Shutdown Fullcast

The Camellia Bowl! The greatest bowl game in the history of Montgomery, Alabama reveals itself to be a cave of wonders as we discuss:

--The wide array of recreational activities for a young man living in Montgomery, Alabama (a: chicken wings and bootleg movies)

--The glamorous attire of Appalachian State R.A.s on the first day of a young student's career

--Remember the time one of these coaches might have been given rohypnol at a bar? That might have happened.

--What the most expensive ticket for the Camellia Bowl is going for on Stubhub right now

--A line of thinking that ends with the phrase "You're like a dreamcatcher for economic downturn"

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OH IT'S THE STAR WARS EPISODE. None of this podcast is Star Wars, or at least not anything past the first ten minutes, where we kind of joke around with doing a Star Wars episode, do it for a minute, and then hit the eject button when it clearly starts getting out of hand.

Topics we did not eject from:

--How Jason actually did watch all the Star Wars movies all the way through for the first time recently, and how Han Solo is really the center of the entire series, and WE SWEAR THAT'S ALL THE STAR WARS TALK WE DO

--Okay there's a brief diversion into the Rancor getting out of his abusive relationship and going on some "Eat Pray Love" soul-searching

--Bob Davie is coaching a team in a bowl game in New Mexico! What more could one ask of football, or indeed of life itself?

--An examination of exactly what "Royal Purple" is

--Why do they have a bowl game in Montgomery, ever, at all, for any reason?

--Please welcome the "Shreveport Missing Persons Bowl" to the season's rotation

--How the NOLA Bowl is really just the affordable, charming, and just-as-good lunch version of the Sugar Bowl for the savvy shopper

--Did you know there's a bowl game at 2:30 p.m. on Monday? And that if you watch it, it's official proof you don't give a fuck about your job, and should quit?

--Which bowl games have the best setup for creating two extremely hungover teams playing football? Besides the Sun Bowl, of course.

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A bloated 77 minute Fullcast is quite a bit to drop on you all at once, but everyone hired and fired a coach AND the championship weekend happened and we have to talk about all of it. ALL OF IT, WE SAY.

--SOMEONE HIRED WILL MUSCHAMP

--Another installment of "Spencer Hall's Butt Lists"

--A lengthy examination of how everyone hired in the SEC East is boring and predictable and formulaic and boring and yes we said boring twice

--An equally lengthy examination of how somehow out of nowhere the ACC did nothing but make good hires, including somehow pulling Bronco Mendenhall out of Utah and Dino Babers away from Bowling Green

--A breeze through the conference championship games, where every single conference played its prescribed role to the hilt

--ACC PUNTER ATTACK

--Jason's concluding appreciation of the greatest game of the weekend: Baylor trying to make up an entirely new offense live on the field against Texas while using only their fourth string quarterback who was really not the quarterback.

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The final regular season preview episode of the Shutdown Fullcast is an emotional one, especially when Ryan starts talking about the tragedy of putting tomatoes in the refrigerator.

Topics include:

--The Playoff rankings, and the discussion of every single scenario possible that might turn this otherwise clear national title setup into a complete trash-heap

--One of those is Florida winning! A thing that cannot happen!

--Reader questions, including the aforementioned passionate plea on behalf of tomato protectors everywhere, a refusal to read any questions not sent in by a woman, a protracted battle against the registered sexhavers of Twitter, and why Roomba would be better out of the backfield than easily half of the running backs in the nation.

--A truncated look at the week to come, and vigorous debate about the most racist and patriotic of the championship games.

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OMG SO MUCH TO DISCUSS ABOUT THE FINAL WEEK IN COLLEGE FOOTBALL LIKE:

--how to replace your pastor after a decade or more of being merely really good

--The ins and outs of a coaching coup in Louisiana that was a plan all along only if you enjoy people trying to cover their tracks after completely fucking everything up along the way

--The madness of Ole Miss, or why Hugh Freeze picks his losses and victories really well

--Every college football job is open

--The joy of FSU fans being completely unaware of their surroundings at all times

--How you can write off all rivalry week results with confidence as long as you didn't actually lose

--A horrifying analogy by Jason ending up with someone shining a nude statue of a former Big Ten coach

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The early Thanksgiving edition of the RIVALRY WEEK AARRRGGGH RIVALRY WEEK Shutdown Fullcast arrives to the dinner without a dish, alcohol, or anything but a smile. Did you invite the Shutdown Fullcast here naked and without a thing to contribute to your holiday? No, but it's here anyway.

Please get it a towel while it discusses all of the following and more:

--Ryan introduces his mixtape "Buyout Season 2: the Leveraging"

--We make guesses on Monday night about things that will happen for the rest of the week, including Florida State hiring Les Miles, Maryland reconsidering and giving love a second punt's chance, and Les Miles joining John Calipari in making Kentucky the most feared state in college athletics.

--Jim McElwain continuing Florida's tradition of hiring clergymen as head coach

--Our Iron Bowl preview, which is really just us saying "Mobile is the best city in Alabama," and proposing its new motto "Mobile: There's alcohol there, and you can drink it."

--Our Ohio State/Michigan preview, which is really just us saying "This is a 10-10 game we are going to celebrate for its elephantine mass and pace"

--A digression where Texas becomes Slippy from Starfox

--A proposal for Tinder, but with coaches

--A conclusion about the Big 12 fixing absolutely nothing, ever!

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A truly chaotic week in college football yields intense discussion of the following between Spencer, Ryan, and Jason:

--We start by telling you there will only be one installment of the Fullcast this week! This is a lie, we decided after the show to make another for preview purposes. PLAYFAKES EVERYWHERE IN THIS OFFENSE.

--Why Ohio State looked so, so bad in their loss to Michigan State (answer: we don't know either, it's not an answer but it's honest)

--How Iowa State has higher standards than Texas? Sure.

--The most nightmarish edition of Satan's Coaching Dominoes we have played yet in the year 2015

--Why future Trump voters were beating the hides off each other in the stands in Fayetteville over Mississippi State/Arkansas

--A brief examination of the insanity and faint threads of logic behind a possible ouster of Les Miles at LSU that only involves a few mentions of money laundering

--The last line of this episode is: "DINOSAURS ATE ROCKS, AND THEY WERE FUCKIN' AWESOME." You'll have to get there to find out how much sense it makes. (None, and yet all of it at once.)

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The Shutdown Fullcast preview edition takes more than a few detours before it discusses the week ahead, including:

--A deep look into the tensions that destroyed the Blue Collar Comedy Tour

--Why the reported possiblity of Charlie Strong leaving Texas for Miami could unleash the final Nick Saban plotline we've been waiting for for three long years

--A celebration of the return of our favorite Bob Stoops: SASSY STOOPS.

--How throwing a headset in real life really is as satisfying as it looks

--Reader questions, or the part where Ryan openly stumps for Mariah Carey as the next coach of the Miami Hurricanes

--A look at the week ahead, including a long Mike Leach diatribe about Cartesian thought and how sure, he'll always play a game at 10:45 pm at night if you want him to.

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Spencer declares this the best week of the college football season thus far and admires the ability of Arkansas to maintain the exact same level all year while others rise and fall. Jason channels Mike Leach to tell you how trees with lips cannot be trusted and says nice things about Syracuse. Ryan says some dumb shit about Checkers and Scott Storch.

Oh, and we also discuss USC's new coach. He's a veteran who knows how to win at all levels!

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Shutdown Fullcast reviews the second week of Playoff Rankings and previews the week to come using a low bid system. It works for the government, so.

- The Smooth 'n Sexy Playoff Committee follows up last year's smash hit "Game Control" with their new slow jam, "Body Clock"

- Should Kansas be a playoff team, considering how many wins their opponents have?

- Jeff Long loves every movie and will give it a glowing review!

- LSU-Arkansas is renamed the Layaway Bowl

- Who told you Mark Stoops killed his neighbor? That's certainly not true, nor is it relevant to Kentucky basketball.

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