Shutdown Fullcast

We continue to test the limits and boundaries of this already poorly-constructed podcast by trying a new format this week: solving your mysteries. Mysteries like!

- Why is Wisconsin consistently good?

- Why is Cal consistently not given how much NFL talent they generate?

- Who conspired to keep Auburn out of the 2004 title game?

- What happens if Spencer leaves his two sons alone in a room for more than 10 minutes?

- Who's preventing SEC schools from adopting the currency system of John Wick?

- When does Will Muschamp reveal that he's got a good offense ok see this format already ran its course

Oh yeah, this is also the start of season 5. There's no reasoning here. I just got tired of counting.

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This whole episode isn't explicitly about Jon Gruden, except it sort of is, if you consider that:

- We unnecessarily hate on Stephen A. Smith, who is not Jon Gruden

- We ask why more coaches can't follow the Jon Gruden Guide to Eternal Wealth

- We talk about goatees and who shouldn't have them; Jon Gruden would never have a goatee

- We consider who's going to totally plummet next season and therefore be eligible for Grumors (Jon Gruden Rumors)

- We talk about Road House; Jon Gruden is familiar with both roads AND houses.

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Instead of questions, we asked you to give us your BOLLLLLD STATEMENTS so that we might judge them and hoobuddy did you deliver. Amongst the opinions that we weighed:

- Taco Bell > Chipotle

- Texas would have beaten Alabama if Colt McCoy had played

- Nebraska was right to fire Bo Pelini

- The three of us could not defeat a wolf in combat

- No school that hasn't won a title before will win one in the future

- Atlanta will soon be a baseball town

- Empire Strikes Back and Bill Murray and the Sega Dreamcast are all bad and dumb

- Michael Dyer was down

Again, these are YOUR opinions, that you shared with us, on a public social media platform, simply because we asked. As a thanks for doing so, we are back to our usual meh-at-best audio quality we love youuuuuuuuu.

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We absolutely covered every news item from last week, so this week we're free to talk about less weighty topics, like food poisoning, or the scariest weapon someone can attack you with, or what you should do if you're an Ole Miss fan, or who on our staff is the sloppiest drunk. We also reveal our Emotional Top 10, a meaningless ranking which should not infuriate anyone but well let's not kid ourselves.

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Shutdown Fullcast, America's favorite political discussion, addresses Tommy Tuberville's political future, figures out which sitting politicians could most easily slide into coaching (Woo Bill Sooie), considers which woebegone CFB program Earth is, and rambles on about some other stuff, though not as long as we usually do because Spencer was busy lifting or something. Hey, thank you for listening, by the way! You're a peach. A confusing peach.

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Two of the Shutdown Fullcast hosts have shot a gun before (the one who hasn't is the one who looks like a Dutch pop singer) which gives us the authority to make broad, sweeping decisions about which states stay in America 2.0 and which states are out. There is also some general discussion of Senator Kid Rock, what the dumbest non-sports sports things are, and why Bill C. and Godfrey should meet us outside because YES WE WILL CONTINUE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT THE STATE OF FLORIDA FOOTBALL TASTE THESE RINGS YOU PUNKS.

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What if three employees of an Internet-only media outlet could not consistently use the Internet well enough to record a podcast? What if one of those employees had been covering that fact up by carefully editing out all the times where someone disconnects or everything just goes to shit? What if he stopped doing that on this episode? WELCOME! TO THE UNEDITED SHUTDOWN FULLCAST!

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Per our guest Bud Elliott, National Signing Day is a thing that has happened and meant things to teams. Teams like Ole Miss, and Stanford, and Oklahoma, and The Wall of Hastily Stacked Human Hearts in Butch Jones's Basement. But we're here to talk about more than just who signed a good class and who didn't. We're here to talk about yard work. We're here to talk about improving your commitment announcement ceremony. And we're even here to talk about how Todd Graham -- yeah, that Todd Graham, the one you're thinking of -- could be the key to saving mankind from self-destruction.

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Other than Jim Harbaugh Things, which are always happening because they can't not happen, the college football world is pretty quiet for the time being. Fortunately, there's the Super Bowl! Which we don't really talk about that much, other than to spread a few lies about Boston. There are also questions about regional food because that's the main thing this podcast is about. Again, we're not sure why you listen to it in the first place. Or why we make it.

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The beginning of the offseason means it's time for promises you won't keep to yourself. One of those might be getting in better shape. Don't do what Oregon did! Listen to us instead and go get a job at Publix! Jason survives a mid-episode attack from the Luftstreitkräfte, and Spencer tells you how to be a more spiteful father. We also have updates on Ryan's very foolish quest to become all things Bloomin' Onion.

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