THOT TOPICS TRY NOT TO CUM COMP (HARD!)

We hear you. We see you. And we at Thot Topics are committed to doing better for minority voices. That's why this week, we've invited possibly the most persecuted voice in the history of bisexuality: River Page! (@leftyotter) Trust the duchess when she says that three truly IS company. 

This week, we review the new Hulu covid documentary "Totally Under Control," two hours of softcore porn for people who hate God. In the process we answer the most pressing questions of the coronavirus: Did the government invent Covid? Does being a fat girl predispose you to being better at science? Will you hurry up and fuck me!?!

But that's not all: we put River through the wringer with the most hotly contested pop singles of the week, from Slayyyter's fire-and-brimstone-and-Hot-Topic-jeans comeback, to LOONA's take on that hamster dance song, to Lana's pro-ana anthem "Let Me Love You Like a Woman," to Ariana Grande's literally unintelligible "Positions." Let's get fucking physical!

Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. 

Follow River @leftyotter and get your dick sucked in his bathhouse of ideology, Twink Revolution!

You stand accused of being in contempt of CUNT! Now let the freakin' music play!

This week, three strong, brave, empowered women stand before us: Hunter Biden, Billie Eyelash, and Cardi B (not to be confused with Coney B, our white woman of the hour). In a Top Model-style elimination, we decide whose leaked photos are the most embarrassing and SPOILER ALERT, it's not cool hooker-fucking crackhead.

But that's not all-- we decide once and for all whether "sexual preference" is offensive to America's most vulnerable population: gay guys. (But not before we speculate on whether or not we chose to be gay ourselves.) THEN, we talk about how PHD-speak (Post Hole Dude!) ruins perfectly good, possibly even meaningful messages on the Internet. We've got your last meal right here bitch!

Follow the dolls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. Post our bail on Patreon.

FEAR the Qdobavirus, it's comin' for that ass girl!!!

We shotgunned some iced coffee before recording so Creative Juices were leaking out of our fucking eyes and pitter-pattering all over the floor this week. It's the night of the VP debates, but we have far juicier fish to fry: we discuss Trump's 'Rona diagnosis (AND that sweet dumptruck ass), how Kamala can still win (this season of Drag Race), AND the gay guy selfie takeover of the Proud Boys hashtag (and every other hashtag in history)-- all before we catch Princess Nokia BLACK-HANDED and covered in yak's milk. Moooo!

Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. Pay our child support on Patreon. (We are the children.)

Wow, now we REALLY aren't voting!

It's time for some more serious political newscasting. This week, we defend Playmate of the Union Melania Trump and her rights to the status of gay icon of American history despite the pathetic objections of the freaks over at "Queerty." Then, we tune in to the OTHER queer media--CNN-- and recap the events of the first presidential debate. Does Biden stand a chance? What would a Democratic victory actually change? Has anyone seen my dog!? But that's not all: we also talk about ugly people pretending to be mad about hot people having fun in Covid times, whether or not our voices are gay, seasonal anxiety, Nicki Minaj's new baby, our uhh "colorful" teenage Facebook pages, and more! Happy pay Kim Petras's rent month.

Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official Twitter @ThotTopicsPod! Subscribe on Patreon to support the divas. 

Ooky spooky... 

Ladies, today, we come to you hoping that you can take us as we are: not as faggots, not as podcasters, but as... oh, god, this is so hard... g... g-gaymers!!! We recorded an episode with a close sister of the pod but we fucked up the audio so badly that we decided to workshop it a bit and give it to you in its best form. In the meantime, we offer you this: an EMERGENCY episode!

We used up all of the news of the week on the delayed episode, so today, pull up a vibrating gaming chair and get comfortable: it's gonna be a shockingly bumpy ride. Together, we play two extremely horrifying games: DEAD BY DAYLIGHT, and HELLO NEIGHBOR.

In yet another impressive feat of audio production from the Thot Topics team, we ask each other questions that probe deep into the psyche while our innocent Xbox avatars are routinely killed, splattered and screaming in the background while we talk about some girly stuff! You really get to know the divas on this one.

Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC! And the official Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. Keep your eyes peeled this week for a special guest appearance from the girls on ANOTHER SHOW!!!

{Demi Lovato voice} Did you forget... 

Rest in peace to the chicks who were dying to be us on 9/11 (we were three and sooooo skinny)-- and to those new pledges from the Twink Revolution Extended Universe, uhm... we are simply cheesed to meet you...

It's just us girls again. Both of us didn't get jobs we were really excited about but we come to you, the listeners, with our hearts open and our panties dropped with the intent to exorcise those demons. We do a pretty good job by projecting our anger onto some tweets as well as the Motion Picture Academy, ultimately deciding whether it's okay for closeted people to make "queer" media, and whether or not the new Oscar rules are a Big Miss Steak.

In case any of you are feeling generous, we have a Patreon now where you can support this $14/month operation: patreon.com/thottopics.

Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. Mwah!

Yeah, we're gay. Keep scrolling.

кто бы говорил! This week, we have Sam and Gian of Twink Revolution Podcast over for the sweatiest, bounciest slumber party/pillow fight of all time! Wait... omg, did we leave the door open? Ugh! Our eyes are up here, pervert!

This girls' night is strictly business, baby: we get to the bottom of the Twink Rev origin story, guide the twinks on a journey as they tap into their inner stan/misogynist, then dish on Lady Gaga's, uhh, "breathless" VMA performance. Plus: OnlyFans, queer theory syllabi, narcissism, Miley Cyrus's Anna Khachiyan haircut, Zoomcore, Grimes's pregnancy diet, going maskless as the new rawdogging, AUDIO FUCKING ISSUES, Frankie Grande's former throuple, mutual love and respect, God, sacrifice, deliverance, and podcasting.

Gosh, is it bad to say that we had a Grand Old Time with the ladies of the RNC? Beats fuckin Billy Porter that's for sure, and this is definitely some of our best episode music of all time...

This week, we leave no stone unturned, no ass unwiped, no conversion therapy uncompleted, and no president unseated! Try to keep up, bitch.

We recap the RNC, ponder why jumping in a moving train doesn't send you flying to the back, discuss Lohanthony's dishonorable discharge from homosexuality, and ask some extremely pressing questions: Has "ironic" online homophobia among gay men gone too far? AND is Black Lives Matter protesting in white neighborhoods a total LARP?

Take a load off, you fucking freaks, cuz this is gonna be a wild ride!! Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC.

For your reference and listening enjoyment: Zach Langley Chi Chi's IM SO POPULAR Episode 05: "Gay People and Personal Branding"

We are fucking under attack!!! Download CUNT WARS.

Pretty slow news week, but we had a lot of fun doing the albums bracket a few weeks back, so we decide to loose our hottest takes about every pop girl (and man!) in the industry one by one in a race to the TOP! (Lol) All we DO this week is pit women against each other: Rihanna and Beyonce, Katy and Gaga, Demi and Selena, Bieber and Styles, and so many more. Plus, we choose a side in the great Billy Porter/Randy Rainbow divide, and celebrate the freedom of Lena Dunham from cultural indignity.

Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC.