We can't simply squeeze ourselves into expected heteronormative structures and find happiness. It’s not going to happen! That’s why Tom Bruett, a therapist and founder of the Queer Relationship Institute, wrote the book, The Go-To Relationship Guide for Gay Men: From Honeymoon to Lasting Commitment, a guide that provides the tools to build a rich, deep gay relationship. In any romantic relationship or friendship, there will be differences. This is how we learn about our partners and ourselves, and how we can grow in a relationship. If we do not go through the differentiation process, it creates angry fighting and static toxicity, Bruett finds. In this podcast, we talk about how to connect with your partner when you are not on the same page, and how to start the differentiation process and end with problem solving and a deep, sustaining and committed relationship. It will not happen if you are trying to create a carbon copy of a heterosexual relationship. It’s time to find queer joy, Bruett exclaims.