Typology

What does it mean to be "masculine." Unfortunately, there are a lot of conflicting ideas and messages about what a "real man" is (and is not). In today's episode, author, nationally syndicated radio show host, and Enneagram Five, Brant Hansen challenges us to redefine masculinity and paints a refreshing picture of what it looks like at its absolute best.

We have an insightful conversation about the:

• importance of expressing feelings and affection
• value of protecting others from a place of kindness and love, rather than control and anger
• core task men need to take responsibility for, and
• Six decisions that set men apart from others

Brant's vulnerability and openness will genuinely move you.

Brant Hansen is an author, radio host, and advocate for healing children with correctible disabilities through CURE International. He's won multiple awards for "Personality of the Year" for his radio show, which airs on more than 200 stations nationwide. His podcast with his friend and radio producer, The Brant and Sherri Oddcast, has been downloaded more than 10 million times. The author of The Truth About Us, Unoffendable, and Blessed Are the Misfits.

Hansen has written for CNN.com, the Washington Post, U.S. News and World Report, the South Florida Sun-Sentinel, Relevant, and numerous other outlets on matters as varied as public policy, culture, sports, Asperger's syndrome, and faith. He and his wife, Carolyn, live in South Florida.

When was the last time someone asked you a question that set you back on your heels?

I've always been more interested in questions than answers. So, I keep a notebook of powerful questions that upend me, subvert my assumptions, and stop me in my tracks.

Most of us already have the answer to life's questions; it's just that we're waiting for someone to come along with the key to open the door to answers we already have in our hearts, souls, and minds. The key to that is great questions. Probably more than any other single piece of input in my life, what has driven change in me has been great questions.

And today, I'm giving you a peek into my notebook of outstanding questions that force you to go inside and wrestle with ideas and feelings that can change the direction of your life.

I'll also be posting a question on social media every day for the next week, and I'd love for you to engage with me. Perhaps you'll resonate with a few of mine or share your gems I can add to my notebook. I'm always jotting down new ones as I come across them. For example, I added a new one from a Typology Institute member this past Tuesday.

So, listen to or watch this episode, then share your thoughts with me on Instagram or Facebook.

Trauma impacts not just our mental state, but also our emotional and physical health. So, in a world that teaches us to just "try harder" and keep pretending "we're fine," how do we make space to process our stories and truly work through trauma?

Today, therapist Aundi Kolber explains what trauma is, identifies how it operates in the body, and walks us through the importance of aligning our minds and bodies to build resilience and self-compassion.

She also offers up a few tips for practicing self-compassion in deep and truly meaningful ways that will begin the process of healing.

Aundi Kolber is a Licensed Professional Counselor (MA LPC), writer, and speaker in Castle Rock, Colorado. She specializes in trauma- and body-centered therapies and is passionate about the integration of faith and psychology. As a survivor of trauma, Aundi brings hard-won knowledge around the work of change, the power of redemption, and the beauty of experiencing God with us in our pain.

Looking for more conversations on trauma? Listen to our past interviews with Chris Cook, Dan Allender, or Amy Downs.

You can also watch them on YouTube: Chris Cook, Dan Allender or Amy Downs.

What happens when an unstoppable force meets an unmovable object? Well, it can either be a recipe for a really great relationship…or a not-so-great one. But when a Peacemaker and a Challenger are both healthy, they bring out the best in each other.

Today's guests, Christine and Steve Bailey show us how learning to balance their differences as an Enneagram 9 and an Enneagram 8 has helped their marriage and their business thrive. We explore the dynamics between their relationship and how learning to speak each other's language and tapping into the other's strengths fosters a perfect yin-yang relationship.

Tune in on Apple, Spotify, or your favorite podcast player for this amazing conversation.

We have a very special guest for you today…author, editor, and Enneagram One, Jana Riess joins me for an in-depth discussion about The Improvers. As the very talented editor of both The Road Back to You and The Story of You, Jana is well-versed in the Enneagram and brings a wealth of knowledge and valuable insights to our conversation about lasting personal transformation. A few topics we explore today are:

• the Improvers fixation on anger

• what messages Ones internalize, and

• how Ones can tap into the high side of Seven to find their joy

ABOUT JANA RIESS

Since 2008, Jana Riess has been an editor in the publishing industry, primarily working in the areas of religion, history, popular culture, ethics, and biblical studies. From 1999 to 2008, she was the Religion Book Review Editor for Publishers Weekly, and continues to write freelance reviews for PW as well as other publications.

She holds degrees in religion from Wellesley College and Princeton Theological Seminary, and a Ph.D. in American religious history from Columbia University. She speaks often to media about issues pertaining to religion in America, and has been interviewed by the Associated Press, Time, Newsweek, People, the Boston Globe, USA Today, the Los Angeles Times, and Newsday, among other print publications, as well as "Voice of America," the "Today" show, MSNBC, and NPR's "All Things Considered," "Tell Me More," and "Talk of the Nation."

She is the author or co-author of many books, including The Prayer Wheel; Flunking Sainthood; What Would Buffy Do?; Mormonism for Dummies; and The Writer's Market Guide to Getting Published. Her book The Twible: All the Chapters of the Bible in 140 Characters or Less . . . . Now with 68% More Humor! won first place in the non-fiction category in the Writer's Digest Annual Self-Published Book Awards. Her book The Next Mormons: The Rising Generation of Latter-day Saints will be released in March 2019 from Oxford University Press.

She is a senior columnist for Religion News Service.

This week, attorney, author and Enneagram 7, Bob Goff shares how committing to therapy gave him a common language to better understand and communicate with others. We explore the importance of finding safe people to be authentic with and build deeper, more meaningful relationships. He offers incredible perceptions for Sevens and valuable insights that we can all apply to our lives.

Bob Goff is the author of Undistracted (March 1, 2022) as well as the New York Times bestselling books Love Does, Everybody Always, and Dream Big. He is the Honorary Consul to the Republic of Uganda, an attorney, and the founder of Love Does—a nonprofit human rights organization operating in Uganda, India, Nepal, Iraq, and Somalia. He's a lover of balloons, cake pops, and helping people pursue their big dreams. You can typically find Bob writing and taking calls from his boat, welcoming people to his Southern California retreat center--The Oaks, or at an event speaking. Bob's greatest ambitions in life are to love others, do stuff, and, most importantly, to hold hands with his wife, Sweet Maria Goff, and spend time with their amazing kids. For more, check out BobGoff.com and LoveDoes.org.

Every personality style has a story that includes a catalog of false beliefs about themselves and the world. But what happens when you take those false beliefs and pain from your younger years and turn them into purpose?

Our guest today, award-winning personal trainer and host of the Adversity Advantage podcast, Doug Bopst, explains how he went from hopeless and emotionally bankrupt to helping others overcome adversity to achieve greatness. His inspiring story of transformation is a prime example of what happens when we learn to re-interpret our past and choose to lean into a new narrative.

If we're trying to change a million things about ourselves at once, we're only going to find ourselves feeling overwhelmed and discouraged. So, what do we do? Today on Typology, I'm going to walk you through the daily practice I use to help me change the false beliefs and old messages that support and perpetuate my old, broken story. I call it my "New Story Jar."

My New Story Jar contains slips of paper with a new message on each that I'm trying to integrate into my life. I pull one (and only one!) of these slips out each day and work on incorporating the new message or belief written on it into my life.

That's it—one new belief or practice that I work on each day that helps support my journey toward living a new and better story. And it can work for you too!

What you write on the slips is entirely up to you. For example, right now I'm working through my struggle with fear, so one of my slips states, "Do not be afraid." Another asks the question, "What would I do if I wasn't afraid right now?"

You get the idea, but here are a few more examples to get your New Story Jar started:

• Today, I will make mistakes, and that's okay.
• Just say no.
• The present moment contains everything I need to be happy.
• Disappointing others is a misdemeanor, not a felony.
• Difficult feelings won't kill me.

At first, your New Story Jar doesn't need a million slips in it, but you'll be surprised how quickly your jar fills up. One new message or belief that we reflect on, and practice daily gradually will change us!

As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "Sow a thought, and you reap an action; sow an act, and you reap a habit; sow a habit, and you reap a character; sow a character, and you reap a destiny."

Want to make your own? Click here to download a few statements you can use to start your own jar today!

Cheers,

Ian

How do you find your "perfect match" during a pandemic?

Over the past two years, dating etiquette has changed and transparent and to-the-point conversations out of the gate are now welcome. More singles are making time for self-reflection, therapy, and finally figuring out what they want in a relationship.

So, what role does the Enneagram play in helping people develop deeper, more meaningful connections?

Today's guest, Global Chief Marketing Officer of OkCupid, Melissa Hobley, joins me to explore different Enneagram types in relationships and how she sees the Enneagram being used in dating. Melissa shares a few basic tips for dating and gives two important insider tips, before asking Ian a few questions of her own.

Melissa Hobley is the Global Chief Marketing Officer of OkCupid, one of the largest dating apps in the world. Under her direction, OkCupid has become famous for its message of inclusion and affirmation, winning numerous awards for its breakthrough social campaign. In this role, she is responsible for global brand advertising, marketing, social media, and partnerships. Melissa was the first CMO at OkCupid and brought the brand from decline to being one of the foremost leaders in a competitive space.

She regularly appears as an expert on tech and relationships in media like The New York Times and NPR. Currently, she is a regular guest on NBC's "Today Show" discussing relationships in a digital era. She's on the list of "Forbes Most Influential CMOs in the World," is on AdAge's "Women to Watch" list, and was recently featured on AMA's "40 Under 40." (AMA= Americian Marketing Association).

How do you repair that which is broken? You must first be willing to see the truth.

We all have broken stories that directly impact the choices we make today. But, when we take the time to reflect on and see the whole truth of who we are, only then can we choose to do things differently. Only then can we craft a new narrative…one that is fueled by forgiveness, kindness, and love.

Activist, author, and founder of Freedom Project, Lisa Sharon Harper shines light on the connection between the choices we make and the stories we tell ourselves, reminding us that truth-telling, repentance, and forgiveness are just a few basic things that can begin the process of healing a nation.

Leading activist, author and founder of the consulting group Freedom Road, Lisa Sharon Harper has spent three decades researching ten generations of her family history through DNA research, oral histories, interviews and genealogy. In her new book, Fortune: How Race Broke My Family and the World—and How to Repair It All (Brazos Press, February 8, 2022), Harper draws on her lifelong journey to know her family's history to recover the beauty of her heritage, expose the brokenness that race has wrought in America, and cast a vision for collective repair. Her work has been featured in the New Yorker, Relevant, Essence, HuffPost, The National Civic Review, and CNN, and she has appeared on PBS's Religion & Ethics NewsWeekly, TV One, Fox News, NPR, and Al Jazeera America.