If you’ve ever chased chaos and called it love…

In this deeply raw and transformative episode, Kelly Siegel sits down with Esin Pinarli, holistic therapist and founder of Eternal Wellness Counseling, for one of the most honest conversations ever recorded on Harder Than Life.

Esin doesn’t just teach trauma healing; she’s lived it.

From addiction and anxiety to nervous system collapse, Esin shares how unresolved trauma wires us for chaos, why we confuse intensity for chemistry, and how self-medication shows up not just as substances, but as productivity, relationships, and over-functioning.

This episode is a masterclass in nervous system regulation, trauma bonds, implicit memory, emotional addiction, and real healing.

If you’ve ever felt addicted to the wrong people, overwhelmed by your emotions, or stuck in patterns you “can’t explain,” this conversation will give language to your experience and a path forward.

Key Takeaways

🟥 Why chaos feels like chemistry when your nervous system is unhealed

🟥 How we self-medicate with work, relationships, and productivity

🟥 The difference between implicit and explicit trauma

🟥 How nervous system regulation creates real, sustainable change

🟥 Why healing isn’t about remembering; it’s about sensation

(00:00) Intro

(01:07) Understanding Emotional Rock Bottoms

(02:05) Alcohol as a Coping Mechanism

(03:24) The Truth About Self-Medicating

(05:48) The Sand and the Shift

(10:48) Implicit Memory and Body Trauma

(25:09) Chaos vs. Real Chemistry

(35:47) Why Toxic Love Feels Addictive

(40:13) The Three Parts of Polyvagal

(54:51) Rapid Fire Recovery Insights

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