Thot Topics

Sure, Thanksgiving may have come and gone, but mere time is not strong enough to stop two young girls from having an Urky-Turkey Pilgrimtastic Thanksgiving Special!

The discourse cornucopia is practically bursting at its pretty wicker seams, and boy, have we got a mind to tear that hoe up. First, we wish Elliot Page a very pleasant evening (dudes rock!) and wonder whether it's time to put the ancient art of the Coming Out Letter to bed for good. Then, we unpack the 2021 Grammy nominations: we get to the BOTTOM of how H.E.R. manages to keep getting nominated for shit, loose our lips on the Megan Thee Stallion album, and sink our bleeding incisors into the new genre du jour: HYPERPOOR.

Last but not least, we put our good little housewife aprons on and serve up a warm and delicious roast named Psychoanalyzing Gay Leftists. What's with everyone being obsessed with AIDS-era gay sex culture again? Are gays better off "mainstreamed," or should we return to the old way? Which dequeered first: the boochie or the world? All this and more on the wonderful world of THOT TOPICS!

Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official Twitter @ThotTopicsPod.

Pay for our PrEP prescriptions on Patreon and don our gay apparel on our merch store which closes DECEMBER 7 for shipping!

What are we? We're fucking Barack destroyers, babe... 

It's International Men's Day, and what better way to celebrate the global purveyors of dick 'n' balls than to invite another expert on the matter to our intimate set? Beloved chaotic-good Twitter gay and all-around sweetheart @Maxxi_Pad joins us for one of our girliest chit-chats of all time: we were gonna make some Barbies scissor, but before we knew it, we'd loosed our lips on far more pressing matters.

With closed minds and open legs, we answer the questions on everyone's feeble minds: When Barack Obama says "fag," does he mean it in a feminist way? Is it really that bad to say it when Michelle is gay? Is the Cock Destroyers' new show Slag Wars going to bring that Tila Tequila flavor the world is so sorely lacking? And who killed reality TV anyway, the influencers or the queers? And, like, should we do body shots?!?

And that's not all. Music truly makes us lose control this week: we review the new Miley Cyrus/Dua Lipa track "Prisoner," and listen to MARINA speak to the manager on her comeback single "Ma'am's World." We go freakin' bananas!

AND!!!! The Thot Topics holiday merch store is now LIVE! Get yourself an adorable t-shirt or lighter for the holidays

678-TRIPLENINE-8212!!!!

Baby! You know that we miss you! We just wanna kiss you, but we can't right now so baby kiss us thru the pod! This week, we mourn Nick's suspended Twitter account and start the fight for edgelord RIGHTS! Then, it's a week of cum-back singles-- we review Lil Nas X's "coming out as a bottom" banger "Holiday," the new geriatric jam from 3OH!3, Slayyyter's dick-suckin' single "Throatzilla" and Billie Eilish's "Piece of Me" moment "Therefore I Am." This is our first episode where we drink in a long time so there's a lot of champagne pouring sounds, questionable accents (sorry) and special tangents. Cheers ladies!

New merch is out next week

And crowwwn thy good, with siiiiiisterhood, from C to shining U-N-T! 

It's November 3rd and it's a retardy in the USA. We attempt to survive the absolute psychic torture of the NBC coverage of the election for an early cuntrunner, but we wind up throwing in the towel and settling for a silly test of the mind while we intermittently check on the results. We discover if we're smarter than a fifth grader (we kind of are) AND how many random Nicki Minaj bars we can fill in the blanks of. 

Eventually, we return to the matter at hand and discuss our predictions for the future of America over personal 100 calorie packs of teriyaki beef jerky. What would a Biden or Trump win mean for the future of America? Would Bernie have won? Who did we vote for? We are the brave political voices to answer such pressing questions.

Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC. Follow the official Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. Act now and secure a brighter future for American on Patreon.

Boo, girl! 

They're heeeeere! (Get it? We have a new episode lol.) This week, it's the Thot Topics Halloween Spooktacular-- and we talk about all things spooky, scary, frightening, or otherwise: what are our biggest fears? What are we going to be for Halloween? Take it from two graveyard smashes: it's a ghoulishly girly little chat.

Then, it's down to business, and frankly, this is some of our spiciest discussion ever: we unpack the claim that "chaser" is a "slur" for "pansexuals." (Scare quotes for Halloween! Boo!) That takes us on a very creepy journey through nonbinary gender and wonder whose fault it is that it's been packaged as a "third gender," and for what purpose. Lastly, we draw our definitive line in the sand between Millennials and Zoomers, and discuss whether Gen Z is more or less "radical" than any generation before. Boner-chilling!

Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and on the official Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. Guard yourself against the Dark Arts on Patreon.

THOT TOPICS TRY NOT TO CUM COMP (HARD!)

We hear you. We see you. And we at Thot Topics are committed to doing better for minority voices. That's why this week, we've invited possibly the most persecuted voice in the history of bisexuality: River Page! (@leftyotter) Trust the duchess when she says that three truly IS company. 

This week, we review the new Hulu covid documentary "Totally Under Control," two hours of softcore porn for people who hate God. In the process we answer the most pressing questions of the coronavirus: Did the government invent Covid? Does being a fat girl predispose you to being better at science? Will you hurry up and fuck me!?!

But that's not all: we put River through the wringer with the most hotly contested pop singles of the week, from Slayyyter's fire-and-brimstone-and-Hot-Topic-jeans comeback, to LOONA's take on that hamster dance song, to Lana's pro-ana anthem "Let Me Love You Like a Woman," to Ariana Grande's literally unintelligible "Positions." Let's get fucking physical!

Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. 

Follow River @leftyotter and get your dick sucked in his bathhouse of ideology, Twink Revolution!

You stand accused of being in contempt of CUNT! Now let the freakin' music play!

This week, three strong, brave, empowered women stand before us: Hunter Biden, Billie Eyelash, and Cardi B (not to be confused with Coney B, our white woman of the hour). In a Top Model-style elimination, we decide whose leaked photos are the most embarrassing and SPOILER ALERT, it's not cool hooker-fucking crackhead.

But that's not all-- we decide once and for all whether "sexual preference" is offensive to America's most vulnerable population: gay guys. (But not before we speculate on whether or not we chose to be gay ourselves.) THEN, we talk about how PHD-speak (Post Hole Dude!) ruins perfectly good, possibly even meaningful messages on the Internet. We've got your last meal right here bitch!

Follow the dolls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. Post our bail on Patreon.

FEAR the Qdobavirus, it's comin' for that ass girl!!!

We shotgunned some iced coffee before recording so Creative Juices were leaking out of our fucking eyes and pitter-pattering all over the floor this week. It's the night of the VP debates, but we have far juicier fish to fry: we discuss Trump's 'Rona diagnosis (AND that sweet dumptruck ass), how Kamala can still win (this season of Drag Race), AND the gay guy selfie takeover of the Proud Boys hashtag (and every other hashtag in history)-- all before we catch Princess Nokia BLACK-HANDED and covered in yak's milk. Moooo!

Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. Pay our child support on Patreon. (We are the children.)

Wow, now we REALLY aren't voting!

It's time for some more serious political newscasting. This week, we defend Playmate of the Union Melania Trump and her rights to the status of gay icon of American history despite the pathetic objections of the freaks over at "Queerty." Then, we tune in to the OTHER queer media--CNN-- and recap the events of the first presidential debate. Does Biden stand a chance? What would a Democratic victory actually change? Has anyone seen my dog!? But that's not all: we also talk about ugly people pretending to be mad about hot people having fun in Covid times, whether or not our voices are gay, seasonal anxiety, Nicki Minaj's new baby, our uhh "colorful" teenage Facebook pages, and more! Happy pay Kim Petras's rent month.

Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official Twitter @ThotTopicsPod! Subscribe on Patreon to support the divas.