Slate Culture Feed

On this episode: Slate senior producer Cheyna Roth joins Zak Rosen and Elizabeth Newcamp to debate wedding ceremony etiquette. A listener’s kid is the flower girl at a friend’s wedding. But now it turns out the flower girl is NOT invited to the wedding reception. Is this fair? They dig into whether kids make a wedding better, logistics, and more. 

But first, in another edition of Triumphs and Fails, Cheyna deals with a week-long bus cancellation, Elizabeth celebrates a big birthday, and Zak has to deal with Tooth Fairy fallout.

Mentioned In the Episode:

Who Owns the Tooth Fairy? - Decoder Ring

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Earlier this year, a tweet went out from the official account of the Democratic Party, tagging the Trump advisor Stephen Miller. It was an image of what appeared to be a simple hotel room chair. But for those in the know, it was much more than that: It was a “cuck chair,” an online meme straight out of a popular genre of hardcore pornography in which a man watches his partner have sex with another man.

How did we get to a place where the Democrats could flame a political opponent with an image out of cucking porn and have millions of people immediately understand it? In this episode we trace the complicated and intricate history of the cuck. It’s a history that includes everything from Jacobean dramas to World War II pilots to, yes, pornography, as well as a host of deeply American prejudices that have become a lot less submerged over the last 10 years. And we also situate the cuck within a larger context, one in which porn is the elephant in the room of American culture. It’s a potent force, shaping and reflecting our very wants and desires and it is constantly seeping into mainstream culture—and yet we don’t analyze, critique, or even talk about it very much because, well, it’s porn.

In this NSFW episode, you’ll hear from: Slate staff writer Luke Winkie who wrote about the tweet that kicked this episode off; Samantha Cole, one of co-founders of 404 Media and the author of How Sex Changed the Internet and the Internet Changed Sex;  Jennifer Panek, professor of English at the University of Ottawa; sex therapist and clinical psychologist Dr. David S. Ley; Dr. Justin Lehmiller, social psychologist, senior research fellow at the Kinsey Institute, and podcast host; Mireille Miller-Young, associate professor of feminist studies at UC Santa Barbara and the author of A Taste for Brown Sugar: Black Women in Pornography, and New York Magazine tech columnist John Herrman. 

This episode was written by Willa Paskin. It was edited by Josh Levin and produced by Katie Shepherd, Willa Paskin, Max Freedman, and Evan Chung, Decoder Ring’s supervising producer. Merritt Jacob is Senior Technical Director, and we had help from Sophie Summergrad.

We’d also like to thank Gabriel Roth, Talia Lavin, Tatum Hunter, Rebecca Fasman, Jessica Stoya, Aiden Starr, Perrin Swanmoore, Sophie Gilbert, and Kevin Heffernan, who was a fount of knowledge. 

If you have any cultural mysteries you want us to decode, email us at [email protected] or leave a message on our hotline at (347) 460-7281.

Get more of Decoder Ring with Slate Plus! Join for exclusive bonus episodes of Decoder Ring and ad-free listening on all your favorite Slate podcasts. Subscribe from the Decoder Ring show page on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Or, visit slate.com/decoderplus for access wherever you listen.

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Earlier this year, a tweet went out from the official account of the Democratic Party, tagging the Trump advisor Stephen Miller. It was an image of what appeared to be a simple hotel room chair. But for those in the know, it was much more than that: It was a “cuck chair,” an online meme straight out of a popular genre of hardcore pornography in which a man watches his partner have sex with another man.

How did we get to a place where the Democrats could flame a political opponent with an image out of cucking porn and have millions of people immediately understand it? In this episode we trace the complicated and intricate history of the cuck. It’s a history that includes everything from Jacobean dramas to World War II pilots to, yes, pornography, as well as a host of deeply American prejudices that have become a lot less submerged over the last 10 years. And we also situate the cuck within a larger context, one in which porn is the elephant in the room of American culture. It’s a potent force, shaping and reflecting our very wants and desires and it is constantly seeping into mainstream culture—and yet we don’t analyze, critique, or even talk about it very much because, well, it’s porn.

In this NSFW episode, you’ll hear from: Slate staff writer Luke Winkie who wrote about the tweet that kicked this episode off; Samantha Cole, one of co-founders of 404 Media and the author of How Sex Changed the Internet and the Internet Changed Sex;  Jennifer Panek, professor of English at the University of Ottawa; sex therapist and clinical psychologist Dr. David S. Ley; Dr. Justin Lehmiller, social psychologist, senior research fellow at the Kinsey Institute, and podcast host; Mireille Miller-Young, associate professor of feminist studies at UC Santa Barbara and the author of A Taste for Brown Sugar: Black Women in Pornography, and New York Magazine tech columnist John Herrman. 

This episode was written by Willa Paskin. It was edited by Josh Levin and produced by Katie Shepherd, Willa Paskin, Max Freedman, and Evan Chung, Decoder Ring’s supervising producer. Merritt Jacob is Senior Technical Director, and we had help from Sophie Summergrad.

We’d also like to thank Gabriel Roth, Talia Lavin, Tatum Hunter, Rebecca Fasman, Jessica Stoya, Aiden Starr, Perrin Swanmoore, Sophie Gilbert, and Kevin Heffernan, who was a fount of knowledge. 

If you have any cultural mysteries you want us to decode, email us at [email protected] or leave a message on our hotline at (347) 460-7281.

Get more of Decoder Ring with Slate Plus! Join for exclusive bonus episodes of Decoder Ring and ad-free listening on all your favorite Slate podcasts. Subscribe from the Decoder Ring show page on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Or, visit slate.com/decoderplus for access wherever you listen.

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Kate Lindsay and Candice Lim wade through the negative reactions to Taylor Swift’s album The Life of a Showgirl. From outdated meme references to clunky shots at other female artists, Swift’s album indicates an oddly distant relationship with the internet. However, is she a devious online mastermind or a blundering millennial? Plus, why it’s important that this album’s backlash has gone largely unchallenged by fellow Swifties.

Get more of ICYMI with Slate Plus! Join for exclusive bonus episodes of ICYMI and ad-free listening on all your favorite Slate podcasts. Subscribe from the ICYMI show page on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Or, visit slate.com/icymiplus for access wherever you listen.

This podcast is produced by Vic Whitley-Berry, Daisy Rosario, Candice Lim, and Kate Lindsay.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

On this week’s show, our fighters Steve, Julia, and Dana enter the ring to tussle over The Smashing Machine, the Dwayne Johnson vehicle directed by Benny Safdie. Can they smell what the Rock is cooking? Is it a subtly modulated performance about a sensitive pro UFC fighter? Or, a shameless Oscar play? 

Next, it’s on to the offbeat climes of Tulsa, Oklahoma by way of The Lowdown, a shaggy noir series created by Sterlin Harjo and starring Ethan Hawke. Finally, they gaze into the uncanny eyes of Tilly Norwood, the A.I. beauty that launched a thousand think pieces and a Hollywood freakout.

On an exclusive bonus episode for Slate Plus subscribers, the panel unburies an old hatchet to discuss Elizabeth Gilbert’s newest memoir. 

Email us your thoughts at [email protected]. 

Podcast production by Benjamin Frisch. Production assistance by Daniel Hirsch.

Endorsements

Dana: The N+1 essay "Large Language Muddle" and Isaac Butler's deep dive on Daniel Day-Lewis in Slate.

Julia: Walking in Coal Oil Point Natural Reserve.

Steve: James Meek's essay in The London Review of Books "Computers that want things" and the novel Gargoyles by Thomas Bernhard (and welcomes listener suggestions for what else to read by Bernhard).

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Jen is raising a pretty stellar 9-year-old son. With his tween and teen years on the horizon, she wants to steer him toward kindness, acceptance, and openness—and away from the pitfalls of toxic masculinity. On this episode, How To!’s Carvell Wallace brings on Ashanti Branch, founder of The Ever Forward Club and host of unMASKing with Male Educators. Ashanti offers his advice on talking with boys about their emotions, understanding the “mask” that young men present to the world, and building trust and confidence—by acknowledging that adults don’t have all the answers.

If you liked this episode check out: How To Parent Less and How To Make Friends … Like a Man

Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at [email protected] or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen.

The show is produced by Rosemary Belson, with Kevin Bendis and Sophie Summergrad. Our technical director is Merritt Jacob and our supervising producer is Joel Meyer.

Get more of How To! with Slate Plus! Join for exclusive bonus episodes of How To! and ad-free listening on all your favorite Slate podcasts. Subscribe from the How To! show page on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Or, visit slate.com/howtoplus for access wherever you listen.

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When Peter van Agtmael went to Iraq in 2006 to embed with the U.S. military, he was 24 years old and confident that his pictures could help end an unjust war. Two decades later, after documenting combat deaths overseas and then turning his camera lens on America, he's learned the limits of what photography can do. In this episode, Peter talks about the emotional toll of bearing witness to violence, the fraught ethics of choosing a subject, and how he ended up in a legal battle with Ye over an image.

Peter’s book is called “Look at the U.S.A.: A Diary of War and Home,“ and he has a show at the Corcoran School of the Arts and Design until January 25th. You can see his 2015 KKK wedding photo here. 

Death, Sex & Money is now produced by Slate! To support us and our colleagues, please sign up for our membership program, Slate Plus! Members get ad-free podcasts, bonus content on lots of Slate shows, and full access to all the articles on Slate.com. Sign up today at slate.com/dsmplus.

And if you’re new to the show, welcome. We’re so glad you’re here. Find us and follow us on Instagram and you can find Anna’s newsletter at annasale.substack.com. Our new email address, where you can reach us with voice memos, pep talks, questions, critiques, is [email protected].

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Hosts Alex Kirshner, Lindsay Gibbs, and Ben Lindbergh speak to Slate’s Nitish Pahwa about prediction markets and the legally gray future of gambling. Then they turn to college football and Bill Belichick’s messy start at UNC. The panel wraps with a discussion of Napheesa Collier’s recent criticism of WNBA commissioner Cathy Engelbert and the backlash it caused.

On the bonus episode available exclusively for Slate Plus members, Bad Bunny hits the Super Bowl halftime stage!

Prediction Markets (3:35): Kalshi’s big bet

Belichick (25:12): The greatest coach keeps laying eggs

WNBA (41:06): Collier vs. Engelbert

(Note: time codes are only accurate for Slate Plus members, who listen ad-free.)

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You can email us at [email protected].

Podcast production and editing by Kevin Bendis, with production assistance from Patrick Fort.

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On this episode: Lucy Lopez, Elizabeth Newcamp, and Zak Rosen have a question from a mom who is TOUCHED OUT. The ‘Rents give parents everywhere permission to establish boundaries and walk away from kids when they’re being too aggressive or just won’t leave them alone. 

But first, they share their latest insight into the Labubu community and dealing with the big trends your kids HAVE to be a part of. 

This week in Slate Plus: Recommendations for lunches and snacks kids can take to school.

Join us on Facebook and email us at [email protected] to ask us new questions, tell us what you thought of today’s show, and give us ideas about what we should talk about in future episodes. You can also call our phone line: (646) 357-9318.

If you enjoy this show, please consider signing up for Slate Plus. Slate Plus members get to hang out with us on the Plus Playground every week for a whole additional grab-bag of content — and you’ll get an ad-free experience across the network. And you’ll also be supporting the work we do here on Care and Feeding. Sign up now at slate.com/careplus – or try it out on Apple Podcasts.

Listen to Opportunity Gap wherever you get your podcasts: ⁠⁠https://lnk.to/opportunitygapPS!careandfeeding⁠

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How one of the largest video game companies was bought for $55 billion by a group that includes Saudi Arabia’s sovereign wealth fund and Jared Kushner.

Guest: Jason Schreier, Bloomberg reporter

Want more What Next TBD? Subscribe to Slate Plus to access ad-free listening to the whole What Next family and all your favorite Slate podcasts. Subscribe today on Apple Podcasts by clicking “Try Free” at the top of our show page. Sign up now at slate.com/whatnextplus to get access wherever you listen.

Podcast production by Evan Campbell, and Patrick Fort.

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