Typology

This week Ian continues the conversation with pastor, author, and leader at Church of the City, Darren Whitehead, as he discusses where he gets stuck as an Enneagram 3, why he learned to say no, and how he measures success through spiritual growth rather than statistics.

About Darren Whitehead

In 2013 with a small team, Darren and Brandy Whitehead founded Church of the City. They had a vision to plant a family of churches that live in the way of Jesus for the renewal of global cities. Every weekend more than 6000 people attend one of five church congregations across Nashville and New York City.

Originally from Australia, Darren has lived in the United States for 20 years. He holds both Masters and Doctorate degrees in Ministry, with his dissertation focus on Millennials and the future of the Western church. He recently released his second book, Holy Roar: 7 Words That Will Change The Way You Worship, co-authored with worship leader Chris Tomlin.

Darren lives with his wife, Brandy, and their three daughters in Nashville, Tennessee.

Enneagram Threes, when not self-aware, are plagued with comparison. They compare themselves to other people who seem to be more successful and feel some sense of shame about that. On the flip side, when they look at people who aren't as successful, they can feel a sense of pride. Because unhealthy Threes believe their value comes exclusively from their performance or achievements, they tend to push their accomplishments out in front of people to gain their love and admiration.

But when Threes are self-aware they stop projecting an image to please the crowd and instead become more comfortable with their true-self. Healthy Threes make great role models who enjoy motivating others to become successful in their own right.

This week we invited pastor, author, and leader at Church of the City, Darren Whitehead, to share how he channels his Enneagram Three gifts of relating to others into his own version of being a successful leader.

About Darren Whitehead

In 2013 with a small team, Darren and Brandy Whitehead founded Church of the City. They had a vision to plant a family of churches that live in the way of Jesus for the renewal of global cities. Every weekend more than 6000 people attend one of five church congregations across Nashville and New York City.

Originally from Australia, Darren has lived in the United States for 20 years. He holds both Masters and Doctorate degrees in Ministry, with his dissertation focus on Millennials and the future of the Western church. He recently released his second book, Holy Roar: 7 Words That Will Change The Way You Worship, co-authored with worship leader Chris Tomlin.

Darren lives with his wife, Brandy, and their three daughters in Nashville, Tennessee.

On this episode, Ian and Anthony drink WAY too much egg nog and start calling unsuspecting (former) friends to ask for the perfect gift for their type!

Not only is the Enneagram a great tool for gaining self-knowledge, but it is also a gateway for building strong relationships. When you understand that your way of seeing the world is not the only way to see the world, it creates room for compassion and appreciation toward others. The Enneagram teaches us how to communicate, and in turn, strengthens our relationships with family, friends, and co-workers.

This week I invited husband and wife, David Dark (Enneagram 9) and Sarah Masen (Enneagram 6) to join me in a conversation about how the Enneagram has helped them identify the similarities and differences in their personalities and how that knowledge has shaped their marriage.

With Enneagram Nines "optimistic to the point of denial" and Enneagram Sixes "realistic to the point of oblivion," Dark and Masen demonstrate how they try to live in a balanced way that fosters a supportive and secure relationship where they both feel valued.

ABOUT DAVID:

David Dark is the author of Life's Too Short To Pretend You're Not Religious, The Sacredness of Questioning Everything, Everyday Apocalypse: The Sacred Revealed in Radiohead, The Simpsons, and Other Pop Culture Icons and The Gospel According To America: A Meditation on a God-blessed, Christ-haunted Idea. His work has appeared in MTV News, Books & Culture, Pitchfork, and the Oxford American. Following years of teaching high school English, he received his doctorate in 2011 and now teaches at the Tennessee Prison for Women and Belmont University where he is assistant professor of Religion and the Arts in the College of Theology.

ABOUT SARAH:

Sarah Masen is an American singer-songwriter originally from the suburbs of Detroit, Michigan. For several years she has lived in Nashville, TN with her husband, author David Dark, and their three children. Originally signed to Charlie Peacock's "re:think" label, and subsequently to Word Records, she is now independent.

Sarah's music has been described as pop alternative and is written from a background featuring influences as varied as Rich Mullins, Keith Green, 10,000 Maniacs, Over The Rhine, Victoria Williams and Julie Miller. Sarah's live performance has elements of the innocent approach of the last two artists, although most of her music comes from more of an intellectual background, discussing life, relationships and faith, in stark contrast with the angst-driven, dark and cynical approach you can find in a lot of the alternative music today.

Whether there's a three in your life or you are a three yourself, you're probably aware that threes are not naturally self-reflective. They tend to be externally focused rather than internally focused. The big message that threes receive growing up is that it's not okay to have your own feelings and identity, so they expend a lot of energy creating, projecting and maintaining a false image in order to be admired and accepted.

Projecting this false image makes it very challenging for three's to answer the question, "Who am I behind the mask?" Let's face it, self-acceptance is difficult for all of us, but it is particularly difficult, for twos, threes and fours in the feeling space. So, I think a very important part of the journey for threes is reclaiming and integrating that splintered child that got thrown into the shadow large pieces of him that need to be owned again.

This week, author/writer Jonathan Merritt joins me in a discussion about processing the pain behind the mask and pushing past the lies we tell ourselves in order to move closer to self-acceptance.

A contributing writer for The Atlantic and a contributing editor for The Week, Jonathan Merritt is one of America's most prolific and trusted faith and culture writers. He has published more than 3,000 articles in outlets such as the New York Times, USA Today, National Journal, Christianity Today, Washington Post, and CNN.com and is the author of numerous critically acclaimed books including Jesus is Better Than You Imagined.

Jonathan holds graduate degrees from Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary and Emory University's Candler School of Theology. He resides in Brooklyn, NY.