In this conversation, disability advocate, artist, and author Jayne Mattingly joins Dr. Marianne to explore body grief: the very real mourning that happens when your body, health, or identity do not match the life you imagined. Jayne traces how she coined the term from years of counseling work in eating disorders and body image, and from her own shift into disability after sudden illness and 19 brain and spine surgeries. Together, we unpack how ableism, intersectionality, and systemic oppression shape what we grieve about our bodies and how we heal. You will hear practical ways to name body grief, honor it, and build community care that creates room for joy, creativity, and resistance.

This episode covers body grief, disability advocacy, chronic pain, eating disorders, antifat bias, medical dismissal, grief phases, and neurodivergent-affirming, sensory-attuned care. We discuss how ableism and overlapping identities influence recovery, why harm reduction and community care matter, and practical tools for regulation, access planning, and self-advocacy.

We discuss medical trauma, dismissal in healthcare, chronic pain, disability, diet culture, and systemic oppression. Please listen with care and pause when needed.

What “body grief” means and why naming it matters

How eating disorders can function as regulation and why recovery can feel like loss

Jayne’s personal story of sudden illness, surgeries, vision loss, and becoming a wheelchair user

Everyday ableism and why language like “non-disabled” helps decenter harmful norms

The seven phases Jayne observes in body grief and how people move through them

Dismissal in medical settings, internalized dismissal, and how to advocate for yourself

Why body grief grows inside systems of racism, antifat bias, sexism, homophobia, and ageism

Neurodivergence, disability, and how a more accessible world would change the grief we carry

Community care, harm reduction, and finding light without forcing a tidy destination

Body grief is universal. We all live in bodies that change. Naming the grief opens space for honesty, compassion, and skills.

Oppression intensifies grief. Systems teach us which bodies are “acceptable.” Healing includes unlearning those messages and changing the conditions around us.

Hope and grief can coexist. Progress is nonlinear. You can move in and out of phases and still build a meaningful life.

Language matters. Shifting to terms like “non-disabled” helps challenge ableist defaults.

Community care is protective. Healing grows when we practice access, mutual support, and self-advocacy together.

Jayne on seeing ableism inside “love your body for what it can do” messages and why that left disabled people out

The dismissal chapter story that shows how easily young people internalize “you’re fine” when they are not fine

“If you design for disabled people first, everyone benefits.”

Body grief as a unifier that crosses political lines through storytelling and clear psychoeducation

Name your current phase of body grief and set one tiny supportive action for today

Track dismissal patterns you have internalized and write one replacement script for your next appointment

Build a personal access plan: sensory needs, mobility needs, communication needs, and who can help

Use harm-reduction mindset for recovery work and daily life

Create a small “joy and regulation” list that is available on hard days

Jayne Mattingly is a nationally recognized disability advocate, body image speaker, and author of This Is Body Grief. She founded The AND Initiative to shift conversations around accessibility, ableism, and healing. Jayne is also the artist behind Dying for Art, a bold abstract series created in partnership with her changing body and chronic pain. She lives in Charleston, South Carolina with her service dog Wheatie.

Find Jayne: Instagram @jaynemattingly, janemattingly.com, and Substack This Is Body Grief.

Book: This Is Body Grief by Jayne Mattingly — available wherever books are sold

The AND Initiative: education and advocacy on accessibility and ableism

Dying for Art: Jayne’s abstract painting series

If you’re struggling with restriction, food obsession, or atypical anorexia and are seeking affirming, experienced support, Dr. Marianne offers therapy in California, Texas, and Washington, D.C. Her approach is weight-inclusive, neurodivergent-affirming, sensory-attuned, and trauma-informed.

Get started here: 👉 https://www.drmariannemiller.com

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