“No matter what all your teeth and wet fingers anticipated, there was no accounting for the way that simple joy could shake you.”

— Toni Morrison, Beloved

When you start to feel the joy you haven't felt in the longest time - even if it's fleeting - allow yourself to smile fully and widely. It is far too easy to feel like you are not worthy of feeling good, of feeling joy. Who are we to feel good, when so much is still wrong?

But here's the thing we have to remember: we are allowed to hold both sorrow and joy at the same time. And if the joy starts to feel a little bit heavier and a little bit closer than usual, and it starts to spread wide into a smile across your face, and you cannot hold it back - allow it. Welcome it with open arms and an open heart.

You don't have to ask joy any questions. You are free to let joy just be. Whether it's a childhood memory mixed with a little nostalgia, a moment of laughter when you aren't even sure if it was supposed to be funny. And when joy looks like hope rising up over the horizon, causing you to breathe deep with anticipation for what's to come. When the cynicism hasn't caught up yet, let joy run. Let joy run wild and free over everything you are feeling. Even in the unknown, even in the uncertainty, joy - even in its flickers - can still be healing. The light pouring in on the autumn leaves, the song that reminds you you are still free to believe in tomorrow. You have felt the full weight of sorrow. Allow yourself to feel the full weight of joy.

Journal: When was the last time you experienced unexpected joy?

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Now more than ever, may we remember how far we have come. We have seen many things change this year, and we also have hope for the morning sun. And under that morning sun, there will still be work that needs to be done. But we will not work alone. We will work together. We will heal together.

And if you have ever made it through seasons that you never imagined you would make it through, you know that healing is a journey. You know, that is anything but easy. And you also know this: through it all, you are free to keep breathing through, day by day, step by step, knowing that even when it doesn't feel like it, this too is progress.

So give energy where you need to give energy and rest where you need to rest. For we have come so far and we are still not finished yet. There will be many mountains that meet us in the distance, and grace will meet us too. And we will realize that even when it feels difficult, we will still make it through together.

If ever you start to doubt that this is possible, remember the times in your own life where it seemed impossible to make it through. Remember the songs that spoke to you. Remember the prayers, the journal entries. Remember all of the things that came out of you. And even though you didn't get the answer right away, and it didn't fix itself right away, you still continue to travel day by day. You made it another month. You made it another year. You made it another decade. Remember all of this. Let it be a reminder that now is not the time to give up. Now is the time to breathe deep and trust. There is so much more ahead of us.

Journal: What is your hope for your family? And what is your hope for your community?

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You and I have heard many times: the importance and the value of love. However, we must remember that love is not passive.

Love seeks justice. Love seeks reconciliation. Love seeks healing. And because of this, love is anything but easy. Love is more than just smiling and being kind and agreeing to disagree. Love is radical. Love changes things. Love challenges our ideas, and challenges us to let go of old ideas. And whether we are learning to show love to a family member, a friend, a co-worker, a partner, a stranger - we must remember that sometimes love looks like a long road ahead.

Love looks like patience. Love looks like listening. And when we listen, we gain understanding - and maybe not total understanding - but we gain understanding about where our boundaries are, we gain understanding about the work that we need to do. So perhaps even when we are giving love, we are also learning about ourselves.

We are learning that even amidst the tension, it is still possible to be present. When we give love, we are reminded of love's abundance. That even when we extend kindness, patience, acceptance, belonging to others and it is not received and it is not returned - love still goes on. Love is still greater than any fear, any ounce of shame, guilt, or doubt. And amidst all that is still unknown, that is worth taking at least one deep breath for. One deep breath to be reminded that there is no shortage of opportunities to grow deeper into love. Even when you have known heartbreak - even when you have been abandoned by those who are supposed to love you - there is still room on the landscape for you to know love in other places. Love will continue to find you, and opportunities to extend love will continue to find you too.

Journal: What do you think is missing from conversations about love?

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Sometimes the unknowns cause us to feel far from home. The uncertainty feels like a big, blue sea that we can never fully comprehend or understand. And at the same time - whatever the great unknown is - is something we cannot avoid. In one way or another, we are all waiting for something. Some are waiting for answers for their health. Others are waiting to feel at peace after a season of unrest. Some are waiting to find a sense of belonging, and a meaningful relationship.

And if you have been waiting for a while, you may feel like the deep blue sea of uncertainty is pulling you further into the abyss every day. Every time you try to swim up to the surface, you're exhausted, inevitably, and you sink back down again. The great unknown of it all is impossible to ignore. Questions about the future bang at the door of your heart. You're trying to fight your way up to the surface and into clarity.

If it feels that way internally, take a deep breath, and take a moment to reflect on something unknown that draws you in in a peaceful way. For some it might be the night sky. For others, it might be the forest, the mountains, or the ocean shore. As you hold this image in your mind, think about how this place makes you feel. Do you feel at peace? Do you feel just a little bit free to forget your worries for a minute and be present in the moment? Being drawn to a beautiful place is about so much more than the aesthetics. A landscape is so much more than its photographic value. A landscape that is bigger than us as a way to remember that yes - we will face things in this life that are bigger than us, but we can still be fully present, despite them. We can still see what's beautiful about the space we are in, even though we have yet to know every tree, every star, or every wave. The ground beneath our feet is still steady. We are still free to know home even when we feel alone.

There's a reason why ocean shores around the world are lined with beach homes. There's a reason why window seats on planes are coveted spots for excited travelers. We are drawn to the concept of more at the core of our being. We are drawn to what is greater than us. Remember this when the unknowns are too much to bear. Keep breathing through. Hold on to what is greater than you.

Journal: Other than where you live, where do you feel the most at home?

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So much has changed since November of last year. And your anxious heart is asking: where do we go from here? How do we find space to grieve what was, while still hoping for better outcomes? Is there still time? Is there still space before everyone graduates, and we all move away?

Perhaps even here, you can trust. Even when you do not ask for things to change, you can still look back and be proud of every beautiful connection you made. For even the beautiful things we don't get to take with us still shape us in meaningful ways. So take heart and know what you are feeling is real, and it is okay if it takes time to heal, as you uncover what friendship will look like in this season.

You may feel uneasiness, and you may feel new questions rising up like fire within you. You may struggle to ask them for fear of how they will be received. But even then, you are free to believe even without the answers, your heart is longing for. The bond you shared mattered, even when it does not lead to more. Take heart. Lean into peace, knowing you have done so many things to maintain these connections and make them the best they can be. If it's time to move on, it will take a lot to be strong. But you will get where you're going, landing where you belong. You will leave some things behind, but your heart will heal with time. You will be proud of the new connections that were made. Even when everyone moves away, you will continue to connect deeply and meaningfully through the years . You will be okay. You will be okay.

Journal: Have you experienced a change in friendship this year? What lessons has it taught you?

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No matter where your mind or your heart is right now, within your body, there is still room to exhale. Exhale knowing that this exact moment, you are free to be still and not do a single thing. Even if it's just for a moment, you are free to simply be. And I recognize that it might not seem like enough. And in a sense, this is true, because breathing does not change the nature of the unknowns that surround you. But taking the time to mindfully inhale and exhale is a slow, yet meaningful way of coming down from anxiety into remembering the ground beneath your feet.

The ground beneath your feet may not feel as steady as you want it to be. And there is nothing wrong with addressing the sense of shakiness that you may feel. But even here, may you never take for granted even the smallest glimpse of steadiness. And may you continue to have gratitude for the smallest signs of progress.

Again, in the moment, it may not feel like very much. At the very same time: you are free to breathe deep and trust that there is still more ahead of you beyond what you can see. When you find that that is hard to believe, slow down, and remember the ground beneath your feet. For it is right here on the ground where we are reminded that we are not able to escape the reality and the weight of gravity. And at the same time, we are here and we are connected. We can't always see how but we are connected. When the ground shakes, it will shake for all of us, and we will all be reminded that we must trust. We must trust beyond what is seen. And we must trust that it matters to take a mindful moment, even in attention, even in the chaos to breathe.

Journal: How has your breathing been over the past 24 hours? Is there anything you'd like to change?

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When we listen to the sound of the rain, we do not know the exact moment that each drop will come and go. We know that the rain will fall where it needs to fall, but we have to wait. Sometimes the wait leaves us restless, and can even feel painful. This is especially true when you have worked so hard to keep breathing deep, and to keep pursuing peace amidst the uncertainty. And then there you are, once again, waiting for the rain storm to end.

When you are in that place, and it seems like the clouds are heavy and stuck in place, let it be grace that reminds you: you are not weak when you are feeling the heaviness of it all. The unknowns that you are facing today are no small unknowns. It takes community, courage, and the radical gift of love to be able to work through this as we wait for the clouds to move from above. So if you feel the fragility of it all and the ache for resolve within your bones, just remember you are not alone. And you are free to travel through this hour by hour, step by step, and breath by breath. This too is a sign of progress - embodied hope for all that lies beyond the rain.

Yes, the storm clouds have a way of illuminating the shadows of things. And this is also true: even here you are free to trust beyond what is seen. Close your eyes and remember the space above the clouds. Remember the open blue sky that goes for miles and miles and miles. You will not always feel this way. Life awaits beyond the rain.

Journal: What do you hope for beyond the rain?

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Notice the ground beneath your feet holding you up when you thought you would sink. Notice the trees and the woods climbing high around you, and how even when they bear no leaves, morning light still pours through.

Perhaps when you start to become aware of all the little places where light gets through, you will start to notice how, amidst the brokenness, here's still more to life and more to you. And maybe in the unknown, hope will not always look like hope. Maybe you thought it would be the message you are waiting for finally appearing on your screen that will lead to the possibility of something that could be. Perhaps you thought they would say, okay, I've changed my mind. I see where you're coming from. As you let go of what you thought hope might look like in this season, I hope you continue to experience hope right here where you are. Even if you have to go without the ‘aha!’ moment that you were hoping for.

I hope you can remember that the privilege to breathe another breath is an act of hope all on its own. Take time for your rest, and come back - ready to do the good and faithful work that you have been called to do in this life. For this, too, is an act of hope. Even if you feel like the work you're doing right now is meaningless or somehow not as important or valuable as what others are doing, the ground is still steady beneath your feet. There is still room to learn to trust that faithfulness still matters here, even if you can't see it yet. Keep taking honest and hopeful steps. Keep facing the coming horizon with a posture of what could be. Keep breathing with humble anticipation that grace will continue to find me and you no matter what we end up traveling through. Carry on with the belief that we can still know peace, even when the trees have lost their leaves. Right here in the middle of it all the ground holds up, and we will not lose hope.

Journal: Where are you finding hope today?

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I cannot tell you what lies ahead. But I can tell you: you will grow. I can tell you: there is no shame in feeling anxious about all you do not know. Your ability to keep going each day is a sign of courage all on its own.

I know that peace feels far away, as you tried to make sense of all of the change. And I just hope you can remember this: you do not have to make sense of it all in order to be worthy of peace. You are worthy of the practice of peace, even here in the uncertainty. You are free to take long, intentional inhales. You are free to take long, intentional exhales, trusting that even here in the gaps, this is a part of the story you will tell. This is an act of learning how to be strong and gentle all at once.

This moment right here is an opportunity to be the one who keeps breathing in the unknown, knowing that this too is an act of bravery. Yes, learning to breathe in times like these is no small feat. Yes, you are doing brave things, even when it does not feel that way. So if you feel a little anxious, it's okay. It is not too late to work your way back to this present moment where you can be reminded that breathing is a miraculous thing. Breathing is a sign of strength. Breathing is the way that you can rest as you prepare for what comes next.

There are so many things you do not know, and this is also true: you will still learn and grow as you go. And the best way to keep going is to learn to travel at a mindful pace, where you are reminded with every step and every breath, you are wrapped in endless grace.

Journal: Where are you finding grace amidst the anxiousness?

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It's hard for the mind to learn to trust. The mind is looking for answers. The mind is looking for the end of the story. The mind wants certainty. And at the very same time to humans - the mind is a mystery. There's so much that we're still learning about the space between our ears. And yet that very same space for many of us is stuck on trying to figure it all out.

I find this paradox to be a little hilarious, and also comforting. Comforting because no matter how much I try to know, there will always be something I don't know. And it's comforting because I know I'm not alone. Even though no one else in the world has shared my exact same thoughts, and no one else in the world has lived my exact lived experience, I know this to be true: we share in the unknown, together. We are joined there - learning to embrace the mystery - one day, one moment at a time.

There is no way of knowing how all of this plays out. We may have our predictions, but the next few days and next few weeks are largely unknown. But again and again, we will find that the more we learn to say, I don't know, and the more we're able to be open about how we are facing uncertainty, the more we will realize that we are not alone. And in that unknowingness we can work together. And in all of the restlessness and anxiousness and fear and anger that rises from not knowing - we can still look out for one another individually, and also collectively. Acknowledging and accepting what we do not know creates room for humility. Humility that keeps us grounded. Humility that challenges the sensationalized and pulls us back into the present moment. If you feel overwhelmed about all that is to come - if you feel overwhelmed about all you cannot control - take a deep breath and remember: that you are still whole, despite all you do not know.

Journal: How can uncertainty bring you to a place of humility?

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