Shutdown Fullcast

The Fullcast is back to do what we do best, which is make fun of a.) Alabama losing, and b.) people from Ohio telling anyone what is good about anything in life. There's also the following topics, each covered with the usual Skype-glitching and happy negligence.

--How a loss for Bama ensures their appearance in the playoff

--An examination of the great pride people from Ohio can feel about Ohio while living several thousand miles away from Ohio

--A brief appreciation of the short happy career of "Cooper Batman"

--Why there are things to watch in the fourth week of the season, and how almost none of them are taking place in the SEC

--How Gus Johnson is calling the Texas Tech/TCU game and that's perfect because all it requires is loud, indistinct hollerin'

--Is Hawaii lost in the Midwest?

--AT 51:30 OR SO: Jason Kirk casts King of the Hill as a live-action movie with college football coaches, which is really the kind of question we desperately try to avoid, but in this case works like syrup on bacon on hotcakes on a pile of unmarked bills. BOBBY HILL IS DABO SWINNEY.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

The first completely competitive and interesting weekend of the college football season gets...well, it gets us starting off by talking about a man dying a horrible death in a New York utility tunnel.

There is actual football. Points covered include:

-- "We gotta shit on Texas, Spencer. Because there is a fresh reason to shit on Texas."

-- A proposal about Auburn struggling being a sign they will inevitably end up in the national title game

-- How Houston Nutt is orbiting the earth like Felix Baumgartner waiting for that call from a willing school as a signal to drop in and save Arkansas

-- More petty swipes at Will Muschamp (cut and paste from every week)

-- A painful recounting of the times each of us watched a game that left us so angry we wept blood (except for Jason, who is the Dr. Manhattan of college football)

-- Proposed: a campus full of yellow jackets would actually be a deeply uncomfortable place, and a campus of Brutus Buckeyes would be pretty much the same as Ohio State's campus right now

-- Why BYU is dirty as hell (and that's just fine)

-- Proposed: sponsoring a Shutdown Fullcast bowl game

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Spencer's on the road yet again, so Jason and Ryan talk about:

- the aggressive expansion of the Texas League of Offensive Coordinators

- what spaceships look most like genitals

- creating your own haunted practice field

- why Donald Trump should purchase naming rights to Iowa-Iowa State

- how Navy is the team of playoff destiny

- or maybe it's FIU, remains to be seen

BONUS: We open the show by talking with an Alabama fan who talked shit about us on Twitter. That's probably a smart thing we did, right?

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

WEEK ONE WEEK ONE WEEK ONE. We get to talk actual football, which is cool, but we also get to talk about

--OUR EXTENSIVE BIG TEN PREVIEW (or what a miserable place Ohio is)

--Which mountains have songs of hobo sexual misadventure written about them

--A scenario where we have PJ Fleck rapping his own version of a Rich Homie Quan song, "Fleck".

--Why you can just wheel out a 93 year old Lee Corso onto the Gameday set and we'd be fine with that

--The awkward question of whether Jim Harbaugh has a return policy

--A review of all the most important games from week one, and also we talk about Alabama/Wisconsin.

--The elaborate plot where we get Lane Kiffin in the driver's seat at Alabama through steps that are not at all implausible

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This week's Shutdown Fullcast covers the Big 12, a conference of such astonishing depth and interest we didn't have time to get to reader questions. We'll double down on them next week, but we apologize: Iowa State is JUST that fascinating.

Topics covered:

--The least coordinated intro to the podcast ever, and an analysis of the Jade Helm defense Texas Tech will use this fall

--Rage-inducing sports video games (helllloooooo FIFA) and the time Ryan's friend threw a controller so hard that he flooded his apartment after a controversial MarioKart ending

--Why playing in Ames on a Thursday or Friday night is...is fine, actually.

--How you should just not watch Texas this year and come back in 2016

--Did Oklahoma fix the wrong side of the ball? (By asking that we're pretty much saying yes, yes they did)

--Texas Tech is the most ideologically pure team in the Big 12

--Why TCU will just try to average more points on offense this year than the New York Knicks

--WVU, the ruiners of all ruiners (again)

--A brief discussion of the way Charlie Weis stole money from another team and left them bereft and more broken than Kansas football usually is

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Tomahawk Nation editor and SB Nation Recruiting Director Bud Elliott joins Jason and Ryan to preview the ACC. Topics include:

- How Miami can win the conference (no really)

- One nice thing said about every ACC team

- A consideration of which invasive species will devastate the State of Florida one day

- Next to ZERO discussion of Florida State

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Surprise Mystery Guest and SB Nation Managing Editor Brian Floyd joins us to preview the Pac-12...for about seven minutes unti his Internet connection fails altogether. So you just get to listen to Jason and Ryan talk rank the South Division, figure out if Cal can get to bowl eligibility so Jason loses a bet, and assign a pizza topping to every school in the conference. It's extremely educational and it counts towards your summer reading assignment.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This week's entire podcast is devoted to speaking on the SEC, which doesn't really mean we won't talk about things like:

--Which SEC fanbase is most/least likely to attack and dismember a robot?

--Which team Florida loses to this year from the pair of Tennessee and/or Kentucky?

--Following up on that, how losing to your spouse's rival is a delayed kind of rage

--Is the SEC going to be relevant in any way besides ruining people's lives in all directions? (A: No!)

--How any team can screw any situation up at any time no matter how good a situation you might think it could be in college football (HI WILL MUSCHAMP)

--The inevitable mess that someone getting paid over $4 million will get into this year in the SEC West

--Why the hell is LSU playing Syracuse on the road?

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

The Fullcast goes way, way long this week, eclipsing the hour mark mostly because SOMEONE found Chris Berman's IMDB page halfway through the broadcast. (He was in The Program AND Necessary Roughness! He's practically the Jean-Paul Belmondo of '90s football films!)

Topics:

--Why "Hoosiers" sucks and how George Lucas is going to put CGI Jabba into a remastered "Birth of a Nation"

--Why "Rudy" and most other college football movies suck, but also why "Rudy" sucks more than others, mostly.

--A diversion into Werner Herzog narrating Syracuse football documentaries

--A promise to buy someone a beer if they actually listen to a certain mysterious point in the podcast (which we will honor)

--Seriously, you can get two free beers for listening to this whole podcast provided you see us in real life

--Things that do not change year to year in college football, like Ohio State being good or our fictional Woody Hayes living in Hell because "Heaven's soft".

--A discussion of "which program is the most Jon Bois" (it's Iowa State)

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

PURE FOOTBALL EROTICA. That's not an exaggeration, we discuss pure football erotica this week, or at least what we find to be erotic in the game of football. I mean, before that we all talk about BET Uncut returning, but yeah: definitely some football erotica after all the talk about BET Uncut. Get your towels, because it's gonna get steamy! Also the cleaning crew did not come last night and there's some pretty disgusting stuff on these benches.

In addition to the following suspiciously football-like topics.

--Gus Malzahn suggesting a freshness seal and/or born-on date for SEC teams is a necessary thing

--Houston Nutt appearing at Big 12 Media Days either looking for a job or scouting the Mary Kay Convention across the hall

--A list of things Art Briles could say out loud and not get prosecuted for

--A record total of coach imitations and serial killer references

--How Ryan and LaDainian Tomlinson are basically the same person

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices