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Why does struggling get such a bad wrap?

Struggling has gotten a bad wrap. 

We seem to think that struggling is something that should be avoided. 

We are hardwired to avoid struggles and discomfort. This is just a basic part of being human. Our brains have evolved to minimize effort and maximize efficiency. 

Society and media look down on struggles. 

The truth about struggling.

Struggling makes us stronger, more experienced, and more able to connect with others. 

Struggling isn't the problem, it's the discomfort that we experience with the struggle. 

Deep down we respect the struggle and those who overcome struggles and adversity. We love rooting for the underdog. We love hearing motivational stories about how people have overcome even the worst of times. 

Struggles are a part of life that affects EVERYONE, not just our teens and not just people who have done something wrong. 

If you take the time to think about it, you'll find areas of growth in your life that ONLY came about because of struggle and adversity. Struggles are nothing more than an opportunity to grow. 

5 Simple keys to harness the power of struggles. 

You're going to struggle in life. Your teen is going to struggle in life. Here are 5 simple keys to help you and your teen make the most of your past, current, and future struggles. 

1. Change your perspective and mindset when it comes to struggles. 
   • The way you think about the struggle will determine how you feel about it, which will influence the actions you choose to take. 
   • How you are feeling about your struggle is an indicator of what you think about it. 
2. Rather than focusing on the obstacles, focus on the opportunities (yes, this is very closely related to mindset). 
   • This is simple, and yet SO HARD!
   • This takes some creativity. It's is natural and easy to find the obstacle, the negative. Instead, get creative and explore:
     • What opportunities are there?
     • What benefits can I find?
     • How am I growing?
3. Stop trying to fix it, hide it, or change it, and embrace it. 
   • Resisting your struggle often only increases your struggle. 
   • Viewing your struggle as a problem needing fixing leads to feeling shame about the problem. 
   • The quickest way to grow from struggles is to embrace the discomfort that comes with struggling. 
4. Identify skills that will help you through the struggle. 
   • This is the perfect time to learn, practice, and master some new skills. 
   • Every struggle comes with a set of skills to learn. Identify the skills and get to work. 
   • This is like weight lifting at the gym. It doesn't get lighter or easier, you just get stronger and make it look easy. 
5. Trust the process.
   • In the moment it can be hard to use the skills mentioned above. 
   • Sometimes all we can do is trust the process. 

So, where do I start?

Get curious. Explore the struggles that you are having as a parent and practice using the 5 keys mentioned above. 

When it comes to your teen and their struggles, again, get curious. What can you see that they can't? How is this helping them grow. How can you support them without minimizing their struggle or exaggerating their struggle?

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