The Gently Used Human with Dr. Scott Lyons

Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you felt small, invisible, or unable to fully express yourself? Where the weight of societal expectations or past traumas seemed to silence your voice and diminish your presence? 

In this episode Dr Scott is exploring the transformative power of reclaiming our space and amplifying our authentic selves with Eliza VanCort. Eliza is a multifaceted force – an author, facilitator, speaker, podcaster, and survivor. With a background in both performing arts and political science, she has become a renowned communication strategist and trainer, empowering others to stand tall in an often unnerving world. Her bestselling book, "A Woman's Guide to Claiming Space: Stand Tall. Raise Your Voice. Be Heard," is a transformative and intersectional tome that inspires women while enlightening men.

Listen in, as Dr Scott and Eliza delve into the art of effective communication, the role of intuition and connection, and the profound impact of body language and vocal control. Eliza shares her personal journey of overcoming a devastating brain injury that compromised her ability to communicate, and how that experience fueled her passion for helping others find their voice.

Together they explore the power of reclaiming suppressed parts of ourselves, the significance of accountability and repair in relationships, and the transformative nature of acting as a means to understand human behavior. Get ready to embark on a journey of self-discovery, embracing the courage to live life unapologetically, reclaim our souls, and expand our understanding of what it truly means to be human.

Topics We Break Down: 

• Key personality traits that contribute to effective communication.
• The role of body language and vocal control in communication.
• Barriers to communication and practical strategies to overcome them. 
• Explore techniques to reclaim your communication power and space. 
• Why you should never try to be someone else for the sake of others.
• Accountability as a pathway to repairing a fractured relationship.
• Learn how to prepare your emotions to be intentional in situations. 

In today's world, "trauma" has become a buzzword, but what does it truly mean to experience and heal from it? How do we navigate the complex journey of understanding our deepest wounds and finding a path to genuine recovery? And what if the key to breaking free from destructive patterns lies in understanding and appreciating the protective parts of ourselves?

In this episode, Dr. Scott is joined by Dr. Frank Anderson, a world-renowned trauma expert, psychiatrist, and author of the memoir, "To Be Loved: A Story of Truth, Trauma, and Transformation." Frank's journey from enduring childhood trauma to becoming a leading voice in trauma healing is nothing short of inspiring.

In this conversation, they’ll explore how slowing down and being present with our emotions can lead to genuine healing and how the next generation of trauma recovery will need to move beyond traditional therapy to include a collaborative and holistic approach. They discuss the repetitive patterns in relationships that stem from unresolved relational wounds and the critical inner work required to break free from these cycles, shedding light on how releasing anger and resentment can lead to self-compassion and personal growth.

Listen in as they delve into the transformative power of understanding our inner selves and the journey towards true healing. 

Topics We Break Down:

• Bridging the worlds of humanity and academia 
• Finding the elixir of eternal youth through the power of inner healing work. 
• Listening to and appreciating the protective parts of ourselves to understand how they are trying to help us.
• What it might look like to heal trauma in connection with the person who created the harm.
• Finding self-forgiveness through the path of forgiving others. 
• Breaking free of the habit of demonizing others 
• Unpacking the idea of healing your inner child through self-awareness and self-connection.

In a world where traditional relationship structures are being challenged and redefined, the concept of polyamory has emerged as a topic of both curiosity and controversy. In this episode, Dr Scott delves into the intricacies of this multifaceted approach to love and intimacy with Jessica Fern, a psychotherapist, coach, and author of "Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma, and Non-Monogamy."

Jessica's expertise lies in guiding individuals, couples, and those in multiple-partner relationships to transcend the limitations of reactive patterns, cultural conditioning, insecure attachment styles, and past traumas. Through her work, she invites us to explore new possibilities in life and love, challenging the conventional norms that have long governed our understanding of relationships.

Dr Scott and Jessica unpack the definition of polyamory and its place within the broader umbrella of consensual non-monogamy. They’ll confront the misconceptions and taboos surrounding this lifestyle, such as the belief that it is rooted in promiscuity or an inability to commit. Together they delve into the concept of erotic blueprints, a framework for understanding our unique desires and needs within the realm of intimacy. Jessica will guide us through the different styles of erotic blueprints, from energetic to kinky, and how understanding our own blueprint can enhance our connections and sexual satisfaction.

Listen in as they embark on this thought-provoking journey, challenging societal norms and embracing the diversity of human connection. Whether you're curious about polyamory, seeking to deepen your understanding of intimacy, or simply open to exploring new perspectives, this episode promises to be an enlightening and transformative experience.

Topics We Break Down: 

• Understanding Polyamory and Ethical Nonmonogamy: Definitions and different styles of consensual nonmonogamy.
• Evolution of polyamory terminology and common misconceptions surrounding ethical nonmonogamy.
• Guidelines for setting up rules and agreements in polyamorous relationships, and recommendations for couples considering polyamory.
• Differentiating between romantic, emotional, and intimacy needs, and understanding how emotional needs drive relational needs.
• Signs of healthy monogamous and non-monogamous relationships, including the significance of self-care.
• Recognizing the difference between avoidance and attachment in relationships, and the concept of an erotic blueprint.
• Navigating parenting within polyamorous relationships and why relationship success should not be defined by longevity.

* This episode explores topics of violence, abuse, and other forms of trauma. If you have the strength to listen, please do so with care.

Trauma is a universal experience that touches all of our lives in one way or another. Whether it's the shattering impact of violence or loss, the insidious effects of systemic oppression, or the lingering echoes of childhood adversity, trauma has the power to shape our lives in profound and often invisible ways. But what if the key to healing trauma lies not just in our minds, but in our bodies? What if the path to recovery is rooted in the very essence of our embodied existence?

In this episode, Dr Scott is honored to be joined by Dr. Peter Levine, the pioneer of Somatic Experiencing® and the developer of a revolutionary approach to healing trauma. Known as the father of trauma therapy, Dr. Levine has dedicated his life's work to understanding the intricate dance between our minds, bodies, and the traumatic experiences that can become lodged within us.

In this conversation, they’ll explore the evolution of our understanding of trauma over the past four decades, challenging the notion that it is merely a brain disorder. Dr. Levine will shed light on how trauma becomes encoded in the very fibers of our being, and how addressing it at a somatic level is crucial for true healing and resolution.

Together they will delve into the power of embodiment, the importance of feeling safe in our bodies, and the gradual process of reconnecting with traumatic sensations. Dr. Levine will share his personal journey of healing, emphasizing the significance of being seen and held in relationships, and the transformative act of sharing one's trauma narrative.

Listen in as Dr Scott and Dr Levine venture into the depths of the human experience, uncovering the profound wisdom of our bodies and the resilience that lies within us all. Whether you're a survivor seeking healing, a practitioner in the field, or simply someone who wishes to deepen their understanding of trauma, this conversation promises to be a powerful and enlightening exploration of the path to wholeness.

To avoid Dr. Levine’s account of sexual assault, please skip the audio between [28:23] and [29:30].

Topics We Break Down: 

• Dr. Peter Levine defines trauma and explains how it’s evolved in the past three decades. 
• How somatic trauma healing didn’t exist before Dr. Levine’s research. 
• The way trauma is held in the body and distinguishing trauma from stress.
• Understanding the value of an empathetic presence in your life after a traumatic event. 
• Semantics: the struggles of bringing a new medical solution into the mainstream. 
• Exploring the concept of being and doing enough and why this is always possible. 

Have you ever felt like the weight of your circumstances was holding you back from reaching your full potential? Like trauma or the negative beliefs instilled in you from a young age were shackling you to a life of limitation? 

In this episode, Dr Scott is joined by Nicole Walters, a force to be reckoned with in the world of entrepreneurship and personal empowerment. Nicole's journey is a testament to the power of resilience and the ability to rewrite one's story. From growing up in poverty to building a multi-million dollar business empire, she has defied the odds and shattered the glass ceilings that once seemed impenetrable. Nicole shares her inspiring tale, shedding light on the trauma of poverty and the messages it can send about self-worth.

But this conversation goes beyond just her personal triumphs. Together they will delve into the lies we tell ourselves to compensate for negative beliefs, the impact of childhood experiences, and the pressure of the hustle culture. Nicole will share her unique perspective on finding peace, defining success on her own terms, and the importance of taking bold action and reframing negative thoughts.

Get ready to be inspired, challenged, and empowered as we explore the depths of self-belief, the power of calculated risks, and the art of setting boundaries. Whether you're an aspiring entrepreneur, a seasoned professional, or simply someone seeking to unleash their full potential, this episode promises to be a transformative journey into the heart of what it means to own your power.

Topics We Break Down:

• Why collapse can be a totally valid stress response.
• Finding peace beyond the harm of narcissistic abuse. 
• What it takes to maintain the image of success and intelligence in the world.
• Applying statistics and math to create confidence.
• Three bold moves in one power hour.
• Why failure to grow is just as dangerous as failure to launch.
• The incredible value of knowing your strengths.
• Embodying freedom and understanding that it is your birthright.

In a world that often feels heavy and overwhelming, the ability to find humor in the everyday and share a laugh with others can be a true superpower. In this episode Dr Scott is joined by Brian Moller, also known as B Mo the Prince, a multi-talented artist whose observational comedy and relatable sketches have captured the hearts and funny bones of audiences worldwide.

After losing his on-air radio job during the COVID-19 pandemic, Brian embarked on a new path, producing comedic sketches and sharing them online. His work quickly gained traction, being featured in publications like The Boston Globe, Funny or Die, and US Weekly, among others. But Brian's journey is about more than just entertainment; it's about connection, healing, and the transformative power of laughter.

In this episode, Dr Scott will delve into Brian's approach to observational comedy, exploring how he incorporates generational differences and real-life experiences into his sketches. They’ll discuss the varying reactions and perspectives that different generations may have on the same subject matter, and how Brian navigates these nuances with humor and insight.

But their conversation goes beyond the realm of comedy. They’ll explore the responsibilities and challenges that come with being an online personality, and how Brian creates a supportive and positive community for his followers. They’ll discuss the importance of setting boundaries, maintaining a healthy online presence, and using open communication and support to navigate negative comments and heal.

Join in for laugh upon laugh, who doesn't need a laugh? Whether you're a fan of Brian's work or simply someone who appreciates a roaring chuckle, this episode promises to be a delightful and insightful exploration into the world of an artist who refuses to let life's challenges dim his light.

Topics We Break Down:

• The characteristics that define each generation.
• An influencer’s burden of responsibility.
• How the comments section and other negative feedback influence content.
• The way to navigate aggressive online attacks.
• A journey through the creative process.
• An interlude on the modern truncation of language.

Have you ever felt like you were living someone else's life, trapped in a narrative that didn't quite fit? Or perhaps you've experienced the transformative power of taking ownership of your story, rewriting the chapters that no longer serve you, and embracing the authentic self that's been waiting to emerge? 

In this episode, Dr. Scott is joined by Tara Schuster, a best-selling author, playwright, and accomplished entertainment executive whose journey of self-discovery and healing is as inspiring as it is relatable. Tara's story is one of resilience, of confronting childhood neglect and abuse, and of taking responsibility for her own life through the powerful acts of reparenting and self-care. In this conversation, they’ll delve into the importance of accepting and allowing suffering, and the transformative power of taking accountability for one's own narrative.

But this isn't just a story of pain; it's a story of understanding, forgiveness, and of seeing the underlying pain behind abusive behavior. Tara will share her insights on the process of understanding and forgiving her parents, and the profound impact it had on her own healing journey.

Together, Dr Scott and Tara also explore the practical aspects of self-care, the importance of structure and routine in making life easier, and the need to find one's own point of view, unshackled by limiting beliefs. Tara will encourage us to question our beliefs, to prioritize our values, and to live in alignment with the authentic selves we've uncovered.

Listen in as they embark on a journey of self-discovery, healing, and the reclamation of our stories. 

Topics We Break Down:

• Getting to the root of your trauma and accepting the things that happened in your suffering.
• How acceptance, accountability, and responsibility are not the same as assigning blame. 
• What we can learn from identifying and understanding personal values. 
• Making time for self-care 
• How there is no hack to healing, only discipline and hard work. 
• Trusting the process, introspection, and allowing yourself to make mistakes.
• Living in alignment.

In comedy, where laughter serves as both currency and weapon, the art of navigating perception, identity, and creative expression can be a delicate dance, requiring a good dose of bravery and self-reflection. Joining Dr. Scott is the multitalented Joel Kim Booster, a rising star whose work has both entertained and challenged audiences. From his breakout role in Fire Island to his Emmy-nominated writing and acting, Joel has carved out a unique space in the comedy world by pushing boundaries and defying expectations.

In this episode, Joel delves into the complexities of maintaining authenticity while meeting audience expectations. They explore how his stand-up persona has evolved over the years and the challenging balance between personal truth and public performance. Joel also shares his insights on the shifting landscape of comedy, particularly the nuanced discussions around identity and representation in an industry often resistant to change. Dr. Scott and Joel take a look at the concept of "punching up" versus "punching down” and what it teaches us about the ethics of comedy, before discussing the exhaustion of constantly deconstructing one's identity and the desire for creative freedom.

This conversation isn't just about comedy; it's about the human experience, the complexities of public perception, and the pursuit of authentic self-expression. Listen in, as they dive into the nuances of representation, diversity, insecurities, and forging a life in the public eye. 

• Life as a public figure and the unique challenges that accompany it.
• The strengths of punching up versus punching down in comedy.
• Resistance to defining the rules of stand-up comedy and what is off-limits.
• The concept of clapter and how it differs for left-leaning versus more conservative comedians.
• Unpacking the age of identity comedy and how it is shifting.
• The demands and complexities of representation.
• Dealing with the scrutiny you receive as a public figure and how people perceive you.

In a world where laughter can be a balm and a mirror, the art of comedy has evolved into more than just a source of entertainment. It’s a reflection of our shared experiences, a validation of our struggles, and a reminder that even in the darkest moments, there is room for a little levity. In this episode, Dr. Scott is joined by Manon Mathews, an actress, comedian, and social media personality whose witty humor and relatable content have captured the hearts of millions. 

With a following that spans platforms like TikTok, Instagram, and Facebook, Manon has mastered the art of connecting with her audience through her comedic sketches, observational humor, and sage wisdom. Together, Dr. Scott and Manon will delve into the role of empathy in comedy, exploring how comedians have the power to reflect and mirror the experiences of their audience, creating a sense of validation and understanding. They’ll discuss the challenges of receiving validation, particularly from parents, and how authenticity can be a powerful tool for self-expression and connection.

This thoughtful conversation will also touch on the impact of generational differences, the importance of taking risks, and the significance of self-expression through mediums like dance and movement. Manon will share insights into her creative process, the influence of repetition on audience expectations, and the motivation behind creating content that resonates. Listen as they celebrate the healing power of laughter and the transformative possibilities of comedy. 

Topics We Break Down

• Impressions as a love language.
• The challenge of being an empathic comedian. 
• What differentiates reaction from response: the power of pausing. 
• How parallel play can help to generate trust. 
• What we can learn from the Validation Reflex.
• Debunking the myth that the post-birth experience is bliss.
• How to bring in the witness in your everyday life.

In a world that often demands conformity, embracing one’s true self can be a profound act of courage. In this episode, Dr. Scott is joined by spiritual revolutionary, mystic, artist, and international bestselling author, Sah D’Simone. His journey has been nothing short of transformative, and he joins us to give a glimpse into his resilient path through anxiety, depression, and addiction to making an impact by helping others through the same struggles. 

From his grassroots work in orphanages, homeless shelters and rehab centers across the world to his critically acclaimed somatic-activated healing method, Sah’s expertise is rooted in a deep understanding of the mind-body connection and the power of kinesthetic learning. Offering us a glimpse into his book, Spiritually, We: The Art of Relating and Connecting From the Heart, Sah challenges us to shift our mindset, embrace compassion, and selflessness, and understand the power of conflict in deepening intimacy in our relationships.

Dr. Scott and Sah consider what it means to cultivate the superpower of authenticity and what that means for genuine connections, and the magnetization of friendships. Sah shares his insights on the impact of code-switching, the fragmentation of self, and the journey to embracing one’s true identity. Together, they will delve into the paradox of freedom, the illusion of manifesting reality, and the true values that bring meaning to our lives. Tune in as they embrace the messiness, beauty and transformative power of living authenticity. 

• Finding the freest version of your life by embracing authenticity.
• Find a healthy balance between your individual needs and your role in the community.
• Understand freedom as it relates to both yourself and your interactions with others.
• Recognize and appreciate people as complete beings to combat loneliness.
• Addressing Inner Experiences Restoratively: Deal with your inner feelings without blame, and focus on healing rather than punishment.
• Learn to handle conflicts and repairs in relationships to make them stronger and deeper.
• Mastering the art of mirroring and naming your needs to truly meet yourself and others.