Listener question: I've just finished working through the REAL videos / course .. (not the conversations yet) .. is it normal for the .. well basically .. 'shit to hit the fan' inside ? - wont go into great details but just wondering if there is anything to 'do' ? ... it's kind of showed me just how of course i have been and how dysfunctional i have got from trying to cope for years but also the fact that everything i am running from is within ME and not out there .... like i want to be in a 'witness protection programme' from myself ... like i am both the stalker and the stalked .... its given me this massive sense that 'i cant get myself out of this alone' somehow and at the same time not sure what kind of support to seek that wont go and confuse me more e.g normal nhs type counselling options.... and does 'speaking about it all' in that kind of way EVER help us make sense of anything... and free us from basically scaring the shit out of ourself and keeping our own nervous system in a state of never ending vigilant exhaustion .. i see i've been running and running and cut myself off from every possible thing 'outiside' in the hope of finding safety only to find its 'me' whos the problem.

So not quite seeing through it all far enough yet to feel the freedom and peace.

Listener question: how does the idea of no-self work in relation to marriage/partnership? I'm just curious. Is this also why many fail? 

Taking the conversation about harmful events and people to the furthest level of freedom. 

Listener question: In you latest podcast you spoke about violence and that it is happening as it is the optimal behaviour at the given moment due to learned belief and conditoning, that there is no deciding self and that it is logical and impersonal. 
I see freedom in this as it frees me of the obligation "to forgive and forget" and I love that there only remains sanity. I see that my father who was prone to violent outbursts could not act differently given that what he believed and learned in his youth.

Nevertheless, one question remains: What about the position of the real victims in this, the person or even small child that has been molested and harmed perhaps even for years. Or even those locked up inconcentration camps.
Sorry that my brain always goes for the extremes, but it refuses to be calm without getting the answer.

Listener question: discipline, accountability and no self 

Listener question: anger was always heavily sanctioned, and deemed very unfeminine. There was only room for being the good girl and that resulted in a lot of rebellion. (The rebel inside can be still strong at times 🤣)

Later on my healing journey I learned that anger can signal where a boundary was crossed or violated. And that suppressed anger can be very damaging for the system and in my experience suppressed anger can lead to depression. At the same time i see the destructive force unbridled anger can be. 

I love the story of the Boy who asks the shaman: „Wise one, I seem to have two wolfs living in my chest. One is loving and the other one is hating. Which one will win?“ and the shaman answered: „The one you feed“. 

Now im wondering if this all ego storyline going on here? I see that there is something here that wants to be integrated instead of battled or suppressed. Maybe anger is misguided power? The people I see as innately powerful don’t get angry, they are not battling. Or maybe that’s just another side of the story that is ready to drop.

When you speak of going to the backroom it’s a bit murky here. I Imagine going back to the roots and further. Maybe in a profane way it’s saying: ok if I have clearer boundaries I don’t need to get angry. If I really see that nothing is personal, we are all just programmed tubes bumping up against each other until we don’t need to do that anymore. 

Maybe life doesn’t care if there is anger and joy and sorrow, maybe life just wants to get on with it, warts and all. 

Listener  question: I wonder if you could give me your thoughts about the following.  I have become aware of my disproportionate sense of fear in 'perceived as threatening' situations.  I first became aware of how extreme it was during my divorce when I felt terrified...I was experiencing Gaslighting from my ex husband who still lived in the house.  It was horrible but the terror was disproportunate.  Subsequent to this, the societal issues around the pandemic and an ongoing health scare seem to elicit the same response.

I would sincerely appreciate your thoughts about this and whether Subliminals could help.

Listener question:  To see what's being pointed to the mind needs to be settled and when one sees what's being pointed to the mind settles.  It seems like a catch 22.  

I do question my mind, but somehow I'm doing it wrong, or hoping it will change things, or I don't really know.  It's hard not to find the story believable when it almost always comes true. Sadly I'm feeling like this conversation may just not be for me at this time.  I wish it were, and maybe it will be again.

Listener question: Thank you for the podcast which I’ve just listened to again.  I’m still confused!  How is it that you know there’s protection going on here?  Is it because the reactions to my friend’s diagnosis and my Mother’s are different?  Is there really one, undiluted response that we can have to all situations, events, relationships?  Sounds a bit bland to me.  

Also, I don’t quite see that there’s a hierarchy of relatedness with family on the inside, then close friends etc.  I can feel real connection during a random interaction with a complete stranger. 

Listener question: Clare, I’m wondering if you might do a podcast on one of your common phrases, “it must begin here.” For example, if I am judging someone as, say, cruel, I must begin with me, here, and see all the ways that I am cruel. This is where my tricky little mind goes with that: “ok, so let me find all the times, past and present, in which I have been cruel. Well, now we just have two shitty people in the scenario. Two, cruel shitty people.” And then I don’t know where to go. The idea of “begin here” feels heavy and dark, which lets me know there is obviously confusion happening over here.