You can’t really love anyone until you love yourself. While we see this a lot on Instagram, it’s something that actually requires a lot of exploration – and it’s my guest this week, the bestselling author and mind coach Vex King, that many of us have turned to over the past few years to teach us the true power of self-love, through his books, first in 2018’s Good Vibes, Good Life and later in 2021’s Healing is the New High. Now, Vex is back with his new title – Closer To Love – an essential guide to bringing those lessons into dating and romantic relationships. In this episode, he shares a little sample platter of that wisdom. We discuss everything from how Vex’s difficult upbringing made him the person he is today - how he’s navigated what he calls the verb, or action, that is love, in his own relationship with his wife. Finally, a fresh approach to self-love: how to demonstrate it to yourself through actions, and how to self-love if you’re looking for a relationship but haven’t found one yet. 

We discuss, among other things:

• Vex’s understanding of love as something that exists ‘within you’ [5:31]
• How self-love can help us identify healthy relationship dynamics [7:58]
• ‘Healing’ in a relationship versus outside of a relationship [15:25]
• The distinction between ‘mature’ and ‘immature’ love [25:32]
• How to show yourself love through your actions [30:30]
• Vex’s journey towards self-acceptance after being bullied for his voice [40:23]
• Why daily meditation is Vex’s alonement [48:02]

Cultural references from our conversation:

• The concept of immature versus mature love, originating in Eric Fromm’s book The Art of Loving
• ‘Knowing how to be solitary is central to the art of loving’, a quote from bell hooks’ All About Love
• ‘You can’t heal what you don’t reveal’, from the song ‘Kill Jay-Z’ by Jay-Z

You can purchase all of Vex King’s books from Vexking.com

Subscribe to my weekly email newsletter at francescaspecter.substack.com to follow my personal writing plus podcast bonus content.

You can also order my book, Alonement: How To Be Alone and Absolutely Own It, which is based on this very podcast, now from Amazon,  Waterstones and Bookshop.org.

Thank you so much to WestLab for sponsoring this season of the podcast. Visit westlabsalts.co.uk/products/dead-sea-salt and quote the code ALONEMENT15 for 15% off when you spend £10 or more, excludes subscriptions,T&Cs apply. Code expires 31st August 2023.

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