Superpowered Mind with Clare Dimond

What about regret. I was not a good mother when my children were growing up. I spent a lot of time very angry and confused and I deeply regret that now. What can I do about that?

hi Clare, 

I've been around your work on and off for a while and read your most recent book which made me see how I’ve unconsciously used my daughter as a way to secure myself up until when she was about 11 when I had another child, before which we were inseparable. In physical terms I did all I could to include her when the new baby came but somehow my system made the new baby the way in which to secure itself (because my daughter was going to high school, which felt like she was leaving me) and she got sidelined really, not physically but unconsciously. There’s a lot of guilt and shame around this. That was 10 years ago. 

I’ve noticed recently how much her grumpiness irritates me, we don’t have much to say to eachother and her lack of what I could call kindness, care and effort to sort her life out grates on me. So I looked at where is that grumpiness in me? Where do I not sort my life out? Where am I not kind? I see I don’t take care of myself by eating properly, I fear being happy because it looks like I’ll be rejected if I’m seen as ‘ok’.  so I see the mirrors and I am making efforts to eat better, rest and find an activity that brings me joy. I spoke to her last night about her rudeness and grumpiness and how sick I am of it. The urge to apologise this morning was huge! 

But then I just realised this morning, she has every right to be grumpy and rude and angry, I effectively pushed her away! No wonder she is angry and hurting and not sorting her life out and wanting me to rescue her! 

My question is how do I navigate this, which seems a tricky question because there is no ‘I’ to choose how to navigate it,  but I also don’t want to bypass and not face what is going on. In honesty she isn’t much fun to be around and I don’t particularly want to be around her. I’m afraid of letting her back in incase she hurts me, as she has done many times, as I have obviously hurt her. 

It’s complicated and heavy with responsibility, blame, shame and trauma, and hard to articulate it all by email without making it ridiculously long! 

I hope it makes sense and any wisdom would be much appreciated. 

Thank you 

Several times, I've heard you recall a personal story. It's that your family would enter the lottery each week, and each week, after you didn't win, your grandmother would say something like, "Oh, thank goodness for that." 

I'm not sure that I understand what you mean by it. Could you explain it a little more, please?

Dear Clare,

   I am beginning to see the possibility of this, but I get stuck on the same thing, over and over.  I AM a separate physical entity in the relative world. Therefore there is a form of separation in my life. According to my understanding, what you are saying is that genetics and conditioning create my nervous system and thus Larry’s action figure goes on and does his thing and suffers in the world. 

  Then, Larry acquires through his nervous system another understanding that says he is powered (and so is this corrupted insane nervous system) by consciousness, Brahman, awareness or whatever you call it. Then comes the reflection that is not obvious to me: I should give up my ego and settle into this awareness and basically cease to participate with any intention in the relative world. So the choice is have a life in the relative world with ego or watch the automaton or the robot that I am in the “real world”. The choice is between having any identity separated or having no identity “enlightened”. All this while it is clear I am a separate physical entity performing actions in the relative world.

  I think this conundrum may be why Syd Banks did not talk about non-duality in his presentation. 

   I did believe my nervous system is insane, but at least “I” can have a relationship with the world with it.

   Help!

Larry

Hi Clare. Just a thought re todays podcast following person’s comments about validation needing to come from within the self and not from outside as no one can give us validation. - I was thinking that it would usually be the lack of formative validation  or reassurance by a parent that would lead to the sense of need to repeatedly seek it thereafter. But when parenting is nurturing/ validating/ good enough there wouldn’t be the need to search for it within. This kind of validation from the loved one parent(s) is surely the affirmation of the inside of who we are; the manifestation of essential love. When this love is present, isn’t this how we come to be able to access and automatically tap into what is Home (love) in us and make it work for us as all is one? 🤔

can you please talk about intuition. There have been many times I have listened to inner wisdom - which I guess is the same thing as trust my intuition and it has turned out right. Is there such a thing as intuition and is this different from what you are talking about? 

I keep wondering about faith (and I don’t just mean religious ideology), which seems to be fundamental  for us to be able to come to awareness and let go of old conditioning patterns of belief. 

I do have an inner sense of spirituality and faith which I think I have brought to awareness through lifelong study, creative expression and trying to understand the causes of my suffering. But maybe what is missing for many people is a formative strong sense of faith that already knows on some level, its essential divine nature.

I realized I am confused about accountability. I think of accountability as responsibility, self-responsibility or personal responsibility vs. ultimate accountability. Can you shake out this confusion for me? I can understand taking responsibility regarding one's conditioning, but then I can't put my arms around ultimate accountability as something other than self-responsibility, which it must be since there is no self. Thanks so much for the help through this confusion.