The Masterful Coach

This week on the podcast, I'm diving deep into a topic that's close to my heart—how a thought-work only approach to coaching can be not just limiting but downright detrimental. Trust me, I don't use the word "detrimental" lightly. It's a strong term, and I'm here to unpack why I believe it's crucial to broaden our understanding of transformation beyond mere thought management.

Typically, I like to keep my energy positive, but today's message carries a weight that I can't ignore. Too many mindset coaches are feeling frustrated with their thoughts, emotionally activated, or caught in a cycle of self-criticism that no amount of "mind management" seems to alleviate. If you've ever sensed that something is missing in a thought-work-only approach—whether for yourself or your clients—you are sensing something important. 

I've been in that dark place personally and coached dozens of people who found themselves there too. I've witnessed firsthand how an overly simplistic focus on thoughts can lead to critical self-judgment and emotional distress. While it's always been a priority for me to help my clients soften that harsh internal dialogue and create safe practices, I'm speaking out now more than ever about what every coach must know.

While I've touched on elements of this topic in the past, this week, I'm taking a stand. If you believe that thoughts are everything when it comes to transformation, it's time to reconsider. Yes, changing your thoughts is powerful. But when we use thought work in isolation, it can also be damaging. This thought work only perspective neglects vital scientific insights about how our thoughts, emotions, and nervous systems interact.

If you're feeling a bit of resistance to what I'm saying, that's okay. I understand. I once fully embraced the notion that all problems stemmed from thoughts. While I saw incredible transformations during my early coaching years, it wasn't long before I began noticing adverse effects among my clients. At first, I attributed these to a "misuse" of thought work. But the reality was more complex.

The key takeaway here is simple yet profound: not all feelings arise from thoughts. Emotions have their own narratives and are often stored within our bodies, carrying important messages. The nervous system plays a crucial role in this interplay, and a "thoughts create feelings" perspective ignores that. In fact, 80% of messages travel from our bodies to our brains, not the other way around.

For example, a sympathetic nervous system response can hijack your thinking, shutting down your prefrontal cortex—the part of your brain responsible for rational thought. This is why relying solely on thought work can backfire. Ignoring the emotional and physiological aspects of our experiences can heighten trauma responses and create a cycle of cognitive bypassing.

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Redefining success is an empowering process that leads to genuine fulfillment. By embracing internal journeys, focusing on intrinsic motivations, and valuing inherent worth, individuals can break free from societal pressures and achieve a more balanced and meaningful life.

Confidence is a cornerstone of personal and professional success, yet many struggle to define or cultivate it.

Confidence and success are two words often thrown around in the world of coaching and personal development. However, their true definitions go beyond surface-level interpretations. Delving deep into these concepts can reveal profound insights and strategies essential for coaches and their clients. This blog post encapsulates a recent enlightening conversation, providing valuable takeaways for those seeking to transform their approach to confidence and success.

Confidence often feels like an elusive quality that many strive to define and cultivate. Rachel Brooks says it's not just about exterior accomplishments or outward appearances. True confidence starts within.

Rachel elaborates that real confidence is about sifting through life experiences to discern what serves us in the present moment. It's about validating what's inherently valuable and beautiful within oneself, something easily dismissed in the rush of daily life.

Confidence, like many admired traits, starts from within. This journey often involves rediscovering and nurturing an inner spark that life's challenges might have dimmed. Individuals can gradually transform their external realities by focusing on what's within.

The butterfly's struggle to escape its cocoon is a perfect analogy. This struggle is not just a hardship but a necessary process that enables the butterfly to develop strength. Similarly, life's challenges, traumas, and societal pressures shape us as individuals and can lead us to evolve into more confident and capable versions of ourselves.

The concept of success often correlates with achievements and external validation. However, we challenge you to redefine your definition of success and focus on the importance of fulfillment.

Fulfillment is subjective and varies from person to person. It's an art that requires introspection and alignment with one's core values and purpose. Rather than working to acquire accolades, focus on finding genuine fulfillment in your daily activities. Redefining success by focusing on what brings you joy is part of how you can uniquely bring your gifts to your coaching clients and others.

Rachel Brooks is a multi-passionate entrepreneur, speaker, author, and podcaster. She founded and created "The Confident Woman," a lifestyle and media brand focused on empowering and equipping women with the tools and resources they need to create lasting change from within. Her journey and expertise provide a solid foundation for her message: true confidence comes from within, and every woman has the potential to rediscover and amplify it.

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Strategies To Expand Your Coaching Tool Box

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Coaches today face a unique challenge in balancing their passion for helping others with the pressures of managing a business and personal life. Emotional resiliency and nervous system regulation are vital in achieving sustainable success as a business coach and in your personal life. 

Emotional resiliency is more than just a buzzword; it is the foundation of effective coaching and personal development. Coaches often operate under the assumption that sheer willpower and a positive mindset can overcome any obstacle. However, emotional resiliency involves a deeper connection to oneself, recognizing and managing emotions, and building the capacity to navigate highs and lows gracefully and efficiently.

Michelle transitioned from practicing law to becoming a master coach, a journey deeply influenced by her experience with burnout during the pandemic. Her story echoes the experiences of many coaches who find themselves overworked and seeking a more balanced, impactful approach to their careers. Michelle realized that serving others while neglecting her emotional and physical well-being was not sustainable. This pivotal moment led her to explore life coaching and develop a passion for helping moms regulate their nervous systems.

The nervous system is crucial to how individuals experience and respond to stress. Learning to regulate the nervous system can transform personal and professional lives. Coaches and their clients often operate from a place of survival brain—a state where stress and fear dominate decision-making processes. By focusing on regulating the nervous system, individuals can create a sense of safety, leading to more effective communication, better decision-making, and overall well-being.

Mirror neurons are responsible for the subconscious imitative behavior seen in humans. For example, when a person smiles or nods, those observing are likely to mimic these actions without conscious thought. This phenomenon is particularly significant in coaching and parenting, where the emotional states of coaches and parents are mirrored and internalized by clients and children.

Hey Friend, I'm Michelle. Law professor turned master life coach and podcaster with big dreams, growing kiddos, and the world's sweetest husband. I'm passionate about teaching you how to regulate your nervous system. My Mission is to support women in overcoming anxiety, overwhelm, and burnout. So, kick that mom guilt to the curb. Say goodbye to the exhaustion and overwhelm. Learn how to unlock the stress cycle. This is about a better, healthier you.

Michelle's Website

Are you curious about improving your leadership skills? Join the Coach Certification and Leadership Training Program and not only improve your skills, but start implementing effective, long lasting change.

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Have you ever noticed that the coaching industry is like the wild-wild West?! 

There are no rules, and no regulations, and things can get a little out of hand to be honest. In fact, just last week I saw a coach’s sales pitch that made me sick to my stomach. The promise? To heal deep emotional wounds in 90 days or less, discouraging people from doing EMDR and other therapeutic practices that are evidence-based. 

Listen, coaches, this DOES NOT need to be discouraging. We can see this as an opportunity to rise and make the coaching industry better. Educate yourself, Learn all you can. Be a safe and ethical coach. There are good reasons that Master Coach Training (and every coach training and program that I offer) is holistic. This means we are taking into account the “whole person” view of your client. When you can understand more about the nervous system, emotional processing, and safe cognitive coaching practices- you can be incredibly effective and hold your head high. 

Today’s post is focused on how your unique coaching program can bring a little structure to this wild-wild west. Your program can distinguish you from the work a therapist or other mental health professional does. It can also bring clarity to your potential clients as to how you help them. Many coaches have a more “open” process and struggle to define it with a program. If this applies to you, you might be surprised at how a structured approach can be more open than you realize, while creating phenomenal results. 

What is a coaching program? Why is it important? How do you get started with creating it? 

In one of my signature offers, Create Your Killer Program (CYKP), I walk my clients through the process step-by-step of creating a unique program. Creating a program is much simpler than you may realize, but when so much is unknown, it can be overwhelming. Let’s talk about 5 reasons you need a clear coaching program.  

Most people don’t know what coaching is. “Coaching” is a catch-all term for various types of services. Consulting, business advice, emotional processing, and mindset work; are just a few categories within the coaching umbrella. While it’s becoming more popular, you must assume that most people don’t know what you do, and (more importantly), they don’t know what it means in practical terms for them. When people feel uncertain, they won’t buy. A clear, specific program with a strong marketing offer will communicate to people what results they will get from working with you. It will take what is vague and intangible, to something much more concrete. In CYKP my clients create a clear program, but also a clear marketing statement for it - it makes all the difference! 

When you sell coaching, you are selling nothing.  Few people are looking for coaching, many people are looking for help in solving their problems.  When you have a clear coaching program set, it helps you define and refine how you speak to your ideal clients. With no clear program outlined, many coaches find themselves stumbling over their words to explain to people what they do. This breeds insecurity, imposter syndrome, and a pile of regret and embarrassment after a conversation. A clear program gives you words to speak and a plan that your clients can understand. 

People want change and it IS possible. The fields of neuroscience and positive psychology are revealing more each day about what is possible to create lasting change. We now understand that even as adults, we can create greater neuroplasticity in our brains. This means we can continue to adapt and change how the brain is working - and make sure it is working for us. Create a program that supports these permanent changes with your client - it impacts their entire life with a huge ripple effect! We dive into the elements of an effective program in CYKP. Those foundations make a big difference when it comes to giving your clients results. 

A coaching program can differentiate you from therapy. I always say there is a distinct line and also a completely blurry line between coaching and therapy. Why? As coaching, we are supporting positive mental, emotional, and behavioural changes. There will naturally be crossover and I believe that coaching and therapy done well can have a beautiful partnership. Sometimes simultaneously for your clients, and sometimes one after the other. The distinct line comes when you recognize trauma, personality disorders, or other mental illnesses that are outside the scope of your practice. By clearly defining your program and the language around it, you can show the difference between the repair of therapy vs. the growth and forward motion of coaching. 

The right coaching program will make results inevitable (and trackable).  Many coaches who come to me have more of an “open style” of coaching where throughout the coaching relationship there is a flow of topics and progress that were never anticipated. For this reason, many coaches resist creating a program, or they simply struggle to understand how to begin. I highly recommend that every coach create a clear program, with trackable milestones, and build in complete flexibility and options to personalize. After all, THIS is what coaching is all about! AI and Google searches contain more answers to life’s problems than any of us can digest! Your clients want personal help and support, and you (not ChatGPT), can give them to them. In CYKP, I teach a unique process to ensure that you can always “adapt and tweak” whatever you’ve created. Once you have the fundamentals of your program, the possibilities are endless, even about how you deliver the content - 1:1, course, group offering - it’s all a variation of the same thing. 

Client testimonials are a key component to coaching success. In the ever-evolving world of coaching, creating an impactful and successful practice requires more than just passion. It involves a strategic approach to capturing and leveraging client results. This conversation delves into actionable insights on how coaches can enhance their practice by focusing on client outcomes and continuous improvement.

Successful coaching hinges on helping clients achieve tangible results. By actively showcasing these results, coaches can attract more clients and reinforce the value of their services. This process begins with a deep belief in the coaching methodologies employed. It's crucial to constantly develop and test frameworks to ensure they deliver the promised outcomes.

Some coaches might feel uncomfortable asking for testimonials, but it's a vital step in building credibility. Establishing a formal process for requesting feedback can make this easier. Coaches can gather detailed and authentic client testimonials by embedding feedback requests within the coaching timeline, particularly during high-momentum phases.

Highlighting client successes through testimonials, especially those acquired informally and authentically, can add significant weight to a coach's reputation. Real-time grabs from client interactions or direct feedback provide credible, relatable proof of impact.

A common misstep for new coaches is seeing the conclusion of a coaching container as the end of the relationship. Continuous engagement and nurturing relationships post-container are crucial. This includes discussing future work and potential renewals throughout the coaching period. By doing so, coaches can transform what might feel like an awkward ending into a seamless continuation of service.

Creating a structured coaching framework is essential. Original and proprietary methodologies set coaches apart in a crowded market. Regularly testing and refining these frameworks with real clients ensures they remain relevant and effective.

Furthermore, sharing results within and outside the coaching community via newsletters, social media, and podcasts builds trust and showcases the coach's ability to drive transformations. Just as shoppers rely on Amazon reviews, potential clients look for social proof before committing.

Amanda is a certified Master Coach and Framework Building “Ninja.” She helps coaches grow profitable coaching businesses and create their own proprietary framework so they can stand out in a crowded industry. She’s the host of the top-ranked “Best Damn Coach” Podcast and the creator of the Framework Builder Lab and Best Damn Coach community. She’s a mama of two, wife to a fellow entrepreneur, and loves to lift weights, run, watch sports, and take naps.

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The ability to navigate emotions effectively is the difference between thriving in relationships, overcoming setbacks in business, and fostering deep transformations in clients' lives.

Emotional resilience is crucial for showing up in the best way in relationships and avoiding the rollercoaster of emotions that can strain connections. It empowers individuals to handle challenges in business, moving forward confidently instead of quitting when faced with setbacks. For coaches, it ensures the delivery of transformative changes that enhance clients' well-being across various aspects of their lives.

Emotional resilience is a core component woven through various training programs, whether it's basic coach certification and leadership training or advanced holistic master coach training. As life presents significant challenges, understanding the interconnection between thought patterns, behaviors, and emotions becomes imperative.

1. Recognizing and Naming Emotions: Notice emotions, write them down, and vocalize them. This practice helps increase emotional capacity.

2. Utilizing EFT/Tapping: Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT), or tapping, aids in managing emotions, allowing individuals to build emotional tolerance gradually.

3. Incremental Growth: Building emotional resilience is a gradual process. It involves committing to small steps daily to expand emotional muscles, supported by effective tools and guidance.

One client struggled with the emotional reactivity of her child, reflecting her lack of emotional support as a child. By increasing her emotional capacity, she found more patience and understanding, leading to improved relationships at home and enhanced focus in her business. This led to a profound sense of peace, reducing stress levels in both her personal and professional life.

A recommended resource is the book "Running on Empty" by Dr. Jonice Webb, which addresses emotional neglect and provides insights into managing one's emotional world.

Enhancing emotional capacity is essential for effective leadership, coaching, and personal development. Commit to small, consistent actions to develop resilience, fostering the ability to handle emotions and create lasting change. Emotional resilience is the foundation of effective, compassionate, and impactful personal and professional life. By integrating these strategies and committing to continuous growth, the journey toward resilience begins today.

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 A champion in the realm of women entrepreneurs is committed to uplifting and empowering women in business.

To successfully connect with your ready-to-buy audience, women entrepreneurs must have confidence and understand sales techniques and buyer psychology. In this episode, we explore how to do just that so you can remove limitations and build the business of your dreams.

Many women entrepreneurs face self-doubt and undervalue their capabilities. Fostering self-belief and confidence is necessary for business success. When female entrepreneurs believe in their skills and business models, it naturally translates to better performance and higher revenue.

Sales often carry a stigma, especially among women. Many view sales negatively, associating it with sleazy tactics and desperation. However, it's crucial to reframe this mindset. Women are naturally gifted with empathy, connection-building, and understanding – all traits that make them exceptional at sales. When sales are viewed as an act of service and helping others get what they desire, it transforms the entire approach. The right mindset towards sales can turn it from a daunting task into an enjoyable and rewarding experience. Selling shouldn't be about desperation but confidently showcasing value and offering solutions that meet potential clients' needs.

One key component of meaningful sales is understanding and effectively communicating with the target audience. Market research is invaluable in identifying potential clients' most pressing needs and desires. By utilizing the specific language and terminologies that resonate with the target audience, entrepreneurs can craft compelling messages that speak directly to those ready to invest.

Women Entrepreneurs must fine-tune their messaging to attract clients prepared to invest in their offerings.

This involves:

• Market Research: Conducting thorough market research to understand the buyer's psyche, challenges, and aspirations.
• Targeted Messaging: Focusing messages on specific outcomes and solutions rather than just problems. This shifts the clientele from those who need commiseration to those ready to take actionable steps toward their goals.
• Clear Call to Actions: Providing clear instructions on what actions to take if they are ready to invest. This eliminates ambiguity and guides potential clients through the sales funnel smoothly.

Entrepreneurs are encouraged to embrace their authentic selves and show up fully in their business. This might involve blocking non-supportive followers, including friends and family, from social media to ensure an unfiltered and confident presence. Authenticity in marketing and sales builds trust and resonates more powerfully with potential clients. 

About Melanie

Melanie Childers is the Master Business Coach for values-led coaches, course creators, and CEOs. She helps you grow and scale your business while unf*cking internalized patriarchy and hustle culture ("make sure no one's mad at you, stay small and polite, work harder to prove yourself!") so you can have a sustainable, successful multi 6 or 7-figure business that supports you and your community without burning out.

We all have family dynamics and family relationships, whether the family we create for ourselves or some other version of family, and those family relationships significantly impact individual growth and societal contributions. Coaching has a profound effect on families and can transform not only the lives of parents but also the lives of children and, by extension, the broader community.

For many of us, there are sensitivities surrounding family dynamics and family relationships. This episode aims to bring a sense of peace and understanding to those who may struggle with family dynamics, highlighting that perfection in family relationships is not the goal, but attention and effort are crucial.

Steph, who specializes in coaching for moms and daughters, shares her experiences and the immense value coaching has brought to her personal and professional life. The mother-daughter relationship, marked by many ups and downs, benefits immensely from coaching, which helps navigate the complexities of parenting through different life stages.

Coaching provides parents with invaluable tools to manage their relationships with their children better. For instance, coaching helps parents set aside their own struggles and focus on their children's needs, fostering a nurturing environment. Given the myriad of emotions, such as guilt, shame, and joy, that parents experience while raising their children, this kind of environment is vital.

Every child has their own distinct personality, which emphasizes the importance of personalized approaches in parenting. Coaching offers strategies and tools that help parents connect with their children on a deeper level. Knowing how to regulate one's own emotions and nervous system before engaging with children can significantly improve parent-child interactions.

The holistic, or whole person, approach to coaching looks beyond surface-level issues and dives into components like cognitive entry points, emotional sets, nervous system understanding, and action-oriented coaching. By addressing these pillars, coaches can better support their clients in multiple dimensions of their lives, leading to more profound and lasting changes.

This approach is particularly effective for parents, equipping them with better strategies to handle real-life challenges and maintain emotional balance. Learning and practicing these techniques can enhance your ability to be present and supportive of your children, fostering a stable and nurturing family environment.

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Steph is a certified Motherhood and Family Life Coach. She is a mother of 5 daughters ages spanning from 31-15. Through her years of experience, she has come to believe that some of life's most crucial and challenging relationships are the ones within our families. No matter your family circumstances, happy, fulfilling family connections are achievable. She works with women who struggle to feel a connection in their family to finally have the family connection and relationships of her dreams.

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Being an effective coach, leader, or business owner often requires adapting oneself to the changing dynamics of their team or clients. Coach certification creates enduring improvements in both personal and professional areas.

I encourage my clients and master coach training students to plan their goals for the summer. Some take downtime, while others focus on creating or maintaining their regular pace. The essence is to maximize the season and ensure it's abundant and fulfilling. Prioritize building a business that supports your ideal life and provides the flexibility to focus on what fuels you. But remember that having time to rest and be more creative leads to the birth of impressive programs and ideas!

Effective coaching is pivotal in helping clients reach their full potential and improve various aspects of their lives, such as relationships, self-worth, confidence, finances, and health. By assisting you in understanding the nuances of coaching, I aim to help you become a phenomenal coach capable of genuinely impacting your clients' lives.

While I've offered several advanced coach training programs, a space for those needing the fundamentals has been missing. I'm thrilled to announce that my first group certification outside any other organization will begin this fall. This certification isn't just for aspiring coaches but also for business owners and leaders aiming to implement change within their organizations.

Changing human behavior is tough, with a high failure rate of 92% for meeting goals set at the beginning of the year. Understanding the triggers behind human behaviors, both survival and strategic, is crucial for effective change implementation. This certification offers insights into these behavioral drivers, ensuring that you'll be equipped to facilitate lasting change.

The certification covers four key fundamentals:

1. Cognitive Approach to Coaching:

Understanding thought patterns, beliefs, and perspectives influencing behaviors.

2. Emotional Integration and Intelligence:

Recognizing and addressing emotional blocks in clients or team members.

3. Nervous System Activation:

Identifying signs of nervous system activation and its impact on daily functioning.

4. Action-focused Strategies:

Creating plans of action that build confidence and trust in clients or team members.

Take a moment to visualize feeling completely confident in helping your clients or team members. Imagine having the emotional skills to connect deeply, making others feel seen, heard, and understood. With enhanced leadership capabilities, your influence will foster self-reliance, efficiency, and proactive attitudes, resulting in a significant ripple effect of improved well-being and reduced stress for those you lead.

If you're a high-level leader, a business owner, or someone helping others implement change, this certification can transform your approach and effectiveness.

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Parenting isn't a one-size-fits-all journey. Each child is unique, and often, parents find themselves navigating the challenge of parenting a child who is nothing like them. Coaching for moms to navigate this territory and address these differences is an invaluable option.

Meg is one of Molly's coaching clients and is so grateful for the supportive community Molly has created. Meg brings this community, which provides a "soft landing" where individuals can grow without external pressures, into her coaching for moms. It is important to create a safe space where clients feel relaxed and confident so that they can have true growth.

There are specific challenges moms face when their children are very different from them. There are common worries among moms, such as maintaining a good relationship and having enough skills to support their children effectively. Moms care so much for their kids and want the best for them, often making them feel pressured to "fix" their kids in the interest of their well-being.

Meg advocates for a gentle approach, encouraging moms to accept their feelings and gain a better understanding of why they feel certain ways about certain behaviors from their children. When moms can accept how they are feeling and create space to reflect on the situation, it can significantly reduce the impulse to control or change their children's actions.

When Moms are able to slow down and reflect on their more challenging interactions with their children, they may realize different pressures or expectations they are putting on their children to fit a certain mold. By stepping back and allowing their children to be themselves, moms can foster a more supportive and encouraging environment, leading to a stronger parent-child relationship.

In her coaching practice, Meg offers free weekly tapping sessions for moms. These 15-minute sessions aim to help moms relax and take the edge off, especially during the summer when parenting can be particularly challenging. Sign up for this wonderful opportunity here.

More strategies for supporting Moms

Meg is a mom of 3 kids within 4 years, wife, certified life coach, fitness enthusiast, and is passionate about helping other moms show up as the parent & woman they want to be. She focuses on helping moms navigate the unique journeys of all children, no matter their abilities or needs.

Meg invites listeners to a one-on-one starting point session, where she helps moms better understand their situation and develop a plan for improving their relationship with their children. She emphasizes the value of coaching and the profound impact it can have not just on the moms but on their entire family.

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