They Call Him International

***IN THIS EPISODE...***

Mike the Mic is determined Greta Thimble must be from Jupiter due to the fact that her farts mimic the planet’s gaseous ammonia atmosphere, and he attempts to rally everyone together to determine the location of her spaceship: International re-imagines On Golden Pond as a macabre murder mystery for which actor Henry Fonda wins an Academy Award due to his exemplary acting in a scene where he beats the annoyingly-optomisitic Katherine Hepburn to death with a candlestick that looks just like an Oscar

***IF THAT WASN’T ENOUGH, IN THIS EPISODE INTERNATIONAL ALSO...***

Invents a superhero character whose pitiful whining and incessant complaining is so excruciating that the supervillain nemesis actually chooses to be incarerated and suffer ass-rape as a means of escape; Declares that the modern hero mystic has a duty to dive into the black-on-black chasm of bleakness that most people spend their entire lives avoiding

***AND SO MUCH MORE, IT’S CRAZY!!!***

***IN THIS EPISODE...***

Dr Hosenscheisser reveals the real reason behind his trouser turds and hints how he will not stop scheiss-a-ing his drawers until humanity regains a dignity that has been long lost; Mr Fucking Coffee has a celebratory spring in his step due to finally getting a little love from Mrs Fucking Coffee then begrudgingly admits that their coffee coupling was more instant than drip

***IF THAT WASN’T ENOUGH, IN THIS EPISODE INTERNATIONAL ALSO...***

Receives a harsh and unexpected awakening when his character children unanimously declare him in desperate need of sensitivity training and specifically gets accused of being microphonist by Mike the Mic; Hurls himself off a metaphoric cliff of creativity into a wild freefall that produces a jetwash of spectacular magic in its wake

***AND SO MUCH MORE, IT’S CRAZY!!!***

***IN THIS EPISODE...***

Mr Fucking Coffee’s eyewitness testimony unmasks the scowling sour puss of the Playhouse scone thief’s true identity, thus vindicating Ory from Mike the Mic’s vicious accusations of scone-thievery; International attempts to deal with his catty jealousy of Fluffy’s considerable voice-talents by making up a random story about why the comedian is no longer able to blink, due to a terrifying King Cobra encounter in India

***IF THAT WASN’T ENOUGH, IN THIS EPISODE INTERNATIONAL ALSO...***

Offers a steamy, scintillating preview for his ground-breaking new podcast that consists entirely of him typing on his computer keyboard, then ridiculously assumes that this would be Slave Wife’s ultimate dream date because of the animal attraction each keystroke would surely arouse in her; Celebrates America’s ultimate rebirth with everyone’s favorite Chumbawamba anthem about getting knocked down and then getting up again and how nothing is going to keep this star-spangled Phoenix Bird from rising

***AND SO MUCH MORE, IT’S CRAZY!!!***

***IN THIS EPISODE...***

When International resists Mike the Mic’s efforts to Sophie’s-Choice International into picking a Playhouse favorite, the dynamic microphone retaliates by accusing the podcast host of metaphorically locking his Character Children in the closet and intentionally ignoring their weakened gasps for liquid; Riding a post-coital high, Mr Fucking Coffee innocently attempts to connect with Slave Wife via Core Chat, only to be swiftly rebuffed by her jealously-possessive, one-and-ONLY Soulmate Sister

***IF THAT WASN’T ENOUGH, IN THIS EPISODE INTERNATIONAL ALSO...***

Bemoans the exhaustion-inducing dysfunctional insanity wrought by his gaggle of certifiable Playhouse characters; Declares his need for hope and for a connection to all the Pioneers of the the New World, who are willing to do what it takes to bring peace and sanity to the planet

***AND SO MUCH MORE, IT’S CRAZY!!!***

***IN THIS EPISODE...***

The Playhouse scone saga escalates when International’s unexpected visit inadvertently forces a certain scone-loving someone to confess he ate them all; Mike the Mic gets fed up with Mr Mystery’s emotionally aloof ways and secretly eavesdrops on International’s entire private therapy session, only to burst in at the end and offer his unsolicited approval

***IF THAT WASN’T ENOUGH, IN THIS EPISODE INTERNATIONAL...***

Catalogues the increasing insanity of the Old World by reading a smattering of news headlines, including one about a reporter in San Francisco that was robbed on-air while reporting on the rising crime rate in the city; Discovers a deep wellspring of timelessness and an abiding sense of peace when he finally lets go and allows himself to get lost in Dr Hossenscheisser’s mesmerizingly enchanting clumps of bushy ear hair

***AND SO MUCH MORE, IT’S CRAZY!!!***

***IN THIS EPISODE...***

Mike the Mic threatens to use Mr Fucking Coffee’s goons to keep Ory from eating more than one scone and, despite lacking a body, Ory the Internet puts his foot down and speaks out against Mike abusing his power as Playhouse director; Dr Hosenscheisser recalls how difficult it was to find time to psychoanalyze Jesus due to Mary Magdalene’s jealous interference

***IF THAT WASN’T ENOUGH, IN THIS EPISODE INTERNATIONAL...***

Acknowledges the great human obsession to be free from God and the irrefutable truth that no matter what we believe nor how hard we try, we cannot escape dependence upon our Creator; Commands Slave Wife to hire an employee so he has someone to fire whenever anything (such as his computer password manager malfunctioning) goes wrong

***AND SO MUCH MORE, IT’S CRAZY!!!***

***IN THIS EPISODE...***

Mike the Mic tests his mettle as the world’s best (and only) psycho-ANAL-ist by delivering International a dose of dynamic accountabilty with a swift crack of the Playhouse whip (which actually is his mic cord); International re-enacts the decisive moment in history when God’s only-begotten Son was denied lodging by Bethlehem’s only-begotten Italian innkeeper, who sentences the infant Savior to a sleepless night in a manger of donkey turds, only to turn around and miraculously find seven empty rooms, the perfect number to accommodate Tom Cruise and his all-male entourage of nude wrestlers

***IF THAT WASN’T ENOUGH, IN THIS EPISODE INTERNATIONAL...***

Foolishly goes against his better judgement by using a deadly, untested concoction of effervescent San Pellegrino spiked with fruity-flavored Vitality Drops to satisfy his rabid audience’s insatiable demand for more of the ever-popular, show-stopping bit where he makes sipping his beverage sound like bong rips and then nearly chokes himself to death mid-show in the misguided attempt; Talks a big game to Slave Wife with an unbridled, spontaneous invitation to join him in the bedroom and leave the podcast mic running for a savage session of love-making, then quickly backtracks upon hearing her footsteps approaching in the hallway (he’s all bark and no mic)

***AND SO MUCH MORE, IT’S CRAZY!!!***

***IN THIS EPISODE INTERNATIONAL...***

Stirs Mr Coffee’s jealousy creamer by fondly remembering a time he toured Los Angeles’ premier crack-copping corner with the much-loved Mr. Crack, a true celebrity among purveyors of the rocks-for-your-socks tradel Constructively criticizes Jesus with an awesome suggestion that a little more specificity from our Lord & Savior might have gone a long way in helping humans understand just exactly how we’re supposed to know these cryptic ‘thems’ by their mysteriously metaphoric ‘fruits’

***IF THAT WASN’T ENOUGH, IN THIS EPISODE INTERNATIONAL ALSO...***

Gets mad at the Core Chat ladies for not chatting enough and demands they nut-up instead of shut-up, despite all of them lacking sack; Has trouble seeing the appeal of bio-engineered steaks grown from the genetic code of celebrities, and wonders which of the red-carpet crew would taste the yummiest and which cut would be the choicest (did anybody say Jennifer Aniston Va-jay-jay?)

***AND SO MUCH MORE, IT’S CRAZY!!!***

***IN THIS EPISODE...***

Mike the Mic threatens to unleash a fiery torrent of reproach on International then realizes he and Slave Wife both need to extinguish their scorching blame-throwers and let International heal from the 3rd degree burns to his crispy ego; International delivers a Divinely-guided message of hope for humanity, despite the ever-encroaching nefarious tentacles of technology and tyranny

***IF THAT WASN’T ENOUGH, IN THIS EPISODE INTERNATIONAL ALSO...***

Fondly recollects finding a moment’s respite by suckling upon Katherine Ross’ voluptuous robot knockers he salvaged from The Stepford Wives prop master; Re-enacts the infamous casting session in which porn legend Dick Smith becomes destined for superstardom by securing the role of Hot Plumber #1 in the now-classic Beat the Meat 3

***AND SO MUCH MORE, IT’S CRAZY!!!***

***IN THIS EPISODE...***

Dr Hosenscheisser gets drunk on honeydew schnapps, courtesy of the Duo of Death, and scheisses his hosen upon confronting the profound genius inherent in all human beings; International enacts a touching family scene in which a doting mother informs her 10-year-old son that he was a mistake by graphically detailing his useless father’s inability to pull out before ejaculating; International serenades Core Chat with a medley of Streisand classics that in the end tragically exposes Bab’s flawed strategy for winning back lost love by guilt-tripping ex-lovers that they don’t bring her a certain red-colored flower anymore

***IF THAT WASN’T ENOUGH, IN THIS EPISODE INTERNATIONAL ALSO...***

Attempts to put the podcast in a neat, little box that makes it oh-so-clear for anybody to understand precisely what the show is about; Fails miserably at attempting to put the podcast in a neat, little box that makes it oh-so-clear for anybody to understand precisely what the show is about; Decides to do whatever the fuck he wants and rejects the notion of putting the podcast in a dumb, little box that sucks the life out of creativity and entirely misses the potent value of what he’s actually doing (pfew, what a relief!)

***AND SO MUCH MORE, IT’S CRAZY!!!***