Shutdown Fullcast

This week's review podcast didn't record the part where we discussed Bret Bielema wearing only a windbreaker and a smile, but that was for your own protection. Trust us. It damaged us all enough on its own.

Topics covered include:

--Bama. Ughhhhhhh, Bama.

--Oklahoma State's statistically improbable but very factual whoopin' of TCU, and how Texas could ruin Oklahoma's entire season twice by tanking the rest of the season JUST TO FUCK WITH THE SOONERS.

--How Clemson chipped away at Florida State with a butter knife

--Five sentences or less about Vanderbilt/Florida

--The only discussion in the world where the majority of people involved believe the Michigan State/Nebraska game ended on the correct call. (Also: Old people evidently like touchdowns now.)

--Ryan singing "Snoop hoggy HAWWWWG OOOOH AAAH AAAH AWWWG" to the horror and delight of dozens of listeners in recounting the wild end of the Ole Miss/Arkansas OT game.

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The preview edition of the Fullcast may have gotten mad at EXTREMELY SERIOUS Iowa fans? And might have told them to eat an extremely unclean part of the Fullcast's body? That may have happened, in addition to these other topics of great interest for the upcoming weekend of college football.

--Why you should go out and get into a fight with a random stranger over the first set of college football playoff rankings.

--Reader questionl, including Jason absolutely nailing the coach who currently looks (and acts) most like their team's mascot.

--A look ate the week ahead, including all of us realizing that after Florida State comes to town Clemson gets an easy toboggan ride into the ACC Conference Championship game where they will definitely have to play "another football team."

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WEEKEND REVIEW AND FRANK BEAMER APPRECIATION EPISODE. Oh hell yes, what you wanted in the Fullcast was even more wandering and discussion of that time Frank Beamer's kin shot up a courthouse.

Topics (besides courthouse shootings) include:

--That thing that happened in Duke/Miami, and why you could not pay any of us enough money to deal with any of that mess ever

--Hey, remember when Minnesota shifted eight times and had three players in motion during a clock play against Michigan? That happened, too.

--Oh, another thing that happened: the time Georgia got bored and made their quarterbacks all do things they weren't good at

--Georgia lost. To Florida. We talk about that for a while, because we can. Because Georgia lost 27-3 to Florida and made their second-string quarterback their punter. (He was pretty good! But still!)

--No really Georgia made their running quarterback throw 33 times in his first start and only rushed him four times.

--An appreciation of Frank Beamer, the only person who could make you think a 12-10 ACC game was cool and worth watching

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The midweek Fullcast accomplishes all the following in the mere breezy tiny span of 55 minutes:

--Listing all the things that DEFINITELY CAN'T HAPPEN after we said on the last podcast that there was little chance Miami would fire him this week. Mark Dantonio's never going anywhere, South Carolina!

--A discussion as to whether Al Golden has been abducted by shadowy South Florida henchmen

--Reader questions, including a review of the worst possible NFL coaches who could end up taking the USC job. Look, we made Bill Belichick try to recruit college football players! And put Sean Payton on a college campus with no supervision! Amazing hypothetical things happened, hypothetically!

--Georgia/Florida is this week! Please don't make us talk about it!

--A look at the week ahead, including us saying nice things about Pitt for like, at least five minutes.

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The quick reaction edition of the Shutdown Fullcast was made obsolete just an hour after it was recorded thanks to the firing of Al Golden at Miami. We publish nevertheless, with reactions and hearty guffawing at the idea of how good Al Golden's hair looked at even the lowest points of his Miami tenure.

Topics include:

--The aforementioned assbeating of Miami at home, and yes how great Al Golden seemed to look the whole time despite that.

--Did you see Florida State lost? YOU SHOULD PROBABLY LISTEN TO HOW BAD FLORIDA STATE LOST.

--A discussion of how optimistic Tennessee fans could and should be despite losing to Alabama again.

--A quick review of how bad USC whooped up on Utah, and why this undoubtedly means USC loses next week because the Pac-12 is full of gremlins and everyone must lose a fight to at least two of them in a full season.

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Back in full after an abbreviated week, the Shutdown Fullcast returns with 65 minutes of pure fury. There's also us talking about Drake, but sure, there's fury in there, too.

Topics covered include:

--"Hotline Bling," or why Drake sounds like a dude who just wants you to stay inside his house forever, preferably in the basement where you can live in the house he built just for you down there, girl

--A lengthy discussion of the season so far, including all the people and teams we're very disappointed with or pleasantly surprised by (HIIIIIIIII AUBURN)

--Reader mail, including a promise that if you owe more than $250,000 in student debt, the Shutdown Fullcast staf will send you one American dollar and four cookies in the US Mail.

--An unfortunate exit on a note about duck penises

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The Fullcast lives! A day late, sure, but still up despite travel and meetings and other tedious adult necessities. We sound really good via using actual studio mikes in NYC! And keep timers because we were working on a tight turnaround! Expect neither to happen ever again!

Topics:

--AAAAHHHHHHHHH SPURRIER COME BACK

--AAAAAAAAAAHHH SARK YOU okay don't come back for a while until you figure some shit out

--AAAAAAAHHHHHH WHYYYYYY WILL GRIER WHYYYYYY

--AAAAAAAHHHHHH okay maybe that's enough AAH-ing this week is real good and gonna BE real good and we talk about that for a bit

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The Shutdown Fullcast talks mostly about the time we cooked food on a redneck shopping cart grill on a fire made from burning furniture stolen from a Haverty's dumpster. This may seem odd, but the idea of a dominant victory over a good team by the Florida Gators? So overwhelming to Ryan and I that celebrating Floridian squalor is the only way to reset our expectations and return to something like reality.

Topics:

--We get immediately to the question: "How shocked are you that Florida was really good for one game?"

--A brief recollection of Florida horrors of the past

--A warning against pitying Ohio State fans, ever

--Why Alabama beat Georgia, and why Ole Miss lost to Florida, and a further discussion of styles making fights

--A lengthy discussion of the most Florida moments in our lives! This includes minivans dying at Checkers, falling off of recreational vehicles, and eating roadkill deer with pocketknives.

--A review of the coming weekend, where Jason insists he doesn't hate Cal, Ryan and I are certain we're losing to Mizzou after a great Ole Miss game, and how we all know LSU is gonna make the playoff with three losses.

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The Fullcast mostly makes fun of Texas this week, but covers a few other topics with this week's guest, Georgia fan and NPR host connoisseur Doug Gilett (aka @captainannoying.)

--A quick audit of NPR hosts and the services they have to provide to you because they are technically your employee

--An answer to the immortal question "Why is Big Boi wearing nothing but Mets gear in the 'Rosa Parks' video?"

--Discussion of how in three days New York City will invent Chick-Fil-A

--An extensive mockery of the Texas Officiating Conspiracy, and a historical recollection of the time Texas kicked the saddest field goal ever kicked

--And then, a little more mockery of Texas

--Doug defends the idea of Georgia somehow beating Alabama this weekend

--A review of the rest of the games coming up this week, including a brief discussion of the "Petrino Family Birthin' Hut"

--An ending conversation where Ryan gets groceries delivered to his apartment and also about New York finally getting a Chick-Fil-A, a new fad and trend they invented

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The part where Jason recasts King of the Hill with college football coaches, aka the really funny part.

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