This week, I’m talking about what it feels like to be unwanted—by men, by friendships, by jobs, by the popular girls with the trendy names who never wanted to sit with you at lunch. I share what growing up as the daughter of Chinese immigrants taught me about invisibility, advocacy, and watching my mom try to return a pot to Kmart in broken English while I stood there, 7 years old, already learning what it means to feel small.

I talk about how I’ve slowly learned that just because someone doesn’t want you doesn’t mean you’re unworthy. It might just mean they’re not the right person, not the right door, not the right moment. I also get into rat metaphors, George Eliot, and why sometimes the bravest thing you can do is stop running and let what’s meant for you catch up.

If you’ve ever felt like you had to shrink to be chosen—this one’s for you.

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