The Anxious Love Coach

What makes a partner "good enough" to settle down with?

It's common knowledge (especially if you listen to my podcast often) that "perfect" isn't a realistic standard to search for when choosing a long-term partner. While your choice of partner is one of the most important choices you'll ever make, it doesn't mean you're settling if you chose "good enough." The question is, where is the line between "good enough" and "settling?" In this episode, I didn't necessarily draw that line for you, but gave you some different things to think about. I am hopeful that it will bring you some clarity and material for discussing with your partner when deciding whether or not to move forward.

[I recorded this on a hot delirium of a day with no AC. I went on a tangent a couple of times. Forgive me!... or maybe you'll love them. Lol.]

Links:

Relationship Anxiety Alchemist, Conscious Communication Course, Quit Comparing Your Relationship Challenge, Evoke his Devotion 1 on 1 program has been closed and discontinued.

Both Feet In is my community where you can access my core relationship anxiety relief curriculum, with PDFs, videos, audios, calls with me 2-3x/month, and a community feed to make connections with others on the same journey as you. Access that HERE.

New link for work 1:1 with me here.

Time Stamps:

1:45 Good enough versus perfect

4:00 Wanting contradictory things out of our partner

9:00 Having a "boring"/socially awkward partner

12:03 Going through different seasons of your life with your partner

16:12 Dating in your 20s vs your 30s+

19:34 Looks are important but the men who want to build a life with you will look for substance

21:00 Not knowing what you want in your 20s

24:18 Questions to ask yourself if you're trying to figure out if your partner is "good enough" to settle down with

32:45 Women often mature more quickly than men

37:19 Dealing with incompatibilities

43:40 Being lead in your relationship in a nonabusive context

In this episode, I share how polarizing, black-and-white content on social media is pinning people against each other. I will also admit that I fell prey to this and started a fight with my husband before recording this episode. I also share what I learned from it and how I plan to do better.

Links:

Relationship Anxiety Alchemist, Conscious Communication Course, Evoke his Devotion 1 on 1 program has been closed and discontinued.

Both Feet In is my community where you can access my core relationship anxiety relief curriculum, with PDFs, videos, audios, calls with me 2-3x/month, and a community feed to make connections with others on the same journey as you. Access that HERE.

New link for work 1:1 with me here.

Time Stamps:

6:50 The fights that my husband and I have had

10:25 Some of the messages I've received about men from social media

15:59 The fight that we had today

22:45 How your pain can activate your partner's pain

24:00 The importance of taking space when needed during arguments

31:50 The overwhelming fear of getting the short end of the stick in relationships

34:00 Nuanced content does not get attention on social media

36:55 Keeping the assumption that your partner loves you more than anything

41:00 Learning how to better have arguments

It's my pleasure to bring on Alex Bishop, a registered counsellor and IFS (Internal Family Systems) therapist, onto the podcast today. Alex has struggled with Relationship OCD/Relationship Anxiety, and disorganized attachment, and can speak deeply on the experience of pushing a partner away.

In this episode, we discuss his story with overcoming ROCD, how parts work relates to relationship anxiety, the IFS model for overcoming doubts, fears, and "the ick" associated with ROCD, and some of the limitations of ERP therapy for overcoming ROCD specifically.

If you have been feeling stuck, this episode will be SO validating for you, and can help you get on the path to free yourself from the overwhelming shame and anxiety!

Find Alex over at @forloveweheal on Instagram.

Links:

• Patreon will be closed starting 8/16/2026. Both Feet In is my community where you can access my core relationship anxiety relief curriculum, with PDFs, videos, audios, calls with me 2-3x/month, and a community feed to make connections with others on the same journey as you. Access that HERE.

Time Stamps:

3:00 - Alex's experience with ROCD

16:42 - The importance of knowing your patterns when you have relationship anxiety

19:00 - How Alex used parts work/CBT

23:00 - How psychedelics can help with relationship anxiety

26:12 - Creating aliveness for yourself in your relationship

31:00 -Therapeutic routes to help with ROCD

42:50 - The causes of attraction obsessions

56:10 - Having different experiences that we label the same thing

57:50 - The limitation of ERP: Exposure and Response Prevention

I often add the disclaimer to relationship anxiety content to disregard my insight if you're in a toxic or abusive relationship. But that begs the question for many: how does one know that the relationship they are in is toxic or abusive? In this episode, I'm going to lay out my nuanced thoughts on this, knowing full well there are limitations even to this line of thinking. We discuss power dynamics, manipulation, unconsciousness, malicious intent, and more. I am also hopeful that you will get more clarity on your situation, because in either case, if you are wondering this question, it is likely there is some unconsciousness that needs addressing.

Links:

• Patreon will be closed starting 8/16/2026.

• Both Feet In is my community where you can access my core relationship anxiety relief curriculum, with PDFs, videos, audios, calls with me 2-3x/month, and a community feed to make connections with others on the same journey as you. Access that HERE.

• Pick my brain by submitting a Wisio: https://www.wisio.com/anxiouslovecoach CODE: summer23 for 10% off

• Conscious Communication Course has been closed and discontinued.

Time Stamps:

9:30 My definition of abuse in a relationship

15:35 My definition of codependency in a relationship

18:01 Not trusting your partner to their own devices

20:32 Manipulating your partner in order to change them

27:50 Things in a relationship that are uncomfortable but not abusive

33:01 Is my partner gaslighting me?

34:35 What happens when you start to get happy in your relationship?

40:05 The power of saying more with less

If you've been preoccupied with thoughts about your ex, or are comparing your relationship to your ex, or are even grieving the un-pursued romance of a crush outside your partnership, you're normal– and this episode is for you. In this episode, I share what these thoughts are really about (hint: it's not the ex), and share how to use the crush-mirror to bring ourselves back onto our own papers into wholeness. I also share a vulnerable story of how I have done this for myself.

Links:

• Patreon will be closed starting 8/16/2026.

• Both Feet In is my community where you can access my core relationship anxiety relief curriculum, with PDFs, videos, audios, calls with me 2-3x/month, and a community feed to make connections with others on the same journey as you. Access that HERE.

• Pick my brain by submitting a Wisio: https://www.wisio.com/anxiouslovecoach

• Be in my world 1:1 for 3 months in my Overhaul program: https://www.anxiouslovecoach.com/1-on-1-coaching-with-natalie

Time Stamps:

5:45 Seeking out chaos when we are with a stable, level-headed partner

10:00 A story about a crush I've thought about for over 10 years

19:50 Finding parts from your crush/ex that are missing in yourself

23:00 The ego would love to see someone who is unavailable become available

25:45 The dangers of putting the responsibility for your aliveness on another person

29:25 How a spiritual practice can help with anxiety

Whether you never got to be single because you met your partner young, you've been in a string of back-to-back relationships, or you're longing for the freedom that supposedly comes with the single life, this episode is for you. Yes, you can absolutely feel freedom in a relationship, but it's going to take radical responsibility on your part for your joy and aliveness. Tune in to discover how.

Links:

• Patreon will be closed starting 8/16/2026.

• Both Feet In is my community where you can access my core relationship anxiety relief curriculum, with PDFs, videos, audios, calls with me 2-3x/month, and a community feed to make connections with others on the same journey as you. Access that HERE.

• Pick my brain by submitting a Wisio: https://www.wisio.com/anxiouslovecoach

• Be in my world 1:1 for 3 months in my Overhaul program here.

Time Stamps:

4:15 Feeling like your partner is the cause of your numbness

11:05 Triggers are caused by pain that is already there

12:12 Reasons why you might be feeling numbness

22:30 Being overwhelmed by stimulation and how that creates numbness

23:40 "What get's loud when you get quiet?"

25:40 Self-care tips to deal with numbness

36:10 Prioritizing self care when dealing with anxiety

38:15 Resensitization exercise

Whether you never got to be single because you met your partner young, you've been in a string of back-to-back relationships, or you're longing for the freedom that supposedly comes with the single life, this episode is for you. Yes, you can absolutely feel freedom in a relationship, but it's going to take radical responsibility on your part for your joy and aliveness. Tune in to discover how.

Links:

• Patreon will be closed starting 8/16/2026.

• Both Feet In is my community where you can access my core relationship anxiety relief curriculum, with PDFs, videos, audios, calls with me 2-3x/month, and a community feed to make connections with others on the same journey as you. Access that HERE.

• Pick my brain by submitting a Wisio: https://www.wisio.com/anxiouslovecoach

• Be in my world 1:1 for 3 months in my Overhaul program HERE.

Time Stamps:

2:10 Never having the opportunity to be single

4:10 Leaving your relationship to discover yourself

7:25 Self-care after a breakup

11:00 Ways to feel single in your relationship

14:48 Not being able to hook up with other people while in a relationship

19:10 Taking responsibility for your aliveness in a relationship

It's easy to focus on our partners and neglect our own "inner relationship." In this episode, my friend Luci Lampe and I discuss the balance between our masculine and feminine sides - yin and yang - for a better partnership. We also talk about aspects of the feminine archetypes that live within all of us that are often shamed and exiled – like the "slut" and the "crazy bitch"-- and how to love and utilize these parts in ways that serve us, so we can be more authentic, free, and full of aliveness.

Links:

Patreon will be closed starting 8/16/2026.

Both Feet In is my community where you can access my core relationship anxiety relief curriculum, with PDFs, videos, audios, calls with me 2-3x/month, and a community feed to make connections with others on the same journey as you. Access that HERE.

Wild Eros has been closed and discontinued.

Wisio:

https://www.wisio.com/anxiouslovecoach

Apply to work with me 1:1:

https://www.anxiouslovecoach.com/work-with-me

Time Stamps:

5:33 What is masculine/feminine union, and why is it important?

18:30 Collaborating in our masculine and feminine strengths

22:25 Toxic contexts for polarity

27:30 Getting sideswept by other potential partners when you are in crisis

29:00 The difference between dumping your emotions on someone and revealing your heart

31:00 The three exiled parts of the feminine: the slut, the witch and the crazy bitch

38:30 Properly integrating the exiled parts of the feminine

44:34 Being attuned to your body: a key to self trust

48:50 Coming into union with the masculine

In this episode, I share the costs of reassurance seeking, the act of trying to find certainty about your relationship. If you tend to constantly be searching for the perfect piece of advice (even from me!), you're addicted to the illusion of certainty as a means of feeling safe. Listen to this episode for things you can do instead to re-ignite the spark in your relationship and not dampen it through reassurance-seeking.

Links:

Patreon will be closed starting 8/16/2026.

Both Feet In is my community where you can access my core relationship anxiety relief curriculum, with PDFs, videos, audios, calls with me 2-3x/month, and a community feed to make connections with others on the same journey as you. Access that HERE.

Wisio: https://www.wisio.com/anxiouslovecoach

Apply to work with me 1:1 HERE.

2:28 Why do we seek assurance when we have relationship anxiety?

7:50 The hidden costs of assurance seeking

12:35 How assurance-seeking can make your partner seem less attractive to you

16:50 The importance of standing on your own two feet in terms of self-trust

20:00 The danger of becoming addicted to certainty

28:30 Healthier alternatives to assurance seeking

33:27 - Your partner is in their own process, they cannot come to your rescue

In this episode, I unpack one of the biggest hidden myths I see in society: that commitment = lack of freedom. If you struggle with commitment, I will share with you some reasons why you might be struggling, as well as some shifts that have helped me become more confident in committing with my whole heart and building a life I love and deserve.

• Patreon has been closed and discontinued. Both Feet In is my community where you can access my core relationship anxiety relief curriculum, with PDFs, videos, audios, calls with me 2-3x/month, and a community feed to make connections with others on the same journey as you. Access that here.

• Pick my brain on Wisio here: http://www.wisio.com/anxiouslovecoach

• I'm taking new clients! Apply to work 1:1 with me here: https://www.anxiouslovecoach.com/work-with-me

3:28 Why my partner found it hard to commit at first

7:00 I did pick a partner who was serious about me

8:45 Wanting to move forward for societal reasons

10:35 Moving forward will not change your relationship issues

11:45 Common fears about commitment

13:25 How judging others can lead to fears of certain outcomes in your relationship

16:19 The stakes of never committing

19:00 The importance of having a vision for your own life

20:00 The benefits of wanting what you have while still desiring what you don't have

22:50 My desire to create a legacy for myself

25:55 Cleanin up your side of the street

28:20 Regardless of how we feel, we know we have a life to build together

30:50 None of us are missing out

32:24 How making a commitment can grant you more freedom

35:15 You don't need to have the certainty to proceed