Smart Self Growth

Have you lately found yourself not getting things done?  Do you plan and plan and plan but it never materializes because you just don't get on it? Join us on this episode as we discuss procrastination and help you get a better understanding of what you are going through and how to get things moving finally.

Autosuggestion is a psychological technique related to the placebo effect, developed by pharmacist Émile Coué at the beginning of the 20th century. It is a form of self-induced suggestion in which individuals guide their own thoughts, feelings, or behaviour. The technique is often used in self-hypnosis.

Plain, unemotional words do not influence the subconscious mind. You will get no appreciable results until you learn to reach your subconscious mind with thoughts, or spoken words that have been well emotionalized with BELIEF.

Emotional intelligence is built upon five pillars in they are the following

• Self-awareness 
• Self-management 
• Social awareness 
• Relationship management 
• Motivation 

So let's look at the first one which is self-awareness. What do we know about self-awareness? We have done a podcast based on meditation and self-awareness. You are welcome to check that out if you haven't listened to it yet they are still available.  and you can find it on our Facebook.

Self-awareness is knowing your emotions, and feelings and not being controlled by them.

To clarify for listeners emotional regulation is more so responding to the actual emotional feeling and the self-awareness is just being aware of your emotions and feeling the actual emotion 

You're not driven by your emotions you can't control them also but you just observe them

We found that meditation helps with becoming more mindful and: more self-aware so if you're looking for a way to practice self-awareness you can certainly take on meditation.

With meditation comes the following things you can experience the feelings that flow and you can also ask you to self the question are your emotions accompanied by physical sensations that you experience and then also you can ask yourself do you experience individual feelings and emotions and can you experience these intense feelings I do pay attention to your emotions. So other words practising mindfulness purposely forcing yourself to the present moment. 

Self-Management 

• Emotional Self-Control, an important part of emotional maturity, controlling your feelings and/or expressing them in the appropriate settings is a key skill.
• Being goal-oriented and being able to work toward your goals.
• Being self-motivated,
• Showing resilience and the ability to change course when necessary.
• Optimism, having a positive outlook, hoping for the best and preparing for success.

Emotional control is probably the most important because it makes it easier for you to set goals, motivate yourself, be more resilient, and be more optimistic if you know how to regulate your emotions properly.

Social awareness. It's the nonverbal Cues that we come in contact with every day and that's where we share empathy and compassion reading someone's body language to see if they are angry or sad or happy or whatever, having good listening skills, the ability to explain yourself well and being aware of how you are being understood. Now when you pay attention to other people you become more aware of your emotional state as well. 

Relationship management. The relationship between you And everyone you interact with. Maturity levels come to mind, being able to use insight, mutuality and emotional regulation when you are interacting With those people. So at work, this might affect your ability to Influence People, How you work in a team and  even  exercise leadership or delegating tasks etc 

Also, high moral values come to mind here. Having these strong social skills make you a team player and you rather focus on helping others develop and shine.

And of course, when we talk about relationships you also bear in mind how to be compassionate And to be empathetic.

Motivation. People with a high EI (Emotional intelligence) are willing to defer immediate results for long-term success; they are highly productive, love challenges and are effective in whatever they do. So motivation forms part of self-management, But it stands as a pillar on its own. Because a person with high emotional intelligence can motivate not only themselves but others as well. 

We will be talking about self-discipline. It’s the ability to make yourself do things that should be done.

The series of episodes it all boils down to taking responsibility and internal narrative. If you degrade yourself and punish yourself for failing you destroy any good chance of persisting. Shaming yourself will make you hate yourself.

Willpower does not equal self-discipline. Willpower is like a muscle and if you overwork it will fatigue and fail. So rather find the real reason you want to do or achieve things. The real reason is rewarding and your self-talk or criticism of yourself will be the determining factor if you’ll achieve it. If you have a flat tire and you are tired are you just going to wait and sleep in the car? NO, you’re going to change the fucking tire because of your must. And the reward is your destination and journey. This is also a metaphor for life and failure. Change the tire and get going on your journey because you’ve got somewhere.

Find your purpose. Just start doing what you want to do every day. Everything in your life depends on you. We need to show up every day and do the work and be consistent. 

The habit of consistency = Self-discipline
Develop the ability to keep going.
Start with discipline on small hardships then go bigger.
External factors are terrible for developing self-discipline.

Discipline is not punishment. Self Discipline is the definition of self-love, if you love yourself, you will develop the behaviour towards yourself that is loving. 

With self-discipline, you give up immediate pleasure (smoking) for the exchange of long term self-respect.

Choose actions that are within your own best interest. In the end, you stop yourself from getting what you dream. 

If we love ourself we will discipline our behaviour.

It's a struggle, some call it war, we have our own mind but we need to fight it and beat it to achieve that self-love.

Why, because if you love yourself you need to do things that are within your interest. With this, you can be happy, discipline your behaviour and achieve self-love. Love yourself because you owe it to yourself.

Other people's derogatory opinions are a really shit way to determine how we feel about ourselves and we base our self-esteem on their opinion. 

Be around people that nourish and inspire you and you do the same, do you feed each other's flames or throw water on it.

Self-love is when you say to yourself, hey man you want to smoke that cigarette, I can't let you smoke that because I love you too much to let you continue smoking.

Keep your goals updated as you become more productive and ambitious. Wins and losses can help you refine your definition of success. 

Remind yourself why your success matters.

Use applications/technology that is within your best interest and tracks your activity.

Combine "should do" with "want to’s" - repeat a healthy behaviour is more likely if you do it like that.

Do not lose faith in yourself when you fail. Pick out one thing that you could have done differently.

Know your nature - if you know you work better at night don't squeeze it in the morning. Use your biological clock to your advantage.

 Temptations - try to think ahead of what might break your concentration and what will be your biggest distractions when you're busy with something you need to get done.

How to stay motivated - separate your day in smaller time frames and do separate tasks in those time frames, then you don't do it all at once.

Boost your glucose - important energy source - excess is bad bad low blood sugar can have negative effects.

Maintain momentum - easier to stay productive and discipline when you don't take long breaks.

The definition of resilience for physics from Mirriam-Webster dictionary:

The capability of a strained body to recover its size and shape after deformation caused especially by compressive stress

The first thing would be to believe that you ARE capable of bouncing back after going through something difficult. This belief will give you hope in tough times to know that I can do this, I’ll get through this, this too shall change.

Resilience is like a muscle and is build over time especially through considerable emotional distress.

The Connor Davidson resilience scale lists about 25 good Characteristics or qualities that he listed that people have that are resilient. Those people are able to adapt to change, under pressure they can Focus and think clearly,  they are able to bounce back after hardships, They know where to turn to help when they need it. They can make unpopular or difficult decisions. Follow this link: https://positivepsychology.com/connor-davidson-brief-resilience-scale/

Thomas Edison said:  “I found 10 000 thousand ways not to make a light bulb”

That's quite a significant amount of failures before succeeding and that's cognitive flexibility. Every time you fail or adversity or struggle comes along you rephrase it into something positive. Failure is usually a method of learning and growing. If you're resilient you'll be able to adapt to failures and turn it into a life lesson and grow from it. Have you ever failed but then gathered your thoughts and tried to find another way to make things work, to rephrase it for yourself and learn from that experience? Do that with anything that comes across your life path.  It's way easier to resist and ignore or suppress the failures but go back, be creative and show self-discipline to find another way to make things work.

When things get tough you should ask the necessary question ARE you trying to control outside factors which you have no control over or do you focus on that which is in you your control? Your view of this world and situations and phrases you tell yourself during difficult times. 

Change your mental perspective or change your internal narrative and rephrase it to something positive and you start to break the habit of thinking negatively. Our podcast about breaking habits and routines.

Thomas Edison had the goal of making a device that could emit light from the electricity that was his goal and he was going to get to that no matter what happens. He just kept on learning and adapting until he eventually succeeded.

So it's crucial to set detailed goals... ask yourself who, what, where and when it's important to make it as detailed as possible so that you can achieve it no matter what. Having detailed daily actions will help you to persevere through adversity and failure.

Lucy Hone and wrote down the strategies she mentioned, I believe this would clear up what we can do or how we should behave and be resilient: 

Disclaimer:  We are not in any way proclaiming that we are experts in mental health. Please seek professional help if you are suffering from a mental illness. We also do not condone the taking or use of illicit drugs.

Because mental health has got such a huge stigma that pervades it, it is of the same importance as any other life-threatening illness. Like heart disease or cancer,  it would be better to see a professional rather than to self medicate. 

If you are starting to push people away try to go against that urge and if you are trying to help someone please be patient with them. Remember a developing mental health problem means you or they are not in a  normal state of mind. 

Believing that your state of mind and brain is malleable is crucial. You can change your thoughts and feelings and rather observe them than be becoming them. The best way is to talk to someone that will show you compassion and empathy. The other method is to write it down and with compassion and empathy towards yourself reason it into a positive and kind wording. 

The reason is your action changes your brain chemistry, which means to bring about brain chemistry that influences fiscal actions like lethargy, sadness and many more.  The greatest brain hack that works for me is to do the exact opposite action to influence and change my brain chemistry to a positive state of mind. Feeling lethargic and low on energy try to jump up and down or exercise. Feeling sad then try to laugh out loud. Believing that you could influence or change that feeling or thought with a little self-discipline to take the needed action is critical and has far-reaching consequences.

Now suppression of thoughts and feelings is detrimental. Give yourself the space to feel and acknowledge your emotions and then move forward by taking the necessary actions or activities. One of my favourite quotes by Tony Robbins is: "Motion creates emotion".

For the supporting partner, friend or family member. Remember that you are the crutch, not the wheelchair. Look after yourself. You cannot control the outcome of the person you are caring for. Their choices and the consequences that follow are their own responsibility. You are only there to assist, love, endure and motivate where possible. If they do harm themselves it remains their choice and you should not for whatever reason resent yourself for that. 

Routine is king. Without a meticulously planned routine, things can go south pretty quickly. So from what I've learned, seen and experienced having a well-planned routine is gold.  Even if you think that you hate having a routine, your brain needs it. 

But there is hope. God is by your side. There is also great medication that helps and new discoveries made to improve wellbeing. And by some unexplained reason or grace and by a willingness to fight, live and to be helped you get through the black goo and life regains colour and brightness. Hope, happiness and love prevail with its normal ups and downs.

If you or your loved one is stuck in a fast downward spiral seek help as quickly as possible. Keep on trying to get better, keep fighting and try everything!

Link to test optimism or pessimism. This is a quiz and not 100% science it's just there to give you an indication.

The most important behaviour you should adapt and work on should be self-discipline.  That's really the most important aspect of training because everything else goes along with it.  Without self-discipline, you don't go to the gym and you won't stick to your workout routines. Self-motivation goes along with self-discipline because besides being disciplined you need that motivation to get you to the gym.

Diet. You can find everything about eating online,  you can find exercise routines online and there are tons of apps for the same purposes.  

You should eat at least 3 times a day that is a healthy intake,  however, you can eat it up to six times a day.  Depending on your body (BMI) weight and height there's a certain amount of calories that you should at least take daily to maintain healthy bodily functions but to sum it up three to six times a day.  if you want to gain weight find out how many calories you should be taking in daily according to your body weight. 

Determine your calories, weight loss or gain, choosing the workout routine that fits your goals will add to that.  If you want to burn more fat, look at exercises like high-intensity workouts or cardio combined with weights,  and weight-training tones the body more than cardio.  women do not have to worry about bulking by doing a lot of weight training to the extent of looking like a bodybuilder because you don't have enough naturally produced testosterone for that, a healthy male has 30% more testosterone than a female, so don't be scared to try weights.

Personal trainers. Find one that it's cost-effective, have good credentials and a good track record and one that specialises in what you are trying to achieve.

Hydration. Keep an eye on the colour of your urine if it darkens, drinks some water and if it's clear you are still well hydrated.  If you like to drink coffee or drinks with high caffeine you will have to increase your water intake. A good rule of thumb depending on your workout intensity and fitness level would be to rest 20 to 24 hours before your next workout.

Fasting has amazing benefits.  It helps to reset your mitochondria which then leads to your body getting rid of old and poor functioning cells. It also helps with your metabolism so your body makes better use of the food or nutrients that you eat. Track your energy levels and weight gain or loss be that muscle or fat. Tracking results takes a lot of time because you have to at least try it for a month to be sure. 

Muscles are made of protein. there's absolutely no disadvantage in taking in protein. that is with moderation too much protein could cause weight gain and I mean fat cuz it's directly related to calorie intake.

Brands we recommend are NPL, Nutritech whey protein,  Nitro tech from Muscletech.

Indoor training at home. There are many apps that you can use to train,  some of them have actual examples of how to do a specific exercise some of them just tell you how to do it.
We recommend Nike NTC it's a very good app that we prefer to use training indoors.  The type of equipment you need will vary. We recommend having a rubber mat, a skipping rope and weights. 

During the lockdown, I learnt that it's always a good thing to have one or two weights laying around you never know. Rotate training major muscle groups to prevent overworking. Remember to check with your doctor what kind of exercises you can and cannot do and supplements you may take.

Mental health. The beauty of dopamine and other endorphins the brain releases when exercising. Woke up on the wrong side of the bed.  Exercise. Stressed about work and finances. Exercise.

It's a simple equation if exercise makes you feel and think better only for a day it would make sense to do it every day. Start with a small goal and increase a little every day or week.

Emotional Regulation Strategies:

Maladaptive strategies:

Expressive suppression, which is you restrain from controlling your expressions verbal or non-verbally.

As we learn we realise that this is something that would build up inside of us and would eventually cause us some suffering and pain. We suppress it on an emotional level which leads us into the next one which is...

Thought suppression - where you would have negative or intrusive thoughts that you would suppress. Suppressed emotions and or thoughts would also boil up and surface in situations where you are triggered.

Cognitive avoidance - where you would distance yourself mentally from a situation or demands and then you have 

Behavioural avoidance - where you would just disengage from the problem or the stressor and you haven’t implemented any efforts to cope with that situation, In other words, you're not active you're being passive and in that way, it also causes some deep problems You just completely ignore that there's any problem or obstacle.

Rumination - which is an emotion or stressor that would be repeating so much that it really starts to become worse and worse.  A good example of that would be when you maybe argued with someone or someone said something to you. After a while you start thinking of many different things you or the other person should have could have said or done and the thought just repeats itself over and over. You could start worrying about it.

Positive adaptive strategies and this is associated with greater well-being. Problem-solving and taking action where you take a Direct approach and an active effort to solve the problem…

Seeking social support - would be when you would ask for support from others in a social environment. Now, this is going to be difficult during these times we have the COVID 19 or coronavirus outbreak, so it would be advisable that you do want to reach out to someone to do it over Skype. You may not be right next to that person and being able to feel that social vibe going on when you are face to face with someone else.  But it's better than nothing and a way to engage. You also want to engage with your loved ones that you currently stuck with within your home. 

Acceptance - would be recognising the problem and also realising that it is real and allowing yourself to experience the negative feelings and emotions or effects from that problem and not trying to just avoid it. Notice it's the complete opposite of what you would usually do if you avoid it.

Emotional processing - would be taking active attempts to acknowledge or explore and also understand your emotional experience once again the first thing that comes to mind with this type of strategy would be to meditate because that's beautiful in a journey that you can take and you can really follow your emotions around and try and determine where they are routed from 

Cognitive reappraisal - would be to mentally change the initial response of the stressors to alter your emotion and the consequences so you would look at it in a broader context and try to see it more in a positive light. That could maybe be a difficult one.

Once you gain self-awareness you’ll find that you get more in touch with your surroundings and present moment but you also think clearer and make more rational decisions and you'll be able to observe your thoughts or words before you speak...limiting uncalled for reactions.

There is no judgement in compassion. We feel other people's pain and we know and can feel they need help. And we help. Compassion always comes with empathy. It drives connectivity between people.

With it also comes Mindfulness - the mindfulness to turn towards it (you're feelings and emotions) and acknowledge it in a balanced way and deal with it. Self-soothing and self-care oppose self-criticism and are healthier.

Depression, poor self-esteem and other negative states is a lack of self-compassion. Self-compassion can be linked to self-motivation more so than criticism and harsh judgement.

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