The Rollercoaster Podcast

How do you keep going when the person who helped you survive losing your baby is suddenly gone too?

I sit down with Britt Del Toro for a conversation about infant loss, suicide bereavement, and the grief that follows you into every corner of your life. Britt shares the heartbreaking loss of her 10-week-old son, Zeppelin, her own suicide attempt, and later losing her husband, Troy, to suicide.

What stays with me is her honesty about everything that comes after: the guilt, the unanswered questions, and trying to parent when you can barely get through the day yourself.

In this episode:

• Saying goodbye to Zeppelin and choosing organ donation
• The depression that deepened after the funeral
• Surviving a suicide attempt and reaching for help
• Loving Troy through mental illness and grieving his death
• Finding moments of faith while living with loss

I’m grateful Britt trusted me with the parts of her story that are still painful to say out loud. She speaks about grief without pretending she has it figured out, and about asking for support when the weight feels unbearable.

If you’re carrying a loss nobody else can see, I hope this conversation helps you feel a little less alone.

Key Moments:

00:00 Losing a baby, then a husband

03:48 The moment Britt found Zeppelin

08:17 The guilt of every “what if”

12:19 Holding her baby one last time

16:47 The heartbreaking choice to donate his organs

21:26 When the funeral ends and grief gets louder

25:17 The nightmares nobody saw

29:25 When grief became a mental health crisis

33:40 Surviving a suicide attempt

41:50 The side of Troy others didn’t see

46:20 Chronic pain and a growing crisis

50:57 The week before everything changed

Connect with Me:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tyler.hall/

Connect with Britt:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/britt_deltoro/

What happens to your faith when you witness suffering so horrific that you begin asking God why He allows it?

I sit down with Alex Barbir, founder of Building Zion, who has risked his life to stand alongside persecuted Christians in Nigeria, where families are being murdered, villages destroyed, and countless survivors left with nothing.

Alex shares heartbreaking firsthand accounts of religious persecution, including a mother cradling her murdered son, families grieving unimaginable losses, and the moments that brought him to tears and challenged his own faith.

In this episode:

• The horrifying reality of Christian persecution in Nigeria
• What Alex witnessed at massacre sites that still haunts him
• Why he believes the church and world are failing innocent families
• How witnessing unimaginable suffering challenged his relationship with God
• Rebuilding destroyed villages and restoring hope to survivors

This conversation goes far beyond violence and religious persecution. It's about faith in the face of evil, the courage to stand with those who are suffering, and what it truly means to love your neighbor.

Alex's story left me questioning how easily we look away from suffering simply because it isn't happening to us.

Because sometimes the hardest question isn't where God is in suffering, but where we are.

Key Moments:

00:00 The horrifying reality of Christian persecution in Nigeria

03:30 Why the world is ignoring the massacre of Christians

07:00 Who is really behind the attacks on Nigerian Christians

10:40 The religious beliefs behind the violence

14:50 The Nigerian village where hundreds were massacred

18:25 Why nobody came to help the survivors

22:30 Why the Nigerian government isn't stopping the violence

26:30 Are officials hiding the true death toll?

30:35 The heartbreaking moment that broke Alex

34:40 Why does the world look away from suffering?

38:20 Where is God when innocent people are murdered?

42:55 The faces of victims that still haunt him

47:40 The massacre that changed everything

51:35 Why rebuilding villages became his mission

55:30 Choosing faith over fear in dangerous places

59:30 How armed attackers terrorize Christian communities

1:01:00 The unimaginable pain of losing a child

1:04:00 Why these families desperately need protection

1:07:00 What Christians can do to help Nigeria

Connect with Me:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tyler.hall/

Connect with Alex:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/alexbarbir/

What happens when the person you've loved almost your entire life is suddenly taken from you?

My guest today is Ashley Leatham, who lost her husband, Scott, a 39-year-old firefighter, to a rare and aggressive cancer called NUT carcinoma. What started as persistent headaches turned into a devastating diagnosis, and just five months later, Ashley was holding her husband's hand as he took his final breath.

They had known each other since they were 12. They built a beautiful life, raised two children, and imagined growing old together. Then everything changed.

Ashley opens up about the unimaginable pain of watching her husband fight for his life, the heartbreak of telling their children he was dying, and the final moments she'll never forget.

In this episode:

• The warning signs before Scott's devastating cancer diagnosis
• How five months changed their family's lives forever
• The heartbreaking final days before Scott passed away
• Navigating grief, widowhood, and raising children after loss
• Finding purpose, faith, and hope when life feels unbearable

This conversation is a powerful reminder that tomorrow is never promised, the people we love are everything, and even in our darkest moments, there can still be a reason to keep going.

Key Moments:

00:00 The heartbreaking final moments of Scott's cancer battle

03:01 A childhood friendship that became a lifelong love

07:50 The headaches that revealed a deadly cancer diagnosis

12:44 The hospital visit that changed everything

16:14 The rare cancer diagnosis and desperate fight to survive

20:11 When chemotherapy led to a terrifying emergency

23:05 Seven organs failing and the fight to stay alive

27:28 The devastating cancer prognosis that shattered their hope

30:18 How facing death changes what matters most

35:16 The powerful life lesson Scott left behind

38:55 The suspected cancer risks inside the fire station

43:23 The heartbreaking news that Scott had weeks to live

46:16 The final family memories before saying goodbye

49:09 Holding her husband's hand as he took his last breath

52:35 The painful reality of grief after losing a spouse

56:06 Finding purpose and hope after unimaginable loss

Connect with Me:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tyler.hall/

Connect with Nick & Cassie:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dsnyash/

There’s a point where you can’t blame your past anymore. You have to look in the mirror and decide who you’re going to become.

My guest, Shane Goodbar, has lived both sides of that truth.

Shane was sexually abused as a child, learned to hide behind a mask, and eventually found escape through alcohol and drugs. What started as a way to numb the pain spiraled into addiction, broken relationships, multiple DUIs, jail, and a moment where he came terrifyingly close to taking another man’s life.

But this isn’t just a story about addiction. It’s about accountability, recovery, fatherhood, faith, forgiveness, and what happens when you finally stop seeing yourself as the victim of your own life.

In this episode:

• How childhood sexual abuse shaped Shane’s identity and need to escape
• Why drugs and alcohol became a way to stop feeling
• The rock-bottom moment that finally broke through years of denial
• How a two-year therapeutic community completely rebuilt his life
• Why recovery meant learning to love the man staring back in the mirror

What stayed with me most was Shane’s willingness to own all of it. Not excuse it. Not hide from it. Own it.

Because no matter how lost you’ve become, your past doesn’t have to be where your story ends. But eventually, you have to take the first step.

Key Moments:

00:00 The man behind the mask

03:18 Hiding childhood sexual abuse

06:02 When drugs became the escape

09:41 Living two different lives

13:15 Addiction starts taking over

17:46 The relationship that changed everything

21:07 Becoming a father changes the path

24:49 The lie he told himself about fatherhood

27:07 His fourth DUI and arrest

30:04 Ten days after leaving jail

33:09 When rock bottom finally hit

36:03 Facing the man he had become

39:01 Learning to love himself again

42:03 The identity crisis facing men

45:12 Finding God after years of pain

48:26 Why surrender finally brought peace

51:03 His message to anyone still lost

53:02 What recovery actually gives you

Connect with Me:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tyler.hall/

Connect with Shane:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sr_goodbar/

There are some phone calls that divide your life into a before and an after.

My guest, Kylie Hammonds, was just 26 when she received one of those calls. Her mom, Tabitha, had died suddenly, leaving Kylie and her brother searching for answers about what happened that night.

Kylie takes me inside the events surrounding her mother’s death, the fentanyl discovered during the investigation, the questions surrounding her father, and the painful reality of grieving her mom while also grieving a father who was still alive.

In this episode:

• The phone call that changed Kylie’s life forever

• The unanswered questions surrounding her mom’s sudden death

• Why the investigation left Kylie and her brother searching for answers

• How she learned to release the anger she carried toward her father

• Why preserving the voices and memories of the people we love matters so much

  
  

But this conversation became about so much more than loss.

Kylie shares what three years of grief, anger, prayer and healing have taught her about forgiveness, giving yourself grace, and how easily we convince ourselves we’ll have more time with the people we love.

Later, Kylie’s boyfriend Michael Curtis joins us to share how watching her navigate this unimaginable loss inspired him to create Forevermore, a platform designed to preserve the voices, stories and memories of the people we love.

And at the very end, Kylie plays the only voicemail she has left of her mom.

It’s only a few seconds long, but when it’s the only chance you have to hear someone you love again, a few seconds is everything.

Key Moments:

00:00 The phone call that changed everything

05:13 Flying home without knowing the truth

10:03 Why her brother warned her at the airport

15:07 The heartbreaking scene inside the house

20:05 Strangers caught entering her mom’s office

24:48 Her father’s story starts falling apart

29:10 The addiction Kylie never fully understood

33:07 Fentanyl changes the entire investigation

38:22 The discovery that changed how she saw her dad

42:04 Grieving a father who is still alive

49:21 What grief taught her about surviving loss

57:30 The tragedy that shaped Michael’s view of loss

1:02:00 How Kylie’s grief sparked a bigger idea

1:12:00 Using AI to preserve a loved one’s voice

1:17:00 The questions that uncover your life story

1:25:16 Hearing a loved one’s voice after they’re gone

1:32:12 What she’d give to hear her mom again

Connect with Me:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tyler.hall/

Connect with Kylie:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kylie_knh/

Connect with Michael:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michaelrrcurtis/

In this episode, I sit down with Nick Rogers and his wife, Cassie, two people whose lives were shattered by the unimaginable loss of their spouses to cancer.

Nick takes me through his wife Anna’s battle with aggressive breast cancer, the moment they thought she had beaten it, and the devastating reality of watching it return and spread. He also shares the impossible decisions he had to make as a father while trying to protect his two young daughters from losing their mom.

Cassie’s story is different, but equally heartbreaking. Her husband Cody went from seemingly healthy to being diagnosed with metastatic pancreatic cancer, and just 66 days later, he was gone. Before he died, Cody told Cassie something incredible: he was already praying for the man who would one day love her and help raise their children.

In this episode:

• What it’s really like to lose a spouse to cancer
• The impossible decisions parents face while grieving
• How Nick and Cassie helped their children process loss
• The role faith played when life stopped making sense
• How they slowly found hope, healing, and love again

And somehow, through grief, faith, and circumstances that are almost impossible to explain, Nick and Cassie found each other.

This conversation is about losing the person you thought you’d grow old with, parenting through grief, trusting God when nothing makes sense, and slowly discovering that life, and even love, can exist after unimaginable loss.

Key Moments:

00:00 Two spouses lost to cancer, one unexpected love story

03:18 The cancer diagnosis that changed everything

07:04 Finding faith through aggressive cancer treatment

10:19 When chemotherapy made death feel real

13:17 Cancer remission and a new beginning

16:32 The symptoms that revealed a brain tumor

20:07 When cancer came back even more aggressively

24:03 Facing the reality that Anna could die

28:26 The final months of Anna’s cancer battle

34:44 She fell asleep and never woke up

38:09 Telling two young girls their mom was dying

41:40 66 days from pancreatic cancer diagnosis to death

45:00 The scan that revealed a death sentence

49:32 Cody’s final message of faith

51:21 Why Cody prayed for Cassie’s future husband

54:28 Finding love after losing a spouse

56:48 Anna’s message to Cassie before she died

Connect with Me:

Instagram: ⁠https://www.instagram.com/tyler.hall/⁠

Connect with Nick & Cassie:

Instagram: ⁠https://www.instagram.com/rebuildingrogers/⁠

A few days before 16-year-old Landon took his own life, he spent what felt like one of the best weeks of his life with his cousin, Landon Ashworth.

They ate way too much sushi, played golf, shot guns, laughed, talked about life, and dreamed about the future. When the week ended, Landon told him how much he needed it. He seemed happy. He seemed okay.

Then came the phone call that changed everything.

I sit down with filmmaker, actor, writer, and creator Landon Ashworth for an incredibly raw conversation about suicide, autism, grief, survivor’s guilt, and the things we sometimes don't see until it's too late.

In this episode:

• Losing his 16-year-old cousin Landon to suicide

• The warning signs he wishes he had recognized sooner

• Growing up autistic, masking, bullying, and feeling misunderstood

• The survivor’s guilt he still carries after Landon’s death

• Turning grief into his deeply personal film Go On

  
  

Landon opens up about experiencing suicidal thoughts himself and why he now isn’t afraid to directly ask someone if they’re thinking about taking their own life.

We also talk about the painful reality of trying to help someone find their way out of the darkness, why emotional pain can feel impossible to escape, and the importance of finding something worth holding onto.

This conversation is heavy. But more than anything, it’s about choosing to keep going.

Key Moments:

00:00 The week before everything changed

03:03 When Landon’s future fell apart

06:25 The week that made him feel okay again

10:02 The phone call no one expected

13:43 The guilt of missing the signs

17:02 The suicide warning signs he missed

20:23 The reality of masking autism

24:00 Why other people’s opinions mean nothing

29:39 What an autistic brain can feel like

34:29 The Hollywood advice Landon couldn’t accept

38:00 Why vulnerable people started finding him

41:37 Turning Landon’s suicide into Go On

45:01 Finding a reason to stay alive

48:02 How to get out of emotional hell

Connect with Me:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tyler.hall/

Connect with Landon Ashworth:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/landonashworthdirects/

#SuicidePrevention #AutismAwareness #SurvivorsGuilt

When I called Mya Ludwig a few weeks ago, I expected a hard conversation. She had been diagnosed with breast cancer, undergone a double mastectomy, and was halfway through chemotherapy. Instead, I hung up feeling like Mya had somehow helped me.

So I knew I needed to bring her back to the podcast.

Mya opens up about the moment she discovered the lump, what treatment has really been like, and how losing her hair challenged the way she saw herself. But what impacted me most was her perspective. She refuses to let cancer become her identity or allow fear about tomorrow to steal the life she still gets to live today.

We talk about learning to put yourself first, finding joy in incredibly difficult seasons, and how a traumatic brain injury years earlier taught Mya lessons she never imagined she'd need again.

And making this conversation even more special, Mya's brother Adam joins us again, bringing the same joy and personality we loved the first time.

In this episode:

• The moment Mya discovered something was wrong
• Why she refuses to live in the "what ifs"
• What losing her hair taught her about identity
• How to support someone without making them feel helpless
• Finding one small reason to keep going on the hardest days

This conversation reminded me that we don't always get to choose what happens to us. But we do get to choose how we show up through it.

Key Moments:

00:00 The Lump Maya Knew Was Cancer

03:18 The Attitude Toward Cancer That Changed My Life

07:44 Why Cancer Forced Maya to Finally Put Herself First

11:02 Why Maya Refuses to Feel Sorry for Herself

14:44 Refusing to Let Cancer Take Over Her Life

18:02 What Someone With Cancer Actually Needs From You

21:04 Losing Her Hair Changed How Maya Saw Herself

25:40 The One Thing Maya Does on Her Darkest Days

29:26 Maya’s Brother Adam Returns to the Podcast

31:20 How Adam Reacted to Maya’s Cancer Diagnosis

34:01 The Joy Adam Brings Everywhere He Goes

38:19 Adam’s Unfiltered Take on the Raiders

41:29 Adam’s Message to Anyone Going Through a Hard Time

Connect with Me:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tyler.hall/

Connect with Mya:

IG: @minimamamya (https://www.instagram.com/minimamamya/)

In this episode, I sit down with Matthew Griffin, who spent 21 years serving in the military and law enforcement. During those years, Matt saw things most of us will never see. But one call would stay with him for decades.

As a young police officer, Matt responded to the accidental death of two-and-a-half-year-old Benny Jr., the son of a friend. Matt was the first officer on scene and performed CPR, but Benny didn’t survive. What followed was years of guilt, nightmares, drinking, and the belief that if he had reacted just seconds sooner, maybe he could have saved him.

The trauma didn’t stay at work. Slowly, Matt began losing himself, his marriage, his identity, and eventually his desire to keep living.

In this episode, we talk about:

• The call involving two-year-old Benny Jr. that changed Matt’s life forever

• The hidden reality of PTSD, trauma, and mental health among police officers and first responders

• How undercover police work consumed Matt’s identity and contributed to the breakdown of his marriage

• The moments that pushed Matt toward suicide and what ultimately kept him here

• Why simply checking on someone can be more powerful than we realize

  
  

This conversation is about what happens when the people we expect to save everyone else are quietly falling apart themselves.

And why sometimes surviving starts with giving life one more hour. One more day.

Key Moments:

00:00 The Police Call That Changed Everything

03:03 Meeting Benny Jr. Days Before the Tragedy

10:24 The Guilt That Haunted Him for Years

18:02 The Hidden Mental Health Crisis in Policing

24:18 When Undercover Police Work Took Over His Life

27:31 Losing His Marriage, Home and Identity

32:14 Taking Accountability for Who He Became

36:04 His Chief Checked on Him, Then Died by Suicide

42:04 The Phone Call That Saved Matt’s Life

48:47 Why Checking In on Someone Could Save a Life

53:22 “If Today Is a Good Day to Die, So Is Tomorrow”

59:44 The Check-In Every Leader Should Be Doing

1:03:29 What Matt Would Say to Someone Considering Suicide

Connect with Me:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tyler.hall/

Connect with Matt:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/authormatthewgriffin/

In this episode, I sit down with Olivia Burnett, who lost her dad, Kevin, to stage four colon cancer at just 24 years old. He was her Superman, the person who gave her confidence, made her feel unstoppable, and always reminded her that she was “golden.” Within months of his death, grief pulled Olivia into a darkness she never expected.

She tried therapy. Medication. Exercise. Friends. Family. Everything people tell you to do when you're struggling with depression. But nothing seemed to break through. Eventually, Olivia found herself sitting on her bed with a bottle of pills in her hand, believing suicide was the only way out.

Then two words entered her mind: Hold on. That tiny piece of hope was enough.

In this episode, we talk about:

• Losing her dad to stage four colon cancer at just 24 years old
• The delayed grief that sent Olivia into a devastating battle with depression
• The night she believed suicide was her only way out and the two words that stopped her
• How tiny, everyday decisions helped her slowly find hope, resilience, and purpose again
• Turning unimaginable pain into a reason to help others hold on through their darkest moments

This conversation isn't about pretending everything gets better overnight. It's about what can happen when you hold on long enough to see what comes next.

Key Moments:

00:00 My Dad Was Healthy Then Everything Changed

04:06 The Signs of Stage 4 Colon Cancer We Missed

08:02 The Night I Watched My Dad Die

11:12 The Future Cancer Stole From Us

15:03 How My Dad Faced Death Without Fear

19:03 Finding Yellow Socks in the Darkness

22:09 Why “Choose Happiness” Isn't That Simple

25:16 When Grief Turned Into Severe Depression

28:03 The Night I Almost Ended My Life

31:16 Turning My Pain Into Purpose

35:46 How I Finally Climbed Out of the Darkness

39:34 The Small Decisions That Saved Me

41:06 What My Dad Would Say to Me Today

Connect with Me:

Instagram: ⁠https://www.instagram.com/tyler.hall/⁠

Connect with Olivia:

Instagram: ⁠https://www.instagram.com/twentysomething_podcast/⁠