July 24, 2025

Was It Real Love? Here’s the Truth in 3 Quick Questions

10 minutes

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Speaker 1 (00:03):

Welcome to your Thursday, thrive in five, your five minute pause from the chaos, the gaslighting, and that text you knew better than to reply to Take a Breath Queen. This one's for you. Hello Queens. Are you still spinning in your head? Wondering, was it lover Just control? Today I'm giving you three simple but powerful questions that can help you stop the obsessive loop and reclaim some clarity. Let's get into it. Number one, did they love you or the version of you that served their needs? So narcissists are great at mirroring, but when you stop pleasing them or you had maybe a conflict or brought up something that bothered you how they were treating you, or you wanted to do something for yourself or something your way and not always theirs, did the love vanish? Did they punish? Did they hold things back? That is control, not love, right? Number two, did they make you feel consistently safe and supported? Like steady no matter what they were on your team, lifting you up on your side supporting you, or confused and anxious? Maybe there were some moments of support. Usually that is during a time that's benefiting them, but mostly confusing you, manipulating you, playing mind games, making you feel like you're crazy, causing you anxiety. Which one?

(01:55)

Real love creates peace. It makes you feel secure. It makes you feel calmer, right? Not the up and the down and the woo all around. No, no, ma'am. Narc, love, love, let me put it in quotes, can really create panic, end of story, chaos, inconsistency. We talked about this Tuesday on the longer episode, right? About the inconsistency, the chaos, the back and forth, the up and down, making your mind a whirlwind. Even after you have left them, you still have that imprint and the questions, questioning yourself, not trusting yourself, not knowing what to trust about what really happened, what was real, what wasn't real, what was love? What was not love? Number three were your needs. Your needs that you deserve by the way, ever truly prioritized or where they always, always pushed to the side.

(03:09)

Love honors you as a whole, right? And your needs, it honors you as a human being, right? Narc, love erases who you are. I'll say that again. Love honors you as your whole human narc. Love erases it. If you're going, where the F did I go? Who am I? What do I do? Now it makes sense if you were in a relationship with a narc of any kind, right? So if you answered those and you felt a gut punch on the negative side of the answer, you're not crazy. You're just waking up to all of this and good thing you are. Some people don't get the chance to wake up. They don't get the chance. You're getting this chance. You're seeing it in a new light, maybe confusing. You may want answers. That's what I'm here for, to help you, to guide you. But you get to choose the truth, the real truth, your truth, what really happened and who you are.

(04:32)

You get to know who you are all over again rather than the fantasy of what was the fantasy of the love that was shared between you. That wasn't really love, it was control and maybe addiction, codependency. And you get to build a life based on real love, starting with loving yourself the right way, knowing what you expect for yourself from yourself, bleeding into other relationships. You will enter, not just romantic, okay? I'm talking friendships. Anybody you're letting into your life better be able to show you real love. We can often get attracted to the wrong people when we are used to controlling relationships, certain types of people we're comfortable. Get uncomfortable with controlling people. Get uncomfortable with narcissists. Get uncomfortable with people who don't reciprocate. Get uncomfortable with people who only talk about themselves and focus on themselves. What should you get comfortable with? People who uplift you, people who want to hear more about you, people who are there for you, people who are steady and in your corner, people who are excited about you.

(05:58)

So if you haven't listened to that episode, go listen to Tuesday's episode. I go deeper into this, how to move forward when your brain is tangled up in the doubt, in the questions. All right, Queens, you got this. I hope this is helpful. Save the episode. If you start to get those doubts, go back and look at those questions. You know the answers. If you're here, you probably know the answers already, and sometimes it takes just seeing them, hearing them from someone else, having it spelled out to wake up and say, wow, this sucks. It hurts when you realize all of this. It's painful. This isn't easy stuff, but know what it is. It makes it easier. I will say to move forward, once you say out loud the things you have to say out loud, excuse me, pardon me. A little alarm saying those things out loud, saying, you know what?

(06:58)

That wasn't the love I deserved. That wasn't authentic, true love. It was control. It was codependency. It wasn't the real love that I am going to get from myself and from others from this point on. Can I get a what? What? Thank you. Alright, so take a deep breath. It's a lot to take in. I know. Shake it out. Shake your arms. I'm also doing my podcast now on YouTube too, so you can get the visual. No, I just thought, I know a lot of my YouTube people like podcasts, but they like the video ones. So I'm putting on there on video now, so you can check those out too. And as always in the show notes, if you're looking for ways to work with me, if you want to really show up and do the work, like big transformations, you've got to actually consistently meet with someone, whether it's me or a therapist.

(08:01)

If you are going to a therapist, make sure they know a lot about narcissism because it is not some cookie cutter way of dealing with co-parent or exes. It's not a normal healthy individual you break up with or you have to deal with this stuff with, right? We know that. So you have to make sure they really know narcissism. But you do to make transformation, I'm talking, you get to find yourself again. You get to have peace. I know you're not asking for much, and you can get there, but you've got to actually make the move, even though it can be scary to make that first move and say, yeah, I'm ready. So are you ready? If you're ready, go on my show notes. Click on the ways you can work with me there and let's do this. You deserve it, and I want, this is what my dream is. I got out on the other side and I want to help people like you. I went through absolute hell mind body, right? I ended up in the er. I was choked by a phone cord. My back was nearly snapped in half on a bathtub.

(09:18)

None of that's fun to talk about, but I'm here to tell you, you can leave that behind, come out of it and shine and do more for yourself and more for your children. Love yourself harder and let your children see that so they know how to love themselves the right way. All right, I'll see you in the next episode. Bye. That's your Thrive in five Queen. Now go sip your tea, adjust your crown, and protect your peace like it's got a restraining order against toxic energy because it should. I will see you Tuesday for next week's full episode, AKA, your weekly deep dive into healing and handling the unhealed with grace and maybe a little side eye. So don't forget to follow the podcast so you don't miss a moment, and check the episode description for ways to work with me and grab your freebies because healing does not have to be lonely, and it definitely doesn't have to be boring. Until next time, sparkle up.

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