This is not about working at your passions, or as my Dad, Dan Miller was famous for, finding the work you love. This is more about the tasks and activities you are engaging with in whatever work you are doing. Think about it like a football team. They are all playing football but they aren’t all playing the same position. So in the daily work you do, what position most excites you? What role are you most suited to fulfill? You could be working in a field that is a perfect fit for you, but you are in a role that is not. Conversely you could be working in a field you care nothing for, but in a role that is perfect for you. I’m bringing back a conversation I had with Jonathan Fields, host of the incredibly popular podcast, the Good Life Project. I’ve had Jonathan on my podcast multiple times and I just so appreciate his spirit and energy. He developed a test of sorts that will help you know what work role fits you best. Where you will be most inspired, or as he calls it, what sparks you? It’s free as well. Go to sparketype.com. As an example, my primary sparketype is Maker. I like to…make things. Build things. And while I build some physical things, most of my spark is in relation to building ideas. My second sparketype is Scientist, which is coming up with ways to make the idea happen. It then showcases what is not, my sparketype. This is not an excuse of what to do and what not to do, but to show you where you are best suited. For me, I continually strive to remain in the roles where I’m sparked, and delegate the other areas of my work to people who are sparked in them, and do a far greater and more efficient job. Again, you can take the test for free at sparketype.com and connect with Jonathan Fields at his podcast, the Good Life Project.

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As you may have heard on previous episodes here, I’ve grown a distaste for the concept of validation. It seems everyone wants to talk about their feelings and perspectives and then claim their right to be validated, even if their feelings and perspectives are incredibly misguided and harming themselves and others. I began putting my focus on self-validation and fulfilling the need internally instead of looking to others. It turns out, I wasn’t totally off base, but I was missing out on an opportunity to connect with people. I found out by having a deep conversation with Dr. Caroline Fleck, which you are about to hear. Caroline is a licensed psychologist and a world-renowned expert on the topic of validation, and her new book Validation: How the Skill Set That Revolutionized Psychology Will Transform Your Relationships, Increase Your Influence, and Change Your Life has already been translated in nine different languages. Caroline has an M.A. and PhD from the Department of Psychology and Neuroscience at Duke University and has become a highly respected voice in psychology which finds her featured in national media outlets, such as The New York Times, Good Morning America, and The Huffington Post. When I got the request to have her on the show, I replied back to her personally, sharing my reservations, and asked if she was game to discuss my skepticism on validation. She was, and I got great value and insight into what validation is and is not, and how I can better use it to authentically connect with people, even if I do not at all align or support their perspective. I believe you’ll find great value here. drcarolinefleck.com

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The answer? I fervently believe there is no one answer. After a lifetime pursuing personal performance and human potential, I struggle with anyone who claims to have a so called solution for what it takes to transform us. But, are there principles? And can we gain understanding of core concepts that are nuanced from one person to another? This I do have faith in. So we’re going to talk with someone who has had a profound journey of personal transformation. Mitch Albom. Many know Mitch as the author of the book, Tuesdays With Morrie in which he shared a journey that radically changed who and how he was forever more. Since then he’s authored more books and shared more stories of transformation. Mitch is not just a best selling author. He’s royalty, having sold well over 40 million copies of his combined books. In this episode I bring back a discussion I had with Mitch about his book, The Stranger In The Lifeboat. Mitch gets billed as writing messages where the spiritual and the earthly collide, and I experience this strongly in The Stranger In The Lifeboat. I started our conversation simply talking about personal transformation. Mitch shares his own radical life change that resulted in the Tuesdays With Morrie book and in the 20+ years since then, his continual transformation has been his devotion. So what does it take to transform a life? Our lives? We got deep into the very tenets of faith and our cultural views of God, and our personal journeys. www.mitchalbom.com

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My only family heirloom is my Dad’s 1960s stereo console he had at boarding school. As a kid my parents listened to the music of that time and I’ll always have a special place for the likes of Barbra Striesand, The Bee Gees, and James Taylor. Around the age of seven a family friend gifted me with a transistor radio and though I had a couple dogs, my best friend became music, and the love affair not only never ended, it continues to flourish. I’ve always felt music was more than just a mere accoutrement to life but had never dug into any psychological research. Until now. What you are about to hear I feel will elevate your utilization of music to improve your life. Sara Leila Sherman is my guest. Sara is a big name in the New York music scene. She’s a distinguished classical musician and a graduate of the Manhattan School of Music and has performed at Lincoln Center, Steinway Hall, Yamaha Artist Salon and all the impressive places. But it’s her interest in blending music and mindfulness that got my attention. Sara has pioneered innovative approaches that empower educators and parents to use music as a tool for mindful learning and personal growth. Sara is a music lover, from classical to pop. She grew up with a Dad, Mort Sherman, who loved music and ingrained Sara in its glory and power. Together they’ve written a book, Resonant Minds: The Transformative Power of Music, One Note at a Time. I brought Sara on to help understand why I’ve felt so much power and resonance in music. One aspect you’re about to hear is Sara’s research into how music engages all the parts of your brain, so it makes sense that when you feel emotions or have experiences accompanied by intentional music, it makes a bigger impact on you. That info alone was worth the conversation. But we covered…more. https://www.resonantminds.com/

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In the past year and a half much of my research on personal evolution has been around the concept of reality and how we perceive it, or rather, how we do not perceive it. As I gear up to offer you some new and I feel revolutionary concepts, in this episode I’m replaying a conversation I had on the topic of reality, with best selling author Jon Acuff. Jon is the New York Times bestselling author of seven books, and our focus in this conversation is his book, Soundtracks: The Surprising Solution To Overthinking. This was the second time I had Jon on the podcast and he has a skill for bringing profound personal development messages to us in an entertaining and I feel highly digestible perspective. I admire his way to connect with where people are in the so-called reality of their lives. A reality that as you're about to hear, he says we manufacture, and I sincerely agree. We dig into issues such as; We think our memory is a GoPro recording of “reality”, when in fact we're just filtering it through our own cognitive bias, one that has a quick decline in memory consistency. But we base our beliefs on it. Jon asks, “Why is it so easy to repeat negative soundtracks about myself internally and so hard to repeat positive soundtracks about myself externally?” The premise of the book and message is that we are living from soundtracks in our mind that we often need to Retire, Replace, then Repeat with new ones, over and over. Jon discusses with me how our brain has a habit of negativity and consistently lies about our memories, confuses fake trauma with real trauma, and steadfastly believes what it already believes. You can find Jon’s book, Soundtracks, anywhere, and connect with him at acuff.me where he has a new offering, the Soundtracks Conversations Card Deck.

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One of the greatest joys and fulfillments of life is helping another person. Not through the base obligations we have to family, but to reach out when we don’t have to and help lift another person up. But I find two problems that arise for most all of us; we don’t know where to plug in to really help others and when we do happen to see opportunities to serve they often feel ill fitting for who we are. So we have good intent and don’t get to apply it. Queue up my guest today, Neil Ghosh. Neil is a renowned social entrepreneur, humanitarian, and philanthropist. He has written a book that to me is both inspiring, and incredibly equipping as a resource manual for doing good in the world. The book is aptly titled, Do More Good: Inspiring Lessons From Extraordinary People. The forward is from the Dalai Lama himself, and the book is endorsed by such notable figures such as President Bill Clinton and Nobel Peace Laureate, Professor Muhammad Yunus. Neil has the book in three sections, Sit, Rise, and Act. They showcase three ways we can serve the world according to our personal style, in essence. Then in each category he highlights 10 or so people, some famous, some not, and he shares how they uniquely bettered the world, the lesson we can learn from how and what they did, and then shares a list of organizations we can engage with to help in a similar way, plus ways we can embody the way of serving, in our lives today, right where we are. I was incredibly inspired in this conversation with Neil and feel you’ll leave enthused and equipped to give of yourself in new and uplifting ways. You can find Neil’s book, Do More Good, anywhere and connect with him at neilghosh.net

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Most people have heard of The Inklings, the informal literary discussion group based in Oxford, England in the 1930s and 1940s, known for fostering the writing and development of fantasy and other genres and specifically the greatest writings, and friendships, of authors such as C.S. Lewis and J.R.R. Tolkien, of The Chronicles of Narnia and Lord of The Rings fame. I am a great, great fan of Lewis and Tolkien and have always been enamored with this group they were a part of that met consistently for nearly two decades. A few years back I was introduced to a book called Bandersnatch: C.S. Lewis, J.R.R. Tolkien, and the Creative Collaboration of the Inklings. It was written by Diana Pavlac Glyer, a professor in the Honors College at Azusa Pacific University in Southern California where she teaches literature, history, theology, and philosophy in an integrated Great Books curriculum. In Diana’s book, Bandersnatch, she uses her research on The Inklings to explain what we can learn about creativity, productivity, collaboration and community. What I discovered from Diana was that this group of authors didn’t just meet to discuss and refine their work, but they were intrinsically involved in each other's work and not only spurred each other on, but actually sparred with each other. Diana greatly dispels what she refers to as, “the myth of the solitary genius.” The charge and takeaway from this conversation is the opportunity and great benefit we can derive from really investing in other’s pursuits. A structure I continue to grapple with creating, but am enamored with, as here is a group of people who did it, it helped create wild success, and we really struggle to follow their example. You can find Diana at dianaglyer.com

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Most of us think of ourselves as adults. But how often are we reacting and functioning with a lesser level of maturity and wisdom than we’d like? Than what is productive? My guest in this show is licensed therapist and holistic life coach, Michelle Chalfant. She has developed a psychological model called, The Adult Chair. She hosts a very popular podcast called, The Michelle Chalfant Show - Life from The Adult Chair. And she’s just published a book titled, The Adult Chair: Get Unstuck, Claim Your Power, and Transform Your Life. Michelle has defined three levels of our life, child, adolescent, and adult. And helps us understand how, even as an adult who responds to many things as an adult, we are often stuck in reacting as an adolescent and as a child. She maps out five steps we can take to get more of ourselves, responding from our adult chair. We get candid in talking about emotions and validation and get a more clear understanding of how we can, evolve. If you get Michelle’s new book, then go to adultchair.com/book and you can get access to her masterclass. But I encourage you to check out her podcast The Michelle Chalfant Show - Life from The Adult Chair.

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There is a lot of content out these days about attention, attention spans, and distraction. What is with the seemingly dramatic deficit we have with attention? I know for myself, I seem to look for distraction and struggle to focus, even when I’m greatly interested in what I’m working on. I make it harder for myself when I have access to all my internet connected devices. I’m bringing back a conversation I had with an expert on the matter. Dr Amishi Jha is a professor of psychology at the University of Miami where she serves as the Director of Contemplative Neuroscience for the Mindfulness Research and Practice Initiative. Amishi’s work has been featured at NATO, the World Economic Forum, The Dalai Lama's Vision Summit, and The Pentagon. She has received coverage in The New York Times, NPR, TIME, Forbes and more. She is the author of the book, Peak Mind, which we discuss in this show.  Amish has spent nearly 30 years researching the science of attention through extensive work with the US Military, medical professionals, elite sports teams, and more to address the issue. Her TED Talk on "How to Tame Your Wandering Mind" has nearly 6 million views. We spend every day tuned in to screens whose sole purpose is to get our attention, to the degree we now must make a focus on, “How do I get my own attention?” Our attention is in many ways, the only power we have. The only thing we have an influence and impact on, the only thing we can help or find success in or enjoy, is what we give out attention to. We all know the concept of budgeting our money, and our time. Now we’re faced with budgeting our attention, and if we can’t control our attention, all hope seems lost toward much progress in our lives. That’s why we have Amishi with us now. Find her at amishi.com

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I find there are few things as intoxicating as someone who is really interested in you. You feel they care about you, they value you, and they are curious to hear about you. This is something you can define and do, if you understand the key components. So I have an expert on listening with us. But before I introduce them, one issue that stuck out to me was, the idea of becoming and being an expert listener, is to connect. But, I don’t want to connect with everyone. My goal is not to have everyone think I’m a great listener, because I don’t want to connect with everyone. I don’t think anyone does. I realize when I am trying to listen with endurance and tolerance when I don’t really want to, I’m actually hurting the relationship. You can hear more on this in the show. My expert guest is Emily Kasriel Emily is an award-winning journalist, editor, and media executive who worked for over 20 years at the BBC. She developed the Deep Listening approach during her time as a Senior Visiting Research Fellow at King’s College London’s Policy Institute, building on her expertise as an accredited executive coach and workplace mediator. Emily connected with me from her home in London and I feel we had a very real and sober discussion not only about how to be an expert listener, but to be authentic about when we want to listen, or not. The 8 steps we walk through on listening come from her new book, Deep Listening: Transform Your Relationships with Family, Friends, and Foes

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