Thot Topics

According to the Chinese, it's officially the year of the AUX, and baby we're playing motherfuckin' Fergie! Hop in our low-riding Hyundai of truth, purity, and justice and come with us on the ride of a lifetime. 

In an even sexier episode than usual, we take TikTok gender theorists to task over women's right to gay porn. Then, we discuss the second cumming of Sherry Pie on the Tamron Hall show, and wonder if the whole thing is a psyop to try and get gay actors more roles. Last but not least, we take on the #HELPSAI Gofundme scam, and what happens when idpol collides with a website that encourages straight-up lying.

Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. Fight for your right to party on Patreon.

In a truly Dorian Electrifying double-wide episode, the girls are joined by the one and only motherfucking JACKIE!!! (@jackies_backie) In a star-crossed meeting of the minds, extremely powerful discourse is born almost immediately: Does dating a member of the Rihanna navy make you a military wife? What is the name of the secretary from Monsters Inc? HAVE YOU CHECKED THE CHILDREN?...

Then, it's down to business, and we go travel Backie in time and pay a visit to Rebecca Black (was tempted to rhyme here but I'm pretty sure it'd be a slur?) in a truly riveting review of her 10th anniversary remix of her song "Friday." Plus, where do we go after hyperpop burns through all of the "XD RANDOMSAUCE" references of the 2010's?

And finally, we turn our eyes to this season of Drag Race-- giving our completely sexy and correct stances on not only the contestants, but the state of reality TV in general. It's THAT serious. Believe that.

Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. Donate to the national fund for Rihanna Navy Wives on Patreon. 

In the second part of the crossover event that critics are calling "spiritually troubling" and "darksided," the divas open their hearts to none other than John and Clarke from Group Project podcast! Before you can cross this point, you are contractually obligated to listen to part one on their show wherever high-quality Internet radio is found

Can you believe we're one year old!?! Only seventeen more years, boys. They just keep getting younger, huh?

For our anniversary episode, we make the holy pilgrimage to the Thot Topics Mecca: IKEA. We follow the winding paths in search of truth, liberty, justice, and most importantly: a freakin' bargain!

Advance warning that we are definitely "queering" audio quality on this one. It's a complex experimental listening experience-- a beautiful one, if you have the stomach for it. We certainly do-- 36 inch waists, baby. 

We attempt to discuss Olivia Rodrigo's Bizaardvark rise to fame, Sloppy Joe's inauguration, and tech censorship-- but mostly we wind up describing the wares of the IKEA storerooms in excruciating detail.

Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. Reserve a seat for our next shopping trip on Patreon.

Shake some ass you sexy juicy faggots! The Thot Topics WETland safari is about to embark on the expedition of a lifetime. Cats and cannibals and chemtrails: oh me, oh my!

First, the girls give their take on the "events" that "unfolded" at the Capitol. Spoiler alert: it's literally the most salient analysis you will ever hear on the situation. More importantly, we decide once and for all whether or not it was okay to think that guy in the viking costume was hot.

We also take off our turquoise AND all of our jewels to review the new Lana single-- and make our predictions for the remainder of the COCC era.

Then, AT LONG LAST, it's finally Hammer time: we discuss Armie's alleged cannibalism/blood fetish-- and in related territory, whether Azealia's cat stew was the purrfect fancy feast. Let's go bananas!!

Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. Watch this ass clap on Patreon.

Oh fuck, oh no... we think we left our pussy in our other jeans. God dammit! We hate when this happens, we're so forgetful. Can you gives us a minute? We might have a travel-size in our purse...

For the first time in what seems like forever, and certainly for the first time in 2021, it's just. us. girls. And boy did we have a lot of pent-up psychosis. First, we look back on 2020 AND look to the future with our new years' resolutions.

But it's not all about us: we flex our clapback at the Flo Milli x Beats AAVE struggle commercial and recast AOC in it, we take a stance once and for all against gay actors and their so-called "rights," AND whether straight men should be forced to buy women's products if they want anything that isn't a toolkit or a spare tire. Amen and awomen hunty!

Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. Kick a lil' somethin' for the G's on Patreon.

It's a new year, and though it may be out with the old and in with the new, some things NEVER muthafuckin' change-- specifically, a good old fashioned sexy and stimulating girls' chat-- and this week, we have one with none other than THEE Paul Cupo from Not Really!

As balls prepare to drop throughout the country, we purge the remaining demons of the year over a FRESH can of Squirt (a drink that Paul did not know existed). We discuss our new years' resolutions, expanding the definition of "tearing it," tanning, funemployment, and literally the homeless.

But that's not all-- we swan dive into the Thot Topics mail bag and emerge dripping wet with listener "questions," successfully soothing the deeply tortured psyche of our audience. Does your amazing complex sex life with an attractive and rich older man make you feel like you're literally in prison? Do you find that you're always having sex with gay guys? And, like, do you LOVE God? All is revealed in a tight 74 minutes.

Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official Twitter @ThotTopicsPod.

Follow Paul @GayCrossfit. Listen to Paul & Patrik on Not Really Podcast and subscribe to their Patreon.

We know the title's a mouthful, but we think you've all proven you can take it like a man!

This episode is the Lucky Pierre in the pillow-bitingly girthy three-part crossover POPULAR THOT REVOLUTION in which Twink Revolution, Thot Topics, and I'm So Popular recap the year of our lord 2020 in excruciating detail. Here, we talk May through August: to hear Part 1, follow your nose to Twink Revolution; to hear Part 3, offer yourself at the altar of I'm So Popular.

This week, the ladies have a meat-and-greet with some of the juiciest and cuntiest podcasters this side of the Mississippi AND the Pacific! We're joined by the boys of Twink Revolution AND Zach Langley Chi-Chi of I'm So Popular podcast for a recap of all the things you forgot about the middle months of 2020. Who got cancelled? Who got pregnant? Who got us pregnant? You already know your questions are answered.

We talk Black Lives Mattering, JK Rowling Terfgate, Lana Del Rey's bear titties, WAP, Pride being cancelled and yet still taking over Twitter discourse, Hunter Biden's dick, James Charles, and so much more. Merry Christmastime... Happy holidays...

Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC. Contribute to our diet soda fund on Patreon.

Follow Twink Revolution on Twitter @RevGiant and @twnkforchrist69, and listen to their show wherever podcasts are procured.

Follow Zach Langley Chi-Chi on Twitter @asukahomo, and use your little noggin to find where to listen to I'm So Popular.

This week, we take a festive load of holiday spirit to the face. You better believe that the sleigh bells are ringaling AND ring-ting-tingaling to boot. We slip on velveteen footie pajamas and leave the zipper low enough to make the whole family uncomfortable. 

If Santa can bring toys to all the children in the world in a single night, then we can cover the week's online drama with just as much conviction.

We get to the bottom of whether you need to be "intelligent" and "not Mexican" to understand Taylor Swift's music... We fulfill Manifest Breastiny and restore Cottagecore valor to its rightful owners... We climb aboard a plane headed for a brighter LGBTQIA+ future (and get gay married along the way)... We boldly come forth to declare that Rain On Me Lives Matter at the Grindr Awards... AND!!! (motherfucker, AND!!!!) we take on the great Pornhub purge of 2020. It's lit like the tree, girl.

Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. Fill up our "stockings" on Patreon.

HOUSEKEEPING: Make sure to call in to the Thot Topics THOTLINE before the 28th! We have a very special guest helping us fix your life. Email your dilemmas to [email protected] or leave a voicemail at (872) 239-6261.

Merch orders are shipping out before the weekend! 

Bear with us on the audio. I just got a new laptop and I'm still figuring out how to navigate this horrible Garageband update lol. 

Picture this, bitch: four Completely Krazy homosexuals combine their powers on the first night of Hanukkah to form a podcasting Megazord. Haters cower in fear; the joint slay is maximized; only God stands in their way. 

In layman's terms, this week we host the crossover event of a lifetime-- the girls are joined by Juan and Josh of Hot Local Singles! On our graves, it couldn't be juicier. We completely tore it. 

There's very little we don't talk about this week. First, we join hands with Zola Jesus in the unending fight for Indie Rights and answer the questions on everyone's poverty brains: Is Clairo poor? Should it be illegal for Taylor Grift to enter the woods? Was she better when she was a Republican?

Then, we take on the Pitchfork Year in Review lists: who deserved their designations? Who was inexplicably included? From Fiona A to Cardi B, we spill piping hot takes all over our tits. Youch!

Last but not least, we take Cardi to task over her $88,000 purse purchase, and finally learn what $88,000 worth of Sherpa material looks like. It's a Hanukkah freakin' miracle!

Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. Bid us a happy high holy days on Patreon.

Listen to Hot Local Singles wherever podcasts fill your sweet little ears and pay for their Canadian needs on Patreon. Follow Josh and Juan on Twitter.