And crowwwn thy good, with siiiiiisterhood, from C to shining U-N-T! 

It's November 3rd and it's a retardy in the USA. We attempt to survive the absolute psychic torture of the NBC coverage of the election for an early cuntrunner, but we wind up throwing in the towel and settling for a silly test of the mind while we intermittently check on the results. We discover if we're smarter than a fifth grader (we kind of are) AND how many random Nicki Minaj bars we can fill in the blanks of. 

Eventually, we return to the matter at hand and discuss our predictions for the future of America over personal 100 calorie packs of teriyaki beef jerky. What would a Biden or Trump win mean for the future of America? Would Bernie have won? Who did we vote for? We are the brave political voices to answer such pressing questions.

Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC. Follow the official Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. Act now and secure a brighter future for American on Patreon.

Boo, girl! 

They're heeeeere! (Get it? We have a new episode lol.) This week, it's the Thot Topics Halloween Spooktacular-- and we talk about all things spooky, scary, frightening, or otherwise: what are our biggest fears? What are we going to be for Halloween? Take it from two graveyard smashes: it's a ghoulishly girly little chat.

Then, it's down to business, and frankly, this is some of our spiciest discussion ever: we unpack the claim that "chaser" is a "slur" for "pansexuals." (Scare quotes for Halloween! Boo!) That takes us on a very creepy journey through nonbinary gender and wonder whose fault it is that it's been packaged as a "third gender," and for what purpose. Lastly, we draw our definitive line in the sand between Millennials and Zoomers, and discuss whether Gen Z is more or less "radical" than any generation before. Boner-chilling!

Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and on the official Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. Guard yourself against the Dark Arts on Patreon.

THOT TOPICS TRY NOT TO CUM COMP (HARD!)

We hear you. We see you. And we at Thot Topics are committed to doing better for minority voices. That's why this week, we've invited possibly the most persecuted voice in the history of bisexuality: River Page! (@leftyotter) Trust the duchess when she says that three truly IS company. 

This week, we review the new Hulu covid documentary "Totally Under Control," two hours of softcore porn for people who hate God. In the process we answer the most pressing questions of the coronavirus: Did the government invent Covid? Does being a fat girl predispose you to being better at science? Will you hurry up and fuck me!?!

But that's not all: we put River through the wringer with the most hotly contested pop singles of the week, from Slayyyter's fire-and-brimstone-and-Hot-Topic-jeans comeback, to LOONA's take on that hamster dance song, to Lana's pro-ana anthem "Let Me Love You Like a Woman," to Ariana Grande's literally unintelligible "Positions." Let's get fucking physical!

Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. 

Follow River @leftyotter and get your dick sucked in his bathhouse of ideology, Twink Revolution!

You stand accused of being in contempt of CUNT! Now let the freakin' music play!

This week, three strong, brave, empowered women stand before us: Hunter Biden, Billie Eyelash, and Cardi B (not to be confused with Coney B, our white woman of the hour). In a Top Model-style elimination, we decide whose leaked photos are the most embarrassing and SPOILER ALERT, it's not cool hooker-fucking crackhead.

But that's not all-- we decide once and for all whether "sexual preference" is offensive to America's most vulnerable population: gay guys. (But not before we speculate on whether or not we chose to be gay ourselves.) THEN, we talk about how PHD-speak (Post Hole Dude!) ruins perfectly good, possibly even meaningful messages on the Internet. We've got your last meal right here bitch!

Follow the dolls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. Post our bail on Patreon.

FEAR the Qdobavirus, it's comin' for that ass girl!!!

We shotgunned some iced coffee before recording so Creative Juices were leaking out of our fucking eyes and pitter-pattering all over the floor this week. It's the night of the VP debates, but we have far juicier fish to fry: we discuss Trump's 'Rona diagnosis (AND that sweet dumptruck ass), how Kamala can still win (this season of Drag Race), AND the gay guy selfie takeover of the Proud Boys hashtag (and every other hashtag in history)-- all before we catch Princess Nokia BLACK-HANDED and covered in yak's milk. Moooo!

Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. Pay our child support on Patreon. (We are the children.)

Wow, now we REALLY aren't voting!

It's time for some more serious political newscasting. This week, we defend Playmate of the Union Melania Trump and her rights to the status of gay icon of American history despite the pathetic objections of the freaks over at "Queerty." Then, we tune in to the OTHER queer media--CNN-- and recap the events of the first presidential debate. Does Biden stand a chance? What would a Democratic victory actually change? Has anyone seen my dog!? But that's not all: we also talk about ugly people pretending to be mad about hot people having fun in Covid times, whether or not our voices are gay, seasonal anxiety, Nicki Minaj's new baby, our uhh "colorful" teenage Facebook pages, and more! Happy pay Kim Petras's rent month.

Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official Twitter @ThotTopicsPod! Subscribe on Patreon to support the divas. 

Ooky spooky... 

Ladies, today, we come to you hoping that you can take us as we are: not as faggots, not as podcasters, but as... oh, god, this is so hard... g... g-gaymers!!! We recorded an episode with a close sister of the pod but we fucked up the audio so badly that we decided to workshop it a bit and give it to you in its best form. In the meantime, we offer you this: an EMERGENCY episode!

We used up all of the news of the week on the delayed episode, so today, pull up a vibrating gaming chair and get comfortable: it's gonna be a shockingly bumpy ride. Together, we play two extremely horrifying games: DEAD BY DAYLIGHT, and HELLO NEIGHBOR.

In yet another impressive feat of audio production from the Thot Topics team, we ask each other questions that probe deep into the psyche while our innocent Xbox avatars are routinely killed, splattered and screaming in the background while we talk about some girly stuff! You really get to know the divas on this one.

Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC! And the official Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. Keep your eyes peeled this week for a special guest appearance from the girls on ANOTHER SHOW!!!

{Demi Lovato voice} Did you forget... 

Rest in peace to the chicks who were dying to be us on 9/11 (we were three and sooooo skinny)-- and to those new pledges from the Twink Revolution Extended Universe, uhm... we are simply cheesed to meet you...

It's just us girls again. Both of us didn't get jobs we were really excited about but we come to you, the listeners, with our hearts open and our panties dropped with the intent to exorcise those demons. We do a pretty good job by projecting our anger onto some tweets as well as the Motion Picture Academy, ultimately deciding whether it's okay for closeted people to make "queer" media, and whether or not the new Oscar rules are a Big Miss Steak.

In case any of you are feeling generous, we have a Patreon now where you can support this $14/month operation: patreon.com/thottopics.

Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. Mwah!

Yeah, we're gay. Keep scrolling.

кто бы говорил! This week, we have Sam and Gian of Twink Revolution Podcast over for the sweatiest, bounciest slumber party/pillow fight of all time! Wait... omg, did we leave the door open? Ugh! Our eyes are up here, pervert!

This girls' night is strictly business, baby: we get to the bottom of the Twink Rev origin story, guide the twinks on a journey as they tap into their inner stan/misogynist, then dish on Lady Gaga's, uhh, "breathless" VMA performance. Plus: OnlyFans, queer theory syllabi, narcissism, Miley Cyrus's Anna Khachiyan haircut, Zoomcore, Grimes's pregnancy diet, going maskless as the new rawdogging, AUDIO FUCKING ISSUES, Frankie Grande's former throuple, mutual love and respect, God, sacrifice, deliverance, and podcasting.