What happens when strength is defined as self-sufficiency, emotional restraint, and constant proof?

In this episode of Passion Struck, licensed psychologist and leadership coach Daniel Ellenberg, PhD, joins Passion Struck to explore how traditional masculine scripts shape identity, relationships, and the lived experience of mattering often at a hidden cost.

Ellenberg has spent more than four decades facilitating men’s groups and workshops, guiding thousands of men through questions of emotional intelligence, vulnerability, and relational presence. As the founder of Strength with Heart, co-founder of Relationships That Work, and a principal at the Rewire Leadership Institute, his work examines how cultural expectations around masculinity quietly teach boys and men to armor themselves against dependence, tenderness, and uncertainty.

In this conversation, John R. Miles and Daniel Ellenberg examine how early conditioning trains men to equate worth with performance, stoicism, and self-reliance and how that training disrupts connection, intimacy, and the felt sense of significance across adulthood. The discussion explores why many capable, caring men experience isolation despite success, why vulnerability often feels dangerous rather than connective, and how reclaiming “strength with heart” restores agency, belonging, and relational vitality.

As part of the You Matter series — and leading toward the February 24th release of You Matter, Luma — this episode traces how lessons about visibility, emotional permission, and worth are learned early and reinforced across families, workplaces, and institutions.

This episode invites a deeper question: What happens to mattering when strength requires concealment, and what becomes possible when presence replaces performance?

If you care about relationships, leadership, men’s mental health, emotional development, or how people come to feel significant inside cultural systems, this conversation offers a grounded and humane perspective.

Passion Struck is the #1 alternative health podcast dedicated to human flourishing and the science of mattering. It is consistently ranked among the world’s top podcasts for thoughtful conversations about meaning, agency, and belonging.

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In This Episode, You Will Learn

• How traditional masculinity conditions boys to armor against vulnerability early in life
• Why proving strength through stoicism often undermines connection and intimacy
• How emotional performance replaces presence in many male relationships
• The difference between power as control and strength as integration
• Why vulnerability signals mattering inside relationships and communities
• How loneliness, isolation, and burnout emerge from unmet relational significance
• What “strength with heart” looks like in leadership, parenting, and partnership
• How authenticity restores agency and relational circulation

Resources & Links

Check the full show notes: https://passionstruck.com/strength-with-heart-daniel-ellenberg/

Download the Free Companion Reflection Guide:

Pre-Order the Children’s Book You Matter, Luma (Launching February 24): https://youmatterluma.com/

Connect with John — speaking, books, and podcast: https://linktr.ee/John_R_Miles

Learn More About Daniel Ellenberg:

https://strengthwithheart.com/

https://relationshipsthatwork.com/

Books Mentioned

• Lovers for Life: Creating Lasting Passion, Trust, and True Partnership (with Judith Bell)

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Disclaimer

The Passion Struck podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only. The views and opinions expressed by guests are their own and do not necessarily reflect those of Passion Struck or its affiliates. This podcast is not a substitute for professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment from a licensed physician, therapist, or other qualified professional.

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