They Call Him International

***IN THIS EPISODE INTERNATIONAL TALKS ABOUT...***

His trust getting stolen by a cough drop (huh?); The three history-altering “shots-heard-round-the-world”; Appreciating Core Chat (for once); The Old World realm of eternal conflict, where peace is only the space between wars; Modern-day slavery in China, fresh organs for sale; Tech giants spying on us and always claiming it’s to “improve the service”; The Cuban revolutionary and notable talk show host, Che Geraldo Rivera; How “We, the People” are needed to bring the destiny of America into existence; The challenges of sneaking away for sex with Slave-wife, now that their oldest son is onto them

***IF THAT WASN’T ENOUGH, IN THIS EPISODE INTERNATIONAL ALSO...***

Complains that Core Chat is too chatty (he’s just jealous of how much fun they’re having); Plays the skin flute, but not in the way your dirty mind imagines; Enacts a harrowing scene in which an Amazon employee takes a timed bathroom break that is humanly impossible; Announces Mystical America vs. The Corporations as a monster truck rally (you can almost taste the deep-fried Twinkies); Wishes Slave-wife would bring him coffee naked and is sad she has pants on; Creates anticipation and suspense around which bodily function he will share next (most are rooting for a belch); Screws up a Jack Nicholson quote and forgets what movie it’s from (early onset Alzheimers or absent-minded genius? you decide); Chews his cough drop in your ear for free (you’re welcome)

***AND SO MUCH MORE, IT’S CRAZY!!!***

***IN THIS EPISODE INTERNATIONAL TALKS ABOUT...***

The transcendent joy of celebrating HallowThanksmasYear - his favorite holiday; Listening to his podcast in the car and not wanting to miss a moment of his captivating genius (it sounds conceited, but isn’t, but sort of is); The inevitability of one-world government, choose your flavor - cherry liberty or root-beer tyranny; “Back doors” on parental control software that don’t block anal; How women are the greatest hope for humanity, except when they aren’t; China’s success in not-so-secretly infiltrating America; Why humans are more wolves than tigers; Bearing the burden of being extraordinarily funny (he asks you not to thank him directly, but to donate to your favorite charity instead); Using a continuum of quality to determine the podcast’s success - it starts with sucky and goes all the way to really sucky

***IF THAT WASN’T ENOUGH, IN THIS EPISODE INTERNATIONAL ALSO...***

Gently bangs Mike the Mic (who accuses him of being a tease); Does a creative high-wire act by re-writing Prescription for Peace’s Script 8 live on-the-air (with spontaneous gasps from the audience); Likes being humiliated by Core Chat and relishes the negative attention (next stop - leather boots and riding crops); Consciously undermines the intimacy with his audience by sipping on carbonated mineral water sold by an evil, anti-human, global conglomerate (sell out); Mumbles inaudibly into the microphone just because he can (his secret? he’s got brand new audio processing software that works miracles); Challenges his belief that if he’s not funny his mother won’t love him anymore (his mistake? she never loved him to begin with)

***AND SO MUCH MORE, IT’S CRAZY!!!***

***IN THIS EPISODE INTERNATIONAL TALKS ABOUT...***

Making the podcast about nothing at all, with no point (what’s the point of that? exactly, there isn’t one!); How his family’s helping to obliterate the minivan stigma (they’re super cool now); The awkwardness of explaining orgasms to your kids; Watching America unravel as the world goes crazy; Spiritual archeology; Controlling the masses with the right kind of fear; Highly trained modern hero mystics, charting the non-material terrain of the New World; Tapping into “universal and original” to tell powerful, impactful stories; Earthflix - the binge-worthy story of human beings, stretching all the way back to our fall from grace; Core Chat wanting to check that he sufficiently wiped after visiting the toilet

***IF THAT WASN’T ENOUGH, IN THIS EPISODE INTERNATIONAL ALSO...***

Forgets things he wanted to say and then threatens to remember them after the show (taunting you with your loss); Attempts to dole out nicknames to Core Chat and gets a barrel-full of blowback (ungrateful whores); Demands new parental control software to block his imaginary, sex-addicted producer; Walks the audience through a graphic description of processing his post-nasal drip; Argues with one of his made-up podcast characters who wants International to Sophie’s-Choice a rival character; Blows off Slave-wife’s suggestions, suffers the consequences, and threatens divorce (she scoffs, having none of it); Compares himself to a baked potato

***AND SO MUCH MORE, IT’S CRAZY!!!***

***IN THIS EPISODE INTERNATIONAL TALKS ABOUT...***

Being tired of regurgitating spiritual wisdom for his insatiable baby-bird audience; Mob-rons who are all hopped up on demon juice; Charting the non-material terrain of the New World; Slave-wife taking over his checklist (it’s for his own good); The most important job humans have - bringing peace to the planet; Spending childhood summers barefoot on Long Island eating lobster and Good Humor bars; How well adjusted he isn’t, despite aforementioned idyllic childhood summers; Getting out of false fear and false hope to deal with what’s real

***IF THAT WASN’T ENOUGH, IN THIS EPISODE INTERNATIONAL ALSO...***

Offers dating advice to grizzled witches (Hint: Eligible warlocks aren’t into eating children for dinner); Pretends to get mad and talks in a weird “mad voice”; Imagines how a rage-afflicted UPS driver smashed his liquid stevia in transit; Gets into a conflict with you over whether his childhood was a nightmare or not; Offers lousy parenting tips - like pretend you’re a deaf grandparent when the school calls; Compares his spasmodic leg to a semi-autistic child; Attempts to explain the CODE Core Corps to you and only makes it more confusing (then gloats about it - what an a-hole!)

***AND SO MUCH MORE, IT’S CRAZY!!!***

***IN THIS EPISODE INTERNATIONAL TALKS ABOUT...***

Being a bad character daddy; The epic battle of good vs. evil raging in the heavens; Bringing all your underwear to work; The soul’s journey - elevating to Christ consciousness and returning to oneness; Separated at birth - the sneeze and orgasm; His secret podcast software that cuts out the boring parts (you’re welcome); Slave-wife’s recent rebellion; Glimmers of hope throughout history

***IF THAT WASN’T ENOUGH, IN THIS EPISODE INTERNATIONAL ALSO...***

Threatens to bury today’s podcast and gets handcuffed in the basement; Disputes Disney theme songs with Core Chat; Suggests punishing kids by forcing them to play Pong; Celebrates having Jesus as a podcast guest; Taunts Joe Rogan for not booking Jesus on his show; Does the best, most realistic sound FX - EVER!

***AND SO MUCH MORE, IT’S CRAZY!!!***

***IN THIS EPISODE INTERNATIONAL TALKS ABOUT...***

His new sleep schedule (nobody cares, yawn); The hordes of checked-the-fuck-out humans; Infant America getting snatched from the cradle; New Core Chat nicknames (will Media Whore be retired?); Fighting fascism by acting like a fascist; Madison Avenue and the conformist motorcycle rebel; Doing the podcast naked from the waist down; The coming golden age of peace and sanity

***IF THAT WASN’T ENOUGH, IN THIS EPISODE INTERNATIONAL ALSO...***

Apologizes but doesn’t mean it; Wants to quit 4 minutes in and blames you; Taunts a demon by getting his name wrong (on purpose, twice); Deconstructs gambling addiction and identifies the real drug - self-loathing; Catches his imaginary producer Jack masterbating again; Uses the stubby feet of Cinderella's ugly step sisters to explain America’s destiny (pure genius)

***AND SO MUCH MORE, IT’S CRAZY!!!***

***IN THIS EPISODE INTERNATIONAL TALKS ABOUT...***

Suffering the consequences of not listening to Slave-wife - ouch!; Horny gods lusting after humans (don’t miss out on the action); The coming thousand years of peace; WeNews: airing Governor Newsom’s dirty French Laundry; The Divine giveth, taketh away, then command-eth you to find it for your own damn self; Making America great for the first time EVER; Rainbows, and how they hold New World value not accessible via the material realm; The greatest story ever told - America realized for the first time; How to safe-crack human perception, bad-ass mentor-style

***IF THAT WASN’T ENOUGH, IN THIS EPISODE INTERNATIONAL ALSO...***

Attempts to illicit your sympathy by claiming he’s blind (he’s not); Gets into an argument with a belligerent leprechaun and withholds his liquor; Threatens to ditch the podcast for a guided meditation (then, thankfully, comes to his senses); Disappointedly discovers his new Honeybush tea isn’t a flavor he wants to go down on; Acknowledges Jack - his lovable, imaginary, sex-addicted producer - for keeping his fly up for once

***AND SO MUCH MORE, IT’S CRAZY!!!***

***IN THIS EPISODE INTERNATIONAL TALKS ABOUT...***

Flaw Vision - his mentoring superpower; The Forces of Illusion’s endgame - subvert and destroy free will; Satan’s chocolate cake tree (unlike apples, it’s worth dying for); Disempowered humans, helplessly repeating their past; The most powerful force in all creation; Being enslaved by his Slave-Wife (just for fun); Old World simulation - the game you’ll never win

***IF THAT WASN’T ENOUGH, IN THIS EPISODE INTERNATIONAL ALSO...***

Gets entranced by a beguiling jar of instant coffee; Compares himself to a sensitive, pea-hating princess; Re-enacts Jesus healing the dumbest, most annoying leper EVER; Laments TechnoTard’s absence due to health issues; Has a tumultuous affair with Goldilocks; Is unable to meet her exacting, unachievable standards; Conceives a revenge plot on Goldilocks for being such a picky bitch

***AND SO MUCH MORE, IT’S CRAZY!!!***

***IN THIS EPISODE INTERNATIONAL TALKS ABOUT...***

Spanking a brand-spanking-new brand (huh?); Finding new ways to blame things on Core Chat; Vintage headbands that will get you laid; Jaw-dropping retorts from his father; The person he’s currently lusting after (ps, it’s himself); Impossible feats - training a teenager to do the dishes without an attitude; Shaolin monks and their massive logs (um, mind out of gutter, please); Spiritual simulation training for bad-asses only; Annoying his kids with cliché dad moves; His role as Mentor - helping you access your Divine gift; Where caterpillars come from - Heaven’s ugly department; His appreciation for his tea-toting wife-slave (more about her below)

***IF THAT WASN’T ENOUGH, IN THIS EPISODE INTERNATIONAL ALSO...***

Laments that Hump Day is not about having sex with co-workers on Wednesdays; Worries when he can’t find Jack (his imaginary, sex-addicted producer); Does a horrible impression of Ralph Macchio as The Karate Kid and stops abruptly because it’s just so God-awful; Demonstrates true genius-at-work (or at least massive self-delusion-at-work); Accuses his amazing wife of trying to off him with an innocent-looking cup of peppermint tea

***AND SO MUCH MORE, IT’S CRAZY!!!***

***IN THIS EPISODE INTERNATIONAL TALKS ABOUT...***

Getting organized...will he ever manage to do it?; The glorious career in Hollywood he never had; Teenagers: clueless, bad attitude, and think they know everything (how wonderful!); Driving his family nuts with his router obsession The illusion of randomness governed by an unseen force; People who kick donkeys; Planet Hurts going global; Buddhist Temples that bang gongs and get it on; Slapping Luke Sywalker; Every hero’s duty: realize your destiny and live it in the world; The coming yoke of domination (not the kind you eat for breakfast)

***IF THAT WASN’T ENOUGH, IN THIS EPISODE INTERNATIONAL ALSO...***

Offers up more golden advice, then has a snit and rescinds it; Laments at his inner-tyrant and inner-child getting along so well; Enacts a scene of daring rescue that will render all other podcasts unlistenable by comparison; Has a “quickie” with Mike the Mic; Unveils his new space heater and gets disappointed

***AND SO MUCH MORE, IT’S CRAZY!!!***