Psychotherapist Tonya Lester believes it’s OK to be difficult. This doesn’t mean being rigid, domineering or unkind. It means making sure that your partner has a sense of who you are and what you need. Of course, you won’t get there without learning how to disagree productively.

In this episode Andrew and Tonya discuss how to develop mutually supportive relationships, including 8 ingredients for healthy conflict. 

They also discuss Tonya’s recent New York Times article, “Couples Therapist, Heal Thyself”, about what it’s like to go into marriage counselling as a therapist.

Tonya Lester is a psychotherapist in Brooklyn, New York, with over 16 years of experience counselling couples. In her upcoming book, Be Difficult: A Guide to Speaking Up, Facing Conflict, and Changing, Tonya writes about her experience with women who seem empowered in other areas of their lives but are overly deferential and accommodating in their relationships.

If You’re Looking for More….

You can subscribe to The Meaningful Life (via Apple Podcasts, Spotify or Google Podcasts) and hear a bonus mini-episode every week. Or you can join our Supporters Club on Patreon to also access exclusive behind-the-scenes content, fan requests  and the chance to ask Andrew your own questions. Membership starts at just £4.50. 

This week supporters will hear:

⭐️How to confess to infidelity.

⭐️Three things Tonya Lester knows to be true.

⭐️AND subscribers also access all of our previous bonus content - a rich trove of insight on love, life and meaning created by Andrew and his interviewees.

Follow Up

Read Andrew’s new Substack newsletter The Meaningful Life, and join the community there.

Visit Tonya Lester’s website.

Read Tonya Lester’s New York Times article “Couples Therapist, Heal Thyself”.

Follow Tonya Lester on Instagram @tonyalesterpsychotherapy

You might also enjoy these episodes: Olivier Clerc on Forgiveness, or Terry Real on The Five Traps that Undermine Your Love.  

Read Andrew’s book The Happy Couple’s Handbook

Andrew offers regular advice on love, marriage and finding meaning in your life via his social channels. Follow him on Twitter, Facebook and YouTube @andrewgmarshall