Welcome back for the next journey of The Family Express Podcast with Kathryn de Bruin and Ronda Evans where our destination is resilient and connected families. Today’s guest is Pendo Galukande, licensed counselor in Uganda and graduate student in the US, and we are talking about loss, genetic mirrors, and maintaining connection with loved ones beyond time and space.

All Aboard !

2:50. Pendo describes the silence around her parent's death and her work to maintain her connection with them in their deaths.

5:50. Pendo describes her frozen, silent response to her mother's death and how this was misinterpreted by the adults in her life at the time. She then describes the disorienting experience of how her home life and environment changed in her new adopted family.

11:15. She expands on how the silence about her mother's death was devastating and traumatic with loss of connection, loss of processing, loss with parts of self, loss of opportunities to grieve.

14:10. Pendo describes that her personal journey into the mental health field led her to read about experiences of the adopted child and the loss of genetic mirrors.

18:27. Pendo tells about the adult in her life who broke the silence about the stories and life experiences of her parents which at first was disorienting too since it was a whole new world compared to the business world of her adoptive family.

20:25. Pendo recalls her first experiences of genetic mirrors as adults exclaim that Pendo looks just like her mom.

23:40. Kathryn reflects on the deep emotional impact that genetic mirrors can have on a person and how it deepens the felt sense of connection with someone who has died, and the impact on identity development and sense of belonging.

24:45. Pendo and Kathyrn reflects on the implicit sense of belonging and security that can be built into sharing genetics and looking similar to those around oneself.

29:45. Pendo and Kathryn acknowledge the yearning to ask about the loved one who died, while silence has been the chosen path, and Pendo expresses gratitude that the adult in her life volunteered to share the stories and reflect the genetic mirrors.

31:40. Kathryn pivots us to the family therapy room and new creative questions we can be curious about when first getting to know a family.

32:40. Pendo remarks on how children need to be helped to grieve, mourn and retain connection in the aftermath of a loss.

35:30. Kathryn provides a recap of the link between death and loss, connection, attachment, belonging and the risk of not feeling that belonging and the link to emotional health and relational health.

37:50. Ronda offers the significance of 'breaking the silence' and how taking the implicit to the explicit in story among families, and in the family therapy room.

Thank you for listening! 

Kathryn de Bruin is an ICEEFT Certified EFT Trainer. Kathryn and Ronda are both licensed marriage and family therapists, EFT supervisors and therapists, and AAMFT Approved Supervisors.

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Welcome back for the next journey of The Family Express Podcast with Kathryn de Bruin and Ronda Evans where our destination is resilient and connected families. Today’s guest is Dalia Sileem-Naguib who will speak with us about engaging Muslim Families with Cultural Humility and Understanding. All Aboard !

Dalia opens our conversation speaking about the families she works with and the presenting issues and therapy experiences that parents/families would tell her about in the beginning of the therapy work together.

We touch on discrimination, Islamaphobia, and lack of knowledge, negative pre-conceived notions or assumptions about Islam and Muslim families that may deter family therapists from working with Muslim families.

Dalia describes that we are recording this episode during Ramadan, the holiest month in Islam, and describes that is a time of great self-reflection and focus on faith soul through taking away the basic necessities of food and water.

Ronda tells a story and that segues Dalia into talking about acceptable accommodations for Muslims.

Dalia provides listeners with the acronym of SALAM to help guide our approach to working with Muslim families. SALAM is inspired from the Muslim phrase Salam alaikum which means peace upon you.

S - safety. Establish safety to help clients feel safe and comfortable with therapist to explore the client's inner world.

A - appreciate. Appreciate that there is great diversity within every single individual and every single Muslim client, and within the Muslim faith and diversity in the people practicing.

L - lay of the land - Explore what is happening with this family and their presenting issue. What is the family having a hard time with?What kind of Islamic umbrella or foundation are they trying to instill? What are they dealing with in this environment that they're in? Is there a generational gap? Is there a faith-based level gap? Is there a developmental issue? And ultimately, the family disconnect comes down to a stuckness in the process of relaying these messages to each other. Dalia makes explicit that for many Muslim families the word fear keeps repeating itself -- fear underpins the stuckness. And for the kids, autonomy and acceptance keeps coming up. Can I be who I am ? Parents, can you accept me for who I am? Kids have been taught that they want the acceptance of their parents and ultimately Allah's acceptance, and the kids wants autonomy.

A - alliance. Establish a working alliance through being curious, open, non-judgmental, accepting of them the family as they are, and work towards buy-in.

M - modest. Approach Muslim families with cultural humility and modesty. Let them know that you don't know.

Dalia provides a generalized storytelling example of a family who is struggling with fear and acceptance and autonomy. Dalia explains that knowledge and awareness of the fears that are underpinning a parent's rules or shut down or refusal can be an antidote to the parental fears.

Dalia describes that Muslims and Muslims parents are guided by two things: the Quran and the Sunnah. Muslims are obliged to inform their children about how to navigate life, walking the path, walking the Islamic way, and then the parent submits. In Islam, the most important thing is to submit.

We clarify that clinicians can reframe the family stuckness, such as in this example, as a developmental issue, and it's not a religious or value issue.

Kathryn introduces the concept of faith development and wonders if this could be tricky to use with families. Dalia adds that a faith development could be helpful by then circling back to parents inform and then submit, accept where your kids are, submit to Allah and let go.

Thank you for listening! 

Kathryn is an ICEEFT Certified EFT Trainer. Kathryn and Ronda are both licensed marriage and family therapists, EFT supervisors and therapists, and AAMFT Approved Supervisors.

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Email: [email protected]

Website: www.egyceft.com

Welcome back for the next journey of The Family Express Podcast with Kathryn de Bruin and Ronda Evans where our destination is resilient and connected families. Today’s guest is Elizabeth Gillespie, MAC, MEd, LMFT from Boulder, Colorado. Our conversation centers the importance of connection with neurodiversity. All Aboard !

1:14 Elizabeth tells us how her path led her to work with neurodiversity almost exclusively.

3:47 Parents are feeling helpless, exhausted, financially worried and stressed, and medication is not enough, and they are in desperate need of support. They are in “fight more” as they advocate for accommodations. There are social struggles, and other mental health issues.

6:04 Neurodiversity is highly heritable.

8:05 When Elizabeth works with families experiencing neurodiversity, where does she start? Elizabeth tries to have the whole family attend the first session.

10:34 Elizabeth pauses to reflect on the complexity of these cases, including sensory struggles.

13:53 Families and kids experience frequent judgment for their behavior or responses to cues.

15:19 Elizabeth describes what their renovated office space will look like.

17:17 Elizabeth returns to reflecting on the quote by Patricia Crittenden and Kathryn and Elizabeth underscore the therapeutic alliance and relationship and the connection that comes with that is so key.

22:12 Elizabeth talks about Dr. Thomas Brown, and the new model of ADHD he created informed by research that centers on 6 components including emotional modulation and working memory.

27:45 Building connection and engagement through the creative way that reaches a particular client is critical because it soothes the physiological and sensory needs of that client.

28:50 Elizabeth shares an example from her life in which joining the intellectual understanding of a specific topic is part of the alliance building and connection because the intellectual topic is tied up in self-identification.

Thank you for listening! 

Kathryn is an ICEEFT Certified EFT Trainer. Kathryn and Ronda are both licensed marriage and family therapists, EFT supervisors and therapists, and AAMFT Approved Supervisors.

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Website

Welcome back for the next journey of The Family Express Podcast with Kathryn de Bruin and Ronda Evans where our destination is resilient and connected families. Today’s guest is Abraham Mehboob Alam, LMFTA (they/them). Our conversation today centers around identity development and some helpful guidelines in approaching family therapy with queer youth. All Aboard !

1:00 Kathryn and Ronda ask for Abraham's help and correction with any language bias, or closed mindedness heard in our questions or comments.

4:19 Abraham discusses being cautious and intentional about family sessions with queer youth/clients. Abraham describes using active listening for indicators about the parent's comfort and acceptance of their child's identity.

7:00 Abraham discusses the absolute need for collaboration with the minor client/youth in what is discussed in a family therapy session.

11:30 Kathryn and Abraham discuss the nuance of being intentional and cautious about topics addressed in family therapy sessions. 

13:30 Abraham describes possible ways that the EFFT therapist can respond to the parent's conjecture about their child's identity such as "how did you come to that conclusion?"

16:00 Abraham emphasizes maintaining a zoomed out approach to the conversation about their child's identity -- talk in generalities "so it can't be traced back to the client."

16:55. Kathryn makes explicit that the EFFT therapist needs to maintain close collaboration with the client about the focus/agenda of family sessions.

18:40 We discuss that identity development is a private matter until a youth is ready for their identity to not be private anymore, in their own time and way.

23:15 Abraham and Kathryn explore what it could mean about the family system if something noticeable is not talked about by the family.

27:00 Abraham makes the point that when therapists and parents are leaning in with curiosity to their child's identity development to also lean with openness to education and correction -- including the nuance between "who is my child going to be?" versus "who is my child".

34:00 Abraham leaves their final message to EFFT therapists: 1. do your own research/education and then take this back to the client, 2. be open to correction and feedback.

Thank you for listening! 

Kathryn is an ICEEFT Certified EFT Trainer. Kathryn and Ronda are both licensed marriage and family therapists, EFT supervisors and therapists, and AAMFT Approved Supervisors.

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Welcome back for the next journey of The Family Express Podcast with Kathryn de Bruin and Ronda Evans where our destination is resilient and connected families. Today’s guest is Dr. Katherine Stavrianopoulos. Our conversations centers around the unique developmental stage of adolescence with brain changes and the seismic relational shift. All Aboard !

1:39  Dr. Stavros tells us where she starts with families who are launching a teen.

2:33  Dr. Stavros frames the parent's concerns as wanting to help their teen.

4:20  Dr. Stavros leans into psychoeducation about the developing teenage brain

6:55  Kathryn turns this psychoeducation into an entryway to empathizing with the parent's frustration, and their meaning-making that comes from these repeat interactions.

9:37  Kathryn then moves from meaning-making to the parent's fears about losing their impact and influence on their teens, and their fears of "am I doing a good enough job?" (indicative of parental shame).

11:55 Dr. Stavros explains her own experience of navigating the teen years and how that increased her empathy for parents going through this developmental stage with their teens. Dr. Stavos tells us a story of a time when she faced her own fears of losing control – of losing influence on her son.

17:10 Ronda and Dr. Stavros talk about the seismic shift in the agenda going from the parent's agenda to a co-created "our" agenda and relationship between parent and teen.

19:00 Dr. Stavros says that a "successful" teen launch centers around the teen knowing that they will be loved and understood with their mistakes and through their mistakes, and the security in knowing they can reach for their parents when a mistake has happened.

22:25 Dr. Stavros describes the importance of parent's having self-compassion for their efforts to prepare teens for launching.

23:43 Kathryn emphasizes the role of therapists in supporting parents and validating the challenges of parenting, and helping parents to emotionally regulate so that parents can have balanced responses to their teens.

25:43 To launch a teen well, Dr. Stavros describes a teen will have an internalized embodiment of "knowing’: that when the teen turns to their parent, the teen knows their parent will respond. 

27:00 Kathryn comments that family therapists can facilitate this process through explicit, intentional conversations in our offices. Kathryn and Dr. Stavros describe that EFFT therapists can facilitate these conversations between parents and children – feedback conversations.

27:30 Dr. Stavros reflects on her experience of this conversation when she and her sons participated in the "Hold Me Tight, Let Me Go" program.

34:10 Dr Stavros returns to the notion of the developmental scaffolding of “co-creating” a parent-child relationship.

Thank you for listening! 

Kathryn is an ICEEFT Certified EFT Trainer. Kathryn and Ronda are both licensed marriage and family therapists, EFT supervisors and therapists, and AAMFT Approved Supervisors.

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IG: @kathrystavros

Welcome back for the next journey of The Family Express Podcast with Kathryn de Bruin and Ronda Evans where our destination is resilient and connected families. Today’s guest is Preston Herdt, LMFTA. Our conversation centers around helping families respond to suicidal thoughts in their children (abbreviated as SI). All Aboard !

1:10 Preston tells us about how we got started working with youth with SI.

4:00 Preston describes from the beginning that he helps parents "show up the best way they can with their children." He is listening for the emotional pain that is under the suicidal ideation.

5:30 Kathryn and Preston describe that SI in your child can be experienced as "uh oh!" moment by parents, and then the parents' fears are activated and the parent can go on high alarm.

9:50 Preston walks us through the general process of supporting parents, assessing the child and making appropriate referrals.

11:45. Preston describes having an emergency preparedness or safety plan for youth who have a history of suicidal ideation.

13:35 Kathryn and Preston discuss helping parents to assess accurately if this alarm is truly reduced and educating parents about the specific warning signs for their child.

14:40 Preston explores common fears that parents have and how their fears are connected to their attempt to understand if the risk has been reduced: 

19:00. Preston emphasizes the EFFT therapist needs to build a working alliance and trust with the whole family, and that the whole family, not just the child/youth, need support and stabilization.

21:15 Kathryn and Preston describe the different family experience between an externalizing child and an internalizing child.

25:30 Kathryn describes the importance of exploring a child's need such as having someone who is willing to explore and tolerate "the darkness". Kathryn uses the metaphor of a basement.

28:50 Preston describes the importance of the felt sense of emotional safety that a child feels in the therapy room that fosters the child's willingness to explore their own basement of darkness with a stronger, wiser, other person.

29:30 Kathryn and Preston explore that youth who are having SI really want to talk that "darkenss" out with someone. While that can be scary for others, Preston reassures families that talking about is helpful, and he dispels a common myth.

34:30. Kathryn makes explicit that Preston's approach to the assessment and safety planning process is in itself therapeutic.

38:05. Kathryn summarizes key elements of Preston's approach including slowing down the pace, focusing on the goal of de-escalation, being a firm stable presence, and seeking to understand.

Thank you for listening! 

Kathryn is an ICEEFT Certified EFT Trainer. Kathryn and Ronda are both licensed marriage and family therapists, EFT supervisors and therapists, and AAMFT Approved Supervisors.

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Website

Psychology Today Profile 

Instagram: therapywith_ph

Facebook: Preston Herdt Therapy

Welcome back to The Family Express Podcast with Kathryn de Bruin and Ronda Evans. In today's episode we honor and remember Sue Johnson, creator and founder of EFT, and we share our grief and loss with each other, and with our listeners.

Thank you for listening! 

Kathryn is an ICEEFT Certified EFT Trainer. Kathryn and Ronda are both licensed marriage and family therapists, EFT supervisors and therapists, and AAMFT Approved Supervisors.

You can follow Kathryn de Bruin

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Welcome back for the next adventure of The Family Express Podcast with Kathryn de Bruin and Ronda Evans. Today’s guest is Dr. Yamilka Urquiza and she will speak about her research into fostering empathy in kids. All Aboard !

1:41  Dr. Urquiza tells us about her upbringing in Cuba in a multi-generational households.

10:50 Her research findings included a reciprocity of caregiving between the generations.

13:00 Other findings included: for those now grown adults who had been a helper-caregiver as kids, they now had a positive attitude toward caregiving; also, increased empathy.

16:30 Dr. Urquiza shares her childhood experience of caregiving for her great grandpa in Cuba.

18:14 Through caregiving role/experiences, kids learn to think about others and the experiences of others and thus they grow their perspective-taking skill and empathy development.

19:48 The research participants who described having their own empathy and consideration of others expanded through the caregiving role/experience.

20:24 Kathryn describes the multi-generational context of her own kids are being raised in and how she helps them grow empathy and perspective-taking through conversations with them.

23:49 Kathryn expands their multi-perspective context to immigrant families.

25:10 Ronda describes her sadness about her kid being raised physically separated from his grandparents, and thus this opportunity for exposure to multiple perspectives is more limited.

27:09 Kathryn describes how attachment can be developed across time and space.

31:01. Dr. Yamilka describes how her son now, without prompting, goes to the nearby senior facility to pay saxophone for the elderly.

33:44 Dr. Yamilka describes her joy in finding this positive benefit of fostering empathy from caregiving when previous research had found negative impact and stigma.

Thank you for listening! 

Kathryn is an ICEEFT Certified EFT Trainer. Kathryn and Ronda are both licensed marriage and family therapists, EFT supervisors and therapists, and AAMFT Approved Supervisors.

You can follow Kathryn de Bruin

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You can follow Dr. Yamilka Urquiza

Email: [email protected]

Tel: (619) 786-0052

Website: www.halcyonfh.com

Welcome back for the next journey of The Family Express Podcast with Kathryn de Bruin and Ronda Evans where our destination is resilient and connected families. Today’s guest is Allie Zangari, LMHC, LMFT from Florida. Allie shares about her journey into EFFT. All Aboard !

1:05 Allie tells us how she applied EFT for couples to EFT for families.

3:00 Allie and Kathryn talk about how the flexibility in the EFFT session structure is helpful and at times can bring on overwhelm for the EFFT therapist. They begin to explore the duality of the in inherent EFFT map and structure with the freedom that EFFT offers.

8:00 Allie shares where she can get stuck: in helping parents become accessible, and identifying and accessing parental intent.

10:45 Kathryn validates Allie that when "mining for parental intent" is a struggle, one intervention we do have is to make that explicit in an empathic way, and this piece of work for parental intent may be done in individual sessions.

19:15. Allie and Kathryn discuss the importance of being transparent about emotional safety with a teen or adult child is critical in helping the teen or adult child in adjusting their expectations.

24:55. Allie explores how parents can continue to have influence on their children as they grow up be embracing two goals.

27:00. Kathryn describes the importance of parents reflecting on how they are perceived by others when the parent is in their protective strategy.

27:35 Ronda tells a story from her life about when her child reflected back to her about her protective strategy.

33:07 Kathryn tells a story from her life about when her protective strategy was reflected back to her.

36:10 Allie empathizes that secure attachment comes from the process of rupture and repair. All parents (and people) will have reactive moments and it is in the repair that holds so much attachment value. 

37:10 Kathryn describes the depth and breadth of what can be included in a repair conversation such "what advice do you have for me as a parent? What could I be working on?"

38:09 We explore the complexity that an EFFT therapist needs to respond to when a reactive moment occurs in session in stage 1. We describe how we can keep (or regain :-) our emotional balance in these reactive moments by narrating the structure and safety priorities outloud.

Thank you for listening! 

Kathryn is an ICEEFT Certified EFT Trainer. Kathryn and Ronda are both licensed marriage and family therapists, EFT supervisors and therapists, and AAMFT Approved Supervisors.

You can follow Kathryn de Bruin

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You can follow Allie Zangari

Email:    [email protected]

Website:   zangaricounseling.com

Welcome back for the next journey of The Family Express Podcast with Kathryn de Bruin and Ronda Evans. Listen along today as our guest Berenice Leon-Fonseca from San Diego, California shares her experience in working with families going through high conflict divorce cases using a family systems perspective. Our conversation focuses on the process in the initial stage of assessment and alliance building. All Aboard !

1:32 Berenice tells us the path she took to get to this destination.

5:19 Parental buy-in starts with a therapist who believes that the co-parenting relationship needs to be the focus.

6:14 Building a co-parenting relationship starts with the intake call.

7:20 The miracle question in the intake call

11:50 In the intake call, building alliance in these families means emphasizing to the parents that they have a voice with you as the family therapist

16:04 The first session is a parent-only session

20:00 To guide the treatment plan, Berenice will follow a court order including how much to involve a parent or whether or not to reach out to a parent

23:00 Getting access to the family system will be slower and the conceptualization will be slower, but it will get the family farther and faster.

23:50 Berenice tells us about a real life experience in which slowing down and leaning in to a parents’ experience can reveal so much about a family’s struggle including the negative cycle

32:35 Berenice talks about how therapists can equip themselves including facing our own fears and getting support and hope from leaning on others.

Thank you for listening! 

Kathryn is an ICEEFT Certified EFT Trainer. Kathryn and Ronda are both licensed marriage and family therapists, EFT supervisors and therapists, and AAMFT Approved Supervisors.

You can follow Kathryn de Bruin

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You can follow Berenice

Email: [email protected]

Phone: 619-361-1168

Address: 3511 Camino del Rio, S, Ste. 500 San Diego, CA 92108 

Website: heartandhometherapy.com