Superpowered Mind with Clare Dimond

In one particular area the stakes seem really high if I’m not going to be able to face a certain situation which is quite imminent. I’m aware this is just a story as I have no idea how it will turn out but equally I feel very uncomfortable and sometimes overwhelmed about this sticky area. 

I have real financial problems. I am living hand to mouth in a job I hate and am desperate to leave. I feel completely trapped. It seems to me that there is a reality to money and that anyone who says it is just a mental creation is just denying the facts and making it worse for those of us in poverty.

There is a webinar on 6th April 8-9 pm BST to look at the hidden treasures that money reveals. 

'How can a person develop insight into madness and sanity without again ending up in the searching looping from hell?'

I have seen a lot about my weight issues in the last few weeks and days. I saw the war going on inside between wanting to be thin and not being thin and also about wanting to be thin and not being able to make myself thin. Two wars going on, so much effort and exhaustion.

In looking deeper, I saw that what I want from being thin is life to be easy, because life is so hard for me. I don’t really have a hard life, the opposite is true, but life appears just so hard, except for eating, sleeping, reading and watching TV. 

When I realized this, it struck me that this is exactly how my parents were living their life, or how it appeared to me. Thinking everything is hard and/or dangerous and the only allowed ease and joy was eating and watching TV, well and reading and sleeping. I had to sleep a lot as a child and I didn’t want to. Same with food, I had to eat a lot and I didn’t want to. 

It was such a shock to see that after all the therapies and stuff I’ve done, I still function with this old pattern. I also understand that all the life I lived before which was completely different to my parents’, like a ballet career and decades of partying and doing lots of adventures, even having lots of children and pets, was always done with a sort of fight spirit, fighting against this old pattern but the older I get the more the fighting ability vanishes and only exhaustion is left. 

The true program is revealed, eating, sleeping, reading and watching TV. No other thing is classified as easy or worthwhile, all other activity need more or less amounts of effort to push through. Even my handstand training this is true, which I love on the one side but I have to overcome resistance to do it every single day. 

It’s a relief to see the deep programming I didn’t know it existed but on the other hand I just don’t know what to do with that. It’s like realizing I am in a trap but not being able to leave the trap.

You often say something like : see what's true, or what is real. This is highly confusing to me. 

I don't know what the definition of 'true' or 'real' could be. Doesn't it depend of situation and person and, and, and? So it's highly subjective and transient?

For example I might see in a moment the truth as beeing treated unfairly by someone, and in another moment just feeling angry, in another moment just feeling energy moving through my body and in another moment just a body sitting. All truth about the same situation. Someone else might not even see a body, as there are no bodys. Well I'm making this up, it's not my experience but I have heard people saying that. So many different truths and realities? 

Is truth always the momentary subjective truth? Or is there another truth? 

So what is the truth or the reality you speak about? This words really send me in a complete confusion. 

The Mind-Gut Connection Emeran Mayer. The Sunday Book 

I am afraid to do things wrong in eyes of this course.. or that i am not allowed to have a different view. (Projection)

My upbringing was, based on indoctrinate with less room of free thinking and was a lot about those topics of approval and judgment of God. (someone outside of me who says and dictate what i have to think or do.)

This caused that I project on others around me, like; They know better than me. I am not good enough. 

When i am writing this i see it's total confusion. 

And maybe that's why it feel so contracted, although i know that I am freedom itself, however something inside me still think i am not. This routine habbit still need to fade away. 

Over the years I have learned to trust in following my intuition as best I can.

As I might put it now, to make the choices that I most "resonate with" at the time.

To put it in your words, I might say that my system will make the choice that makes the most sense to it at the time of the choice.

I might also say that in the moment of the choice/action, is the only time that I will know the best choice to make.

So, be faced now with some major life changing choices, I wonder.

Can I teach my system to be even more aligned with some kind of inner knowing or True Self/Higher Self knowledge?

Is there even such a thing?

It seems that you teach that by observing the beliefs and patterns in the system, that they begin to loosen and maybe dissolve, allowing more possibilities, which I might relate to wisdom.

Knowing I have these choices to make in the near future, how might I teach my system to be as wise as possible by the time I must make those choices?

Again is that even possible?

If there is no "I", then there is no "my system" that is getting in the way of being-ness or knowing-ness.

So maybe nothing to do?

The mind is just going very hard, fast for such a long time. 

Attacking itself etc

It feels like the fear is too big. Guilt, shame. 

I feel, think that I will never be normal again. Too damaged with all the thoughts.