The Family Matters Show

When emotions are running high after separation, it's easy to make decisions that feel right in the moment, but can make parenting disputes much harder to resolve. Usually, it's not because the parents don't care about their children, it's because they're navigating one of the most stressful times of their lives. In this episode, Heather McKinnon and I look at some of the most common mistakes parents make during parenting disputes, why those mistakes happen, and what can be done differently to keep the focus where it belongs on the children. 

We've chosen to bring this episode back because its message is just as relevant today as it was when we first recorded it. 

Our little understanding early on can often prevent unnecessary conflict later. If you're currently navigating parenting arrangements or supporting someone who is, we hope this conversation provides practical guidance and reassurance. Let's revisit the conversation.

For many people going through separation, the idea of mediation or family dispute resolution can feel daunting. What actually happens in the room? Will you have to face your former partner? What if they dominate the conversation, refuse to compromise, or you become overwhelmed?

In this episode, Ben and Heather are joined by Alison Osmand from Osmand Family Mediation to explain what mediation is, how it works and what separating couples can expect from the process. Alison brings more than 30 years of experience in family law, including time as a Judicial Registrar and Senior Judicial Registrar in the Federal Circuit and Family Court of Australia.

Together, they take some of the mystery out of mediation and family dispute resolution, and discuss how preparation, structure and the right support can help people work towards practical outcomes. Topics covered include:

1. What mediation and family dispute resolution actually involve.
2. When mediation may be required during a family law matter.
3. What happens before and during a mediation session.
4. How mediators manage difficult dynamics, including conflict, strong emotions and one person dominating the conversation.
5. Why preparation, legal advice and a clear understanding of your goals can make a significant difference.
6. What happens if mediation does not result in an agreement, and the options available from there.

One of the most common, and emotionally loaded, questions people ask during separation is, "Can the children decide?"  Can they choose where to live, and who to spend time with, and how much weight should be given to their wishes.

In this episode, Ben and Heather are joined by clinical psychologist Kate Gray to discuss children's wishes in separation. Kate is Director of Family Focus Psychology in Melbourne and works closely with children and families navigating separation.

Kate helps us to understand the psychological side of children's wishes, including how influence, pressure and loyalty conflicts can quietly shape what children say they want.  Topics covered include:

1. The influences at play for children during separation.
2. How a child's age and stage of development affect their ability to form and express genuine wishes.
3. Situations where children are influenced without any parent meaning to pressure them
4. Legally, how children's wishes are treated in family law.
5. How the law balances listening to a child's views and protecting them for emotional burden.
6. What helps children feel safe to express their thoughts without feeling they're choosing sides.

This month, we replay one of our most popular episodes (second most listened in fact) which deals with the ins and outs of de facto relationships.  Ben and Heather explore a range of topics relevant to anyone in a de facto relationship, or heading into one.

1. What is a de facto relationship?
2. How long do you have to live together to be in a de facto relationship?
3. How does the law decide when the de facto relationship starts and ends?
4. What does the Court consider when deciding if a de facto relationship exists?
5. Is it possible to be in a de facto relationship and not be living together?
6. Is it possible to be in a de facto relationship while married to someone else?
7. Do you need to register a de facto relationship?
8. Is a de facto relationship any different to a marriage under the law?
9. Does the law treat a same sex de facto relationship any differently than a heterosexual de facto?
10. Does the law treat property disputes any differently for a de facto relationship versus a marriage?
11. Does the law treat children's matters any differently for a de facto relationship versus a marriage?
12. Can I apply for spousal maintenance after a de facto relationship?
13. Should I get a pre-nup or financial agreement before entering a de facto relationship?

Episode note (important): This episode was recorded before changes to property settlement provisions commenced on 10 June 2025. The way the Court determines a just and equitable outcome in property matters has been updated since this recording, so some legal references in this episode may now be out of date. Please seek current legal advice and refer to the Federal Circuit and Family Court of Australia and Attorney-General’s Department resources for the latest information.

When people think about separation, they often imagine conflict — lawyers on opposite sides, fighting it out on behalf of their clients. But in family law, that adversarial mindset doesn’t always lead to the best outcomes.  In this episode, Ben and Heather chat to Marius Eden from Ramsden Family Law about how strong professional relationships with "opposing" counsel can make a real difference to how clients experience separation, both legally and emotionally.

Topics discussed include:

• What does collaboration between opposing solicitors look like...and what does it not involve?
• The importance of professional respect in achieving good outcomes for both sides.
• How solicitors can handle genuine disagreement without becoming adversarial.
• How the way lawyers communicate influences whether a matter becomes combative.
• Are there situations where collaboration is not appropriate, and how to recognise and manage these?

People don’t usually walk into a family lawyer’s office asking how to reflect and evolve—but in our experience, a failure to learn from past relationships is often what brings people back. Again and again.

In this episode, Ben and Heather talk to Dr. Robyn Goodwin, a clinical psychologist from LSC Psychology in Sydney, to explore how to learn from broken relationships so you can move forward with clarity and reassurance.

Topics covered include:

• How strong emotions can get in the way of reflection and growth
• How to "process" those emotions
• How to reflect on what went wrong
• How to avoid blame and self blame
• The impact of repeating the same relationship patterns
• How to recognise when you're travelling down the same old road
• Advice for someone who feels stuck - like they can't get over past relationships
• Learning resources and advice for moving forward

Even for those who are relatively well-off, accessing joint assets during separation can be difficult—so where does the money come from to fund your life, legal expenses and basic needs in the meantime?

Ben and Heather are joined by Amanda Kerdel from JustFund, Australia's leading provider of family law and estate finance, to discuss the options available for funding your divorce or separation.

Topics covered include:

• Costs - what are the common expenses, and what's a ballpark range for typical separation costs?
• Shared assets - can these be used, and what may prevent the use of shared assets
• Borrowing from family/friends/banks - the pros and cons
• Litigation finance:
• Heather and Amanda share stories of how litigation finance is helping people to achieve justice

We’re revisiting one of our most popular early episodes — Getting a Fair Property Settlement.

Everyone going through a separation wants a fair outcome. The challenge is that your idea of “fair” and your ex-partner’s can be very different — and emotions or past hurts often get in the way.

In this episode, family law expert Heather McKinnon shares her top tips for reaching a fair financial settlement without unnecessary conflict or cost. Her practical advice remains just as relevant today as when we first aired this episode.

Key takeaways include:

• Agree early on what property and liabilities you both have.

• Do your due diligence — know your own and your ex-partner’s financial position.

• If you can’t agree on an asset’s value, agree to get a valuer.

• Don’t let emotional attachment block a sensible outcome.

• Get early legal advice to understand your best- and worst-case scenarios.

• Focus on fairness, not punishment.

• Consider a financial planner for fresh ideas and solutions.

• Mediate once both parties understand the full asset picture.

• Keep communication open.

• Wait 3–6 months after separation before finalising finances.

With the holiday season just around the corner, we’re bringing back a very popular episode from 2022 featuring Elisabeth Shaw, CEO of Relationships Australia NSW.

Elisabeth is also a highly experienced clinical and counselling psychologist, specialising in couple and family therapy, with more than 25 years of wisdom to share.

In this episode, Elisabeth offers thoughtful and practical advice for anyone navigating the festive season after a separation or divorce—a time that can bring up all kinds of emotions and logistical challenges.

We cover a wide range of topics, including:

• Why the holidays tend to heighten emotions and strain relationships

• The emotional impact of your first major holiday without your ex—and how to manage it

• Strategies for negotiating holiday arrangements for children

• Helping kids handle their own feelings around the season

• What to do if you're planning to travel with the kids

• Coping with loneliness or resentment if you’re spending the holiday alone

• And how to navigate holidays with adult children post-separation

Toward the end of the episode, Ben asks both Elisabeth and Heather for their one key piece of advice for couples facing their first Christmas apart—so be sure to stay tuned right through to the end.

In this episode of The Family Matters Show, Ben and Heather answer real questions from the Coffs Coast community - questions that might be on your mind too.

• Can I force the sale of a jointly owned home if we’ve only lived together 18 months?

• What can I do if my ex is demanding too much and I can’t afford legal fees?

• Do we really have to split parenting time 50/50?

• Can I stop my ex from introducing the kids to a new partner after just a few weeks?

• What are my options if my ex has stopped paying child support?

• Should my HECS debt be considered in our property settlement?

• What can I do if I suspect my ex is hiding business assets?

If you’ve been asking yourself any of these questions, this episode is packed with clear, practical answers.