On this episode of Dear Black Gay Men Podcast, host Jai the Gentleman tackles two viral topics: the toxic truth about dating apps for Black gay men and the ever-controversial question of white presence in Black spaces.

📱 Dating Apps: Good for What?

We often say the dating pool is trash, but Jai argues we really mean the “app dating pool is trash”. Why is it such a struggle? The app landscape is split into three main groups:

* People looking for genuine love.

* People only looking to hook up.

* The majority in the middle who are okay with either, leading to unclear or too many intentions that make the app experience feel terrible.

As one creator highlighted, the apps are filled with questionable profiles—faceless pics and people who claim, “Nah, this is my only picture”. Jai and the chat agreed that the apps are good for getting sex, or perhaps a barber and weed when you’re out of town, but love is a tougher catch.

🚪 White People in Black Queer Spaces: The Gatekeeping Debate

The second half of the show dives into the conversation from the Surface Level Podcast episode, “The Blue-Eyed Soul: Can white gay men truly belong in black queer spaces?”. Jai makes it clear that he’s “all for gatekeeping blackness and black spaces”, preferring to create spaces welcoming to specific people who “look and walk and talk” like him.

The challenge is the concept of “belonging.” As one listener put it, “White gays don’t have culture or cultural awareness,” and they often show “entitlement” in Black spaces. For Jai, a Black space loses its vibe when whiteness is present, creating pressure to “code switch” and censor conversations.

Ultimately, for many in the chat, the home, the studio, and the car are safe spaces where “whiteness is not welcome”.

Are you tired of the app trash? Let us know: Are the dating apps yay or nay?

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