This episode covers when to see a therapist and when to seek out coaching, strengths and weaknesses of both (because all modalities have pros and cons), and what to watch out for. I'll also go over different types of therapy and different types of coaching, and which versions are good for what situations and challenges, in my perspective. 

This is part of a series of sessions that aim to help you understand the various options for help available to you. 

Get my free guide: 5 Steps to Start Solving Desire Differences
(Without Blame or Shame), A Practical Starting Point for Individuals and Couples, at https://laurajurgens.com/libido

Find out more about me at https://laurajurgens.com/

Ever want to know what actually happens in coaching sessions? This episode is story time. I’m going to give you a peek inside my office at what we did in several different sessions this week. Through these little stories, you will get a flavor of the kinds of activities we do in my particular coaching practice, and get a sense of the kinds of help available to you as an individual or a couple who wants to have a better love life. Take a listen and discover how progress and solving problems can actually be fun!

Get my free guide: 5 Steps to Start Solving Desire Differences
(Without Blame or Shame), A Practical Starting Point for Individuals and Couples, at https://laurajurgens.com/libido

Find out more about me at https://laurajurgens.com/

What can you do when you really want your partner to know what you want and they just don’t. You keep waiting and they keep not knowing and not doing it. You are disappointed, frustrated, or heartbroken (or all three). This is a recipe for disaster if you stay on the disempowering side of this. Take a listen and learn how to get out of this stuck place and move forward. 

Get my free guide: 5 Steps to Start Solving Desire Differences
(Without Blame or Shame), A Practical Starting Point for Individuals and Couples, at https://laurajurgens.com/libido

Find out more about me at https://laurajurgens.com/

This week we're diving into how "shoulds" sneak in and mess up our confidence, relationships, dating, and sex lives. Shoulds come from all kinds of places (society, religion, your grandma, that 2nd grade math teacher who said you had messy handwriting...whatever). They undermine us and our relationships, often subconsciously. Every time you let a "should" in, you're criticizing yourself or others and holding up standards you may not even believe in. Today I share a fun, easy tool to help you clean out your brain and free you up from these unhelpful, cognitive distortions. 

Get my free guide: 5 Steps to Start Solving Desire Differences
(Without Blame or Shame), A Practical Starting Point for Individuals and Couples, at https://laurajurgens.com/libido

Find out more about me at https://laurajurgens.com/

Everyone has an attachment style. Knowing yours will enable you to manage relationships effectively as an adult, not just react at people. You'll feel much more able to communicate your needs, and much more in the driver's seat of your own experience in relationship, if you understand your own attachment style. 

So join me while I break down the main attachment styles. I'll explain how to manage and even avoid conflict in relationships where you have different styles. 

Get my free guide: 5 Steps to Start Solving Desire Differences
(Without Blame or Shame), A Practical Starting Point for Individuals and Couples, at https://laurajurgens.com/libido

Find out more about me at https://laurajurgens.com/

In this special episode, I let you listen-in on a live session with client Kris (with her permission!). She and I tackle the topic of owning our own emotional desires when we’re in relationship. Think of our emotional desires just like sexual ones. Sometimes we know them, sometimes we don’t. Sometimes we want to ask for something, but we don’t really know how to ask. Or how we’re asking isn’t working – the other person isn’t receiving it the way we mean and we need to try something new. Sometimes we think everyone is wired the same way and of course they “should” know what we want…but just like sexual desires, that’s just not true. So we can’t expect everyone to magically know what feels good to us. This is true for sexual and emotional desires. We’re way way more likely to get what we want for both kinds of desires if we are asking clearly and not making anyone wrong – us or them. 

Notice how great Kris is at embracing the "no one has to be to blame" part. Please don't expect to be a pro so quickly -- she has done a lot of personal growth work to build her capacity!

To try this out at home: 

1. Notice what it is you actually want to FEEL – not just the action you want your partner to take, but how you want to feel. Pick one overwhelmingly desired feeling. 
2. See if you can challenge yourself to make no one wrong – your partner isn’t wrong for not understanding yet and you aren’t wrong for wanting it in the first place. 
3. Ask how can we use this to connect and learn more about each other? How can I share about myself vulnerably here? 
4. Assume that one thing you think they need to do isn’t available or is impossible for whatever reason. Try on sentences or alternative things your partner could say or do to help you get the feeling you want anyway. When I say try it on, I mean really imagine it and see how it feels in your body. 

Get my free guide: 5 Steps to Start Solving Desire Differences
(Without Blame or Shame), A Practical Starting Point for Individuals and Couples, at https://laurajurgens.com/libido

Find out more about me at https://laurajurgens.com/

Sleeping poorly really impacts your sex life. In today's episode we're going to look at this head-on. This is a super practical episode meant to offer concrete help. 

I'll share effective ways to sleep better, and what is reasonable to expect from yourself and your partner when there are sleep challenges going on. If you or your partner struggle with sleep issues, don't miss this one. 

Here are the 12 things to do to sleep better: 

1. Only use the bed for sleep and sex, and reading non-stressful materials. No tv, eating, phone. 
2. Time your caffeine, alcohol and chocolate ruthlessly. No caffeine 8 hours before bed. No alcohol or chocolate 4 hours before bed, and then only 1 serving. 
3. Exercise earlier in the day and be done by 3 hours before bed. You do need some exercise to sleep well, so don’t skip it, but it doesn’t have to be intense. 
4. Dark, quiet, cool bedroom with no tv. Use either light blocking curtains or an eye mask and ear plugs if you need them. 
5. Use blue-blocking glasses for any screen time in the evening. 
6. Regardless of your glasses, you need to turn screens off an hour and a half before bed. Seriously. Unplug. 
7. Darken your house when it gets dark outside – switch to lamps and led candles, dimmers down – or use amber lenses with blue blocking filters. 
8. Consider very low dose melatonin – like 1 to 3 mg, 1.5 hours before bed.
9. Keep a receiving and wins journal. Write 3 things you received today, and 3 wins each day. This helps your mind go to sleep with abundance rather than anxiety. 
10. Create a bedtime ritual of things that feel good to you. 
11. Get up and go to bed at roughly the same time every day. 
12. If you do wake up or can’t sleep, don’t just let your brain spin out in anxiety. Give it something lovely to do: fantasize, go to a beautiful place in your mind, or get out of bed and journal if you need to. 

Get my free guide: 5 Steps to Start Solving Desire Differences
(Without Blame or Shame), A Practical Starting Point for Individuals and Couples, at https://laurajurgens.com/libido

Find out more about me at https://laurajurgens.com/

It is super hard when you feel stuck in the Big No. You feel like you always have to say no to your partner. You may wish you wanted sex, but the truth is that you don't. There are loads of good reasons for that (see episodes 3 and 4 for many of them!). 

But it also just sucks to feel stuck there, worried about your relationship, worried if you'll ever feel differently. I am not here to tell you to change. In fact, I firmly believe there's nothing wrong with you. You are most likely having a very normal response to whatever the underlying situation is for you. We're not going to solve that in one podcast, but I can give you one simple thing to do to start feeling better. (It does NOT involve telling you to have sex when you don't want to!)
This is a simple and fun game to help you find what your body is a yes to, apart from sex. Check it out. 

Get my free guide: 5 Steps to Start Solving Desire Differences
(Without Blame or Shame), A Practical Starting Point for Individuals and Couples, at https://laurajurgens.com/libido

Find out more about me at https://laurajurgens.com/

Today is all about how to build rejection resilience.

How do you deal with rejection by default? How do you feel? How do you actually want to feel? We're going to dive into how to feel better when we don’t get what we want from someone. I’ll share the 4 options for responding to rejection. I’ll break down which ones undermine and which ones support continued connection so you can choose your own adventure in response to rejection. 

Get my free guide: 5 Steps to Start Solving Desire Differences
(Without Blame or Shame), A Practical Starting Point for Individuals and Couples, at https://laurajurgens.com/libido

Find out more about me at https://laurajurgens.com/

When you're struggling with your sexuality, it's important to understand the landscape of help and healing options available. Sexological bodyworkers are one type of sex professional that many people don't know about. They are particularly helpful for certain sex challenges, and can really be helpful for people with numbness, pain, or difficulty achieving orgasm. In today's episode, you'll get to hear an interview with guest Rahi Chun, sex educator, sexologist and sexological bodyworker. Rahi will explain what this field is about, his particular approach, and we'll talk over how to find this kind of practitioner for yourself and what kind of situations you may particularly want to seek out a sex bod.  

Key links:

Rahi's website: https://somaticsexualwholeness.com/

Sexological bodyworker directory: https://sexologicalbodyworkers.org/

More about NeuroAffective Touch (mentioned in episode): https://neuroaffectivetouch.com/about/what-is-neuroaffective-touch/

Get my free guide: 5 Steps to Start Solving Desire Differences
(Without Blame or Shame), A Practical Starting Point for Individuals and Couples, at https://laurajurgens.com/libido

Find out more about me at https://laurajurgens.com/