Struggling to understand what makes a relationship flourish over time? In this eye-opening episode with Dutch-American psychologist Julie Sharon, we uncover the science-backed secrets that separate thriving marriages from those that falter.

When couples find themselves locked in the same frustrating conflict patterns, the answer might be surprisingly physiological. Julie reveals how a racing heart (over 100 BPM) signals we've entered "fight or flight" mode—a state where productive communication becomes nearly impossible. Learn why taking a structured 20-30 minute break can transform heated arguments into constructive conversations, and why agreeing to return to difficult topics builds crucial trust.

The episode dives deep into the Gottmans' groundbreaking research on "bids for connection"—those small moments when we reach toward our partner for acknowledgment or engagement. Julie explains why couples who respond positively to these bids 86% of the time stay happily married, while those responding only 33% of the time face relationship breakdown. These seemingly minor interactions create what she calls an "emotional bank account" that buffers relationships during inevitable conflicts.

Beyond the research, Julie shares practical tools you can implement today: the stress-reducing conversation (listening without solving), effective repair attempts after conflicts, and creating a culture of appreciation and kindness. She emphasizes that healthy relationships aren't conflict-free—they simply maintain a 5:1 ratio of positive to negative interactions during disagreements.

Ready to transform your relationship? Start by looking inward at your own contributions rather than focusing on your partner's shortcomings. As Julie reminds us: "Slow down, take a look inside. Don't respond too quickly. Think before you act, think before you speak, feel before you speak."

Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways:

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Dr. Dave Schramm:

http://drdaveschramm.com

http://drdavespeaks.com

Dr. Liz Hale:

http://www.drlizhale.com

Dr. Ryan Seedall draws on his 20+ years of experience as a therapist to share insights about relationship conflict patterns and the role of attachment in marriage dynamics. He provides practical pointers to strengthen marriage connections, including how to navigate the demand-withdraw cycle and use anger productively.

• Healthy marriages require not just absence of negative interactions but presence of positive ones
• Couples need to recover from conflict, not just learn how to argue better
• The demand-withdraw pattern creates a cycle where one person's behavior triggers the exact response they're trying to avoid
• "Signal and respond" describes how partners communicate needs and respond to each other
• Anger serves as a protest signal that something needs attention, not necessarily a destructive force
• Technology creates new challenges for couples, with text arguments losing crucial nonverbal cues
• Mixed-faith marriages require special navigation of differing beliefs and values
• Early intervention is crucial - addressing small issues before they become entrenched patterns
• Attunement to partner's emotional state builds trust and connection
• Vulnerability, when met with responsiveness, creates deeper intimacy

Remember, it's the small things that create a stronger marriage connection. Find more resources at StrongerMarriage.org, including workshops, e-courses, webinars and relationship surveys.

Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways:

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Dr. Dave Schramm:

http://drdaveschramm.com

http://drdavespeaks.com

Dr. Liz Hale:

http://www.drlizhale.com

Mary Kay Cocharo shares how Imago therapy helps transform relationship conflicts into opportunities for healing childhood wounds through a structured dialogue process that fosters safety, understanding, and deep connection. 

• Imago theory suggests we're unconsciously attracted to partners who possess both positive and negative traits of our childhood caretakers
• Relationships typically move from a romantic stage (lasting about two years) to a power struggle phase where childhood wounds emerge
• 50% of married couples divorce during the power struggle phase after about six years of conflict
• The Intentional Dialogue process involves mirroring (reflecting what was said), validating (acknowledging the other's perspective makes sense), and empathizing
• Surface conflicts often mask deeper childhood wounds, as illustrated by a couple fighting about a dog that actually connected to grief over a mother's death
• Sitting 18 inches apart with eye contact calms the limbic brain and activates the cortex, creating a neurobiological state conducive to problem-solving
• People typically respond to conflict by either "hyper-arousing" (getting louder/more expressive) or "hypo-arousing" (withdrawing/shutting down)
• Three key elements for a stronger marriage connection: touch/physical affection, safe/respectful communication, and shared activities
• Focus on the dynamic in the space between you rather than blaming your partner
• Simple eye gazing for a few minutes can rebuild connection when words have become triggering

Mary Kay's Resources

https://www.mkcocharo.com/ 

Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways:

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Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/strongermarriagelife/

Dr. Dave Schramm:

http://drdaveschramm.com

http://drdavespeaks.com

Dr. Liz Hale:

http://www.drlizhale.com

Dr. Brian Doss shares a science-backed digital resource called Our Relationship that helps couples identify relationship challenges and implement effective solutions through a structured framework.

• Our Relationship program has been continuously funded by the NIH for 15 years and helped tens of thousands of couples
• The DEEP framework helps couples understand Differences, Emotions, External stress, and Patterns of communication
• Surface emotions like anger often mask hidden emotions like hurt, loneliness, or feeling disconnected
• "Invisible support" like doing household tasks before your partner notices can significantly reduce relationship stress
• Expressing gratitude for small actions helps maintain positive connections with your partner
• The program takes approximately 8-10 hours and offers optional coaching support
• Free versions are available for military families and qualifying households based on income
• Research shows the program improves not just relationships but also mental health, physical health, and family functioning

Visit OurRelationship.com to learn more about the program, which is available both online and through app stores.

Brian's Resources

https://www.ourrelationship.com/

Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways:

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Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/strongermarriagelife/

Dr. Dave Schramm:

http://drdaveschramm.com

http://drdavespeaks.com

Dr. Liz Hale:

http://www.drlizhale.com

Relationship churning—the pattern of breaking up and getting back together with the same partner—affects nearly half of young adults and creates emotional whiplash for couples, children, and their support networks. Dr. Sarah Halpern-Meekin shares her groundbreaking research on this common relationship phenomenon, explaining why couples fall into these patterns and what it means for their wellbeing.

• Relationship churning comes in two main forms: breaking up and getting back together, and having sex with an ex
• Nearly half of young adults report churning in their current or most recent relationship
• Churning relationships show higher psychological distress, lower satisfaction, and worse communication, but surprisingly higher intimate self-disclosure
• Fathers in churning relationships stay more involved with their children than those who permanently break up
• Economic distress, incarceration history, and one-sided breakups increase likelihood of churning
• The key to healthy relationships includes investing time in connection, developing conflict management skills, and setting clear expectations
• Before reconciling after a breakup, ask if what caused the original breakup has actually changed

Sarah's Resources

https://www.irp.wisc.edu/staff/halpern-meekin-sarah/ 

Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways:

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Dr. Dave Schramm:

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http://drdavespeaks.com

Dr. Liz Hale:

http://www.drlizhale.com

Connection forms the foundation of mental health and happiness, with disconnection from ourselves, others, the world, and something greater underlying virtually every psychological struggle we face.

• Four types of connection: with self (authenticity), others (relationships), the world (nature/art), and something greater (awe/spirituality)
• Modern distractions like social media, FOMO, and constant digital interruptions actively prevent meaningful connection
• Self-connection provides the foundation for all other connections - if disconnected from ourselves, we can't truly connect elsewhere
• Personal "connection formulas" vary widely - activities that energize one person may drain another
• Novel shared experiences allow families and couples to see each other through fresh eyes and strengthen bonds
• Friendships serve vital roles that romantic relationships cannot replace - no single relationship can meet all our connection needs
• Workplace connection can be found by developing valued skills and experiencing flow states even in less-than-ideal jobs
• Loneliness impacts physical health more than smoking, highlighting connection as a fundamental human need

The book "Super Psyched: Unleash the Power of the Four Types of Connection and Live the Life You Love" is available now on Amazon and Barnes & Noble, and you can learn more at DrAdamDorsay.com.

Adam's Resources

https://dradamdorsay.com/  

Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways:

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Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/strongermarriagelife/

Dr. Dave Schramm:

http://drdaveschramm.com

http://drdavespeaks.com

Dr. Liz Hale:

http://www.drlizhale.com

Betrayal trauma occurs when trust is violated within a relationship, creating a profound alteration of reality for the betrayed partner and causing symptoms similar to PTSD. David Jones, a licensed marriage and family therapist, shares insights on the unique challenges of betrayal trauma and offers a three-part framework for healing.

• Betrayal trauma is defined as an "alteration of reality" - discovering that what you thought was true about your relationship wasn't
• What makes betrayal trauma unique is that the betrayed often must interact with the source of their trauma
• The "three legs of the stool" framework for healing: boundaries, individual coping skills/self-care, and connections
• Recovery takes significant time - often years - but healing is possible whether the relationship continues or ends
• Forgiveness does not equal trust - forgiveness is releasing bitterness while trust must be earned through consistent behavior
• Emotional safety forms the foundation for rebuilding connection after betrayal
• Support people should be "marriage friendly" if the couple is working toward reconciliation

If you'd like to learn more about the resources discussed in this episode, visit Secure Connection Counseling at secureconnectioncounseling.com or explore the resources available at StrongerMarriage.org.

David's Links:

https://secureconnectioncounseling.com/

About David Jones:

David Jones is dedicated to strengthening marriages and families. Growing up with divorced parents and a father in recovery from alcoholism shaped his passion for helping couples navigate challenges. His own blended family of eight children further fuels his commitment to marriage therapy.

A Certified Emotionally Focused Therapist, Certified Family Life Educator, and EFT Supervisor Candidate, David specializes in helping couples facing betrayal trauma, infidelity, sexual addiction, and ADHD-related relationship struggles. He also teaches university courses on family relationships and serves as an Army Reserve Chaplain, expanding his real-world perspective.

As an AAMFT-Approved Supervisor and EFT Supervisor in Training, David is a leader in his field. He applies attachment theory to therapy, believing that secure relationships not only heal but create lasting transformation. Clients often credit his work with saving their marriages. With a deep well of experience, empathy, and expertise, David is a trusted guide for couples seeking healing and growth.

Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways:

Strongermarriage.org

Podcast.stongermarriage.org

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/strongermarriage/

Facebook Marriage Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/strongermarriagelife/

Dr. Dave Schramm:

http://drdaveschramm.com

http://drdavespeaks.com

Dr. Liz Hale:

http://www.drlizhale.com

Faith and religion shape marriages by influencing beliefs, practices, and community connections that help couples build "championship marriages" through shared sacred purpose. Dr. Loren Marks shares insights from the American Families of Faith Project, featuring interviews with 300 exemplary couples from 20+ faith traditions.

• Shared beliefs create a "family vision" that transcends daily conflicts and provides meaning
• Religious practices like family prayer, Shabbat dinners, and observing Ramadan strengthen marital bonds
• Faith communities offer support, mentorship, and "friends of the marriage" who invest in couples' success
• Even spouses from identical religious backgrounds have different spiritual experiences—every marriage is an "interfaith marriage"
• The "divine triangle" concept shows how spouses on individual spiritual journeys converge as they move toward God
• Big C Commitment (commitment "no matter what") versus little c commitment (conditional commitment) makes the difference in lasting marriages
• Great marriages weren't always great—many couples shared they would have "jumped ship" without faith helping them through early struggles
• Religion can harm marriages when it becomes a "time affair" or when applied too rigidly without relational flexibility

Marriage is an invitation to increased holiness, where "you lift me and I'll lift thee, and together we will ascend."

Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways:

Strongermarriage.org

Podcast.stongermarriage.org

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/strongermarriage/

Facebook Marriage Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/strongermarriagelife/

Dr. Dave Schramm:

http://drdaveschramm.com

http://drdavespeaks.com

Dr. Liz Hale:

http://www.drlizhale.com

Dr. Liz and Dr. Dave welcome Dr. Janet Erickson to discuss the profound impact of marriage on children and families, exploring how parental relationships shape child development and identity formation.

• Strong marriages create a sense of wholeness, identity, and belonging for children
• Research consistently shows divorce has significant impacts on children of all ages
• Children of divorce often face existential questions about their identity and place
• Adult children of divorce can overcome challenges by witnessing healthy marriage models
• A "good enough" marriage is worth fighting for, though abusive relationships warrant separation
• Marriage involves a journey from "loving without knowing" to "being seen, known, and loved"
• Maintaining family rituals provides stability during transitions
• Personal growth and self-awareness are crucial for healthy relationships
• Happiness ultimately comes from deep connection with others

"We are relational beings and relationships are worth it, and this is the essence of life. Happiness is love full stop, and our ability to love and to be in loving relationships is worth the growth. It will take growth. It's going to take change in all of us, but that's what we're born for. It's what we desire more than anything."

Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways:

Strongermarriage.org

Podcast.stongermarriage.org

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/strongermarriage/

Facebook Marriage Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/strongermarriagelife/

Dr. Dave Schramm:

http://drdaveschramm.com

http://drdavespeaks.com

Dr. Liz Hale:

http://www.drlizhale.com

Dr. Liz and Dr. Dave welcome Joni Parthimer, education director for the Gottman Institute's Bringing Baby Home program, to discuss how couples can maintain a strong relationship while navigating the challenges of new parenthood.

About Joni:

Joni Parthemer, M.Ed., is a Master Trainer and Education Director for the Bringing Baby Home Program. She is a certified Childbirth Educator and faculty member at Bastyr University’s Simkin Center, specializing in birth and family education at Swedish Medical Center in Seattle.

An award-winning speaker and consultant, Joni brings decades of experience, authenticity, and wit to her work with families and educators. She has developed and published training materials to support family and community growth. Married with two children, she is passionate about helping families thrive.

Key Points:

• Research shows 67% of couples experience a significant drop in relationship satisfaction after becoming parents
• Three key ingredients for relationship success: maintaining friendship, respectful conflict regulation, and creating shared family meaning
• The NURSE framework helps new parents prioritize self-care: Nutrition, Understanding support needs, Rest/Resources, Soul-feeding activities, and Exercise
• CPR parenting (Consistent, Predictable, Responsive) builds emotional security for infants
• Babies communicate through non-verbal cues and states of consciousness from birth
• Understanding infant development helps parents respond appropriately to their needs
• Grandparents play an evolving role and should ask what support looks like for each family
• Creating a postpartum plan before baby arrives helps the transition for everyone involved
• The greatest gift parents can give children is a healthy relationship between themselves
• The "family fish tank" metaphor reminds us children are only as healthy as their family ecosystem

Insights:

Joni: “A child's well-being is deeply influenced by the health of their family environment. The best gift parents can give their children is a strong, healthy relationship—whether married, divorced, or co-parenting. Parents serve as role models for future relationships, shaping how their children connect with others. By maintaining friendship, managing conflict with respect, and creating shared meaning through family rituals, couples can build a supportive and nurturing "family fish tank" that fosters lasting emotional security.” 

Liz: “The CPR approach—Consistency, Predictability, and Responsiveness—is not just valuable for parenting but also strengthens all relationships, including marriage and friendship. By being reliable, steady, and attentive, we create trust and connection in our most important relationships.”

Dave: “Education is key to growth. With so many resources available today, we have endless opportunities to learn and improve as partners, parents, and individuals.”

Links:

jptrainsandspeaks.com 

Email: [email protected]

Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways:

Strongermarriage.org

Podcast.stongermarriage.org

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/strongermarriage/

Facebook Marriage Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/strongermarriagelife/

Dr. Dave Schramm:

http://drdaveschramm.com

http://drdavespeaks.com

Dr. Liz Hale:

http://www.drlizhale.com