The Rollercoaster Podcast

Britt Del Toro lost her 10-week-old son, Zeppelin. Later, she survived her own suicide attempt and then lost her husband, Troy, to suicide. Britt talks with me about organ donation, the depression that deepened after the funeral, reaching for help, loving Troy through mental illness, and parenting when you can barely get through the day. She doesn't pretend she has grief figured out, and that's exactly why this conversation matters.

If you're struggling or thinking about suicide, you're not alone. Call or text 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, US) or visit https://stayhere.live.

Want to share your story on The Rollercoaster Podcast? Apply here: https://therollercoasterpodcast.com/guest-application

If this episode meant something to you, please rate and review the show on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. It's the #1 way people who are hurting find these conversations.

What happens to your faith when you witness suffering so horrific that you start asking God why He allows it? Alex Barbir, founder of Building Zion, has risked his life to stand with persecuted Christians in Nigeria, where families are being murdered and villages destroyed. He shares what he saw at massacre sites, the mother cradling her murdered son, and how rebuilding villages restores hope for survivors.

Want to share your story on The Rollercoaster Podcast? Apply here: https://therollercoasterpodcast.com/guest-application

If this episode meant something to you, please rate and review the show on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. It's the #1 way people who are hurting find these conversations.

What happens when the person you've loved almost your entire life is suddenly taken from you?

My guest today is Ashley Leatham, who lost her husband, Scott, a 39-year-old firefighter, to a rare and aggressive cancer called NUT carcinoma. What started as persistent headaches turned into a devastating diagnosis, and just five months later, Ashley was holding her husband's hand as he took his final breath.

They had known each other since they were 12. They built a beautiful life, raised two children, and imagined growing old together. Then everything changed.

Ashley opens up about the unimaginable pain of watching her husband fight for his life, the heartbreak of telling their children he was dying, and the final moments she'll never forget.

In this episode:

• The warning signs before Scott's devastating cancer diagnosis
• How five months changed their family's lives forever
• The heartbreaking final days before Scott passed away
• Navigating grief, widowhood, and raising children after loss
• Finding purpose, faith, and hope when life feels unbearable

This conversation is a powerful reminder that tomorrow is never promised, the people we love are everything, and even in our darkest moments, there can still be a reason to keep going.

Key Moments:

00:00 The heartbreaking final moments of Scott's cancer battle

03:01 A childhood friendship that became a lifelong love

07:50 The headaches that revealed a deadly cancer diagnosis

12:44 The hospital visit that changed everything

16:14 The rare cancer diagnosis and desperate fight to survive

20:11 When chemotherapy led to a terrifying emergency

23:05 Seven organs failing and the fight to stay alive

27:28 The devastating cancer prognosis that shattered their hope

30:18 How facing death changes what matters most

35:16 The powerful life lesson Scott left behind

38:55 The suspected cancer risks inside the fire station

43:23 The heartbreaking news that Scott had weeks to live

46:16 The final family memories before saying goodbye

49:09 Holding her husband's hand as he took his last breath

52:35 The painful reality of grief after losing a spouse

56:06 Finding purpose and hope after unimaginable loss

Connect with Me:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tyler.hall/

Connect with Nick & Cassie:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dsnyash/

There’s a point where you can’t blame your past anymore. You have to look in the mirror and decide who you’re going to become.

My guest, Shane Goodbar, has lived both sides of that truth.

Shane was sexually abused as a child, learned to hide behind a mask, and eventually found escape through alcohol and drugs. What started as a way to numb the pain spiraled into addiction, broken relationships, multiple DUIs, jail, and a moment where he came terrifyingly close to taking another man’s life.

But this isn’t just a story about addiction. It’s about accountability, recovery, fatherhood, faith, forgiveness, and what happens when you finally stop seeing yourself as the victim of your own life.

In this episode:

• How childhood sexual abuse shaped Shane’s identity and need to escape
• Why drugs and alcohol became a way to stop feeling
• The rock-bottom moment that finally broke through years of denial
• How a two-year therapeutic community completely rebuilt his life
• Why recovery meant learning to love the man staring back in the mirror

What stayed with me most was Shane’s willingness to own all of it. Not excuse it. Not hide from it. Own it.

Because no matter how lost you’ve become, your past doesn’t have to be where your story ends. But eventually, you have to take the first step.

Key Moments:

00:00 The man behind the mask

03:18 Hiding childhood sexual abuse

06:02 When drugs became the escape

09:41 Living two different lives

13:15 Addiction starts taking over

17:46 The relationship that changed everything

21:07 Becoming a father changes the path

24:49 The lie he told himself about fatherhood

27:07 His fourth DUI and arrest

30:04 Ten days after leaving jail

33:09 When rock bottom finally hit

36:03 Facing the man he had become

39:01 Learning to love himself again

42:03 The identity crisis facing men

45:12 Finding God after years of pain

48:26 Why surrender finally brought peace

51:03 His message to anyone still lost

53:02 What recovery actually gives you

Connect with Me:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tyler.hall/

Connect with Shane:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sr_goodbar/

There are some phone calls that divide your life into a before and an after.

My guest, Kylie Hammonds, was just 26 when she received one of those calls. Her mom, Tabitha, had died suddenly, leaving Kylie and her brother searching for answers about what happened that night.

Kylie takes me inside the events surrounding her mother’s death, the fentanyl discovered during the investigation, the questions surrounding her father, and the painful reality of grieving her mom while also grieving a father who was still alive.

In this episode:

• The phone call that changed Kylie’s life forever

• The unanswered questions surrounding her mom’s sudden death

• Why the investigation left Kylie and her brother searching for answers

• How she learned to release the anger she carried toward her father

• Why preserving the voices and memories of the people we love matters so much

  
  

But this conversation became about so much more than loss.

Kylie shares what three years of grief, anger, prayer and healing have taught her about forgiveness, giving yourself grace, and how easily we convince ourselves we’ll have more time with the people we love.

Later, Kylie’s boyfriend Michael Curtis joins us to share how watching her navigate this unimaginable loss inspired him to create Forevermore, a platform designed to preserve the voices, stories and memories of the people we love.

And at the very end, Kylie plays the only voicemail she has left of her mom.

It’s only a few seconds long, but when it’s the only chance you have to hear someone you love again, a few seconds is everything.

Key Moments:

00:00 The phone call that changed everything

05:13 Flying home without knowing the truth

10:03 Why her brother warned her at the airport

15:07 The heartbreaking scene inside the house

20:05 Strangers caught entering her mom’s office

24:48 Her father’s story starts falling apart

29:10 The addiction Kylie never fully understood

33:07 Fentanyl changes the entire investigation

38:22 The discovery that changed how she saw her dad

42:04 Grieving a father who is still alive

49:21 What grief taught her about surviving loss

57:30 The tragedy that shaped Michael’s view of loss

1:02:00 How Kylie’s grief sparked a bigger idea

1:12:00 Using AI to preserve a loved one’s voice

1:17:00 The questions that uncover your life story

1:25:16 Hearing a loved one’s voice after they’re gone

1:32:12 What she’d give to hear her mom again

Connect with Me:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tyler.hall/

Connect with Kylie:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kylie_knh/

Connect with Michael:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michaelrrcurtis/

Nick lost his wife, Anna, to breast cancer. Cassie lost her husband, Cody, to pancreatic cancer just 66 days after his diagnosis. Then they found each other. Before Cody died, he told Cassie he was already praying for the man who would one day love her and help raise their kids. Nick and Cassie talk about losing a spouse to cancer, helping young children through grief, holding onto faith when nothing made sense, and finding love again.

Want to share your story on The Rollercoaster Podcast? Apply here: https://therollercoasterpodcast.com/guest-application

If this episode meant something to you, please rate and review the show on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. It's the #1 way people who are hurting find these conversations.

A few days before 16-year-old Landon took his own life, he spent what felt like one of the best weeks of his life with his cousin, Landon Ashworth.

They ate way too much sushi, played golf, shot guns, laughed, talked about life, and dreamed about the future. When the week ended, Landon told him how much he needed it. He seemed happy. He seemed okay.

Then came the phone call that changed everything.

I sit down with filmmaker, actor, writer, and creator Landon Ashworth for an incredibly raw conversation about suicide, autism, grief, survivor’s guilt, and the things we sometimes don't see until it's too late.

In this episode:

• Losing his 16-year-old cousin Landon to suicide

• The warning signs he wishes he had recognized sooner

• Growing up autistic, masking, bullying, and feeling misunderstood

• The survivor’s guilt he still carries after Landon’s death

• Turning grief into his deeply personal film Go On

  
  

Landon opens up about experiencing suicidal thoughts himself and why he now isn’t afraid to directly ask someone if they’re thinking about taking their own life.

We also talk about the painful reality of trying to help someone find their way out of the darkness, why emotional pain can feel impossible to escape, and the importance of finding something worth holding onto.

This conversation is heavy. But more than anything, it’s about choosing to keep going.

Key Moments:

00:00 The week before everything changed

03:03 When Landon’s future fell apart

06:25 The week that made him feel okay again

10:02 The phone call no one expected

13:43 The guilt of missing the signs

17:02 The suicide warning signs he missed

20:23 The reality of masking autism

24:00 Why other people’s opinions mean nothing

29:39 What an autistic brain can feel like

34:29 The Hollywood advice Landon couldn’t accept

38:00 Why vulnerable people started finding him

41:37 Turning Landon’s suicide into Go On

45:01 Finding a reason to stay alive

48:02 How to get out of emotional hell

Connect with Me:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tyler.hall/

Connect with Landon Ashworth:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/landonashworthdirects/

#SuicidePrevention #AutismAwareness #SurvivorsGuilt

When I called Mya Ludwig, she'd had a double mastectomy and was halfway through chemo. I hung up feeling like she'd helped me. Mya opens up about finding the lump, what treatment is really like, losing her hair, and refusing to let cancer become her identity. We also talk about the traumatic brain injury that taught her lessons she never expected, and finding joy in the hardest seasons.

Want to share your story on The Rollercoaster Podcast? Apply here: https://therollercoasterpodcast.com/guest-application

If this episode meant something to you, please rate and review the show on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. It's the #1 way people who are hurting find these conversations.

As a young police officer, Matthew Griffin was first on scene and performed CPR on two-and-a-half-year-old Benny Jr., the son of a friend. Benny didn't survive. Matt spent 21 years in the military and law enforcement, and that one call followed him for decades: guilt, nightmares, drinking, and losing his marriage and his identity until he no longer wanted to live. We talk about first responder PTSD, police mental health, and what kept him here.

If you're struggling or thinking about suicide, you're not alone. Call or text 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, US) or visit https://stayhere.live.

Want to share your story on The Rollercoaster Podcast? Apply here: https://therollercoasterpodcast.com/guest-application

If this episode meant something to you, please rate and review the show on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. It's the #1 way people who are hurting find these conversations.

In this episode, I sit down with Olivia Burnett, who lost her dad, Kevin, to stage four colon cancer at just 24 years old. He was her Superman, the person who gave her confidence, made her feel unstoppable, and always reminded her that she was “golden.” Within months of his death, grief pulled Olivia into a darkness she never expected.

She tried therapy. Medication. Exercise. Friends. Family. Everything people tell you to do when you're struggling with depression. But nothing seemed to break through. Eventually, Olivia found herself sitting on her bed with a bottle of pills in her hand, believing suicide was the only way out.

Then two words entered her mind: Hold on. That tiny piece of hope was enough.

In this episode, we talk about:

• Losing her dad to stage four colon cancer at just 24 years old
• The delayed grief that sent Olivia into a devastating battle with depression
• The night she believed suicide was her only way out and the two words that stopped her
• How tiny, everyday decisions helped her slowly find hope, resilience, and purpose again
• Turning unimaginable pain into a reason to help others hold on through their darkest moments

This conversation isn't about pretending everything gets better overnight. It's about what can happen when you hold on long enough to see what comes next.

Key Moments:

00:00 My Dad Was Healthy Then Everything Changed

04:06 The Signs of Stage 4 Colon Cancer We Missed

08:02 The Night I Watched My Dad Die

11:12 The Future Cancer Stole From Us

15:03 How My Dad Faced Death Without Fear

19:03 Finding Yellow Socks in the Darkness

22:09 Why “Choose Happiness” Isn't That Simple

25:16 When Grief Turned Into Severe Depression

28:03 The Night I Almost Ended My Life

31:16 Turning My Pain Into Purpose

35:46 How I Finally Climbed Out of the Darkness

39:34 The Small Decisions That Saved Me

41:06 What My Dad Would Say to Me Today

Connect with Me:

Instagram: ⁠https://www.instagram.com/tyler.hall/⁠

Connect with Olivia:

Instagram: ⁠https://www.instagram.com/twentysomething_podcast/⁠