

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ALL HAIL THE RANDOMIZER. There is nothing of consequence to discuss this week in college football so rather than rely on the extremely faulty computers that are our own brains, we turned to the Shutdown Fullcast Topic Randomizer (patent pending) and asked you, gentle listener, to supply us with talking points. You did a great job, except when you asked us to compare Iowa to the state of American politics. That shit would have gotten us killed.

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Does anyone actually read the descriptions to podcasts? I mean, I don't generally, but it's possible my personal habits don't reflect the rest of the world. Let's test this: if you're reading this description, please tweet a Wario gif of your choosing at Spencer Hall (@edsbs).

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Oh look, the Fullcast got us a guest! Bomani Jones of ESPN answers the call and hangs tight for a lean, mean 38 minutes of furious offseason content. Also he sounds good even on Fullcast quality, because his voice transcends even the most mediocre audio setups. Damn you and your pretty voice, Bomani.

Topics include!

--The most calorically efficient Cook Out trays possible

--The hardest towns in each SEC state. SHOUT OUT TO ORANGE MOUND.

--Related: Why no one should ever have an enemy in New Orleans

--A necessary review of Mike Price's career as black market profiteer

--Bomani reviews Texas

--But we instantly swerve into a discussion of short but very mean defensive tackles

--LOU HOLTZ WAS JUST TRYING TO WIN

--How Mister Alexander is the most humble of names

SUBSCRIBE. FOLLOW. DOWNLOAD. LISTEN THREE TIMES FOR MAXIMUM EFFECT.

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We're organized and hardworking and on top of things, and that's why we're wrapping up the payoffs for our fall charity drive in FEBRUARY. Imagine what it was like being our parents growing up! Just terrible, day in and day out. Reader selected topics include:The wonders of non-U.S. KFC offeringsWhether you should buy class photos for your childStar Wars, if Alex Jones were Princess LeiaBoomer SoonerBoomer SoonerBoomer SoonerBoomer Sooner

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Post Signing Day February is the time when basically nothing happens in college football, so Spencer didn't even bother to show up for this episode. Did we use that as an excuse to tell flagrant lies about his anatomy? Sure did! This episode is also full of your bold opinions on topics such as:Will MuschampNebraska football failureNFC teams invading Atlanta for the Super BowlRutgersThe Beatles

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This episode argues that smoking is good for your teeth, gives you tips on how to keep contraband from getting taken from you when you stay at a hotel, praises the robot dogs that will be the future stewards of Earth, talks about the Incredible Hulk TV show for 10 minutes, and reads the Iowa City Police Log. Football is so so so so so far away.

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The Eagles won the Super Bowl, but the people of Philadelphia showed us how to celebrate on the right side of the border between Fun-Loving Jackasses and Oh No The Fire Station Is Somehow On Fire. We asked our listeners for their tales of overindulgent victory acts, and most of them involve Ohio State on one side or the other. Spencer also reveals that he saw the Georgia fan in the yellow Hummer with the TV strapped to the back recently. SPOILER: He is not playing the National Championship game on repeat.

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FACT: Performance enhancing drugs have always clouded Olympic competitions.

FACT: Enforcing the rules against PEDs can be incredibly difficult and occasionally lead to unjust results.

FACT: What if we just let all the athletes use one drug tailored to their sport?

FACT: Also Spencer invented cross-country MMA.

FACT: There is no mention of college football on this episode for roughly 45 minutes.

FACT: We found a new job for Jim Mora.

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At last, with messy, time-consuming games out of the way, we can get into what college football is all about: The offseason.

The most important time of the year deserves its own preview. Coach says that failing to prepare is preparing to fail, and we couldn't agree more. You can't just jump into twenty page comment section arguments about transfer requirements. You can't just expect to start a fierce twitter thread about whether a fourth-place finish in the Big Ten East is actually better than winning it outright. You know who wins a recruiting argument? Certainly not the person who doesn't even know about composite rankings, that's who.

No, no, you gotta ease into that, you gotta prepare, and you gotta have a plan. It's a long ride, but we brought snacks and GPS, baby. Pee out the window, though. The bathrooms along this stretch are an abomination.

DISCUSSED:

--Jason and Spencer only, as Ryan's important work in the federal government was shutdown and thus so was Ryan

--Opening discussion of cities that should have mascots and powerful food court vape wars

--Why Philadelphia might be the most SEC city in America

--Where Michigan will go this offseason, or "glory is forever, and malaria is treatable"

--HERM EDWARDS IS GOING TO BE A DELIGHT EVEN IF HE DOESN'T KNOW HIS TEAM'S NAME. MAYBE ESPECIALLY BECAUSE HE DOESN'T KNOW HIS TEAM'S NAME.

--How Josh Heupel might crumble under the pressure of defending UCF's national title

--Switching NFL coaches with college coaches goes very, very sideways

--Why football players should be allowed to study abroad at other programs

--Let's just preseat both the Hot Seat, the Lukewarm Seat, and the Cold Seat Ready To Burst Into Flame At Any Second

--Bobby Petrino reviewed! (It's not good, and sounds like a mink caught in a trap)

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