Shutdown Fullcast

FULLCAST BACK. Not with anything new to discuss, because this is March and there is no football going on, but rather with the following:

--A discussion of college football's loneliest orphan program, and why it gets invited to all the best parties anyway

--The obvious transition into rearranging conferences to include their proper members, including bringing Nebraska home to the Big 12, putting Iowa State in the Sun Belt where it can compete, and putting West Virginia and Clemson in the SEC where they belong.

--The unholy realization that someone, somewhere out in the multiverse might have a split UCF/Ohio State jersey

--Reader questions, including a realization that Rutgers is Greece

--The awarding of imaginary lifetime achievement Oscars to Frank Beamer for his performance in "Virginia Tech Football: 1987--2015"

--The introduction of Notre Dame into "THE SOCIEDAD DEL SOL"

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This week's episode of the Fullcast tackles the following oases of content in the otherwise barren landscape of mid-February:

--Spencer comes back from vacation to realize that the LSU football program does actually have a very thin chance of not happening next year due to Louisiana's budget stupidities

--A discussion of which coach has the most hidden debt (hint: the answer is based exclusively on a coach's sweatiness)

--A nightmarish proposal to mash certain fanbases and schools together into one horrible misbegotten beast-nation

--Which football coach is the Tom Crean of this sport? There's a lot of Tom Crean discussion in here, and man oh man is that fun

--The ultimate plan to survive coaching sixteen games in the NFL without any experience of any sort. Ryan thinks he could go 6-10 with the Dolphins! We do not.

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After a week off, the Fullcast returns with a review of Signing Day, the most important day in the college football calendar that no one really wants to discuss. WELL TOO BAD BECAUSE WE ARE DISCUSSING IT.

Joining us is SB Nation Recruiting Overlord Bud Elliott. We discuss the following:

--Why bachelor parties are overrated, and how even Tampa's strip clubs have some of the dumbest Florida-style business arrangements imaginable

--How Alabama did well again guhhhh go away Alabama

--The perils of bringing your school's equipment truck to a Georgia high school

--Did you know Texas did well? Texas did well! A good foundation for an upstart program just trying to establish its name, that.

--FLORIDA SIGNED A DOOLY COUNTY PROSPECT NAMED ANTONIUS. This is all perfect .

--We just up and ask Bud if Ole Miss is "cheating" any more than anyone else, because that's the coded conversation everyone's having anyway

--Reader questions, including a discussion of the Great Florida Python Challenge.

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The Super Bowl edition of the Shutdown Fullcast covers all the necessary topics for the college fan interested in paying attention to the Super Bowl, but taking only the most disdainful and irrelevant angles on all the action.

We're here for you with these important takes and more:

--The Cam Newton Economy, or how everyone owes Cam Newton a share of the immense amount of money Cam Newton has made for everyone. This is a serious statement: Cam Newton is his own economy and has made so, so many people money.

--A pitch for "Taken" starring Charlie Weis

--A diversion into how bad Phil Simms is as a broadcaster that somehow ends up being a discussion of what a complete trainwreck of a broadcaster Mack Brown can be

--Praise for Jim Nantz? Yes, praise for the King of Khaki

--The best fights we've seen at football games in person, including the best real-life Rocky 2 fight ever

--The sports announcing teams we want calling our love lives

--You want discussions of Wario's family history? Of course you do, so we give them to you.

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The first episode of the FOURTH (fourth!) season of the Shutdown Fullcast begins with a discussion about Dolly Parton, and then pretty much flies downhill from there (because all things are downhill from the greatness of Dolly Parton.)

Topics include:

--Dolly, and all the things she's done for you

--Phoenix's perfect okayness as a host city for football, and Tampa's definite dismalness as a host city for football

--We have no offseason plans! Besides not reading Dad Fiction (we're totally reading Dad Fiction this offseason) and starting a business for "Moms Who Like Wine"

--Reader questions, including a discussion of what disrespected teams will be most disrespectedly disrespected before the season even starts

--Some lengthy discussion of The Revenant, which Jason and Spencer agree is just "fine" and is filled with "really disgusting things"

--The worst fast food restaurants that are actually so bad you would not eat at them despite your predilection for bad fast food

--More lengthy discussion, this time of things where your critical compass is completely off from everyone else's

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SHUTDOWN FULLCAST IS LIVE! (Or was.) We met up in Arizona to talk all things National Championship and a bunch of things that are entirely unrelated, including:

- why you should care about who wins the title

- the Sims and what they teach us about life

- i forget, probably a third thing

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The last of the non-championship bowls, the wee baby second cousin twice-removed of them all, the Beef O'Brady's Bowl combines the best of all worlds into one sorely overlooked gem of a contest.

For instance:

--Illinois versus Syracuse!

--Remember when Syracuse and Virginia played a triple overtime game? No you don't. You are a liar. Stop talking.

--How this is proof officials should be able to step in and decline the option of overtime for a game, and simply declare a winner and let everyone come home

--A reminder that Illinois had all the time in the world to pick a coach and still ended up with their interim coach

--A return of the Beef O'Brady's Menu Challenge, including the immortal Corned Beef Wonton

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Congratulations! You have now reached the end of the Shutdown Fullcast 40 for 40. Enjoy these previews of the Taxslayer, Liberty, Alamo, and Cactus games -- we'll have a preview of the national title at some point and a special bonus bowl preview coming soon.

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Whether you're getting ready to say goodbye to 2015 or you've already welcomed 2016, the Shutdown Fullcast previews of all five January 1st games are perfect for making you realize you have terrible priorities in life!

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Whether you're getting ready to say goodbye to 2015 or you've already welcomed 2016, the Shutdown Fullcast previews of all five January 1st games are perfect for making you realize you have terrible priorities in life!

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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