Before your autistic child can self-regulate, they co-regulate — through you.

Your nervous system becomes their roadmap. Your breath, tone, and posture tell their body whether it’s safe or in danger. This is why your steadiness matters more than any script or strategy.

In this episode, autism mom coach Lisa Candera breaks down the science and skill of co-regulation for autism parents — how two nervous systems sync, how stress transfers between you and your child, and how to use your own body as the anchor that helps them recover.

You’ll learn what’s actually happening in those intense moments — the fight, flight, or freeze responses you both experience — and how to interrupt the cycle by leading with your body’s cues instead of your child’s behavior. Lisa explains why co-regulation is often the missing piece in emotional regulation for autistic children and what it takes to build this skill over time, even when your own nervous system feels maxed out.

This episode goes beyond theory. You’ll get specific, repeatable tools for steadying yourself during meltdowns, transitions, or any moment of dysregulation, and see how these small shifts can reduce reactivity, shorten recovery time, and strengthen trust between you and your child.

In This Episode, You’ll Learn:

• What co-regulation means and how it develops before self-regulation
• Why your nervous system sets the tone for your child’s emotions and behavior
• The patterns that keep autism parents stuck in survival mode
• How your own body history shapes your reactions under stress
• Five practical ways to use your body cues as steadying signals during meltdowns

Links Mentioned:

• Schedule a consult with Lisa Candera
• Download The Autism Mom’s Meltdown Plan

You’ve heard me say it before: regulation starts with you.

But what does that really mean when your child is melting down in front of you, your body tightens, your pulse spikes, and your mind goes straight to “make it stop”?

This is not a mindset issue. It’s biology. Your nervous system is wired to mirror your child’s. When they escalate, your body reacts. You feel it. And that’s why prevention and control, as much as we rely on them, only take us so far.

You can plan every detail, anticipate every trigger, and still find yourself in the middle of a storm, running on adrenaline. Because in that moment, what matters most isn’t what you do, it’s how you are.

In Episode 184 of The Autism Mom Coach Podcast, I talk about what it really means that regulation starts with you. I share what happens when you meet your child’s distress with your own, how your energy shapes the room before you say a word, and how to steady yourself when everything feels like it’s coming apart.

You’ll learn:

• The difference between reacting and regulating

• How your body’s signals matter more than your words

• Simple ways to bring yourself back to baseline

Regulation is awareness. It’s catching yourself sooner, breathing before you speak, and becoming the steady presence your child can lean on.

🎧 Listen to Episode 184: Why Regulation Starts With You — because your energy teaches your child how to find theirs.

Being the Calmest Nervous System in the Room: It’s one of the hardest parts of parenting an autistic child. But this isn’t about being zen or unbothered. It’s about learning how your body reacts, spotting it sooner, and choosing steadiness over reactivity.

That’s why working 1:1 with a seasoned autism mom and experienced coach is a game changer!

If you’ve been craving support + skills to do tomorrow better, schedule a consult HERE.

Lisa continues her conversation with therapist and autism mom Janeen Herskovitz about the mental-health landscape for teens and young adults with autism. They talk about anxiety, burnout, alexithymia, and how parents can balance support, boundaries, and rest—for their kids and themselves.

• Mental-health shifts often begin earlier than we expect.
• Feelings live in the body; naming them is regulation.
• “School refusal” is often emotional overload, not defiance.
• Recovery isn’t avoidance—it’s necessary work.

Watching your child’s mental health shift can feel disorienting and scary. I know what it’s like to live on alert, waiting for the next crash, trying to keep it all together. What I’ve learned—personally and through coaching—is that recovery isn’t a pause; it’s the work. Rest and regulation are how we rebuild. The same applies to our kids.

Autism Blueprint Podcast

If your teen or young adult is struggling with anxiety, masking, or emotional overwhelm—and you’re unsure how to help without burning out—support is available. I work 1:1 with autism moms to build calm, clarity, and confidence in the hardest moments.

Schedule a private consultation at talkwiththeautismmomcoach.as.me

In this episode of The Autism Mom Coach Podcast, Lisa Candera sits down with therapist and Autism Blueprint host Janine Hershkowitz, LMHC for an honest conversation about the intersection of autism and maternal mental health.

Janine—mom of two autistic young adults and a psychotherapist with over 15 years of experience—shares how constant stress, high-alert living, and unprocessed trauma shape the nervous systems of autism parents. Together, Lisa and Janine discuss what healing can look like, how to create boundaries without guilt, and why sustainable self-maintenance is essential for both parent and child.

This episode is part one of a two-part series on Autism and Mental Health.

• How chronic high-alert living impacts the body and mind of autism moms
• What trauma looks like in parents of autistic children—and how EMDR can help
• Why guilt often masquerades as responsibility
• How to shift from fixing your child to leading your household with steadiness
• Real-life boundary work that protects both parent and relationship

• Regulation first. You can’t pour from an empty nervous system.
• Behavior is information. Over-functioning hides data about your child’s needs.
• Boundaries are leadership. Clear limits protect your energy and your child’s stability.
• Guilt is a false alarm. Learn to tell the difference between true accountability and internalized pressureot always better. Sustainable support beats constant doing.

🔗 https://autismblueprint.com

Lisa Candera is a solo mom to a young adult with severe autism and OCD, a practicing attorney, and a certified life coach. Through her coaching programs, she teach moms how to regulate their emotions, reduce anxiety, and parent from steadiness instead of survival.

🔗 Learn more: https://theautismmomcoach.com

🔗 Book a free consultation: https://talkwiththeautismmomcoach.as.me/

Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA) can be one of the most effective tools for helping children with autism—but it’s often misunderstood. In this episode of The Autism Mom Coach, host Lisa Candera talks with Alisha Simpson-Watt, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, Board-Certified Behavior Analyst, and Licensed Behavior Analyst who leads Collaborative ABA Services in Middletown, Connecticut.

Alisha explains why ABA therapy should never be a one-size-fits-all approach. She shares how modern ABA focuses on individualized treatment plans tailored to the unique needs of each child and family. As both a professional and an autism mom, Alisha offers a compassionate, real-world perspective on what quality ABA looks like today—and how the field has evolved toward trauma-informed, collaborative care.

Listeners will learn:

• What ABA therapy is and how it supports behavior change and skill building
• Common misconceptions about ABA and how the science has advanced
• The importance of parent training and collaboration in every treatment plan
• Key questions to ask when choosing an ABA provider
• Why it’s never too late to start ABA therapy—and why parents deserve grace in the process

If you’re an autism parent navigating the world of ABA, this episode will help you feel more informed, confident, and empowered to advocate for your child.

Alicia's Links:

Individual Accounts for Alisha:

LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/alisha-simpson-watt-lcsw-bcba-lba-866083280

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/leadingwithalisha/

Collaborative ABA Services, LLC

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100086038215957

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/collaborativeabaservices/

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/collaborative-aba-services-llc/

TikTok:  www.tiktok.com/@collaborativeaba

Youtube Channel:

https://www.youtube.com/@collaborativeabaservices

Collaborative ABA Store:

https://collaborative-aba-services-shop.fourthwall.com/

Welcome to Episode 180 of The Autism Mom Coach! This week I am thrilled to bring you my conversation with Melissa Gagne — special education attorney, autism mom, former educator, and the creator of a powerful new program called IEP Slay.

When I first saw Melissa sharing about IEP Slay on Instagram, I knew I had to learn more. As special needs parents, we are constantly surrounded by information — but not all of it is complete, accurate, or useful. And when it comes to IEPs and 504 Plans, sifting through endless research, Facebook groups, or Google searches can leave us overwhelmed and exhausted.

That’s why IEP Slay caught my attention: a one-stop membership resource curated by a practicing special education attorney, designed to help parents feel educated, prepared, and supported before, during, and after their IEP meetings.

In this episode, Melissa shares:

• Her personal journey from educator to attorney and autism mom.
• Why she created IEP Slay and how it’s built to empower parents.
• The tools and resources inside the membership, including legal breakdowns, scripts, templates, and emotional support strategies.
• How IEP Slay helps parents reduce isolation through a connected community.
• Details about becoming a founding member — with lifetime pricing and early-bird bonuses.

Melissa’s story is inspiring, and her mission to turn IEP advocacy into a movement is something every autism parent will want to hear.

🔗 Learn more & join the IEP Slay waitlist HERE.

✨ If you’re ready to take what you learn on this podcast and apply it to your own life, schedule a consultation with me: https://theautismmomcoach.com/work-with-me

This week on The Autism Mom Coach, I’m talking about the recent announcement linking Tylenol use during pregnancy to autism—and the harmful recommendation for moms to “tough it out.”

If you’ve ever blamed yourself for your child’s autism…

If you’ve felt judged for your parenting choices…

If you’re tired of hearing that moms are at fault…

This episode is for you.

As autism moms, we are already toughing it out every single day—navigating therapies, schools, meltdowns, doctors, and the constant undercurrent of guilt and shame. The last thing we need is another message telling us we’re to blame.

Inside this episode, I share:

• Why blaming moms for autism is nothing new (hello, “refrigerator mom” theory).
• The impact these narratives have on our mental health.
• Why autism is not your fault—and how to remind yourself of that truth.
• How to stop internalizing guilt and start having your own back.

Whether you’re frustrated, angry, or just exhausted from toughing it out, this conversation will give you validation and support.

Work with Me

Podcasts give you aha moments, but real change happens when you apply these tools in your own life. That’s what we do inside my 1:1 coaching program—helping you regulate your emotions, release the guilt, and show up as the mom you want to be.

📅 Schedule your consultation here: https://theautismmomcoach.com/work-with-me

How much of your child’s autism diagnosis do you share with other people? Some autism moms share openly on social media, while others share only when it feels necessary. In this episode of The Autism Mom Coach Podcast, I give you a simple 3-part framework to help you decide what feels right for you.

This is a question autism parents face often:

• Do I explain my child’s meltdowns or behaviors so others understand?
• Should I tell neighbors or teachers more to support safety?
• Can sharing help me feel less alone and more connected?

In this episode, I walk you through the three principles I use when deciding what to share and with whom: Clarity, Care, and Connection.

What You’ll Learn in This Episode

✅ Why there’s no “right” or “wrong” amount to share about your child’s diagnosis

✅ How this information can help others understand your child’s behaviors

✅ When sharing is important for your child’s safety and care

✅ How sharing can build connection and reduce isolation for autism moms

You’ve probably heard the phrase “spilling the tea” when it comes to gossip. But here’s the thing: we all have our own kind of “tea” — the stories we tell ourselves in our heads. And most of the time, those stories are stressful, judgmental, and downright exhausting.

In this episode of The Autism Mom Coach, is a light-hearted take on what it means to clock the tea you are serving yourself and why it is the key to interrupting the stories that are keeping you in a chronic state of stress and self doubt.

• Why your brain creates these “tea” stories in the first place.
• The difference between thoughts that feel true and actual facts.
• How believing your own negative commentary keeps you stuck in guilt, shame, and self-doubt.
• Real stories from me and my clients of learning to pause and “clock it.”
• A quick process you can use to catch yourself in the moment.

Here’s the truth: your brain will keep serving tea. But when you learn to clock it, you stop letting those stories run your life. You create a little bit of space between the thought and your reaction — and that’s where your power lives.

Want to go deeper?

If you’re tired of your thoughts running the show during meltdowns, grab my free guide: The Autism Mom’s Meltdown Plan.

And if you want help putting this into practice, you can schedule a consult with me here: https://talkwiththeautismmomcoach.as.me/.

In this week’s episode, I’m sharing a personal update as my son turns 18 and we navigate the realities of conservatorship, independence, and what the future holds. It’s bittersweet, and it has me reflecting on the very real fears autism parents carry about what comes next for our children.

To support you in this, I’m replaying an earlier episode on anticipatory anxiety—the fear of what might happen in the future, and how it drains us without preparing us. You’ll hear a client story, practical tools for calming your nervous system, and why staying grounded matters more than trying to control the uncontrollable.

What you’ll learn in this episode:

• Why anticipatory anxiety is so common for autism parents
• How fear of the future shows up in your body and your energy
• A real-life example of a mom preparing for her child’s blood work
• Practical tools for calming your nervous system before stressful events
• Why accepting “hard” as part of the journey can actually bring relief

If you’ve ever caught yourself bracing, white-knuckling, or walking on eggshells about what’s ahead—this episode is for you.