Welcome To Patchwork

Michael "Cambo" Campbell of Cancelled Movie Report and Read It On Reddit joins Josh and Christian and is immediately attached for his nickname and the silent "p" in his surname. Don't we treat our guests well!  

Christian kicks off proceedings by asking Cambo and Josh what they would do if someone asked to grant them access to a building that required fob access. Would you let them in and then assume they were up to no good? Or do you, like Cambo, "run a loose fob ship"? Should you track their movement and alert front desk of an intruder? Finally, we marvel at the next generation tech available today at Woolworths!

Josh tells us about a time he followed up on an offer for tickets to see Dune 2 but was met with silence. What obligation do we have to honour the offers we have made to people? Is there a statute of limitations on offers? Does it matter if the offer is vague? Can you be upfront with the person who originally offered you the favour? Cambo tells us about his "full house" of family and friends that work a trade while Christian laments the prevalence of "empty offers" in today's society. 

Finally, Cambo takes us through a recent 'near miss' with Rob Schneider and then asks how best to react when a person you're gossiping about is, to your surprise, within earshot of the conversation. Do you confront them? Is there a way to know how much they heard? Christian discloses that he's constantly checking his phone whenever engaging in gossip, Josh dwells on the PTSD of forgetting a close friend's name and Cambo lets us in on his secret system for remembering a distant family member's name.      

With very special guests Never Scene It and Time To Think.

You can hear more Cambo via his incredible podcasts, Cancelled Movie Report and Read It on Reddit. Find them on all podcast apps!  

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Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/welcometopatchwork

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While Dion is away, the cats will play! And these cats have decided to invite veteran of the comedy scene and Patchwork's first ever repeat guest co-host, Laura Dunemann, onto the podcast!

We kick off Patch 129 by making Christian feel more self conscious about his most recent Uniqlo purchase, an Arctic white turtleneck jumper. He's a Christmas rom-com cameo, he's exploring the Polar ice-caps and he's a villainous tech billionaire. 

Laura, married and mother of 1, discloses that when her husband is travelling for work and she is interacting with other parents solo, she can't help but feel as though she is being perceived as a flirt. How do you flirt? Is it always flirty when you're interacting with a parent of the opposite sex? Josh and Laura give us a great example of 'awkward flirting on a podcast'. Christian realises his flirting is simply the way he wants to be flirted with and Josh likes to flirt with his eyes. What's the difference between flirting and cracking on? Do you label your significant other as your partner? Girlfriend/boyfriend? De facto? 

Christian asks Josh and Laura what their approach is to taking a day off work. Are you like Christian and overthink your excuse to the point of needing to lie or are you more like Laura and remain vague and upfront? Do you actually need to give an excuse? Josh reflects on the moment of clarity that comes with deciding to take a day off and Laura spruiks asking from the night before and we bow down to the ultimate sick day excuse, children. Speaking of children, what was the best excuse for taking a day off in primary school? Did we have much more than tummy pains? For Josh, it was a weird masochistic urge to break his arm.

Josh asks Christian and Laura when it's acceptable to send a "I had a great night" message to a friend you've just caught up with. Is it more appropriate for a group chat or a 1 on 1? Do you need to respond to that message? Laura puts her foot down and sends Christian and Josh back to the stone age by illustrating how primitive their behaviour is. Is there a distinction between being excited or surprised by friendship? Does the frequency with which you see that person impact the follow up message? When do you cross the line from genuine connection to stinking of desperation? We then close off the chat by auditing our phone contacts.   

With very special guest Copy Cat (Barenaked Ladies, "It's Been"). 

Also, it's Groundhog Day and this time, Dion is going away! We're going to miss him SO MUCH but Season 9 of Patchwork will continue with Josh and Christian and special guests. Have the best trip Dion, we'll see you on the other side!

Follow us on Instagram, YouTube, TikTok, Twitter and Facebook to see clips from the show: linktr.ee/welcometopatchwork

For a couple of dollars a month you can sign up to our Patreon page and get a bonus Patch every off week! Check out: www.patreon.com/welcometopatchwork

Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/welcometopatchwork

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Surprise, main feed Patchworkers! Get a taste of what the Patreon subscribers are receiving every fortnight with this weeks Bonus Patch. Join for as little as $2 a month to support the show and guarantee yourself some Patchwork every week. Jump onto patreon.com/welcometopatchwork

In this Bonus Patch, Josh kicks off by asking Dion and Christian what's going on their feet first thing in the morning. Are you wearing shoes? Just socks? Barefeet? Does the weather impact your decision? 

Josh talks us through his decision to 'save up' his explorer socks, Christian takes issue with Josh's new heated blanket strategy and Dion asks what item of clothing makes you feel the least like you're at work.

We also discuss animal wools and Christian isn't happy!

Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/welcometopatchwork

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This Patch starts with Josh expressing concern over his own reaction to a message chain in the Patchwork thread. Christian and Dion can't hold back their pride for a Josh looking to grow and learn. We scratch the surface of Josh's brain and try to understand whether it's to react with frustration to a text message that is checking up on you. Is it harder than ever to interact with friends via messaging? Why do we read so much into EVERYTHING?!

Dion then beautifully pronounces charcuterie before telling Christian and Josh about an unfunny work colleague that he couldn't find the energy to fake laugh with. Do you go out of your way to support someone who has made a bad joke? How do you do that? Christian reflects on the feeling of validation that comes with a true back and forth but then recalls the feeling of disappointment that comes with a "yeah yeah yeah" response. Josh talks about the half-laugh walk off and Christian explores the classic next door neighbour walking away response by telling us about his chatter-box landlord. For the second week in a row, fluff strikes the Patchwork studio and Dion searches for a new word or phrase that instantly wraps up a conversation. We then discuss the elderly and their capacity to sit with their thoughts and stare - are we jealous or do we think they're nuts? Should their be something that is occupying them?

Christian hosted dinner and drinks and the final guest stayed for an extra hour after the other guests had left. Have they overstayed their welcome? Do different guests have maximum time allowances? How long should a pop in last? Does the nature of the event impact how long you should be hanging around? If you go to someone's place to watch a movie, do you leave immediately after? Do you have duties to say hello to everyone in the house if you're popping in?      

With very special guest Soundcheck (Billionaires) and Really Good. 

Also, it's Groundhog Day and this time, Dion is going away! We're going to miss him SO MUCH but Season 9 of Patchwork will continue with Josh and Christian and special guests. Have the best trip Dion, we'll see you on the other side!

Follow us on Instagram, YouTube, TikTok, Twitter and Facebook to see clips from the show: linktr.ee/welcometopatchwork

For a couple of dollars a month you can sign up to our Patreon page and get a bonus Patch every off week! Check out: www.patreon.com/welcometopatchwork

Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/welcometopatchwork

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Christian is sick! He's sick and selfish. He begins the Patch by telling Josh and Dion about the poor decision he made to ride public transport while sick and the consequent pressure of having to 'cover up' his illness. After some light berating, we get to the heart of the matter, which is more annoying, a sniff? Or a cough? And what makes it annoying? The frequency? The sound? And do we dare discuss sneezing? We then reminisce on being judged if you ever blew your nose loudly as a child. 

Josh recalls needing to send some event details on to his partner and asks Dion and Christian whether they are "screenshotters" or "copy pasters" when it comes to forwarding on event details? Josh treats the original message as a first draft, Christian choses to summarise in his own words, Dion crops and highlights. Out of nowhere, Dion decides he is finally picking a bone with Josh over how he shares the edited Patchwork episodes to him and Christian. We also discuss the stigma around leaving group chats.

To wrap the episode up, Josh asks whether he it is acceptable for him to serve guests lower quality beverages than what he has served himself? 

With very special guest Oh Wow! and a new game, MetaFORE! 

Follow us on Instagram, YouTube, TikTok, Twitter and Facebook to see clips from the show: linktr.ee/welcometopatchwork

For a couple of dollars a month you can sign up to our Patreon page and get a bonus Patch every off week! Check out: www.patreon.com/welcometopatchwork

Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/welcometopatchwork

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Christian found a fantastic parking spot opposite the church at his nephew’s christening but isn’t sure whether the spot should be reserved for immediate family. Dion quickly finds a parallel to another moment Christian found a premium parking spot on the day of his auction. Does the finders keepers rule apply to parking spots? Or should you be considerate of those who may need to spot more than you? 

We then ponder, why do humans refrain from stealing those enormous mounds of gravel and mulch dumped in driveways? Dion reveals that he may be a mulch thief while Josh can’t help but equate driveway mounds with takeaway fish and chips. Can you take clippings of a neighbours rosemary bush? Do you feel safe leaving items outside your home unattended? Why aren’t we more concerned about mail theft? Is it because of all the dead snails in everyone’s mailbox? Should we have more faith in our community? 

Finally, Josh reflects on a recent temporary toilet experience and asks Dion and Christian what their ultimate setup would be.  Dion reveals that after walking into a temporary toilet, he goes in for a big little sniff while Christian fawns over a tap that provides constant flow via a foot pump mechanism. We also discuss, when do you feel rushed in the toilet and Patchwork’s first ever trigger warning. 

With very special guest Really Good and a naughty old man Dion goes to the library 

Follow us on Instagram, YouTube, TikTok, Twitter and Facebook to see clips from the show: linktr.ee/welcometopatchwork

For a couple of dollars a month you can sign up to our Patreon page and get a bonus Patch every off week! Check out: www.patreon.com/welcometopatchwork

Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/welcometopatchwork

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Christian has finally found the elderly neighbours he’s been looking for and, typically, they came in the form of a bowl of tomatoes. Dion questions the neighbours' motives and warns Christian by recounting the parable of his neighbour in sheep’s clothing. We then chat about rubbish collection and Josh laments finding a mystery coffee cup at the bottom of your freshly emptied bin. 

Are you confident when cutting food in half? Are you worried about the dreaded ‘bigger half’? Does a muffin deserve better than Dion ripping it in half like a maddened primate? Josh falls on his sword and will always let his partner take the half they want while Christian proclaims that we’ve given individuals too much power to control the size of their slices. Dion wants to know, how an orange should be cut and we discuss the fundamentals of sharing. 

Dion then asks us to ponder the age old question, what is a businessman? We dissect the words ‘cofounder’ and ‘entrepreneur’ and make fun of Josh for his pronunciation of the words. Stocks, briefcase, suit, computer - are these businessman? If the briefcase is flat, where does the lunch go? And why do people still wear a suit to work? 

With very special guests "Scrolling Through Time" and "Patchword Of The Day"

Follow us on Instagram, YouTube, TikTok, Twitter and Facebook to see clips from the show: linktr.ee/welcometopatchwork

For a couple of dollars a month you can sign up to our Patreon page and get a bonus Patch every off week! Check out: www.patreon.com/welcometopatchwork

Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/welcometopatchwork

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Ohhhhh wow! We're back from 7 months off and we're out of practice. We kick off by recalling a micro highlight from our trips abroad: Christian visited a Christian themed amusement park, Dion visited a capybara themed amusement park for ducks and Josh watched a man interact with natural history. 

Christian starts the episode proper by lamenting his ability to casually organise an event. Are you someone who can casually put together an event and be fine not knowing who is coming and when? If an invite says, "get there anytime from 4pm", what arrival time would be considered late? Should you ask your 'core group' to arrive earliest? We then celebrate 'Regrets Only' invites.

Josh then asks Christian and Dion for the techniques they employ to subtly glance at someone else. Dion admits that he struggles to find people using clock face directions - "your 5 o'clock" while Christian worries about a quick turn around resulting in a punch in the face. We then plan out the best ways to guide another person as they attempt a subtle glance and how to avoid being caught. As per Welcome to Patchwork, we then quickly touch on our greatest insecurities... no problem. 

Finally, Dion discloses the average number of photos taken per day on his trip and we go on to discuss the utility of holiday photography. Do we actually need to take photos on our trips given ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING HAS ALREADY BEEN DONE AND SAID AND THERE IS NO POINT EXISTING ANYMORE? Also... how good is a candid shot?    

We also play Sound Check and Time to Think.

Follow us on Instagram, YouTube, TikTok, Twitter and Facebook to see clips from the show: linktr.ee/welcometopatchwork

For a couple of dollars a month you can sign up to our Patreon page and get a bonus Patch every off week! Check out: www.patreon.com/welcometopatchwork

Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/welcometopatchwork

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Dearest Patchworkers, we're taking a bit of a break. Christian is doing some extended travel so there won't be regular releases for pretty much the rest of the year.

We can't thank you enough for your support over the last 6 years. Looking forward to being back in your favourite podcatcher sometime again in the future. But for the moment, it's goodbye. Big hugs and three loud kisses oxxx

Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/welcometopatchwork

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Christian receives a mysterious hand gesture from a concerned citizen but manages to decipher it. 

We also ponder the age old question - what's the difference between 'tips' and 'advice'? Christian's psych definitely got it wrong when asked about travel tips. This conversation devolves into Christian and Dion bullying Josh for having the audacity to talk to his friends about things that he is passionate about. 

Dion tells us his strategies for picking an aisle when he needs to traverse through the chemist. We also discuss what we love to browse in the pharmacy while waiting for our script.

With very special guests "Scrolling Through Time" and "Sound Check"

This will be the last full episode of Welcome to Patchwork for quite some time. We've got a little clip for you coming next week, with details. It's been real. 

Follow us on Instagram, YouTube, TikTok, Twitter and Facebook to see clips from the show: linktr.ee/welcometopatchwork

Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/welcometopatchwork

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.