Social Skills Coaching

It is all too easy to fall into the trap of replacing loose boundaries with ones that are overly rigid. We might feel like we are protecting ourselves by erecting a huge emotional wall around us, but in truth, we are simply insulating ourselves from positive experiences that are necessary to live a fulfilling life. As such, we must discover the mean that lies between these two types of boundaries. Those are the ones that we should aim to integrate into our daily lives.

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Learn more or get a free mini-book on conversation tactics at https://bit.ly/pkconsulting

For narration information visit Russell Newton at https://bit.ly/VoW-home

For production information visit Newton Media Group LLC at https://bit.ly/newtonmg

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This book is littered with tips and tricks to make small talk less painful and flow more smoothly. It’s been almost all outwardly focused—on the other person, on the interaction, and on what you can say to improve your social exchanges. While that’s ultimately the most important part, there remains a vital part of the equation left for the end: looking inwards to yourself. From the perspective of others, are you someone who is easy to make small talk with? Are you someone who energizes and makes people curious, or are you rather a drain on their precious energy? We have to make sure that our input is proportional to the type of output we want.

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Better Small Talk: Talk to Anyone, Avoid Awkwardness, Generate Deep Conversations, and Make Real Friends By Patrick King

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Show notes and/or episode transcripts are available at https://bit.ly/social-skills-shownotes

Learn more or get a free mini-book on conversation tactics at https://bit.ly/pkconsulting

For narration information visit Russell Newton at https://bit.ly/VoW-home

For production information visit Newton Media Group LLC at https://bit.ly/newtonmg

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The following set of riddles exploits the cognitive shortcuts and assumptions our brain makes.

You are in a dark cabin and you have a single match in a matchbox, a candle, a newspaper, and an oil stove. Which do you light first?

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Show notes and/or episode transcripts are available at https://bit.ly/social-skills-shownotes

Patrick King is an internationally bestselling author and social skills coach. emotional and social intelligence. Learn more or get a free mini-book on conversation tactics at https://bit.ly/pkconsulting

For narration information visit Russell Newton at https://bit.ly/VoW-home

For production information visit Newton Media Group LLC at https://bit.ly/newtonmg

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Your memories are wrong. No matter how real and accurate they sometimes feel, a disturbing fact is that memories and false memories end up being indistinguishable to your brain. Factors as small as word choice or pointed questions can distort memories. Unfortunately, we depend on these memories to form our world views and perspectives.

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Show notes and/or episode transcripts are available at https://bit.ly/social-skills-shownotes

Patrick King is an internationally bestselling author and social skills coach. emotional and social intelligence. Learn more or get a free mini-book on conversation tactics at https://bit.ly/pkconsulting

For narration information visit Russell Newton at https://bit.ly/VoW-home

For production information visit Newton Media Group LLC at https://bit.ly/newtonmg

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Our next few tricks rely on the art of misconstruing. The banter chain is the first of these. Banter chains are a series of exchanges that rely on you having misconstrued an ordinary remark as the other person plays along. You put forth a purposeful misinterpretation, and if they bite on it, you have now entered what you can call a banter chain, and can continue to ramp it up.

The Art of Witty Banter: Be Clever, Quick, and Magnetic By Patrick King

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For a free minibook on conversation tactics, visit Patrick King Consulting at https://bit.ly/pkconsulting

For narration information visit Russell Newton at https://bit.ly/VoW-home

For production information visit Newton Media Group LLC at https://bit.ly/newtonmg

#Improv #Misconstrued #InstigateABanterChain #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching

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We can change our core beliefs by slowly reworking our self-narratives. We can do this by accepting our negative emotions with self-compassion and curiosity, before we gently rewrite our stories. Avoid the temptation to compare yourself to others, especially if you are active on social media. Places like Instagram make you feel bad about your life because you’re constantly subjected to a barrage of updates with all of your friends posting about their successes, vacations, etc. However, it is important to remember that nobody posts their failures and dull moments, and that their reality is likely to be much closer to your own.

Perception is actually similar to the phenomena we discussed in the previous chapter. You don’t know for sure if it’s true, but you like what you see. That lends credence to the sad truth that we humans are shallow and don’t prefer to think twice. But hey, at least in this book, you are learning to use this to your advantage. The following principles are all instances in which our snap judgment and viewpoints lead to significant psychological perspective shifts. The first perception for us to use to the gain-loss principle, which states that as one person’s opinion of somebody else becomes increasingly favorable, the other person is more likely to develop a more favorable opinion of them in return. In other words, we perceive consistency as boring, and we like a little bit of chase even in platonic friendships.

Questions or comments regarding the podcast? Email the show at [email protected] or let us know what you think at http://bit.ly/pkcomment Or send us an email at [email protected]

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Show notes and/or episode transcripts are available at https://bit.ly/social-skills-shownotes

Patrick King is an internationally bestselling author and social skills coach. emotional and social intelligence.

Learn more or get a free mini-book on conversation tactics at https://bit.ly/pkconsulting

For narration information visit Russell Newton at https://bit.ly/VoW-home

For production information visit Newton Media Group LLC at https://bit.ly/newtonmg

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Each of the thought experiments in this chapter follows the same line of thought. Swamp man asks how you would evaluate the identity of a swamp monster that rises after you are struck dead by lightning. This monster is physically the same as you, down to the molecule. And yet, it doesn’t have your personality, experiences, or quirks. Is it you? It seems to be a clear no; but what if this swamp monster also retains all of your memories and experiences? This possibility becomes much hazier, yet it’s still clear that we consider the identity of living beings to be far more than a simple physical representation.

Finally, Parfit’s Transporter asks how we would feel if we were physically torn apart, and then reassembled every time we used a transporter, as in the fictional sci-fi television show Star Trek. Are you still you, even though the previous version of you is for all intents and purposes torn to shreds? Is this newly reformed being you, simply because it possesses your experiences and memories?

When you chew over these questions long enough, you start to see that the question of identity is one of continuity from the past to the present—of something that persists despite change and movement through this thing we call time. Body parts, soul/spirit/personality, and behavior/personality are all part of the equation. The question here is not which perspective is correct, but rather to give ourselves the chance to explore the consequences of adopting one or the other viewpoint. The way you think about yourself has the most profound of implications—it draws the limits and bounds of how you live.

Read the show notes and/or transcript at https://bit.ly/social-skills-shownotes

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For a free minibook on conversation tactics, visit Patrick King Consulting at https://bit.ly/pkconsulting

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For production information visit Newton Media Group LLC at https://bit.ly/newtonmg

Biases can also come from the two ways in which we organize the limited information we have about the world: schemas and heuristics. They serve to put what we know about the world into action and facilitate quick decision-making. Each of them goes a long way in producing our psychological triggers.

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Show notes and/or episode transcripts are available at https://bit.ly/social-skills-shownotes

Learn more or get a free mini-book on conversation tactics at https://bit.ly/pkconsulting

For narration information visit Russell Newton at https://bit.ly/VoW-home

For production information visit Newton Media Group LLC at https://bit.ly/newtonmg

Passive-aggressive behavior is concealed hostility masquerading as niceness, often with the goal of inducing some type of behavior. This happens when people are too angry to ask for what they want, typically. There are better and worse ways of making requests and asking for what you want. In fact, there are seven elements that will help you the most. Don’t fill the silence after your ask, consider the other person’s needs, make it easy and convenient, offer clear options, be direct and honest, be specific, and don’t you dare pout if you get turned down.

Questions or comments regarding the podcast?

Email the show at [email protected] or let us know what you think at http://bit.ly/pkcomment Read the show notes and/or transcript at https://bit.ly/social-skills-shownotes

Get the audiobook on Audible at https://bit.ly/assertivenessking

For a free minibook on conversation tactics, visit Patrick King Consulting at https://bit.ly/pkconsulting

For narration information visit Russell Newton at https://bit.ly/VoW-home For production information visit Newton Media Group LLC at https://bit.ly/newtonmg