Softly Unfiltered

In this episode, Blake and Ashlyn are asking a question that sounds simple but carries a lot of weight: why is it so hard for Black women to be average?

From childhood, many Black women are taught to be twice as good, overly prepared, polished, resilient, and constantly improving. We talk about what happens when those lessons follow us into adulthood and excellence stops feeling like a choice and starts feeling like the minimum requirement to be respected.

We get into:

• Where Black girls first learn that they may not receive the same grace as everyone else

• Why the twice as good mentality can create anxiety, hypervigilance, and pressure to always be prepared

• How constantly striving can make it harder to see how good you already are

• Why rest can feel like falling behind when your identity is tied to achievement

• The impossible pressure to get an A+ in beauty, career, money, relationships, and motherhood at the same time

• Questioning whether the traditional boxes of marriage, kids, homeownership, and career milestones are goals you actually want

• Today’s Unfiltered Moment on the uncomfortable reality of whether Black women still have to be twice as good to succeed

Today’s Soft Landing: Your life does not have to be extraordinary to be meaningful. You are still worthy on the days you're not impressive, productive, polished, or proving anything.

Where in your life do you feel the most pressure to be exceptional?

📩 Email us: [email protected]

📱 Follow us on all platforms: @softlyunfilteredpod

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Softly Unfiltered is a podcast exploring Black womanhood, identity, relationships, healing, self-worth, friendship, career, and the unspoken experiences of modern Black women.

In this episode, Blake and Ashlyn are unpacking the “Good Black Girl” identity and what happens when the traits that earned you praise growing up start following you into adulthood. Being responsible, accomplished, dependable, well behaved, and always “on” can look like a strength from the outside, but what happens when your self worth becomes tied to how useful, capable, or easy you are for everyone else?

We get into:

• Why being the good girl never meant being boring and why Black women can be responsible and still multifaceted

• How achievement, dependability, and praise can become intertwined with your identity

• The curse of being extremely capable and why capability can create the illusion that your capacity is unlimited

• What happens when you stop being useful to people and start paying attention to who still enjoys you

• Why “wifey material” hits differently when every compliment is about what a woman does instead of who she is

• How the Good Black Girl can grow into the Strong Black Woman and what that identity can cost

• What choosing yourself can look like after spending too much time worrying about everyone and everything else

Today’s Unfiltered Moment: The Good Black Girl can grow into the Strong Black Woman, and being praised for carrying everything may be costing us more than we realize.

Today’s Soft Landing: You are allowed to be fully human, make mistakes, change your mind, and still be worthy.

If this episode resonated, tell us what part of the Good Black Girl identity you are ready to let go of.

📩 Email us: [email protected] 📱 Follow us on all platforms: @softlyunfilteredpod ⭐ Leave us a rating on Apple Podcasts & Spotify!

In this episode Blake and Ashlyn are talking about the thing nobody wants to admit. The half-finished projects. The goals that started strong and lost steam. The new ideas that keep replacing the old ones before any of them get finished. This episode is about the psychology of starting without finishing, and why finishing the damn thing is one of the most powerful things you can do for your confidence, your identity, and your future self.

We got into:

• Why perfectionism is just procrastination dressed up and why done is always better than perfect

• The pain of discipline versus the pain of regret and why regret always hurts more

• What never finishing anything actually costs you and why it destroys your self-trust over time

• Why showing up at any capacity is better than not showing up at all and how five minutes actually counts

• Why what lives in your head is never as bad as reality and why showing up imperfectly is still showing up authentically

• Why nobody is coming to save you and what overnight success actually looks like from the inside

• Ashlyn's unfiltered moment on the people who always have a new thing they are working on and never finish the first one

Soft Landing: Done is better than perfect. Five minutes is better than zero. And started forever is the same as never.

If this episode resonated drop a comment and tell us what you have been starting that you are finally going to finish.

📩 Email us: [email protected]

📱 Follow us on all platforms: @softlyunfilteredpod

⭐ Leave us a rating on Apple Podcasts & Spotify!

Softly Unfiltered is a podcast exploring Black womanhood, identity, relationships, healing, self-worth, friendship, career, and the unspoken experiences of modern Black women.

In this episode, Blake and Ashlyn sit down with Coach Zha, Nike Well Collective trainer, certified Pilates instructor, marathoner, founder of The League, and creator of Black Girl Pilates Club.

What starts as a conversation about Pilates quickly becomes something much deeper. We talk about honoring your commitments, showing up for yourself, building confidence through consistency, and creating a life rooted in joy instead of depletion.

Coach Zha also shares how postpartum depression led her to movement, why representation in wellness matters, and how building community has transformed not only her life, but the lives of countless women.

We discuss:

• Why Coach Zha created Black Girl Pilates Club and how it evolved into The League

• How postpartum depression changed her relationship with wellness and movement

• Why Pilates is about so much more than fitness—it teaches breathwork, strength, and slowing down

• Helping Black women dismantle the belief that showing up for themselves is selfish

• The meaning behind "Honor Your Commitments" and how keeping promises to yourself builds confidence

• Why consistency matters more than motivation when building lasting habits

• How Coach Zha built an award-winning wellness community rooted in representation and sisterhood

• Why elevating your life sometimes requires eliminating relationships that no longer align

• Making the leap from corporate America to entrepreneurship

• The difference between balance and harmony—and why harmony is the goal

Today's Unfiltered Moment:

"Nobody is coming to save you. The life you want is on the other side of you being courageous enough to chase it."

Today's Soft Landing:

Keep the promises you make to yourself.

Coach Zha reminds us that confidence isn't something you wait to feel it's something you build every time you show up for yourself. Honor your commitments, give yourself grace, and remember that the life you're creating begins with the choices you make today.

Follow Coach Zha:

Instagram & TikTok: @coachzha

If this episode resonated with you, let us know in the comments:

What's one commitment you're ready to start honoring for yourself?

📩 Email us: [email protected]

📱 Follow us on all platforms: @softlyunfilteredpod

⭐ Leave us a rating on Apple Podcasts & Spotify!

Softly Unfiltered is a podcast exploring Black womanhood, identity, relationships, healing, self-worth, friendship, career, and the unspoken experiences of modern Black women.

In this episode Blake and Ashlyn are talking about knowing when to leave. A job. A relationship. A friendship. And why so many of us stay way longer than we should, waiting for some dramatic event to justify the exit. The truth is, being slowly drained is a reason. Tired is a reason. And you do not need a disaster to justify choosing yourself.

We got into:

• Why we wait for a dramatic reason to leave when the slow drain is actually doing more damage

• Being called selfish for finally choosing yourself and why people use that word whenever you stop being convenient

• The guilt that comes with leaving when others still benefit from you staying, and why Black women carry that guilt harder

• Why a boundary without a consequence is just a suggestion and what it means to actually put action behind your words

• Forgiveness does not require reconciliation and how you can understand someone and still walk away

• Why peace is the closure and how you do not need the other person to validate your decision

• The harsh truth about what staying in the wrong situation is doing to your body and your face

Soft Landing: You do not need a disaster to justify leaving. Sometimes leaving is an act of self-respect. Get out before you crash out.

If this episode resonated drop a comment and tell us about a time you finally left something you should have left way sooner.

📩 Email us: S[email protected]

📱 Follow us on all platforms: @softlyunfilteredpod

⭐ Leave us a rating on Apple Podcasts & Spotify!

In this episode Blake and Ashlyn are talking about something that a lot of women, and especially Black women, have a really hard time with. Asking for help. Why do we resist it so much? What does it actually cost us to always say we are fine? And what does it look like to finally let people in without losing ourselves in the process?

We got into:

• The difference between being genuinely strong and just being really good at hiding that you are struggling

• Why the strong Black woman label is quietly costing us on the inside, physically and mentally

• How never asking for help damages your closest relationships because people eventually stop offering

• Why it matters who you ask and why not everyone deserves access to your vulnerability

• Why receiving help is actually more vulnerable than asking for it because it means opening the door to be let down

• Closed mouths do not get fed and why you cannot have a woe is me attitude if you never speak up

• The soft landing that your worth was never tied to doing it all alone

Soft Landing: Asking for help isn't a sign that you're falling apart. It's a sign that you know your worth isn't tied to doing it all alone.

If this episode resonated drop a comment and tell us about a time you finally asked for help and it changed everything.

📩 Email us: S[email protected]

📱 Follow us on all platforms: @softlyunfilteredpod

⭐ Leave us a rating on Apple Podcasts & Spotify!

In this episode Blake and Ashlyn are talking about something that every Black woman in a predominantly white space has felt but does not always have the language for. The invisible labor of performing palatability. The exhaustion of scanning every room. The pressure to shrink yourself, over-explain yourself, and apologize for taking up space. And the very real question of how you stay pro-Black while climbing in institutions that were not built for you.

We got into:

• Why as Black women our confidence is sometimes too big for the room and why that is never our problem to fix

• Blake's experience at a hotel pool in Santa Monica where her group was the first to arrive and the last to be served

• The invisible layers of walking into every space as a Black woman and why white people will never understand that specific tax

• Emma Grede, corporate success, and the question of what parts of yourself you are expected to sacrifice to make it

• How to stop apologizing, stop over-explaining, and stop tiptoeing at work when you are simply doing your job

• The real question of how you stay pro-Black while climbing in institutions that do not look like you

• The difference between adapting to survive and completely abandoning your identity as a Black person

• Why we are the blueprint, the trendsetters, and why nothing is cool until we do it first

Soft Landing: Stay true to your Blackness. Do not abandon yourself for acceptance. We are the blueprint and we are the trendsetters. Always remember that.

If this episode resonated drop a comment and tell us about a time you had to decide between fitting in and staying true to yourself.

📩 Email us: [email protected]

📱 Follow us on all platforms: @softlyunfilteredpod

⭐ Leave us a rating on Apple Podcasts & Spotify!

Welcome to Season 3 of Softly Unfiltered. Formerly known as Suburban Black Girl Podcast, we're back with a new name, the same mission, and a season opener that felt only right. Because what better way to kick off a rebrand than by talking about what happens when life forces you to change direction?

In this episode, Blake and Ashlyn unpack the pivots, redirections, fear, and even grief that come with letting go of the plan you thought your life was supposed to follow. Whether you're navigating a career change, ending a relationship, starting over, or simply realizing your life is taking a different path than you imagined, this conversation is for you.

We got into:

• Why the thing you're most afraid to leave behind is often the thing you'll be most grateful you walked away from
• The difference between quitting and pivoting—and how to know which one you're actually doing
• How Softly Unfiltered came to be and why we'd have continued these conversations under any name
• Why you can't take advice from people who haven't done what you're trying to do—and why your life is not a democracy
• The one question to ask yourself before giving up: If this became easy tomorrow, would you still want it?
• How fear quietly keeps people stuck on paths they've already outgrown
• Why worrying about what everyone thinks is one of the biggest things keeping women from pivoting
• Real listener stories about the pivots that changed everything

Soft Landing:

Changing direction isn't losing yourself. Sometimes the life you're meant to live is waiting on the other side of the plan you had to let go of.

If this episode resonated, we'd love to hear from you. Tell us about a pivot in your life that turned out to be a blessing in disguise.

📧 Email us: [email protected]

📲 Follow us on all platforms: @SoftlyUnfilteredpod

⭐ Leave us a rating on Apple Podcasts and Spotify

In this episode Blake and Ashlyn are getting into something every woman has experienced but rarely says out loud. Why do female friendships sometimes come with unspoken competition instead of pure support? Why does the energy shift the moment you start surpassing someone? They get into jealousy, passive aggression, social media as a hater detector, and what it actually means to protect your peace in friendships that have started to feel weird.

We got into:

• Why people clap for you as long as they feel like they're ahead of you and what happens the moment you surpass them

• The difference between intent and impact and why understanding someone's insecurity doesn't excuse how they treat you

• Why someone else's success can feel like a mirror reflecting what they haven't done yet

• The exact moment a compliment starts to feel like a dig and why people pull away once you start glowing up

• Blake's honest take on purposely posting accomplishments just to see who shows up and who stays quiet

• Why social media has become the clearest sign of where you actually stand with people

• The spiritual perspective on celebrating your friends' wins and why their blessing means yours is close too

✨Mantra Moment: Not everyone who smiles with you is celebrating you. People can care about you and still feel threatened by your growth.

If this episode resonated drop a comment and tell us about the time you felt the energy shift in a friendship after you started winning.

📩 Email us: [email protected]

📱 Follow us on all platforms: @SuburbanBlackGirlPod

⭐ Leave us a rating on Apple Podcasts & Spotify!

In this episode Blake and Ashlyn are getting into something a lot of women have felt but couldn't always name. The difference between being fed up and being truly done. What settling actually looks like in real life, not the dramatic version but the quiet everyday version where you're pretending you're happy and dimming your light to keep the peace. And why you were never asking for too much. You were just finally asking the right questions.

We got into:

• Why people stop benefiting from you when you stop playing small and why raising your standards exposes who was never enough
• What the word done actually means when a woman says it and why disgust is the turning point that has no return
• What settling looks like in real life including protecting him more than you protect yourself
• Why the rules of this world were not built with Black women in mind and why your timeline is yours alone
• The three table relationship concept and why Blake does not want to become enmeshed in a partnership
• Why shame in your relationship is already the answer and the reality TV test that tells you everything
• What being done settling actually means and why it has nothing to do with giving up on love

Mantra Moment: Being done settling doesn't mean you're giving all hope up of love. It means you're done ignoring your intuition.

If this episode resonated drop a comment and let us know what being done settling looks like for you.

📩 Email us: [email protected]

📱 Follow us on all platforms: @SuburbanBlackGirlPod

⭐ Leave us a rating on Apple Podcasts & Spotify!