Hey! (Hey!) What are you up to? (Mm, not much.) So I heard of this place, and it sounds like a dream... LETS FUCKING GO!!!!!

The dolls are joined in the Jacuzzi of the Spirit by the inimitable pop starlet MISS MADELINE for an in-depth discush of all things bubblegum-flavored, champagne-soaked, and bikini-clad. It's truly a girls' chat for the books. After getting our gay little fangirling out of the way, we get down to business: Does art lie beyond cringe? How do you take a stand for artistry in the face of TikTok gimmicks? Is the bimboification trend a return to female instincts? Can a human being alive name a single winner of The Voice? If Y2K aesthetics are over, what's next? ALL is revealed, especially our tits.

Plus, we get the oral history of Miss Madeline: standing by a parked Corvette until the owner returned and demanding a photoshoot inside it; taking the Business of Stupid deadly serious; and pushing the vision of a pop star into a sick, twisted and sexy future. CHEERS, bitches.

Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. Write us a love song (fuck it, an album) on Patreon.

Follow Miss Madeline on Twitter, Instagram, and stream her genius discography on Spotify and Apple Music. 

No matter black, white, beige, chola, or orient, you are welcome at Thot Topics!

The girls are joined LIVE in the stu' with one of our favorite Chicago via NYC sisters Frank AKA @chlumbucket AKA Prolapsed Catholic! In an episode that can only be described as powerful and intentional female trauma-bonding, the ladies confront their demons, expunge their spiritual debts, and get them titties out once and for all. 

First, we review the new MARINA's state of the union address "Purge the Poison," and wonder if it's just regular bad or the ravings of a schizophrenic genius. Then, we welcome former Bachelor Colton Underwood out from the closet and into the light, and discuss his forthcoming Netflix show with "gay guide" Gus Kenworthy. Is there ANOTHER man up to the task of opening sweet Colton's eyes to the harsh realities of his new life? 

Lastly, we strap on our sexy once-piece lifeguard suits and take a deep dive into Lady Gaga's ARTPOP-- unpacking the psychology of the woman herself, and wonder what makes it so much more embarrassing than other "gay music."

Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. Take us to your planet on Patreon.

Follow Frank on Twitter @chlumbucket.

LIVE from the Men in Women's Business Conference, it's Thot Topics baby!

For the first time in a long while, it's just the girls coming together over some pretzel chips and purple Gatorade to get into the hottest issues of the week. Both of our pets got sick this week so we recount the TAIL in excruciating detail and touch base, yknow, as sisters.

Not much time is wasted before we unpack Lil Mama's proposed Heterosexual Rights Movement against LGBT Internet bullies. Can you grow tits from touching too many receipts? Should gay guys just marry ugly chicks and have a slampig on the side? Who REALLY should've won America's Best Dance Crew? All is revealed.

Then, we talk about Krispy Kreme's free donut deal for the vaccinated-- and wonder for how much less we'd sell our morals. PLUS, we talk Keiynan Lonsdale's "tree/treeself" preferred pronouns. At first we thought we should LEAF it alone, but we decided to go NUTS!

AND this high holiday weekend episode would not be complete without a retelling of the story of Passover. We get to the bottom of what REALLY happened when the girls fled Egypt and put it on a period hoe. 

Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. Buy us an additional Krispy Kreme donut on Patreon.

Just snorted a pill, feelin' goooood!

The gals are joined by none other than singer, rapper, producer, label owner, former e-girl and current it-girl KITTY for a once-in-a-generation girls' chat. Careers are documented, names are NAMED with no hesitation, Diet Dr. Pepper is absolutely slammed and NOTHING is off the table. Point blank, babe.

First, we catalog Kitty's discography in excruciating detail, from Okay Cupid to Charm and Mirror, and things are kept strictly buck: Are white girl rappers the harbinger of an empire in decline? Why is it stupid to write lyrics first? And that's not all: scamming ass producers, shitty boyfriends, an elite ring of airline baggage thieves, and a music video director whose parents were on set. Every era is cracked open sisters!

Then, we give Kitty the Thot Topics experience and review the week's new singles. We talk Justin Bieber's protestant banger "Hold On," psychoanalyze Gwen Stefani's "Slow Clap" and get to the evil heart at the center of [non-rap game] Taylor Swift's re-recorded "Love Story."

Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. Count all our starfish on Patreon.

Follow Kitty on Twitter @kittaveli and her label Pretty Wavvy on YouTube.

Girls... I'm not really even sure what to say about this one...

We WERE joined by the iconic Jordan AKA @goodboygremlin on Twitter for the bitchfest of a lifetime regarding Nick being bullied for being PrEPphobic-- but we forgot to press record and literally flapped our nasty little gums for AN HOUR before realizing that we were not recording anything whatsoever. 

But God guides our hands when we need it most, and we're pretty sure that we're left with something far better: over an hour of three young women keeping it buck, 100, and totally real with each other in an uncertain world.

First, Jordan joins the elite team of Thot Topics legal eagles in order to get to the bottom of why asexuals, aromantics and pansexuals are not protected by the new Equality Act. Then, the girls come bravely forth in defense of throuples and their right to have a baby-- but not before deciding which of them might be most qualified to have a baby themselves. And that's not all: panties with pearls for a crotch, Aromantic Hooters, which Powerpuff Girl they would be, when the last time they cried was, Super Follows, what song they would perform on American Idol if forced, and how often they're clocked as gay. It's erotic; it's medically accurate; it's Thot Topics baby!

Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. Make the Incomparable House of Pancakes a reality on Patreon.

Follow the good gremlin on Twitter @goodboygremlin.

In this house, we believe: Jack Lives Matter, Lena Dunham rights are human rights, Azealia Banks is Jewish, science is gay, love is pussy, and kindness is cunt. And like it or not, house rules are in FULL effect. Run and tell that!

The divas are joined by Jack from The Perfume Nationalist for a divalicious roundtable on all things fly, hot, and sexy. When did it become unremarkable to hear Lady Gaga playing at CVS? What makes people want to call Lana Del Rey a white supremacist? Is Tony Soprano hot, or are there too many scenes of him diarrhea shitting? We ask, and God provides the answers.

In the main event, in what can only be described as Gay Men's Business, the gals deliver the ultimate defense of both Lena Dunham AND Girls-- cataloguing their favorite episodes, which characters they relate to most, and the lie you people tell yourselves when you say you hate Lena. 

Plus, we get Jack to come out as a Carrie/Hannah. You're welcome!!

Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. All we are asking for is $1,100 dollars, a month, for the next two years on Patreon. 

Follow Jack @lotus__point, and support TPN on Patreon, as all adventurous women do.

According to the Chinese, it's officially the year of the AUX, and baby we're playing motherfuckin' Fergie! Hop in our low-riding Hyundai of truth, purity, and justice and come with us on the ride of a lifetime. 

In an even sexier episode than usual, we take TikTok gender theorists to task over women's right to gay porn. Then, we discuss the second cumming of Sherry Pie on the Tamron Hall show, and wonder if the whole thing is a psyop to try and get gay actors more roles. Last but not least, we take on the #HELPSAI Gofundme scam, and what happens when idpol collides with a website that encourages straight-up lying.

Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. Fight for your right to party on Patreon.

In a truly Dorian Electrifying double-wide episode, the girls are joined by the one and only motherfucking JACKIE!!! (@jackies_backie) In a star-crossed meeting of the minds, extremely powerful discourse is born almost immediately: Does dating a member of the Rihanna navy make you a military wife? What is the name of the secretary from Monsters Inc? HAVE YOU CHECKED THE CHILDREN?...

Then, it's down to business, and we go travel Backie in time and pay a visit to Rebecca Black (was tempted to rhyme here but I'm pretty sure it'd be a slur?) in a truly riveting review of her 10th anniversary remix of her song "Friday." Plus, where do we go after hyperpop burns through all of the "XD RANDOMSAUCE" references of the 2010's?

And finally, we turn our eyes to this season of Drag Race-- giving our completely sexy and correct stances on not only the contestants, but the state of reality TV in general. It's THAT serious. Believe that.

Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. Donate to the national fund for Rihanna Navy Wives on Patreon. 

In the second part of the crossover event that critics are calling "spiritually troubling" and "darksided," the divas open their hearts to none other than John and Clarke from Group Project podcast! Before you can cross this point, you are contractually obligated to listen to part one on their show wherever high-quality Internet radio is found