"I still have yet to discover a secret ingredient that has been proven to ensure a long and healthy life—well, not one you can put into a blender, anyway. But I can help you discover the secrets of true health and happiness . . . they're based on a simple shift in perspective."—Gladys McGarey, MD, author of The Well-Lived Life: A 102-year-old doctor's six secrets to health and happiness at every age

Born in 1921, Dr. Gladys McGarey's life journey began living and experiencing the life truths she later learned contributed to her living her long healthy and happy life. A doctor in holistic medicine for over 80 years, Dr. McGarey's life story in childhood and young adulthood reads like a history book now taught in classrooms. In 1930 as a young child, while on a train from Delhi to Bombay (now Mumbai) with her family who was returning to the states after having lived in India for some years, she witnessed Gandhi's historic salt march. As she worked her way through school and became a doctor, she battled with cultural norms of where a woman's place should be, and as life continued to unfold, having honored what was speaking to her about what brought her to life even when others disagreed, she continued to witness truth after truth of the medicine one receives when they trust their heart.

Released on May 1st of this year, Dr. Gladys McGarey's book is a treasure of inspiration, backed by science of the power of honoring your language of how you find life in living. Below I will be sharing 11 insights and ahas that she teaches that perhaps will inspire you to trust what your heart is saying even if you don't know what will transpire.  

"Part of what makes mysterious happenings possible is our belief that we don't know everything . . . I cannot overstate the importance of keeping a sense of wonder about the world as we age. It is what keeps us young. Our souls benefit from our holding on to the idea that we don't know what's going to happen next."

Let's get started.

1.Find your life force

"To be truly alive, we must find the life force within ourselves and direct our energy toward it."

Dr. McGarey calls it our "juice" and explains that "the process of finding our juice that keeps us vital". She shares that in many Eastern philosophies "there is a certain energy tied to well-being", two terms used to describe this are prana as well as chi. Western philosophers often use the term purpose or motivation. She continues to remind that while finding our juice and cultivating it won't "ensure perfect health, running out or losing our juice is often a major obstacle to feeling good".

When we don't find our juice, both our mental and physical health start to wane. Finding what your juice is may shift and change over your life journey, but keep yourself in the process of finding what lights you up, what makes you feel energized when you are engaged in whatever it is you discover. That is your juice. That is your life force and it is immeasurably powerful to living well.

Multiple studies at the University of Michigan Health and Retirement Study "observed a link between a high sense of purpose and decreased mortality in adults over fifty." Similarly to what Dr. McGarey shares, when we find what is our purpose, our calling, our prana, whatever term you want to give it, the world receives this positive energy, and not only is our well-being improved, but so too is the world's. Why? "The joy [finding our juice] brings to our lives will ripple out to the world around us".

2. Know this to be true: You are as you are and that is an awesome thing

"We're supposed to be shaped precisely as we are, because that way we can fit together. It isn't anyone's job to judge the shape of anyone else's piece, and in the same way, it isn't useful to try to make ourselves more or less like anyone else or to worry if they judge our shape."

What Dr. McGarey then reminds us is for each of us, knowing that we are made the way we are for a reason to give something awesomely unique to the world, to contribute positively in a way only we can, it is our responsibility to find it, embrace it and share it because "each of us is essential". And when we tap into our truth, our true self, we inspire others to do the same in their own lives.

"When we feel ourselves click into the whole puzzle, we become part of the pattern of life. When this happens, we exchange juice with the world around us. Our juice flows freely, and we have more of it than ever before."

3. Multiple streams of 'juice'

"We're able to connect with life best when we get juice from multiple places. A puzzle piece doesn't just click in on one side; it clicks in on two, three or four. What that looks like varies from person to person ."

When you find your juice, you may think it will be one thing, but in actuality, our life is full of multiple sources of inspiration and energy, and each, when consciously chosen using our self-awareness to ascertain what fuels us and what drains us, we can cultivate a life full of juice. From our work, to our relationships, to our hobbies, to how we nourish ourselves. McGarey speaks in this section about how the 'should's from the culture that surrounds us can make us involve ourselves in life choices that 'should' be the best choice when such advice is incorrect, even though perhaps well-intended. Her example that she uses is choosing to be a parent. While she herself loved and loves being a doctor, she also loved and wanted to be a parent. Being both during the mid twentieth century was scoffed at, but to her, working as a doctor was her juice, but so too was being a parent. She dismissed what others said was 'best' and honored what gave her energy. But raising kids and being a parent isn't going to be a source of juice for everyone and that is vitally important to understand. I use the example of being a parent because it is a common one purported as including, "well, of course it is exhausting - that is what parenting is!" But I say this most sincerely as a teacher who met many hundreds even thousands of parents over my 20-year tenure - for some people it drained them, for others it lifted them. It isn't being a parent that is the medicine for a happy life, it is choosing what is discovered to be your juice and for some that is parenting, but not for all.

I so appreciated her pointing this out and sharing her own experience as a parent that indeed, it isn't something that everyone will find to be their purpose and honoring that is vitally important to living well. For me, I knew this pretty quickly, but I was amazed, especially more upon reflection, how adamant society was to tell me I was wrong, even though they had no idea what made me fill inspired and full of energy. That is all the more reason to trust your own journey, your inner voice, your soul as many call it, and keep searching until you find your juice. You will know it when you come across it, and as mentioned above, there will be MANY things that will give you juice. Explore, delight and include them in your life as you will. Some will remain in your life your entire life journey and some will only be a part of your life for a chapter or two, and understanding this truth demonstrates you are living consciously and are aware of what fuels you and what drains you.

4. Embrace movement - physically, emotionally, spiritually

"Understanding the power of movement can get us through almost anything. It's a sacred truth that helps us in our hardest moments."

From stuck energy to blocked adrenal glands, movement is needed to bring us to good health. Studies continually demonstrate that physical movement, simply walking briskly for ten minutes, increases life expectancy, and such physical activity helps us move through stress and even depression. Why? Through physical movement, the brain is signaled "to release feel-good hormones and these have profound effects on both short and long term health." From our mood to how our brain's cognition improves, movement is good and that includes forgiveness to release stuck emotions, moving through fear, anger and disappointment is beneficial to our mental health, and thus why understanding how to become aware of our thoughts is crucial to understanding how they either impede or improve the quality of our life. If the former, it is time to make a move to learn something new to change what is thwarting our ability to let go of certain emotions we are stuck in.

5. Understand a necessary transition period may have to be traversed

Dr. McGarey points out that when you do find your juice, it is likely that you will have to, in order to do what you love doing, what brings you to life, "go through a transition in life. It shows us who we really are. This may require us to make a change, start doing something new, or stop doing something we've done for quite some time".

It may not be a dramatic change, but merely a changing of the stories you tell yourself, how you engage with the world or the habits you have been incorporating into your daily life, but it may be a significant change - a job change, relationship change or shift, a move. When you find out what you can uniquely give to the world and what the world engages with as you give a positive contribution that only you can give, you come to see that indeed you have a gift within you that needs to not be tucked away. Dr. McGarey writes "our search for juice connects us to the greater question of why we're here?" She goes on to address that this is regardless of whether you have a formal belief structure or not, so whether you are spiritually or religiously inclined, atheist or agnostic or anything that guides you in life. When you find your 'why' you have found your juice and that is the 'medicine' for a healthy and long life IF you choose to engage with it.

Sharing that after her own divorce from her husband who she had been married to for decades and shared six children, it was when she stepped away from a marriage, that for some time was filled with much love and goodness, that "life got a whole lot better from there . . . I became who I had always been meant to be." It is when we cling to what we know that no longer serves us or never served us that cause us pain and prevent us from healing. And the healing can only take place when we embrace our life force and trust what it will bring into our lives.

6. Bravely be love

"Our life force is activated by love."

Fear is inevitable in life, in many forms, but it is when we choose to remain in this state of fear that our lives are adversely affected. Dr. McGarey reminds that "Fear destroys our sense of reason, making it impossible to see things clearly."

And here is the good news. When we acknowledge fear, but don't linger in this state of feeling, but instead take action, either through asking questions, asking for help, or at the very least stop digging more of a fearful hole for ourselves by spiraling into more worry, we begin to step ever closer to finding our juice. You will appear fearless, but not in a daredevil way. But rather, as McGarey writes, as "a person who approaches life with an open heart."

When we open our hearts, we are opening our lives to love. It can enter our lives in any number of ways from the kindness experienced from others, a smile, or support as you make your intentions known and bravely pursue your calling.

7. The importance of self-love

"When we refuse to love ourselves, we shut out love from everyone else, too . . . Self-love is not pride at all. It is gratitude for the life we have been given."

When we finally remember that we have always been lovable, "that is when we become "love-able". In other words, "self-love is the basis of all love". This will require us to step away from, let go of, choose differently so as no longer to include, parts of our life that want us to believe we are not lovable or not wonderful just as we are, that what lights us up is wrong, or lacking or not enough. Dr. McGarey uses the example of the tumor that needed to be removed when she had breast cancer, in order to be loving to herself, to give herself life, she had to remove the tumor. Instead of fearing cancer, she honored herself and her body, by being loving and removing it.

She goes on to talk about telomeres (the end caps on our chromosomes), and how studies have revealed they are affected by our thoughts. Simply put, positive thinking, which involves the thoughts we think about ourselves and whether or not we are deserving of love, beginning with regularly giving ourselves love that includes honoring what gives us vitality and juice, "does affect the way our genes express themselves, which can have profound effect on both our health and our experience of being alive."

Wow! IF that isn't a reason to cultivate a life of vitality and honoring our true self and purpose, than well, just wow. :)

Thoughts create images in our mind, and depending upon what those thoughts are, we are either healing or hurting ourselves. Our life force, as discussed in #1 is a powerful healer when we embrace it and welcome it into our lives.

8. Connect and contribute what you uniquely can

"Life comes from our connection, is supported by our connection and creates connection. We are happiest and healthiest when we are contributing to and drawing from our collective life force."

Positive social connections are crucial to our overall well-being and good health. And when you have found your life force and are bravely sharing it with the world, more energy is created. On the flip-side when you are drawn to others because of what they are giving to the world, you're connecting with them, and supporting their journey is equally energizing to both parties.

The key is yes, connect, but connect through what you can uniquely offer. This takes bravery because you are making yourself vulnerable, but you are also tapping into supporting others in ways you may never know which is why when someone or something speaks to you, supporting them genuinely in ways that are welcomed and you can partake is a priceless gift given and received.

With that said, finding friends, again creating connection, is awesome medicine, but also not something to be rushed or forced. McGarey suggests start with your neighbors and then move on to people you work with or network with at work by simply being kind and curious.

When you are living your life force in everyday life, more serendipitous meetings will occur, "pushing new people your direction", we simply need to remain open to seeing them. With that said, we need to actively be aware of how we feel and how our juice or life force responds to new people that cross our path. If anybody is draining our juice, this is when we need to honor our boundaries.

9. The importance of boundaries

"Setting boundaries starts with knowing who we are and what we came to do. We must first understand what gives us juice and what drains it, because that shows us what's on our soul's path and what's interfering with it."

Boundaries is a topic we have talked about in depth here on the podcast (episode #343), so I encourage you to listen/read that episode/post for specific tips and tools for understanding how to set and know what your boundaries need to be. However, to begin with, in order to have the right boundaries, "we have to know ourselves really well" as Dr. McGarey shares.

Boundaries in our life are a bit different than boundaries as we understand them when it comes to sovereign states for example, but not really if we look more closely. Boundaries are set to honor what we need in our life to flourish, and as we grow and change, and life and other people are dynamic as well, our boundaries will change also. But it is essential that we are the ones moving them, not anyone else. For example, another country cannot tell their neighboring country that the boundaries will change (i.e., the former mentioned country decides to take more land without permission). Nope, that is not how boundaries in our lives work. We have to, upon knowing and discovering what we need, set our boundaries and adjust them as we recognize they need to change to continually support our life journey of living well.

10. Life reflects what you give

"When we contribute positively to our collective life force, our individual life force benefits. We find greater purpose and meaning in our days. We understand not only that we are part of a greater whole but how we are part of that whole. We align with what life intended for us to do all along."

If you are at a point in your life where you feel life is just not going your way, it is hard, it is constant struggle, and you have lost trust in others, yourself and/or the world, ask yourself the following questions as listed by Dr. McGarey:

• If you feel unsupported by those around you, are you truly supporting them?
• Are you contributing to the world or pulling from it?
• Are you offering joy and positivity to the world around you?
• Can the community trust in you?
• Are you able to maintain strong boundaries regarding where you put your attention and still find the friend in everyone?

She reminds us that "community is a give-and-take relationship" and we can't come to the community with an 'ask' or a demand for a specific outcome. We actually just have to show up with our true selves give with loving kindness while honoring our integrity and while we have clarity in our own life journey, having set intentions because we know ourselves, we can simply let go. We don't know how the support will show up or who you will begin to work with that will involve trust, but so long as we engage with self-love (knowledge of where your boundaries are and why they are there) as well as our life force that brings us to life, we are becoming part of the collective force that creates the healthy connection we need to live well and live a long, lovely life.

11. Lessons are everywhere and in everything

"We live our best lives when we approach life with curiosity and desire to learn from everything."

Something that was the subject in a recent Monday Motivational post is the idea that even when things look like they may be falling apart, they may actually be trying to help us if only we shift our perspective to see this truth. When we realize that there is a helpful lesson to learn even in unwanted events, the quality of our everydays and thus our entire life changes for the better. McGarey shares, "Life always has new teachings to offer us if we can find the courage to look for them."

Admittedly, it will take great courage and inner strength to look for the wisdom that is hidden in the unwanted. But when we choose this path, we are helping our health. Why? "We are moving our attention away from suffering and directing it back toward life". Remember earlier in the list when we talked about movement? If we stay stuck in focusing on what isn't working, what is unwanted, we are not helping ourselves, but stopping life from happening, from moving forward. "Seeing everything [as a teacher] helps us make our life a living, breathing process."

Now you might be thinking, well, that is just too Polly-Anna positive for me, Shannon. But I beg to differ. It is actually more realist than anything else. It is accepting what is and choosing to use it for fuel to constructively move forward to give you life rather than drain your life. McGarey concurs, "True optimism isn't toxic, because focusing on the positive does not mean denying the negative. It does not mean we dissociate from our pain, whether it's physical or emotional, or pretend that things are okay when they aren't. Instead, it means we look for what's wonderful anyway. We allow what hurts to hurt while continuing to search for the lesson in it and be grateful for the teaching."

12. Understand what true health is: Steer your energy toward life

"True health is about living with the world around us as an engaged, participatory experience."

Encouraging readers to 'spend your energy wildly', Dr. McGarey teaches that once we have discovered and embraced our life force, we have an abundance of energy, and now we can spend it by enjoying our lives. And because we gain energy by embracing our life force, we have much to spend as we engage with the world, and so bravely, "tap into [your] deepest knowing", let yourself be who you are and give what you can uniquely give. It will energize you in return and create a wonderful give-and-take relationship that will continue to give you life. With that said, we need to step toward and engage with "things that feel good and help us grow".

What energizes you may not energy someone else in the same way or at all. Reminding us that each of us has to find our own rhythm that works best for us, as well as remembering to adapt to it as what we learn and as life unfolds reveals is best moving forward.

And don't forget, choosing to and needing to rest is indeed an action. We all need to rest. This is a nourishing self-love practice that is necessary. Some may say resting is being lazy. Dr. McGarey disagrees writing, "Being lazy is when we withhold our life force from the collective; it's when we hold back, refusing to give, refusing to participate. This drains our juice. The purpose of resting is just the opposite. When we rest, we're consciously dedicating our energy toward what's most important to us."

13. Turn toward life, your life and what makes you come alive

"Learning to listen to our own inner knowing is the key to discerning, in any given moment, how and where to invest our life force. And it takes truly living to understand this. We're meant to interact with our lives. The work of life is simple: We must try and fail until we succeed."

A truth that is shared repeatedly here on the blog/podcast and in different phrases and words, but all are focusing our attention on the truth that you have something that makes you come alive within you. Find that, and you find your path forward. You won't know what the path will reveal, but follow the vitality that you receive, remember to get to know yourself along the way and apply that knowledge to the decisions you make about what you will explore, who you will dance with and also carry with you the knowledge that, as Dr. McGarey reminds, "you are right on time". Your health depends on you bravely and with an open heart and mind stepping in a direction that brings you to life.

The Well-Lived Life: A 102-year-old doctor's six secrets to health and happiness at every age by Gladys McGarey, MD

Explore the book, The Well-Lived Life here.

Petit Plaisir

—And Just Like That, season 2

Tune in to the end of today's episode to hear a detailed review of why I recommend the second season of And Just Like That on Max, addressing the critics of the show and sharing why this season dovetails wonderfully with the topic of today's episode.

https://youtu.be/0Tqd9aKxuik

~Explore all of the episodes of The Simple Sophisticate podcast here.

The journey of customizing Le Papillon, my house and home in Bend, Oregon, since September 2019 has provided much opportunity for learning both about the actual and practical purpose of home remodeling and decorating but also for self-growth. Over the past nearly four years, an abundance of experiences, discoveries, lessons and ‘wow’ moments have been collected which is why I wanted to share today's detailed and lengthy (90 minutes) episode with listeners of The Simple Sophisticate podcast.

As I share at the beginning of today's episode, while it has been a dream of mine to customize my own home, I never actually planned to spend the past four years doing so, but the timing and opportunity presented itself to continue moving forward once my first "must-do" project (the kitchen) was completed, and now with the installation of the front porch screen door you see a glimpse of above, the journey is complete, and I am eager to share with you 33 lessons I have learned throughout the experience, so that you can confidently and more enjoyably take part in your own customization of your sanctuary that will, when you dare to trust what you discover and learn how to do what is needed, provide priceless refuge, rejuvenation, inspiration and joy for the life that brings you deep contentment.

No doubt, the journey had its headaches, stresses and questions along the way (for example, when will the bathroom ever get done!), but I share here and in the podcast episode, without any hesitation, it was worth it, to be able to call home and live my life now in a home that works with me, nourishes me and helps me feel secure but also confident enough to try to soar and explore when I step out the door into the world.

So let's begin! In the Show Notes below I have only included the 33 bulleted points and left the detailed conversation, examples and ideas solely in the audio section as otherwise, this post would have been very loooooong. To thank you for your patience as there was no new episode on the 1st Wednesday of this month, I have two Petit Plaisirs to share with you today, and I look forward to sharing those with you at the end of this post and episode. Now to the episode!

 

 

~Explore more episodes of The Simple Sophisticate podcast here.

"We think love has to be obtained, earned, achieved, and received. We look for it in the form of attention and compliments, and people acknowledging us. But actually the greatest way to experience love is to give it." —Jay Shetty, author of 8 Rules of Love: How to Find it, Keep it, and Let it Go

A simple formula to love is to be it and it appears. However, this seems either too simple for some of us or to not produce the 'type of love' we had in mind. Such thinking, to have a narrow definition of what love has to be in our lives to be fulfilled, or to refuse to let go and just be instead of chasing, demanding, swiping or requiring, is to get in our own way when it comes to living a life, every single day, full of love.

Because guess what? Such a life is possible, and it is part of what living simply luxuriously is all about. In fact, it is at the core, because as I will share today, it all comes down to finding peace with ourselves, embracing our true selves and engaging fully with the world without expectation. But again, we are being asked to do less, not more, to look inward so that we can engage lovingly outward as well as lovingly toward ourselves. We are being asked to be honest about what makes us feel loved and stop engaging in practices that result in anything but.

Visit the Show Notes on the blog The Simply Luxurious Life - https://thesimplyluxuriouslife.com/podcast360

Author and philosopher of contemporary living, Alexandra Stoddard has published 28 books since she began in 1974. Continuing to be a source of wisdom, inspiration and sharing through how she lives that curiosity and forever being a student of life elevates our lives regardless of age, she joins me in a special episode to talk about her life's work.

Our conversation of more than 75 minutes covers a wide breadth of content that she has written about over the years, and it's all grounded in how to live well, cultivating happiness and contentment, mindfully living in the present moment and how that daily practice changes for the better so much about all that we cannot control in daily life.

From discussing the importance of rituals, to living a life grounded in paying attention to what our senses observe as well as how one can have a happy death as she speaks fondly of her late husband to whom they shared a loving marriage for over 40 years, we talk about many of the topics that are fundamental components to living a simply luxurious life, a life of true contentment. I do hope you tune in and hear the enthusiasm and genuine love of life Alexandra Stoddard embodies and no doubt will inspire in listeners to do the same in their own lives.

 

~Explore all episodes of The Simple Sophisticate podcast here.

 

The book I wanted and needed to read.

Repeatedly, indirectly and directly women and the entire society at large are told that aging is bad, and it is especially an unwelcoming reality for women, but is this true? Fashion Director for The Times London since 2015 Anna Murphy recently turned 50, and in her new book (being released on May 30th in the states; in the UK it was released in March) Destination Fabulous: Finding your way to the best you yet, disagrees wholeheartedly with this false truth that women have begrudgingly or willingly accepted and explains exactly how each year, each decade can usher in more fulfillment, more life satisfaction and thus more contentment.

She joined me from London last week before heading down to Mexico to take in Dior's Cruise presentation, and we had a lovely conversation about everything from the benefits of doing the hard work of getting to know yourself, how your style can bust clichés, the benefits of being age agnostic, how living our best life does physically affect our skin and visage, as well as the false promises made my anti-aging procedures, plus so much more.

We begin our conversation with why she is the happiest she has ever been, and with that, I will encourage you to tune in to our conversation. I do hope you enjoy.

Links Mentioned in the episode

• Clear Spring's Genmaicha Tea
• Fortnum & Masons
• Hyde Park
• Victoria Park
• Elizabeth Jane Howard, author (explore all of her titles, including her memoir here)
• @jackmartincolorist, IG
• The Road Less Traveled: A New Psychology of Love, Traditional Values and Spiritual Growth by M. Scott Peck

Follow Anna Murphy's work on the following channels:

• The Times, London (explore all of her articles from most recent)
  • Fresh Take on Classic Craftsmanship at Dior's Mexico Cruise Show, May 22, 2023
  • How I Shop the High Street (corresponding image above), 2018

• Twitter: @annagmurphy
• Instagram: @annagmurphy
• Explore Anna's first book: How to Not Wear Black: Find Your Style and Create Your Forever Wardrobe (2019)

~Pick up Destination Fabulous: Finding your way to the best you yet by Anna Murphy (2023)

Anna Murphy's book was the inspiration for a Monday Motivational post shared earlier this month.

The Key to a Beautiful and Fulfilling Life: Invest in Your Interior Self and the Exterior Begins to Shine Naturally

~Explore more episodes of The Simple Sophisticate here.

~Explore more British-inspired episodes here.

~Explore more Signature Style posts here

Explore all Previously posted content from TSLL's 5th Annual British Week

Images courtesy of the author and The Times, London

Being a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) is a fairly new identifier to describe anyone who is highly responsive to their environment. This high responsiveness can appear in a variety of ways and different arenas of our lives - physically, emotionally, in relationships, simply going about our days and interacting with the world around us.

In 1996, American clinical research psychologist Dr. Elaine Aron wrote her seminal book The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive in a World That Overwhelms You, and it was in this book that term HSP was coined. Author Jenn Granneman joins me to talk about her new book on this topic of HSP, a book that includes new research that furthers supports Dr. Aron's findings, as well as exploring history revealing that this gift has always been with us, we just didn't identify it until recently, and welcoming in specific insights and tools to elevate this awesome gift that can indeed deep the quality of our entire life.

Jenn Granneman's book, who she co-authored with Andre Sólo, Sensitive: The Hidden Power of the Highly Sensitive Person in a Loud, Fast, Too-Much World was released on February 28, 2023, and quickly became a bestseller in the category of Popular Psychology Studies and was recently chosen by Amazon's editor's as the Editor's Pick for Non-Fiction.

Today she joins me to talk about what HSP is, the misconceptions, how being HSP is actually a source of strength, how to approach relationships and the work place as well as talking about why she hopes this book starts a Sensitive Revolution.

~Explore the book: Sensitive: The Hidden Power of the Highly Sensitive Person in a Loud, Fast, Too-Much World by Jenn Granneman and Andre Sólo~

Explore Jenn Granneman's websites on HSP and Introversion below, as well as other links you might be interested in:

• Sensitive Refuge, blog centered on the topic of thriving as an HSP
  • Recent post: 27 Things You Do Because You're a Highly Sensitive Person

• Jenn Granneman on IG: @jenngranneman
• Introvert, Dear, blog centered on the topic of thriving as an Intovert
  • The Secret Lives of Introverts: Inside Our Hidden World, book
  • episode #171: The Secret Lives of Introverts, my conversation with the author Jenn Granneman: The Simple Sophisticate podcast

• Podcast Episodes you might be interested in:
  • episode #44: The Many Gifts of Being HSP
  • episode #315: Being in Love, Being HSP and Being at Peace with Ourselves and the One We Love

https://www.instagram.com/p/CsHX9A-ue3i/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link&igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==

~Explore more episodes of The Simple Sophisticate podcast

"N'ayez pas peur."

And the formal lessons continue into the wilderness and beauty of the French language. Or should I say langue française.

And yep, we have just dove into to learning the imperatif form, and as the command directs above in French - Have no fear! Which is a great place to start because when we choose to learn a new language, especially as an adult, and anyone proficient in any field other than the French language, humility must be brought with us on the journey.

To trip over any new language we wish to learn, or any new skill for that matter, is a practice in being vulnerable, and being vulnerable is scary. It's scary to try to form the words and say them outloud, even if we have practiced and know the alphabet of our new language. It is scary to bravely raise our hand and attempt to answer a question when we know the answer may be a direct and frank 'no' from the professor. And it is scary to keep raising our hand, to keep speaking the new language, after we have mispronounced and incorrectly answered in the past which is why, it is imperative to hold this directive with us as we choose to learn - Have no fear.

After all, what is there to be afraid of really? This is when we need to set our ego aside, take the many (many!) corrections from the professor and just keep trying, just keep speaking and gradually, ever so very gradually, improvements and a depth of understanding as our long-term memory begins to hold this new language in its arsenal of knowledge it draws upon when we least expect it to be easy to grasp, the new language becomes easier.

I write the words of encouragement for you, readers and listeners of the blog and podcast as much as I write them for myself because it is a slow journey, but all of a sudden, I will find myself in moments grasping and understanding what to say and how to say it when in the past such an occurrence would never happen. And it is in these moments, I know that the regular effort, vulnerability and bravery (and mental exhaustion) are worth it and are paying off.

Today, we return to the series of what I have learned so far in French class. A journey that began in 2016 as I shared in Part Quatre just a couple of months ago (visit that post/episode #349 here) and is continuing as I begin FR 104 (A2.2) with Washington D.C. Alliance de Française having begun with them FR 101 in September 2022. Part Quatre brought us to the mid-way point of FR 102, so today's episode will focus on what I have learned as FR 102 concluded and all of FR 103 which wrapped up in mid-April.

Admittedly, FR 103 is when I felt I was in brand new territory as up to 102 I had a clear awareness of present tense, the numbers, basic 'get to know you' phrases, and had been exposed to the components taught, but needed to polish them as well as fill in a few of the fundament gaps (proper pronunciation of the alphabet for example!). So now I am in the thick of new knowledge, and my head is exhausted each week, following each day of classes (two, two hour classes each week). However, well, I am getting ahead of myself. Let's take a look at the list of what I have learned so far in French class . . .

1.The mental exhaustion improves with time

As I shared above, when FR 103 began, with a new professor who has high expectations and uses every minute of class, after each week and each class, my mind was exhausted; however, that was the worst of it. In other words, my mind was working in a way it had not, and therefore, had to 'get into shape' by being stretched. Now, yes, I still have mental fatigue, but part of me is used it, but the other part of me knows, my mind as it pertains to learning the French language, is getting better toned and used to searching, remembering and applying the new knowledge. All the more reason to hang in there and keep attending class, keeping signing up for the next class.

2. Être, Avoir, Savoir, & Vouloir are the only verbs that are irregular in the imperatif

As hinted at above in the opening quote, we've begun learning the form and function of the imperatif! And it is really quite simple, especially when I discovered (and it makes sense logically) that there are only ever three forms of the imperatif for conjugation (tu, nous, and vous), and so long as you know your Present tense forms, and memorize the four new irregular forms of être (to be), avoir (to have), savoir (to know) and vouloir (to want), you know how to properly use/write/speak the imperatif!

What is the imperatif? The exact same thing imperative is in the English language, a command or direction given with an understood subject (so the sentence begins with the verb).

3. How to communicate time properly (formally and informally)

A simple concept, but knowing how to form a sentence when asked the time is slightly different compared to English, but it is quite simple. The key is to remember to once you begin speaking the time formally (military time) to continue to do so - only numbers, no phrases; and when you speak heure informelle, then you can use the common phrases - midi (noon), minuit (midnight), moins le quart (less than a quarter - 15 minutes), et demi (half past), etc.

4. What "liaision" and "enchaînement" are as they pertain pronunciation in the French language

Large, odd words, but all they are, and they are very important if we want to pronounce the language correctly, is how the sound of the word changes due to the words around it.

• Enchaînement:
  • What is affected? Words that begin with "h" or a vowel.
  • How is the pronunciation changed? If the word that precedes the word that begins with the 'h' or a vowel ends in a consonant sound, then the speaker must combine the words and drop the last consonant sound of the first word, combining the sounds into one.
  • EXAMPLE: neuf heures —alone, you would pronounce 'neuf' as [nuf], pronouncing the 'f' sound; but when the word 'heures' follows as it begins with an 'h' or a vowel, you drop the 'f' sound and pronounce neuf as [neuv] leading into 'heures'.

• Liaison:
  • What is affected? words that end with a vowel sound and the next word begins with a vowel or 'h'
  • How is the pronunciation changed? Pronounce the consonant of the first word that previously was not pronounced.
  • EXAMPLE: trois heures — alone, you would pronounce 'trois' as [twah], not pronouncing the 's'; but when the word 'heures' follows, the 's' is pronounced and is pronounced as a [zzz] sound.

5. How to construct passé composé

Finally learning the past tense (aka the passé composé) was a big step in my learning journey of the French language. And it is soooooo much simpler than I had anticipated. While I won't teach the entire lesson to you, the key is knowing that every single conjugated verb will be preceded by either être (conjugated to fit the form) or avoir (conjugated to fit the form), and there are only approximately 15 verbs that use être (simply memorize them), and the reset all use avoir.

Below are the fifteen verbs that use être, and how I remember them is they are all verbs in which they describe a change of state or motion. Now do note, not EVERY verb that involves motion or a change of state uses être, but all of these in this list fit that definition.

• entre (to enter)
• sortir (to exit, go out)
• monter (to go up/to climb)
• descendre (to descent)
• passer (to go/to go pass)
• rester (to remain/to stay)
• retourner/tourner (to return)
• tomber (to fall out/to fall)
• arriver (to arriver/to reach)
• partir (to leave/to depart)
• aller (to go)
• venir/revenir/devenir (to come/to come back/to become)
• naitre (to be born)
• mourir (to die)
• Extra one: déceder (to be deceased)

And then, the verb that follows has a fixed ending for all forms (je, tu, il, elle, on, vous, nous, ils/elles, which comes down to memorizing, but most, if they have a certain ending in the infinitive form (i.e. -er, -ir, etc.) end in the same ending for that form. For example, my list captured in the image below:

6. Passé composé is easier than I thought and gives me so much flexibility in constructing phrases

It is worth reiterating that again, what I thought prior to learning was incorrect. I just needed to be taught by someone who knew the language. Once I had the knowledge, great progress in communicating was made and ease experienced knowing I could share what I had done in conversation, whatever that may be!

7. Positive encouragement and praise are wonderfully powerful no matter what the student's age

It has been a fascinating experience being a teacher who taught for 20 years and stepping into someone else's classroom who is the expert on a basic subject - the fundamentals of a language. Apart of the skills they are teaching and I am trying to learn, the energy and connection a teacher brings to the space determines the probability of their students remaining in the class, believing they can do it and the confidence to try.

As well, a teacher is a human being, and it is easier to notice when my professor is exhibiting an immense amount of patience, restraint and strength to keep us accountable, so I empathize and try to be aware that she will have good days and not so good days, but what I appreciate about my current professor is that she wastes not one minute of our class time, and is determined to teach us the language.

There are moments when it is clear that teaching a lower-skilled class to students such as myself and being someone who knows the French language superbly as my professor does, gets to be a bit 'why don't you know this?!' at times, and whether through their repetition of the skills we are just being introduced to, her patience is a bit lacking and I know that for my confidence in learning the language, I could use a bit more acknowledgement of my effort and willingness to try to speak out or try to speak. However, in those moments, it is also a very helpful exercise for myself to set my ego aside and dig down and choose to learn than to take it personal. After all, I can honestly say, she is the best and most knowledgeable and capable of explaining the language clearly professor that I have had in my 20+ years of trying to finally learn this beloved language, and I am grateful these classes and the quality of classes are available.

8. Le Passé Recent

While we just received a taste of how to construct the recent past (le passé recent), so anything that has just happened, seeing the formula for how to construct the phrases, knowing that all it is is the simple formula: use the verb Venir (to come) in the present tense + de + le verb de l'action a1 l'infinitif form, reminds me that I simply need to bulk up my knowledge of vocabulary with a variety of verbs I might need or use.

9. Hearing the language spoken first without the transcript is key to eventually (and more quickly) comprehending what you are hearing, even if it is more uncomfortable initially

When FR 103 began with my new professor, she quickly told us (gently scolding us) to not look at the transcript when we were listening to passages that we were trying to decipher what was being said. I can remember in FR 101 being so perplexed that other students were able to easily understand what was being said on the first go-round and even stating my confusion in class, but what I didn't realize was that they were reading the transcript as they listened and the professor had not told them not to, so why not? Not the case in FR 103. Our professor - Olga, pointed out emphatically that if we are going to understand what we are hearing more quickly, we need to first hear it (without peeking at the transcript), struggle with what we hear, and similarly to the mental fatigue that is intense initially, it become easier more quickly than we might realize.

Needless to say, lesson learned. Nobody is looking at the transcripts anymore and struggle with audio comprehension is expected, so long as we try.

10. Just 10 minutes a day of studying, everyday, is better than hours sporadically

Another quick tip Olga shared with us was to make sure we practice or study at least 10 minutes each day on the days we don't need to complete any homework or in between class sessions - our two week breaks, for example. As opposed to studying intensively for a couple of hours, but not doing so regularly, we will actually acquire the language more quickly through consistent, short efforts.

11. Phrases for moving a story along chronologically

• d'abord (first)
• en suite (further then)
• puis (then)
• après (after)
• en fin (finally)

12. Vocabulary for frequencies of occurrence (la fréquence) et l'habitude

• jamais (never)
• parfois (sometimes)
• souvent (often)
• toujours (always)

• tôt (early)
• en retard (late)
• d'habitude (normally)
• en général (generally)
• chaque (each)

13. Reflexive verbs aren't as scary as they seem

FR 103 began with reflexive verbs. A verb whose direct object is the same as its subject. For example, se lèver (to wake up); se doucher (to take a shower/wash oneself); se brosse les dents (to brush one's teeth); se coucher (to go to bed); se preparer (to prepare oneself).

Once I learned where the reflexive pronoun (me, te, se, etc.) needed to go in the formation of the sentence, and in negated sentences, it was just a matter of remembering the reflexive verbs.

Simply by writing out these lessons has been helpful to remember all that was covered over the past two+ months, and now the journey continues forward. And while of course, there is guaranteed to be times in which I scrunch my forehead up and scream inside because it isn't coming quickly or at all, I also know that at the end of each class, I am grateful I am there. I am proud of myself for trying, and over-archingly I am following the directive seen below in the imperatif form, to have fun. Because if there is any class I would want to be enrolled in right now to learn something new, it is the French language, so I know I am exactly where I want (and need) to be.

"Faites-vous plaisir."

Look for Part Six late this summer.

Merci pour la visite! À la prochaine, bonne journée!

SIMILAR EPISODES YOU MIGHT ENJOY

episode #349, What I Have Learned in French Class, So Far . . . Part Quatre

episode #276, The Art of Mise en Place

episode #248, 12 French (or Set in France) Feel-Good Films I Love (having premiered in the past 10 years)

~Explore all of TSLL's French-inspired posts and episodes.

Petit Plaisir

—Chevalier, film

~Explore all of the episodes of The Simple Sophisticate podcast here.

It all began with 18 months in Paris as a young woman more than 30 years ago.

Inspired by her time volunteering during the day at a Parisian floral boutique while she figure skated in the evenings, Sandra Sigman's life journey and approach to floral arrangements was forever changed, and thus began the unfolding of a dream.

In today's episode, author of the best-selling book in Floral Arrangements, Sandra Sigman joins me to talk about French Blooms: Floral arrangements inspired by Paris and beyond and goes behind the scenes telling more of the life journey, the highs and the lows that have left her grateful and celebratory for where she is today.

Sigman's floral boutique Les Fleurs in Andover, Massachusetts, continues to offer seasonal floral arrangements that draw direct inspiration from what she learned in Paris so many years ago. Whilst continuing to take regular trips to France to visit brocantes and antique fairs, Sigman's love for the country is abundant.

In our conversation Sandra will also talk about the French's sacred ritual of welcoming flowers into the home on an regular basis, just because, as well as go behind the scenes to the genesis of the book and how her friendship with Sharon Santoni, the founder of My French Country Home who makes her home in Normandy, France, played a role in many of the images found in the book (the image just below was captured on Sharon's property with her guest cottage setting the scene in the background; and her pup Ghetto is also captured in a few photographs as well). Also, the cover! Discover the cover story that took her to Paris to capture and why she felt it was important for this particular image to be the one we now see today.

And Sandra also shares how her mother holds a powerful role in the business venture both daughter and mother began together to open Les Fleurs so many years ago and how her spirit continues on in the work Sandra does.

I do hope you will tune in to listen to our conversation, and rest assured, a Petit Plaisir will be shared as Sandra extends ideas for setting herself up for a beautiful day.

 

Links from the conversation:

• Visit Sandra Sigman's floral boutique online or in person - Les Fleurs
• Brecks - Sandra's go-to for bulb shopping
• Adelman Peony Garden (located in Oregon)
• Chatou Fair - Antique Fair just on the outskirts of Paris
• Marché de Rungis - the flower market that offers 5am tours
• Sandra shared the green tea she enjoys each morning - Yogi Green Tea pure green decaf
• Follow Sandra Sigman on Instagram @lesfleursandover. and @lesfleursviasandra Below are a few images and a video from her account:

   

 

~Listen to more French-inspired episodes of The Simple Sophisticate podcast here.

~Learn more about the show, The Simple Sophisticate podcast and download all of the episodes here.

 

"To have a good relationship with money, you must know who you are and what your purpose is in this world." —Kate Northrup, Money: A Love Story

Find your purpose, exercise your courage and you are on your way to financial freedom. Simple AND true. Not easy, but definitely doable.

For many of us, we were taught (or it was modeled) that money and how to approach money successfully is to solely look at it logically, requiring tangible proofs in order to know we are successful - the amount of money in our checking account, a lack of debt, the amount we have saved in our chosen mode of savings, the value of our quantifiable assets - our home, our business, etc., etc.. Don't worry, I am not going to say, being without any money in the bank is okay as long as you have [insert whatever non-monetary example you have heard], because it's not true. We do need money to live and live well; however, to only look at the numbers is to dismiss the powerful engine of creating the financial freedom you seek. Our lives are not Money Ball. While a wonderful film and a very successful approach to winning in the game of baseball, when we only look at the numbers, we lose the core of what living well, a life of true wealth, is all about, to lose ourselves in the sole pursuit for more money or having a certain amount of money in the bank before we [insert your big dream here] is to live without trust in the universe, to live without trust in ourselves. Again, do not worry, I am not going to say, ignore money and pursue whatever fleeting fancy your heart desires and the money will follow, but sort of, I am, it just doesn't happen overnight, or within the window you would like it to.

When I picked up Kate Northrup's first book Money: A Love Story, Untangle your financial woes and create the life you really want, it was the book I was looking for for some time but I wasn't able to find it because likely, the most important lessons wouldn't have landed with such great effect. The truth about what financial freedom is while yes, having to do with the monetary concept of literally earning more than you spend, it also involves the fuel for making money and that is not logical or literal monetarily, it comes from finding and living a life of true contentment. And as we have talked about for years here on TSLL blog and podcast, stepping onto the path toward cultivating contentment begins with being courageous enough to get to know yourself, to dig in and learn the helpful skills that all of us can learn if we choose, and then with what we discover, being brave about the next step that may be entirely different, or even slightly different than the path we were originally on.

"As with any relationship, the key to dealing with your financial woes lies within." —Kate Northrup, Money: A Love Story

The path to financial freedom, something that upon reading Kate Northrup's book Money: A Love Story, I discovered that what she shares overlaps in multiple ways with how to live simply luxuriously. 

First, what is financial freedom?

As Kate Northrup defines it, "To wake up every morning and do whatever calls to you, whatever the heck you feel like doing, is connected to your ability to feel free from financial strain and to be open to what your heart is telling you."

The moment I read this definition, I had specifics in my mind of what this looks like for me, so what I am going to ask you to do right now is to write in your journal, on your phone in the Notes section or anywhere where you will be able to check in and remind yourself when doubt seeking financial freedom is possible for you, what it is you want to be able to do without financial restrains holding you back? What do you want to be able to do that your heart is aching to do, but you aren't able to financial make it so? What would your daily life look like, what would a typical calendar year look like, so vacations, work projects, home life, etc.?

PAUSE - seriously, write this out somewhere. See your future life on paper. It can happen. It CAN be your life. It all begins with the story we accept as possible. And I want you to know, and tell yourself that it is so, that you can live the life that continues to speak to you.

Let's dive in to writing a Love Story with Money that brings you to a life of Financial Freedom.

 

A tidy sanctuary creates mental space to find calm more readily.

Upon walking into my home, Le Papillon, knowing and then witnessing that it has been cleaned, tidied and unnecessary items have been removed, whether that be emptying the recycling basket in the boot & basket room (aka mudroom), countertops are cleared of extraneous items, and the flowers are fresh, I breathe some of the deepest breaths I ever take during my days.

Distractions to the mind come into our lives in a variety of ways (I share and discuss 11 forms of distraction here), and one such way is clutter of items in our homes, items without a home, too many items, dusty, dirty, disorganized spaces, counters, windows, fabrics, floors, etc. No doubt, I am not sharing anything you don't already know. But how do we tend to our homes and still have time and energy to live the lives we want to live?

I will admit to being nearly totally in alignment with Simone Beauvoir's train of thinking shared in her book The Second Sex when it comes to house cleaning, “Few tasks are more like the torture of Sisyphus than housework, with its endless repetition: the clean becomes soiled, the soiled is made clean, over and over, day after day.” And if there was a magic wand to wave whenever the house needed its regular clean and tidy, I would wave it without hesitation regularly and often. I recognize that some may find calm in the practice of cleaning, and that is fine; however, what would you do if your house was perpetually clean? Think of all the time and energy you would have remaining to do something constructive, explore a curiosity, read a book, rest your eyes after a long, grueling, yet productive week, spend more time with those you love, spend more time in your own company getting to know yourself better, take a longer walk with the pups, snuggle with your cat who is seeking your company after having been at the office all day.

I share the possibilities of what we might choose to do with more time, regular time consistently available, to point out that while cleaning and caring for our homes is a necessity, there are many different approaches to doing so well to gain the benefits of such a space that is our sanctuary. Apart from hiring a regular cleaning service which I have done in the past and may do again in the future, even if they come every other week, or weekly, we still can care for our homes thoughtfully as well as simply in order to enjoy all of the time we find ourselves in our abode.

And regarding the choice to focus on a small household, this can be viewed in two ways: whether small in square footage or living with only a couple of inhabitants (our furry companions count as family here on TSLL). So whether you live on your own as I do, with dogs or cats or entirely in your own company, with your partner, or are an empty-nester, living in a small household liberates us in multiple ways, and thankfully, requires less to clean and care for, giving us more time and energy to do so well.

One of the chapters in my second book, Living The Simply Luxurious Life: Making Your Everydays Extraordinary and Discovering Your Best Self, goes in to great detail about “Living Small”, chapter 13, and one such reason is the reality that the smaller the space we call home, the less we have to clean. However, just because we may live, choosing to or not, in a small home doesn't mean the home can't be luxurious. In decoration, in organization, in consideration for everything, we can live luxuriously in a small home, and the beauty is, we have an advantage, we have less to clean, less to furnish, less to organize, now we just have to figure out how to do so wisely and with great savvy.

Back in 2011 I shared a brief post detailing what to clean and how often throughout the year in our homes, pairing with the post a free printable PDF of this cleaning schedule, but it was brief and that was more than 10 years ago, so with the prompting from a TSLL reader recently who shares her home with her husband and pets, sans children (similar to myself, sans the husband), I wanted to update and share with you how to clean and maintain your home throughout the year so that when Spring does roll around you don't feel overwhelmed by the 'spring cleaning' fever that often arises. And I completely get it. It feels good to freshen up the entire house, but I don't have the time and energy to do so all in one swoop once a year. Rather, what makes sense to me is a steady, smart approach both in how and what I clean and maintain to avoid large repair bills due to lack of attention.

Let's take a look at the list, and I will provide again, but this time the updated version, the free printable PDF schedule at the end of today's post/episode.

1.Begin with a home and its contents that you actually use and need

In other words, this is a one off, not a regular practice, but something to keep in the back of your mind after you tend to it when considering bringing in new items to the home. Ask yourself the following question:

“The stuff you own has to help you create the life you want. And if it doesn’t, why is it in your home?” –Peter Walsh

As I look around my own home, small in square footage but large to the eye with its high ceilings and multiple south-facing windows letting in oodles of light, I will tend to this question room by room throughout the year. Honestly, nothing is on a schedule now when it comes to this permanent editing as I have edited quite a bit over the past four years with my move to my home and with the construction over the past three years. For example, my kitchen cupboards and drawers received a thorough edit during the kitchen remodel when everything was removed and stored in my guest bedroom. Nothing says, reduce and eliminate the unnecessary when you have no more floor space in your guest bedroom to put anything. Do I really need that [insert item that I have never used, not once, ever]? Below is a list of space, collections and items to seriously look at and judiciously edit:

• Your bookshelves/library — Keep only the books that yep, brought you joy, but also that are sound reference books, collector items, and books you want to have on hand for any reason - to share, to recall a particular detail, but don't keep books just to have more books. They bring more weight, take up more space, collect dust and reflect you inaccurately should anyone scan your book collection.
• Your linen closet(s) — bedding, dining, bathroom, cleaning rags, entertaining, blankets, etc.
• Kitchen cupboards and drawers — as you go through this process, especially in the kitchen, keep a notepad with you, listing any items you know you need more of because one or two is not enough as they tend to be in the dishwasher or utilized when you need to use them again, or any item you simply need. Be stringent with yourself about letting go of items that just take up space, don't do an effective job and need to be let go. It will make finding what you need when you need it far easier and make cooking in the kitchen more enjoyable.
• Any drawer or cupboard where you store anything — in other words, know what is in your cupboards and don't use them to store things you never use. It is okay to have an empty cupboard. Say that again, and don't be tempted by the need to fill it.
• Clothing and coat closets —The seasonal wardrobe assessment is a great idea and goes more quickly each time as you get to know and love what you have in your closet. The coat (and I should probably add the outerwear accoutrement drawers/bins/shelves) closet will need to be cleaned and edited less frequently, but make sure you know what you have, have what you need and donate the rest.
• Épicerie/Pantry —Listen to/Read episode #109 — the 34 Must-Have Items for Your Home Épicerie, then read this post - 9 Ways to Organize Your Kitchen, Improve Your Health and Help Out the Planet
• Tea/Coffee Cupboard —In episode #7 of Season 3 of The Simply Luxurious Kitchen cooking show I share in the video a peek into my tea cupboard and how I organize it.
• Candle Cupboard/Closet — The suggested idea of designating an entire closet/cupboard to candles was the Petit Plaisir of episode #280. Assess what candles you have, what candles have never been used and why, donating those you will never use, and making a plan to shop and welcome in the ones you love when/if they go on sale, otherwise purchasing when it best fits your budget and often purchasing more than one to stock up.
• Bathroom drawers/cupboards/medicine cabinets — In your primary bathroom and any guest or powder rooms, be diligent and toss whatever is not used, has expired, etc.. As well, make a note of what you always need, what you are out of, would like to add to your toiletries to enhance your daily skincare and body care rituals and routines.
• Your furniture (chairs, rugs, tables, beds, dressers, desks, mirrors, shelves, lamps, etc. - large and small) — let yourself dream and be very honest with yourself. Where do you feel most at peace, comfortable, cozy, relaxed, productive, etc.. Based on what the function of the room is, do you feel what you desire to have created with your furnishings? Admittedly, once you have your list of what you need but don't have yet, it may take time. Have the patience because once you know how you want to live and feel in your home, the waiting is easier until you find and/or save up for what you know will fit perfectly in that particular space. Be a bit ruthless in letting go of items that don't serve a helpful or comfortable purpose and vow yourself to not just purchase filler items - an ill-made side table. Get creative with what you have to hold space until you have the ability to welcome into your home what you have on your list.
  • Explore more specific décor posts here for customizing your home.

Now that you have clarity that you either have what you need, or know what you need and have let go of the rest, you have let go of some stress, alleviated some unwanted burdens on your ability to relax when you arrive home and are ready to more swiftly and intentionally clean your home regularly without it becoming overwhelming, and maybe even a bit enjoyable. ☺️

2. Daily simple habits that reduce the amount of weekly and monthly cleaning

When we are at the point of burn-out even the simplest task of picking up after ourselves can be taxing. I can remember more nights than I want to admit while I was both teaching and blogging that I was too tired to entirely pick up the kitchen after cooking dinner before I went to bed. I literally needed more energy and going to bed was a necessity over cleaning the kitchen. Don't worry, I would without fail, clean the kitchen in the morning, but that was a task that didn't help to begin the day well. Stepping into a clean kitchen, a clean home each morning is a wonderful way to start the day and I knew that, but I did not have the energy to make it my regular practice on certain days of the work week. All of this built up to show me that I needed to make a change, so I share all of that with you to acknowledge, you may have an extremely busy schedule, so much so you cannot tend to these tasks listed below each day, but when you do make the necessary breathing room in your life to tend to these habits daily, it has a beautiful ripple effect of reducing stress, increasing clarity and giving you the ability to make better, more constructive decisions so that you never find yourself in such a schedule again.

Okay, so what are the daily habits? In order of the day's events:

• Clear the bedside table(s) of anything such as water glasses, opened books (close and restack neatly), etc., so it is neatly organized when you return to bed in the evening.
• Make the bed
• Empty the dishwasher (if you ran it at night)
• Clear the table after breakfast (and after any meal), placing dishes in the dishwasher, not just in the sink. Run the dishwasher when full, or nearly full but on an eco-saver wash.
• Wipe the kitchen countertops after each use of the kitchen.
• Empty the trash when it is full.
• Empty any recycling bins when they are full to their exterior destination for pick-up on their scheduled day.
• Upon receiving/picking up the mail, immediately recycle any flyers/mailers/magazines you don't intend to read/use; open all letters and recycle the envelope and any contents you don't need.
  • Place all mail you need to address in a designated basket or holder in the main room where you look at your mail. I do this in my Boot & Basket room and have a basket on the wall that is used for just this case (tour the room here). When it is time to pay bills or tend to business, I take the basket into the office.

• Place your keys in the same spot every time you walk over the threshold of your home from outside.
• Have hooks on the wall as necessary and/or enough hangers or bins in the coat closet/mudroom for your outerwear, dog leashes, scarves, umbrellas. Immediately deposit the items in their designated spot when you return home.
• Have a designated basket/bin for your reusable grocery totes, preferably near the kitchen and/or near the door you exit when you head to the market/grocery so that you don't forget them or lose them.
• Fold up blankets in the living room, snug, reading nook upon leaving the space.
• Resituate/Plump the pillows on any chair or sofa you sat in upon leaving the room.
• Clean as you cook: in between steps, not just after the meal is completely done.
• Return tea trays or food trays back to the kitchen once you have finished relaxing. Don't leave it to be picked up later.
• Vacuum as necessary throughout the week. I have a Dyson wireless stick vacuum which makes it super simple to grab, swoop across the floor and pick up any dirt or dust the pups may have brought in from a walk, pick up crumbs from the dinner I just made and with ease place the vacuum back in the closet. Once I purchased this vacuum (2019) I have come to enjoy cleaning a bit more because there is no tedious cord, no bending over, light-weight and dare I say, it almost feels magical how easy it is to tidy up. This keeps the house clean throughout the week and lets us live our lives as well. Here is a link to the one I have.
  • A note about what you receive with the investment of purchasing Dyson vacuum cleaners as it was a step up for me price-wise and I pondered it for a while: The customer service is spectacular, swift, knowledgeable and helpful for any question I have had to learn the basics. Also, with a two year warranty on the product, it wasn't until four years later that my battery needed to be replaced, and it was easy to do with their customer service. Free shipping and a warranty on the battery. Simple video tutorials for how to replace and install once it arrived. The customer service has sold me as a lifelong client as their products are high quality, high functioning and help available when I need it at any time.

• If you work from home, tidy up your desk top/office at the end of each workday, prepared for a clean slate the next day. Make sure to have a presentable garbage bin (small) in your office. I use one from The Citizenry, and while my style isn't no longer available, they still make many small baskets that are perfect for a waste basket.

10 Ways to Make Your Office Desk Space Efficient and Inspiring

3. Choose one day during the week, an afternoon or morning (early or late), that you can designate 1-2 hours to clean

Now, again, I am not someone who enjoys cleaning, and when I used to write this task in my planner, I sighed a bit because I would have rather been doing something else, prior to retiring from teaching, it would have been just having more time to relax at my home, now it is time to create, to explore, to be with my pups without a vacuum or a cleaning rag/mop in my hand. However, #3 on this list is a be a misnomer because you don't have to do all of the same cleaning tasks each day of the week, rather you are going to alternate a few. Let me explain.

It was an aha moment for me the first time I hired a cleaning service to regularly clean my house: they came every other week. And I thought to myself, how can I possibly wait two weeks to have my house cleaned? After all, for years I had attentively cleaned my house each Friday after work, no matter what I was up to later the evening or how long my week had been. Well, what I discovered was that if you clean it well every other week AND tend to the daily habits shared above, your house will be just fine, and you will be less stressed and have more free time.

What to do each week (every other week tasks designated as such):

• Vacuum everything - the floors, hardwoods, carpets, rugs, upholstered furniture, pillows, window trims, etc.
• Clean the stovetop (aka the hob). Get some good dish soap and water, some stainless steel cleaner if necessary (I use EZBrite as it is environmentally friendly)
• Wipe down the fronts of the dishwasher, refrigerator (use EZBrite for these as well if they are stainless steel), cupboard fronts, and around the handles as they tend to get the most dirty from being touched frequently.
• Every other week: Wipe down doors, near the handles to remove prints, etc.
• Every other week: Dust (I used to do this each week. It is unnecessary.)
• Every other week: Mop all floors. I used to do this each week, but no longer do. If it was a particularly dirty week, I will mop, but so long as I vacuum regularly, remove my shoes and wash the paws of my pups when we return from a dust-filled/mud-filled walk, the floors stay presentable until the following week.
• Welcome fresh flowers into the house - between 1-3 small bouquets placed in the living room, bedroom, dining room, foyer or office, I either pick them up at Trader Joe's or source them from my own garden during the warmer months, sometimes picking one up at the farmer's market.
• Clean/wash bed linens. Air dry the sheets to ensure they last longer, especially linen sheets - NEVER put them in the machine dryer as it is too harsh of heat.
• Wash any regularly used towels - bathroom and kitchen.
• Clean bathrooms that receive regular use, this can be done every other week depending upon how heavily the bathroom is used. For bathrooms used occasionally, monthly is fine.
• Clean mirrors and windows/glass doors, removing fingerprints as necessary.
• Go through the refrigerator, assessing prior to heading out for your weekly grocery outing.
• Wash your dog/cat food dishes.
• If you have a microwave (I do not), clean inside and the front window/door.
• Clean switch plates for regularly touched light switches.

4. Quarterly/every 3 months/Seasonally

Many of the items on this list will come from tasks shared in #3 that don't need to be done as often depending upon how you live, or need to be done more frequently that are listed below in #5.

• Thoroughly clean all trash canisters/recycling bins
• Dust lamps, shelves, any place that can collect dust that you can't reach easily, or isn't seen or used regularly.
• Dust computer screens - this may be done more frequently, but at least every three months.
• Launder all blankets used in the living room or in snugs/reading nooks.
• Clean/dust/wipe down items in trays and vignettes on top of console tables, dressers, coffee tables, etc..
• Store seasonal décor in a clearly labeled box or bin and place where it doesn't distract and is out of the way (garage, attic, storage space).

5. Twice a Year, during a day or couple of days that you have energy, so ideally after a day you have been able to rest

One time of year I tend to many annual or semi-annual tasks is during the week between the years, that final week of the year when I am able to have time to myself and just rest, then be energized to tidy up which always feels good upon going into a new year. Here's the list:

• Clean all windows – inside & out.
• Flip the mattress
• *Clean and reorganize the pantry, this happens at least once a year, sometimes twice. As I become more clear about what I need and organized to refill when I run out as it happens, I have found tending to this once a year is enough.
• Thoroughly clean the refrigerator - remove the drawers, the lining on any side shelves, and clean, clean, clean. If you have been assessing your fridge's contents each week, this won't be a difficult task and should only take about 30 minutes.
• Clean oven thoroughly
• Launder pillows - I cover my pillows with liners (aka pillow protectors) and then place the pillowcase over the top of those. This helps to protect the pillow itself.
• *Wipe baseboards and moldings - this can also be done once a year depending upon the work you have had done in your home, how often you leave your windows open, etc..
• Clean the kitchen range hood.
• Clean the filter in your dishwasher.
• Clean any bird feeders (this can be done more often if you have an active bird café).
• Clean under and around any furniture that isn't regularly vacuumed or moved.
• Clean the garage thoroughly, editing as you go.
• Have the sprinkler system (if you use one), turned on in the spring and winterized in the fall.
• Cover/Remove vent covers - for winterizing and then come spring remove and store.
• Exterior hoses, watering cans, non-frost proof pots in the garden - drain all water and store.
• Replace the water filter in your refrigerator or other water dispensing device (filter dependent).
• Clean gutters - this may need to be done only yearly depending upon the amount of debris that potentially can fall into your gutters. I tend to do this in the spring and the fall.

~Nelle was my helper cleaning the interior of my stove recently. Learn more about why I chose Le Cornue for my stove here.~

6. Yearly as the time is right on the calendar/season for each task and your schedule

The yearly tasks will be dependent upon your home, climate, and other variables, but whenever you tend to what you need to, choose a time that works with your schedule, budget and the best time of year to tend to this task, if it requires, for example, you to be outside.

• Service HVAC - this will prevent any surprises during the winter or the summer when you want to be able to trust your heat source or cooling source is able to work properly.
• Clean your fireplace if you have a traditional wood-burning fireplace.
• Deep clean any carpet and rugs, either done by a professional or on your own.
• Have any curtains or hanging fabric cleaned.
• Clean upholstered furniture (I sometimes do this twice a year depending on how heavily used each particular piece, and I do it myself with an all-natural cleaning product the cleaning company that used to clean my house recommended - Nurturals.)
• Clean around dryer vents and any vents in your home (above your stove, for example), where they leave the house on the exterior as well.
• Clean porches/balconies deeply, typically I do this in March just before I place my furniture back outside after being stored in the garage.
• Test and/replace smoke alarm batteries - write the date on the battery when you insert a new battery so you know how long it has been in use. This will help you decide if you should replace it as no one wants to be woken up in the middle of the night by a dead battery.
• Optional and dependent upon the city ordinances: Have your water back flow tested by an approved business (this is something we have to do in Bend if we live in the city limits).

Phew! Okay, just looking back at this list may seem like a tremendous amount; however, when what you are taking care of are items and spaces in your home that bring you comfort, calm and repose, it becomes motivating to keep them at their best which is why I began with #1. When we remove what feels like a burden because we never use it, it simply takes up space or holds memories we don't want to revisit, then tidying up does become more of a chore. Once #1 has been taken care of, and you spread out all of these tasks over a year, it actually isn't that bad at all. In fact, while compared to the list I wrote in 2011, this list is quite extensive, due to the fact that I have a far smaller house (nearly half the size) than I did when I wrote the previously list, all that I do is far less and done far better which ensures that I can space out the time between tasks or when I do them more frequently, not have that much work to do.

Compiling this list occurred on a wonderfully rainy day here in Bend which gave me much time to reflect on a year's worth of responsibilities, but also, as I wrote each one, I was also expressing gratitude, thankful to have a home to care for well. Which leads me to my final idea for creating more enjoyment of the task of caring for our homes, why not name your home? I know it may sound silly at first, but when we humanize the space that gives us life, safety, security, comfort, nurtures love and care, it reminds us that is more than four walls and in a way, a part of our 'family' so to speak, and that too helps in providing an internal motivation to care for it well.

And with that to ponder, wishing you a wonderful start to a brand new season with Spring’s arrival next Monday, the 20th. 😌

~Click here for the free PDF TSLL Cleaning & Home Maintenance Schedule~

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Petit Plaisir

—Palais des Thé's Herboriste (herbal/tisane) Thés