Strange Bedfellows

Failing to heed their own best advice, the boys bring dolls into the sanctity of their homes and play with them. But these aren’t just any dolls: They’re the short-lived but presumably beloved 1991 line of Remco Baby-Sitters Club Dolls, complete with fun accessories like “a hot dog” and terrifying, mutated “halfling” versions of themselves.

Music credits:

“Virtual Insanity,” by Jamiroquai

Thanks as always to original Baby Boy Scott Lamb for the intro music, and to actual baby, Cyril, for the outro music.

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The California Diaries are over. The time has come for us to roll up our JNCOs, gather up our empty bottles of MD 20/20, feed our Furbies one final time, and wave farewell to Ducky, Amalia, Maggie, Sunny, and Dawn, as they walk—arm in arm—into the warm, comforting glow of Pacific Sunwear. And what is that beautiful music we hear on the wind, like a whispered promise? Could it possibly be an angel, saying, just softly enough for us to hear … "THANK U."

Music credits:

“90s Alternative Rock,” by FUNTOMASS

“Thank U,” by Alanis Morissette

“Candle in the Wind,” by Elton John

“Sad to Happy,” by Silverhoof

“Rock,” by Studio Monkey

“Surf Rock Chase Scene,” by Sun Channel Music

Thanks as always to original Baby Boy Scott Lamb for the intro music, and to Superbrat for the outro music.

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OK so Brendan’s acting super weird because he wasn’t there for Amalia when these girls harassed her outside the movie theater and Dawn doesn’t know it but Ducky and Sunny are planning this big surprise party for her? And Meat Pete wrote this one but he didn’t put any baby-sitting in it and ORIM erased something pretty important and the girls are turtles. Got that? Good.

Music credits:

“90s Alternative Rock,” by FUNTOMASS

“It Takes a Village,” by Raffi

“Jazz Sad Hip Hop,” by Black Stone Sound

“Rock,” by Studio Monkey

“Surf Rock Chase Scene,” by Sun Channel Music

Thanks to original Baby Boy Scott Lamb for the intro music, to Baby Bee Deanna for the Lerangis Moment song, and to Superbrat for the outro music.

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Maggie Blume is dating literally the hottest guy in the world! And if you think that’s Pacey from Dawson’s Creek, you’ve made the biggest mistake of your life, because now the irradiated ghosts that stalk your hallways while you sleep are going to stop your lying mouth with their spectral fingers and make you think again. That was quite a journey, wasn’t it? It was for us, too! Strap in for the episode so nice, we did it twice.

Music credits:

“90s Alternative Rock,” by FUNTOMASS

“Jazz Sad Hip Hop,” by Black Stone Sound

“Vibe,” by Marble Space

“Rock,” by Studio Monkey

“Surf Rock Chase Scene,” by Sun Channel Music

“90s Grunge Rock Epic Song,” by Blue Sky Audio

Thanks as always to original Baby Boy Scott Lamb for the intro music, and to Superbrat for the outro music.

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Ugh, this one was pretty brutal. Sunny’s mom dies, Sunny’s dad can’t make it through his eulogy at the funeral because he’s crying so hard, and Tanner spends entirely too long talking about which characters from Duck Tales he finds the most attractive. Truly a tough one to get through without crying.

Music credits:

“90s Alternative Rock,” by FUNTOMASS

“Rock,” by Studio Monkey

“Surf Rock Chase Scene,” by Sun Channel Music

“Three Days,” by K.D. Lang

“Constant Craving,” by K.D. Lang

Thanks as always to original Baby Boy Scott Lamb for the intro music, and to Superbrat for the outro music.

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Will Sunny and Dawn ever be friends again? Will there ever be a singer as handsome as Belgian heartthrob Pierre X from Jax? Will the mysterious publishing entity known only as ORIM ever get THEIR KNIVES OUT OF OUR BACKS? That’s right, this week Sunny and Dawn are at war with each other, Jax is at war with the notoriously finicky American music market, and we’re at war with ORIM. It’s not going to be pretty.

Music credits:

“90s Alternative Rock,” by FUNTOMASS

“Rock,” by Studio Monkey

“Surf Rock Chase Scene,” by Sun Channel Music

“Vibe,” by Marble Space

“Rhythm of Time,” by Front 242

“Indie Grunge Anthem,” by Phil Larson

“2 Wicky,” by Hooverphonic

“Somewhere Out There,” by Our Lady Peace

Thanks as always to original Baby Boy Scott Lamb for the intro music, and to Superbrat for the outro music.

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YNAW, Poundmasters! Ann gave us a sensitive and heavy topic to chew on this week, so we stepped up to the plate like we always do in these situations and did a really deep dive into some other stuff entirely! Look for an extremely detailed conspiracy theory involving Freddy Prinze Jr., some powerful new insights into what’s going on with Ducky, and a surprisingly lengthy discussion of the marginally successful 2001 film Thirteen Ghosts.

Music credits:

“90s Alternative Rock,” by FUNTOMASS

“Rock,” by Studio Monkey

“Surf Rock Chase Scene,” by Sun Channel Music

“Oprah Loves Bread,” by Charlie Thunder

Thanks as always to original Baby Boy Scott Lamb for the intro music, and to Superbrat for the outro music.

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Which of us would not sacrifice the very world for just one glimpse of his baggy jeans; his suave super-gelled Brian Austin Green hair; his shy, bluish-green eyes; his edgy but approachable Operation Ivy T-shirt? His name is Brendan Jones, formerly of Short Hills, New Jersey. And he gave Amalia a single rose at the Homecoming Bash during that one Vanish song. You know the one.

“Bliss it was in [the late ‘90s] to be alive

But to be [a broody teen] was very heaven.”

― William Wordsworth, The Prelude

Music credits:

“90s Alternative Rock,” by FUNTOMASS

“Serious Drugs,” by BMX Bandits

“Sad to Happy,” by Silverhoof

“The Freshmen,” by The Verve Pipe

“Sadness,” by Allen Grey

“Rock,” by Studio Monkey

“Surf Rock Chase Scene,” by Sun Channel Music

“Vibe,” by Marble Space

“Don’t Hate Me,” by Get Up Kids

“Criminal,” by Fiona Apple

Thanks to original Baby Boy Scott Lamb for the intro music, to Baby Bee Stephanie for the Lerangis moment song, and to Superbrat for the outro music.

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The boys settle in for a pleasant and relaxing evening babysitting a gaggle of grumpy teens. Truth Translation: We’re pretty out of our depth here! Things are totally going off the rails with Maggie, and Dawn’s not helping, and Sunny is MIA, and there’s no more box wine in the cabinet because we already drank it all to calm our nerves THIS MORNING!!! OK, deep breath. Everything’s fine. We’re fine. Nothing to worry about here. Truth Translation: *muffled screams.*

Music credits:

“90s Alternative Rock,” by FUNTOMASS

“Contre le Sexisme,” by Sonic Youth

“Vibe,” by Marble Space

“Rock,” by Studio Monkey

“Surf Rock Chase Scene,” by Sun Channel Music

Thanks as always to original Baby Boy Scott Lamb for the intro music, and to Superbrat for the outro music.

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Dawn’s stepmother Carol is in the hospital getting ready to bring new life into the world. Sunny’s mother is in the very same hospital looking at the light at the end of the tunnel. Her intentions fall to the floor. It is at this point that the angel closes her eyes, and the confusion that was hers belongs now to the baby down the hall.

I can feel it.

Not to belabor the point, but in this one, lightning ... definitely ... crashes.

Music credits:

“90s Alternative Rock,” by FUNTOMASS

“Walking in Memphis,” by Marc Cohn

“Sad to Happy,” by Silverhoof

“Lightning Crashes,” by Live

“Rock,” by Studio Monkey

“Surf Rock Chase Scene,” by Sun Channel Music

Thanks as always to original Baby Boy Scott Lamb for the intro music, and to Superbrat for the outro music.

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