My guest today is Rick Hanson. He is a psychologist, a senior fellow of UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center, and a family counselor. He is also a New York Times best-selling author, and his books are available in 31 languages, with over a million copies sold. He joined us today to talk about his book, "Making Great Relationships: Simple Practices for Solving Conflicts, Building Connection, and Fostering Love."

How loyal are you to yourself? We are always loyal to the people we love, appreciating them, encouraging them for their accomplishments, and empathizing with them for their difficulties. The thing people seem to forget is that "you matter too'. Starting the conversation, Rick explains how people internalize the message that they don’t matter.

Anger is Mother Nature's jet fuel. Anger has the power to drive us into blinding rage. At the same time, anger can be energizing, focus attention, or even organize us. But you have to be careful not to let anger get you down along the way.

Being heard is one of the greatest gifts that people can have because they like the sense of being received. If you can spare a few minutes to listen to someone, it can sometimes mean the world to them. You never know what someone is going through, so a small act of kindness can light up their world. In the next phase of the conversation, we talk about the importance of listening to people.

A lot of people worried about not being recognized. It can come from family, friends, or the workplace. The lack of recognition will leave a huge hole in their hearts, no matter where they are or what they do. Rick dives into an evidence-based process where people can get rid of the recognition craving and slowly start to fill the hole in their hearts over time.

[06.09] Being loyal – Why it’s hard for us to be loyal to ourselves and how we can change that. 

[12.33] Handling criticism – Rick shares what we can do to handle criticism, complaints, and grievances in a safe, respectful way. 

[21.44] Practicing with the mind – We talk about the three categories of practicing with the mind: being with experience, reducing what’s harmful, and increasing what’s enjoyable. 

[27.18] Anger -Using mindfulness and tools to manage anger

[37.32] Listening – We talk about how to be a good listener to someone you love and figure out what you need to do to make them comfortable. 

[48:09] The Power of Positivity – The importance of taking in positive experiences to counteract the negativity bias and cravings. They share their personal story and a method for internalizing good experiences. 

Connect with Rick: 

Website - rickhanson.net/ 

Twitter - https://twitter.com/drrhanson/

Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/rickhansonphd/

YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/user/drrhanson

Resources:

Books by Rick 

Making Great Relationships: Simple Practices for Solving Conflicts, Building Connection, and Fostering Love

Neurodharma: New Science, Ancient Wisdom, and Seven Practices of the Highest Happiness

Book by Robert A. Heinlein

Have Space Suit—Will Travel

Book by Tara Brach

Trusting the Gold: Uncovering Your Natural Goodness