The latest episode of the “Dear Black Gay Men Podcast” dives headfirst into the hot-button topic of the “top-tier man” in gay culture. Host Jai the Gentleman kicks off the discussion by reacting to a SaySoTV video that identified a man as “tall, dark, and fluid” and “top-tier”. Jai questions the widely held assumption that a “top-tier man” is simply a “heterosexual man that likes other men,” suggesting this ideal is often “hetero adjacent” and “straight acting”.

Jai’s personal preference leans toward a “regular, degular man” , expressing his desire for authenticity and flaws—like morning breath and bed head. He champions the idea that the “sexiest part about gay men is how we blend all these things together,” embracing both masculinity and femininity.

The episode also tackles deeper topics like sexual identity and relationship dynamics. Jai argues that what you call your sexuality, such as “gay” or “pansexual,” is deeply personal and should be the language that “feels like home” to you.

In the “Church Announcements” segment, Jai shares his five biggest lies about dating:

* The Dating Pool Has Piss in It: You attract what you are or what you believe.

* Good Men Are Hard to Find: Check your friend circle.

* All I Need Is a Crib, a Car, and a Job: Basic is never enough—be valuable.

* I’m Easy to Date: Being an easy catch attracts low-effort men.

* Mr. Right Will Find Me: Intention is the difference between patient and lazy.

Jai later reflects on the challenge older Black gay men face: having extensive experience in hookup culture but lacking experience in emotional love and fidelity. He urges listeners to be as bold in expressing emotional desires as they are in expressing sexual ones.

Listen to the full episode of the “Dear Black Gay Men Podcast” for candid talk, community insights, and the drama.

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